Admission of Love (31 page)

Devon continued to stare out at the city below. Even at close to ten p.m. the streets were filled with fast-moving people and slow-moving cars.

“So you’re leaving me this time, Devon?” she asked quietly, sniffing back the tears.

His heart ached to hear the pain in her voice. “The choice is yours, baby. I’m leaving tomorrow and I would love for you to come home with me.”

Chloe let the tears fall. “That’s so unfair, Devon,” she whispered, but she was alone. He had quietly left the living room.

That night they slept on opposite sides of the bed, each afraid to reach out for the other. Neither would be able to stand the rejection they believed they would get. But both wanted to be in each other’s arms. It was the worst night of sleep either of them ever had. So close ... yet so far.

∞

Chloe awoke to an empty bed. Frantic, she searched the entire apartment, but she knew already that he was gone. To her the feeling was akin to abandonment. She was intelligent enough to know that she was wrong to project her anger at her father onto Devon, but she did it anyway.
How could he ask me to chose?

She found the note on the bedside table. In her earlier haste to search for him, she hadn’t even noticed it.

Chloe,

I realize I was wrong to ask you to choose. So I made the choice for both of us. This week in New York has made me realize that it’s for the best. This wasn’t easy for me to do, so please don’t think so. I will miss seeing your beautiful face, so seeing you on T.V will have to suffice. I honestly don’t believe you have any intention of returning to Holtsville. I’m sorry I couldn’t face you but that would’ve made it hard for me to leave. You will be in my thoughts forever.

Devon

P.S. Tell Anika that it was great finally meeting her.

Chloe shook her head in disbelief as she read the note again and again. Did he think he was being noble? No, she wouldn’t have left with him today, but she had no intention of moving to New York permanently again, regardless of what he thought. But now how could she return to Holtsville, knowing Devon would not be in her life because he didn’t want a relationship that would have to be long distance at times? Obviously he didn’t think she was worth it.

Imagine how foolish she would have felt if she had admitted to him that she loved him with every fiber in her being. Chloe balled up the paper and threw it across the room in anger, where it bounced off the wall. She
tried
to tell Anika that, for her, loving a man was all about disappointment.

Chapter Twenty-six

Devon turned his truck into the yard with Deshawn directly behind him in his. They had just finished up their first day of renovating Donnie’s Diner. Deshawn, with the help of Poochie, had talked the belligerent owner into modernizing the restaurant while Devon was in New York three weeks ago.

They entered the house and were engulfed by the acrid smell of smoke. “Nana Lil,” Deshawn yelled out, running to check her bedroom.

Devon dashed into the kitchen, where a pan of grease sat on a lit eye on the stove, the source of the smoke filling the house. He rushed toward the stove to push the pan off the hot eye. Smoke was everywhere, and it began to sting his eyes and throat.

When he began to cough, he moved to open the windows. It was then that he noticed his grandmother’s prone and lifeless body on the floor by the back door.

“Deshawn!” he yelled out before he fell to his knees by her, huddling her body into his arms. He nearly fainted with relief when he felt a pulse at her wrist. It was weak and thready against his fingers, but thankfully present.

Deshawn flew into the kitchen, and if it was at all possible for a black person to blanch, he did. Their eyes met over her body. Fear was in the depths.

∞

“Why didn’t she tell us she was having these headaches for weeks?” Deshawn whispered to his brother over Nana’s sedated figure in the hospital bed. “We could have gotten her to the doctor before the aneurysm ruptured and caused the stroke.”

“I don’t know, Shawn. You know how stubborn she is,” Devon whispered back. “I just thank God that she’s alive.”

They had to talk quietly because the doctor had placed their grandmother on aneurysm precautions. She was to have complete bed rest with the head of her bed elevated slightly. Her room was to remain dark, without the intrusion of television, radio or even reading materials. Hot or cold beverages and caffeine products were cut from her diet. And her visitors were very limited. She was sedated to help her comply with the restrictions because she was at risk for another rupture or rebleeding of the aneurysm. Surgery to correct it was being postponed until her condition stabilized. They both prayed she pulled through and would return home with them soon.

“Y’all don’t have to talk over my body like I’m dead.”

They both jumped slightly at the sound of her weak voice. Deshawn recovered first. “Don’t talk Nana Lil. The doctor wants you to relax and remain calm.”

Lil felt so very tired and drained, but she wanted so badly to go home. She hated hospitals. “I’m so tired, babies,” she groaned, her eyes floating closed under the effects of the sedation.

They both were filled with dread. Never had they heard their strong and resilient grandmother complain. Devon had to force himself to smile at the weak and frail woman laying in the bed. It was hard to believe that she was the same vibrant woman they left at home that morning. He leaned down to kiss her cheek, and Deshawn did the same.

“Everyone at your church has been calling to check on you,” he whispered to her. “Just rest and get better.”

She nodded slightly. “Has anyone called Chloe?” she asked weakly.

Devon stiffened, and his eyes met with his twin’s briefly. “I’ll call her.”

“You promise, Vonnie?”

“I promise.”

∞

Chloe dragged her body into her apartment, bone weary and tired. Today was the last day of the photo shoot for the new line of hair care products for women of color. Excitement was mixed with trepidation. Next week she would begin a twelve-city promotional tour on talk shows, and conduct interviews with radio personalities over the telephone, all to garner attention for the release date in two months.

At least the work kept her mind off Devon.

“No,” she said aloud. “I’m not going to think of him.”

She kicked off her soft Nine West ankle boots and hung her short sable mink in the closet of the foyer. It was late November and fall would soon disappear under the blanket of cold snow and the winter in December.

Chloe had every intention of closing up this apartment once again and returning to her home in Holtsville once she was finished with the promotional torn. She missed her house, the small town and the true friends she had made. She would just have to learn to live in the same town as Devon and not be with him.

They hadn’t spoken since the morning he sneaked out and left her. Chloe figured he left, so he should call. Right?

Well it was obviously wrong, since he hadn’t dialed her number once. Sighing, Chloe was on her way to the kitchen to make a cup of hot chocolate when she heard the answering machine beeping, alerting her to a message.

She changed course and headed back to her bedroom, where she pushed the PLAYBACK button.

“This is Chloe. Leave a message.”

Beep.

“Chloe, this is your gorgeous friend. Call me ASAP.”

Beep.

“Chloe . . . Chloe this is Devon. Uhm, Nana Lil’s in the hospital. She had a stroke. She asked for you to come back to Holtsville. I wouldn’t ask you, but this seems really important to her. We’re at the hospital, Memorial Regional . . . call me on my cell phone.”

Beep.

The rest of the messages were incoherent to her because of the deafening beat of her heart. Nana Lil . . . in the hospital! She
had
to get to Holtsville!

∞

Devon would admit it to no one, but he was afraid. All of his life his Nana had been a constant. What would he do without her now? He sighed and looked down at his watch as he sat on a small bench outside of the hospital. It was 8:55 p.m.

The smell of the hospital reminded him too much of death, and he had to get out of there. Visiting hours were over, but both he and Deshawn decided to stay there all night. Neither could bear the thought of leaving her at the hospital alone.

Sighing, he pulled his jacket closer around his body to shield himself from the cool November nights of South Carolina. Even as rain began to fall and the hour clicked to nine p.m., he remained outside, sheltered by the overhang of the building. He clutched his cell phone, foolishly worried he wouldn’t hear it ring in his pocket.

Never had he felt desolate and alone. Not since his parents’ death. Devon dropped his head in his hands, shivering from the cold and the rain that fell around him. Chloe should have been here for him. Why hadn’t she called yet? “Damn,” he whispered as he thought of her. “I need you, Chloe.”

∞

Chloe sighed. The ride from the airport had cost her fifty dollars up front, but that wasn’t her concern in the least. She was worried about the woman she had come to love and cherish as if she were her very own blood relative.
God, please don’t take her now,
she begged silently.

“The hospital is just up on the right,” she instructed the driver.

As the taxi neared the destination, Chloe leaned forward on her seat and looked out through the rain pelting the window. Her heart hammered in her chest when she saw the lone figure sitting on the bench, his head down in his hands.

He looked so desolate and alone.

“Driver! Pull up by that man!”

∞

Devon felt near tears but he hadn’t allowed himself to cry since his parents’ deaths, all those years ago. So he breathed deeply and composed himself. If only Chloe were here, she could . . .

“Devon!”

He looked up and blinked as if he was dreaming. Was it his imagination, or was Chloe standing in the pouring rain next to a taxi? It had to be real because it was too bizarre not to be.

His heart hammered in his chest hard. She was here, just like she walked out of his imagination. He stood and she accepted her suitcase from the driver before walking under the shelter to stand before him.

Damn,
he thought.
She’s beautiful.

They both became nervous.

“I got the first flight down as soon as I could. How is she?”

The concern in her eyes and her voice was evident. It was obvious that she loved his grandmother very much, even if she didn’t love him. “She’s resting comfortably with a lot of precautions to keep her from causing the aneurysm to rupture again or rebleed, which would cause another stroke.”

Chloe looked into the depths of Devon’s eyes and saw the pain and fear that he was trying to hide. Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him tightly to her. He stiffened before raising his own arms to return the embrace.

Chloe closed her eyes, riding the wave of pleasure, enjoying the feel of him, remembering the good times they had once shared. She enjoyed the comfort they gave one another, but wished it were under far better circumstances.

“You’re soaking wet. You better take my truck and drive home. I’ll call if there are any changes.”

“Devon, I’m staying here with you,” she said firmly.

She didn’t know it, but inside he nearly burst with relief. He needed her. He hadn’t known how to ask her to stay. His heart swelled with love for her. “Let’s go inside. You can use one of the bathrooms to change.”

He carried her suitcase as they made their way inside. Deshawn was sitting in the waiting room with the television on, although he didn’t appear to care what playing.

Deshawn stood immediately to wrap Chloe into a tight embrace. “I knew you would come,” he whispered into her ear.

She nodded and hugged him back. Slowly they released each other. “There’s no other place that I’d rather be than right here with both of you. I just pray that Nana Lil . . .”

The rest of her words broke off with an anguished cry as hot tears streaked down her cheeks. Devon moved quickly to pull her into a tight embrace. “We’re all praying.”

∞

Chloe slowly opened the door, peering into the darkened room before she entered. She had to bite back her gasp of surprise at the person lying in the bed.
That’s Nana Lil?

Lil looked as if she’d aged another twenty years, and with her eyes closed she looked— No! Chloe refused to even think of death. This beautiful, spirited woman was going to recover. She was too strong to do anything else.

Taking a deep breath to strengthen herself, Chloe stepped closer to the bed. She reached for her hand, lightly rubbing the wrinkled skin with her own hand. “I need you, Nana Lil, don’t leave me. My mother’s gone. My grandparents are dead. I don’t have a father. You took me right in and loved me like one of your own. Please, it’s like you’re all that I have in terms of a parent. Please be strong.”

A lone tear fell and softly landed on their united hands. Slowly, Nana Lil’s eyes fluttered open. “Chloe?” she asked weakly, her grasp becoming a little firmer as she recognized her.

“No, don’t speak. You have to be very quiet and stay calm.”

“Don’t . . . cry, Chloe. I’m not afraid of death.” She breathed deeply, letting her eyes close. “I miss my own parents, and Tessa. Now I’ll get to see them again. That’s a blessing.”

That only made her cry harder. “You’re not going to die Nana Lil—”

“And I’ll get to meet your mama. I’ll make sure to tell her what a beautiful daughter she raised.”

Her words began to slur. “Take care of my boys for me, Chloe,” she whispered weakly before falling back under the effects of the sedation.

Chloe continued to hold her hand tightly as she sank to the seat near the bed. She cried so hard that she began to hiccup and her chest began to radiate with pain. Yes, Nana Lil was an angel, but surely it wasn’t time for her to return to heaven?