Adulation (39 page)

She paused, as if in deep contemplation, before answering, “I needed to let loose.”

It was a lie. He knew it. She knew it. And she knew that he knew.

Danny paced to the other side of the bed. “We’ve got to end this now, once and for all.”

“Really?” she said as if he’d mentioned some piece of inane trivia.

“I mean it. I know we’ve cried wolf more than either of us can count—hell, I think we lastedlonger this stretch than any other, but it’s just not working. I want more. I want a deeper relationship. Iwant commitment. I wanna stop being hungry all the time, dammit.”

She glared at him, taking her time to speak. “Is
 
she
 
the one you want this deeper commitment

with?”

He met her eyes, yet couldn’t hold his focus. “There’s no one, Char. Not yet. But I want there tobe.” He paced back to the other side of the room. “You and I have said and done a lot of things to eachother, but I have never cheated on you. I’ve never cheated on any woman.” He  said this with so muchconviction, thinking of Artie Gold, whom Danny was sure had cheated on his mother many times over, yethe had never been able to prove it. Could Charlene at least acknowledge him for that, hell, thank him?

“But you have, Danny. You cheated on me emotionally. You think I didn’t know there wassomeone else you were thinking about night and day? You think I couldn’t see the look on your face thatsaid you were begging to get the hell out of there and wherever she was?”

Was she right? Had he been emotionally unfaithful all this time? Was it possible to be emotionallyinvolved with someone with whom you’d only had five minutes of interaction?

“If that’s what you think, then why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.

“And be the jealous, clingy, controlling girlfriend? No thanks. Half the time you’re looking at melike I’m a bitch on wheels. I don’t need the fight on top of it.”

“I don’t think you’re a bitch.”

“On wheels,” she added.

“Charlene, stop. That’s horrible. You know I don’t think that of you.”

“Well, you sure as hell were resenting me for something.”

Danny stood there, his mouth open. He suddenly felt as if he’d just stepped outside of his ownbody and saw his life in reverse, watching himself sleepwalk through the last six months—the holidays,the Oscars, even his trip to New York with Ella—and had awakened, being thrust back into his flesh andbones. He had resented her. She wasn’t Sunny.

“You’re right. You’re right, Charlene, and I am so sorry. I never meant to negate you like that,honest to God.”

She pressed her lips together, and Danny could tell she was fighting with all her might to keepfrom crying.

“I have to get out of here,” she said with a sense of urgency, scanning the room for her belongings,mentally assessing what was where and what to grab first.

“Char, don’t. It’s late.”

“I am
 
not
 
staying here tonight.”

“Then
 
I’ll
 
go,” said Danny.

“No,” she said, and found her empty suitcase in the closet. With two hands she picked it up andpractically threw it on the bed, flinging the lid open. Next she shuttled between the chest of drawers andthe bed, taking handfuls of skimpy shirts and silky lingerie and haphazardly dropping them in the suitcase. She then hurled a matching satchel to Danny and instructed him to go pack her stuff from the bathroom.

“I don’t know what’s yours,” he said helplessly.

“I don’t care if you steal the goddamned towels!” she yelled, and he jumped and ran to thebathroom as if she’d just cracked a whip at his feet. He removed bottles and jars from the sinks andshowers, opened and closed cabinets and didn’t recognize anything of hers, but took more bottles anyway,just in case, resolving to apologize to Robbie and reimburse him. Ten minutes later, he reemerged. Charlene had changed into yoga pants, tennis shoes, and a T-shirt with some designer’s name plasteredacross her chest.

“Where are you going at this hour?” he asked.

“I’m having a car come pick me up and take me back to the city.”

“Can’t you just wait until tomorrow? This house is big enough so that we both can stay in itwithout one of us running into the other. Or at least let me be the one to leave.”

“No. Robbie is your friend, and he loaned you his house for the weekend. And I don’t want to beanywhere you are right now.”

“Can we not leave things so badly for once? Please? Can we—” He cut himself off before adding
 
Can we not be so dramatic?
 
She would’ve gone for his throat. He put his hands up in surrender. “OK.” He also thought it unwise to tell her at that moment that he hoped someday they could be friends. “I’ll letyou go now,” he said.

“You already did,” she retorted.

Danny went back out to the lanai despite it being forty degrees outside without factoring in thewind chill coming from the ocean. He was surprised to find himself craving neither a cigarette nor adrink. He sat on a cushioned lounge chair and fixed his gaze on the moon hanging low above the horizon,illuminating the ocean. He watched and listened to the tide coming in and might’ve fallen asleep there hadit not been so damn cold. He refrained from reentering the house until he heard the slam of the limo doors. And as he slid the screen and glass doors closed behind him, he retreated to one of the guest rooms,where he took a shower and went to bed, collapsing in mental and emotional exhaustion. And, hediscovered, relief.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

Sunny Smith

B
ECAUSE OF HIS
 
work schedule, Josh and I had only seen each other twice since getting back together—orrather, since deciding not to break up. But time away from Josh gave me more time with Georgie, and wehad a lot of catching up to do. He’d already put in his notice at Whitford’s and started packing, and everynight after work I went to his place to help. Cleaning out the closets was an exceptional ordeal; Georgiewas all for throwing stuff away, while Marcus wanted to keep everything, having attached somesentimental value to it.

“It’s a fucking
 
plastic spoon
 
!” yelled Georgie, enunciating every word, as usual. “What, you want

to save the DNA from it?”

“It’s from our Vermont trip to the Ben and Jerry’s factory. Look, it’s even got the cow print! I wanna put it in the scrapbook.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at their bickering, enjoy being witness to their couplehood. I tried to remember a time when Teddy and I were this way, in the early stages of our own couplehood when such fights were fun and our future stretched out before us like the Camino de Santiago—a personal journey of discovery and miracles  just waiting to happen. I tried to imagine Josh and me like this—going through our possessions, merging our lives, happily bickering. It was a pretty picture, no doubt. So why didn’t it
feel
 
right?

Best of all, Georgie, Theo, and I were back to our old selves; it was as if the last six months had dissolved like morning fog. We sat on the floor in the walk-in closet, facing each other (a black fedora perched on Theo’s head, a feather boa wrapped around Georgie’s neck, a paisley necktie wrapped around mine), drinking beers and talking as best friends do. At one point, I felt as if I’d stepped outside of myself and watched us. And it struck me that Georgie and Theo were the only two people I could spend time with and still feel like my true self.

God, I had missed him. And I was going to miss him even more once he and Marcus left.

“So,” Theo said. “I have news.”

“Oh no,” said Georgie. “Not another Lovematch-dot-com boyfriend.”

Theo slapped him with a necktie.

“Spill,” I said.

“I’m going to Thailand.”

I nearly did a spit-take. “You
 
what?
”

“Well, first I’m going to Thailand. Then I’m going to go to Haiti with an organization similar to Doctors Without Borders.”

“OK, I know this is going to sound rude, and I apologize in advance, but I would think that of all the medical attention Haitians need right now, a good back adjustment wouldn’t be one of them,” said Georgie.

“You’re forgetting that I went to nursing school before I became a chiropractor, Georgie. But I’m not going officially as a chiropractor. I’m going as an assistant. My hope is that I’ll get to do some AIDS

education and visit children in the hospitals, that sort of thing. And yes, some of them really do need chiropractic treatment.”

“What are you going to do in Thailand?” I asked.

“Fulfill a lifelong dream. Your Forty for Forty list inspired me, Sunny. And since I’m going to be forty this year as well, I thought, why not?”

“Beats the shit out of a makeover,” I remarked, and we all burst into laughter.

“Don’t worry,” said Theo to Georgie, “I’m not leaving until after your wedding.”

“How long will you be gone?” I asked.

“At least six weeks. Eight, tops.”

I stared at her in admiration. Georgie raised his beer bottle and toasted her, and we clinked in

unison.

“So what about you, Sunny Delight?” Georgie asked. “What are you going to do once Whitford’s goes belly-up?”

“He said it
 
might
 
go belly-up,” I said.

He waved his hand in dismissal of my correction. “Whatever. Regardless, don’t you think it’s time for you to leave the nest? If your books keep selling at this pace, you’ll be set for at least a year or two. Heck, you might even be able to get an agent and sell the movie rights. And by God, if Spielberg invites you to his boat in the Hamptons and you don’t invite me along, I’ll leak nasty things about you to TMZ complete with Photoshopped pictures.”

I ignored his threat. “I thought you were all for Shane Sands.”

“Networking, baby. It’s all about the networking.”

“And really, you think TMZ even knows my name, much less gives a crap about me?”

He considered this. “Good point. In that case, I’ll sell your entire telephone collection on eBay without telling you.”

“Now that is truly evil.” I turned to Theo and backtracked the conversation. “Are you traveling alone?”

“For Thailand, yes. Unless you wanna come with me.”

Considering what a big deal it was for me just to drive to New Jersey, I couldn’t even fathom what it would be like to get on a plane to Thailand. Still, something about the idea, the sense of adventure, appealed to me. I was learning to consider the possibilities.

“Would be a helluva way to use up my vacation days. Although Josh and I talked about taking a trip together.”

“Has Mr. Wonderful said anything else about you quitting Whitford’s?” Georgie asked.

I shook my head. “He’s backed off from that particular topic.”

“He’s in breakup anxiety mode and afraid to piss you off again. Good for you,” he said. “Gives you the power.”

“I don’t want power,” I insisted. “What the hell kind of relationship is that?”

“Are you forgetting what it was like with Teddy?” he asked. “You got married in
 
his
 
church. You moved where
 
he
 
wanted to live. You agreed to alter
 
your
 
life to have
 
his
 
babies. You gave
 
him
 
the house. Where the hell were you in that marriage?”

“And why are we still talking about it seven-plus years later?”

He held up his hands, exasperated, and then dropped them back into his lap. “Exactly! Trust me, Sunrise. Enjoy the upper hand for a while.”

I didn’t want the upper hand. I didn’t want the lower hand either. Wasn’t the sign of a good relationship all about holding hands?

I felt weary and unsettled. “Do you see Josh and me together long-term?” I asked. “Like, getting married one day?”

They looked at each other, then at me, each taking a moment to respond, and I saw sympathy inboth of their eyes. “I don’t know,” said Theo. “But if
you
 
did you probably wouldn’t have had to ask thequestion.”