Addicted After All (57 page)

Lo yanks off the comforter. “You’re not hiding in the bathroom or beneath the covers. You’re scared that Moffy isn’t safe in the nursery tonight. So he’s sleeping between us.”

I gape and turn on my side, meeting his narrowed amber eyes. “Lo, I…”
I’m afraid.
Of myself.

“You’ll be fine, love.” He gently rests Moffy on the mattress between our bodies. And tears prick my eyes. He’s content, happy and quiet. As all babies should be.

I relax and touch his little hand, his fingers clasping around my pinky in his sleep. Maybe I can do this. I exhale and look up at Lo. He’s studying me, charting mental notes of all my urges. I shift a little and cross my ankles. But they’re starting to subdue with my anxiety.

The distraction is nice.

I watch Moffy sleep, and Lo eases back onto his pillow. He’s going to have Lo’s cheekbones. I can tell. Besides the dark hair, he looks a lot how Lo did in his baby pictures.

“What if I squash him?” I ask Lo.

“I’m going to put him in his crib when you fall asleep,” he says.

I nod at this plan.

“Shut your eyes, love.”

With only a smidgen of reluctance, I close my eyes. My mind rolls onward as I think one thing: I will always have bad days. It’s a fact that I’ve come to terms with. “Lo,” I say softly.

“Yeah?”

“An addict will always be an addict?” There is no changing that, I think. He’s so quiet that I end up peeking at him with one eye.

He stares at me with such intensity, stealing my breath. “Did you ever dream that we’d be cured or something?” he asks.

My other eye opens. “No,” I whisper. “Did you?”

He shakes his head. “I knew from the beginning that we’d be addicted after all.” His amber eyes bore straight through me. “I just didn’t know whether we’d be at a better place than we were before.”

We are.
I don’t even have to say the words. He knows the answer too. We’re at the best place we’ve ever been, reaching a stasis together. It’s beautiful up here, and even if I fear falling, it’s nice to know I’ve been down that road before. And I can always walk to the top again.

Lo leans over our son to kiss me tenderly on the lips, a chaste kiss, but one full of lifelong promise. I let it guide me to sleep.

{ 65 }

LILY CALLOWAY

Rose passes me and Daisy hot chocolate mugs before she settles on the brand new tufted love seat beside Connor, Jane on his lap. Ryke and Daisy have claimed the tufted beige
couch
next to them. My sisters and I are all bundled in blankets, a cold front swept in this morning.

I cup my mug with one hand, a fuzzy purple throw around my shoulders. I sit between Lo’s legs while he rests his back on the white stone fireplace, one hand on Moffy’s bouncer. None of us slept all that well, but we’re less focused on our babies and more focused on my little sister.

“What happened to the couch?” Daisy finally asks as she crosses her legs. Ryke has an arm wrapped around her waist, dark circles beneath his eyes. He has to take Daisy’s mug before she spills the hot chocolate on her lap.

Rose wavers, a bad liar. “It’s not important.”

Daisy twists a strand of her brown hair around her finger. She looks younger with her natural color, I realize. She looks more her age, more innocent. “I know you all are waiting for me to make a big speech…” She twiddles her fingers, and my stomach hurts watching her restless quirks. I’m not so sure they’re healthy parts of her anymore. I’m not sure they ever were. “But I don’t have one that really describes what I felt last night.”

“Dais, it’s okay,” Ryke says. “You don’t have to say a fucking thing if you don’t want to.”

She uncrosses her legs and then crosses them back. “I need to, I think.” Her green eyes flit between me and Rose. “These past ten months living with you have been some of the best of my life. Being the youngest, I’ve always felt left out, and you both managed to include me, even when you were having babies.” She smiles, a sad smile. “I want you both to know that I love you so much.”

I wipe my eyes and glance at Rose. Her gaze is all glassy, even if she’s not crying yet. This sounds like a very sad goodbye. I’m not ready for it. I thought we’d all be living together way longer than this.

I enjoy waking up in the morning to my little sister breezing around the kitchen with blueberries. Like a ball of sunshine, helping Ryke cook pancakes for the house. I love when she skateboards in the living room, reciting her theories on life and love. And when she proposes water balloon fights in the dead heat of summer.

There was a time where I had no idea who Daisy Calloway was. But I know her now. She’s my exuberant little sister, and I’ve grown to love her more than blood. I love her as a friend, and I selfishly don’t want to let her go.

Daisy continues, silent tears rolling down her face, “In some ways, I feel like I’ve regressed. But then I remember all the hours I’ve spent with you both.” She looks right at me. “And I think I would’ve missed all those moments had I been somewhere else.” She sniffs. “I gained something here. And it’s not something I want to lose.”

I use the edge of my blanket to dry my eyes. “You won’t,” I say, my voice scratchy. “Whatever happens, you won’t.”

“We’ll always be your sisters,” Rose tells her. And that’s when her tears fall. She rolls her eyes at the sight of them.

Daisy nods a few times. “I’ve realized that no matter where I go, I’m going to be afraid. I can travel all the way to Costa Rica and scare myself.”

Ryke goes rigid at that. He rests his hand on Daisy’s head in comfort.

“And even if I’ve been a little more out of it than usual, you’ve all made me happier,” she declares. “So I’m staying.”

“We both are,” Ryke announces, and he messes Daisy’s hair with a rough hand. She smiles up at him.

I gape. “Really?” I practically cry.

She laughs, rubbing her reddened eyes. “Really, really.”

“This is the best news.” I turn to Rose, expecting a similar reaction.

Her tears have dried and she now
glares
at our little sister. “You could’ve spared me the swollen eyes by prefacing with
I’m staying
.”

Lo cuts in, “She unthawed your heart with sentimental things. Don’t bitch at her for it.”

“I revoke that word from your vocabulary,” Rose retorts, crossing her arms. Connor grins into his sip of coffee.

“Oh look at that, she put a spell on me,” Lo says dryly. He nods to Connor. “How does it feel when she bewitches you? Do you go all dead inside?”

“Just the opposite,” Connor replies, even playing into
magic
banter, which he usually shuts down. My smile hurts my cheeks.

Lo grimaces. “Christ. Sorry I asked.”

“Speaking of you two,” Ryke chimes in, gesturing between Connor and Rose. “I got a text from Lily last night saying that she convinced you to join social media. What the fuck?”

“I was already on Twitter,” Connor reminds him. “She only had to convince Rose.”

I perk up at the new topic. “Everyone should do it.”

Ryke shoots me a dirty (the non-sexual kind of dirty) look. “Please tell me that wasn’t your high school fucking motto.” This is protective Ryke coming forth. (The non-sexual kind of coming.)

I scrunch my nose as I contemplate this. “No, that’s more Daisy. She’s the one who tries to rally people into doing crazy things.” I point at her. “Like walking the roof ledge of an apartment building.”

“Yeah, bro,” Lo says with a smile. “You’re dating that one.”

Ryke raises his brows at his girlfriend.

Daisy smiles so wide that it brightens the whole room. Tension extinguished. “I figure I have about thirty more years left of crazy things, so hey, I might as well do them with as many people as I can.” She nudges his side. “Even if it’s just you.”

 Ryke is about to full-on make out with her. I know that lusty look in his eyes. I wear it on too many occasions, I think. He ends up kissing her head and focuses back on all of us. “I thought we agreed no social media?”

“That was until last night,” Connor says. “Lily tweeted that everyone was safe after the break in, and dozens of news stations credited that tweet as a legitimate source.”

For the first time, our voice was truly heard. No twisting of our words. No bad editing or misplaced quotes.

“We’re taking some control back,” Rose adds.

Lo is new to this situation like Ryke and Daisy. Lines wrinkle his forehead as he digests this info. “And with what username are you taking control back with?” he asks her. “At Callowitch, hashtag spank me?”

I smack Lo’s chest.

“What?” he whispers to me.

“That was mean.”

Connor isn’t smiling, which means that this one definitely stung Rose.

She inhales strongly. “You just insulted both of my sisters considering I’m Rose
Cobalt.
And hashtag, I
loathe
you.”

Lo raises his hands. “All I’m saying, Rose
Cobalt
, is that no matter how much we go on social media, there’ll still be people criticizing us. This isn’t going to fix that.”

I look up at him. “I know that, Lo.” He’s worried about me—that I’ve put all my faith in social media as a big solution. “We’ll always have haters. But we’ll have fans too. And I’d like to keep those.”

Lo’s shoulders relax and he nods at me. “Okay.”

“Rose’s username is RoseCCobalt,” I tell him. “It was the only free one.”

“So I’m guessing Loren Hale is taken?” he asks me.

I nod. “Yep.”

“Wait, how can someone take our names?” Ryke frowns.

Oh jeez. He’s the only one not up to speed on the ways of Twitter. Daisy shows him her phone. “I’ll create one for you.”

“We’re really doing this?” he asks, hesitating.

“Just be yourself,” Connor tells him. “I know you probably fail at written word, but in person, you usually ace being who you are.”

“I’m going to ignore the part where you fucking insulted me.”

Connor grins. “Why? Those are the best parts.”

Ryke flips him off.

“How about ‘rykefuckmeadows’ as a username?” Daisy asks, typing into her phone. “Oh wait…that’s already taken too.”

“Seriously?” Ryke says, sounding impressed. He leans over her to check the screen.

“Just do it backwards,” Lo says, “MeadowsRyke. He won’t care.”

“Yeah, that’s fine with me,” Ryke agrees.

“Got it,” Daisy tells us. In the next few minutes, we spout off multiple ideas for Daisy and Lo’s username. And I steal Lo’s phone to type in prospects.

“What’s yours?” Lo asks Connor, forgetting Connor’s verified Twitter account.

“My name, no breaks,” Connor replies.

@ConnorCobalt. It’s not surprising that he was able to snag that username. He had it before he even met us.

Lo peers over my shoulder as I zone in on a Twitter discussion between our fans. “Missed opportunity, Connor,” Lo says with a growing smile.

“What’s that?”

“One of your fans has the username: ConnorCockbalt.” Lo tilts his head at him. “Hate to tell you this, but it’s better than yours, love.”

Connor’s grin envelops his face. “I don’t disagree with you.”

I’m sucked into the Twitter discussion, my eyes glazing over the usernames. My hearts swells at each one.

@lorenhale

@rykemeadows

@ConnorCockbalt

@lilycalloways

@rosescalloway

@runcalloway

@callowaysisters

@lilocalloway

@coballoway

@cobaltscalloway

The people behind them mean something to me the way all fandoms do.

“That’s pretty cool,” Lo whispers in my ear. He’s returned to the screen, peering behind me at the rest of the usernames.

“Yeah,” I say with a bigger smile. “It’s pretty cool.”

“Try lorenhellion,” he breathes. I do, and a green checkmark shows that it’s available. Daisy chooses @daisyonmeadows, a silly pun that’s also a little flirtatious. It suits her.

“So what does us being on social media fucking mean exactly?” Ryke asks. I think he knows. He just wants someone to say it.

I speak up first. “We can’t try to hide anymore.” I nod resolutely. It’s ironic coming from the girl who used to be a hermit, who shied away from attention and cameras. By using social media, we’re now cementing a future in the public eye.

No takebacks.

But if we’re going to be under a spotlight, I’d much rather do it on
my
terms than someone else’s. Maybe then we’ll have a fighting chance at protecting Maximoff and Jane as they grow older. We all have a bigger voice now.

No one can steal that from us.

{ 66 }

LOREN HALE

Ryke pops a bagel into a toaster. “Don’t fucking say it,” he tells me.

I must wear a mocking smile. “I wasn’t going to say anything.” While the girls talk quietly in the living room, we refill coffees in the kitchen.

Connor examines the expiration date on the milk. “I’ll say it.”

“Do it,” I prod.

“Daisy Meadows,” Connor puts it out there. The username she chose stirred old memories for us. We ream Ryke all the time about that possibility. Marrying her. Before, I’d shut him down. Now, it’s fun to watch him roll his eyes. And tell me to fuck off.

Ryke looks incensed as he waits for his breakfast to cook. “You two are fucking hilarious.”

“I thought we were more predictable than hilarious,” Connor says easily, trashing the milk. “But I accept both.”

I lean against the stove. “Are you going to name your kids Wild or Pony?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Ryke says lightly, and he even laughs. “Pony Meadows, really?”

“It’s nature.” I theatrically gasp like Daisy always does. “Nature is amazing.”

“You fucking suck at mimicking her.”

“Yeah, that was weak.” I watch Connor pour his coffee in a mug. He combs his hand through his wavy hair, flattening some of the thicker strands. “Hey…” My blood ices, and I hesitate to say what’s popped in my head.

But he spins around and sets his deep blue eyes on me. Waiting for me to finish.