After Math (10 page)

I know he’ll run at some point. I’m only trying to hold onto him as long as I can.

His hand gently lifts my chin as he gazes into my eyes, worry etching his brow. “Hey, where’d you go?”

I smile. “I’m here.”

“No, you left me for a moment.” He pulls me to his chest. “We don’t have to do this, Scarlett. We don’t have to have sex for me to stay.”

I shake my head. “No, I want this.” He makes my body feel everything I’ve hoped was possible, and I want it all before he walks out of my life. Ten years from now, I don’t want to regret that I didn’t share this with him.

“But—”

I reach for his neck and pull his mouth to mine, kissing him so that there’s no question of what I want. It’s the permission he needs, and he pushes me down on the bed, kissing me as he lies next to me.

His hand splays on my abdomen. My muscles tighten in anticipation. His breath is on my neck, and his mouth trails kisses on my neck and chest. When his mouth finds my breast, I gasp, and my hips rise off the bed. His hand on my stomach pushes me down, then slides lower over my panties.

I gasp for air as I’m bombarded by feelings I’ve only dreamed of. I’m not a virgin, although I’m far from experienced. Both guys I slept with before were inept and awkward. Tucker is neither. But it’s more than that. For the first time in my life, I truly trust someone. I trust him enough to completely give myself to him. The irony that it’s Tucker Price I’ve chosen to trust isn’t lost on me.

His head raises, and he looks into my face. I pull his mouth to mine, needing more, needing him.

He pulls my panties down, then rises on his elbow and takes them off the rest of the way. I’m naked, exposed. But this is Tucker, and he stares at me with awe and longing, and it makes me want so much more. Sex, yes, but something more meaningful.

His hand slides between my legs as he kisses me again. I reach down and feel him through his underwear, and he moans. “Scarlett.”

Then he gets up, and panic washes through me. Has he changed his mind? I push up on my elbows to see him sitting on the side of the bed, taking off his underwear. He reaches to the floor, digging in his shorts. When he turns around, holding a foil square, he sees my face and tenses. His free hand cups my face and lowers his mouth to mine, pushing me back down on the bed. “Relax. I’m not going anywhere.”

I look up at him and smile.

His mouth finds my breast while his hand is between my legs again. An ache builds deep inside, begging to be filled. I lift my hips up as I gasp, “Tucker. I want you.”

He’s gone again, but this time he’s putting on a condom, then positioning himself between my legs. He braces his arms on either side of my head and stares into my eyes. I close my eyes, wanting to feel every second of this. To make it last forever in my memory, if this is the only chance I get with him.

“Scarlett, open your eyes.”

I do as he says, looking up at him with confusion.

His eyes burn bright with desire. “I want you to see me when I come into you. I want you to know I’m here. I want you to know I see you.”

His words spin my world upside down. He knows. He knows me and my fear, even though I’ve never said it. My gaze is locked on his as he enters me, slow and gentle. When he’s all the way in, his pace picks up and a knot of desperate need grows deep inside me. I need more of him. I tilt my pelvis up, and he sinks deeper, his eyes rolling back into his head. Then his gaze returns to mine. I’m climbing, and I’m spinning out of control.

His hand brushes my hair out of my face. I need more. So much more. “Tucker, please.”

My words set something loose, and he kisses me and everything moves faster. His breath is hot on the side of my face. I cling to him, needing him deeper until finally, I’m falling off a cliff, and I call out his name in a strangled voice.

He’s close behind me, grunting. Then he kisses me, his mouth demanding, claiming, as though what we just did wasn’t enough to bind us together.

There’s a crack in the armor encasing my heart. I’ve handed Tucker the opportunity to get closer to me than anyone has ever gotten.

Or I’ve given him the opportunity to destroy me.

Chapter Twenty

Later in the afternoon, Tucker calls and tells me that he has a mandatory team meeting Saturday night. “I’m sorry, Scarlett.” But I’m sure I hear relief in his voice.

“I never told you that you had to see me, Tucker. It’s okay.” I know I sound a little defensive, and I hate it.

He’s silent. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I try to be as nice as possible and not let my disappointment show. I’m not disappointed that I won’t see him. I’m disappointed that he’s running away from me already, because I’m sure that’s what this is.

Thankfully, Caroline doesn’t bring up Tucker again. I think she hopes he was just a bad dream instigated by her hangover.

After my phone call, Caroline is eager to get out of the apartment. I’m sure she’s figured out what it was about. “Let’s do something tonight.”

“Like what?” My defenses are up. I can already tell it will probably be something out of my comfort zone.

“Let’s go dancing.”

“I don’t dance.”

“What happened to your trying new things?”

“Look how well that’s worked out for me,” I say dryly.

Caroline scowls. “Just because you had one bad experience doesn’t mean you should give up.” I’m not sure if she’s referring to Daniel, Tucker, or both.

Before I know it, Tina is involved and the two of them nag me mercilessly until I agree. This is a terrible idea. First of all, the crowd will be too much for me to handle. I’ll have to drink to be able to stay. Second, I know I’m attractive enough when I put some effort into my hair, makeup, and clothing. I’ll attract attention, and I really don’t feel like dancing with other guys and fending off their advances. Tucker and I have made no commitment. We haven’t discussed being exclusive, but I can’t go from what we experienced during the last twenty-four hours to seeking the attention of other guys.

We decide to splurge and actually go out to dinner before we go dancing, but I’m distracted while we eat, and Tina orders us drinks from a bartender she knows working in the bar. She hands one to me. “Here. You’re making
me
jumpy.”

I take the tall glass full of brown liquid. “What is it?”

“Does it matter? It’s alcohol. Drink.”

I take a sip, surprised I can’t taste much alcohol. “You could have left me at home.”

“Nope.” Caroline shakes her head, sipping her drink. “No staying home and pouting for you. I left you home pouting last night, and found Tucker Price in your bed. Again.”

Tina spurts her drink over the table. “
What
?”

My stomach knots, and I shoot Caroline a glare. What happened with Tucker isn’t what she thinks, but then I understand her reasoning. Tucker sleeps around. Why would she assume my experience was anything different?

Then again, why would
I
assume our experience was anything different?

Several hours have elapsed since this morning, and I can’t help but wonder if I’m fooling myself into believing there was more there than a hookup. While I know I have to be prepared for it, I can’t face that possibility tonight. Maybe tomorrow, but not tonight.

I sigh as Tina waits for an explanation. “The first time was that night I took him home from the party a couple of weeks ago, he passed out in my bed after I brought him to my apartment to clean up his hands. Nothing happened.”

Her eyebrows rise as a grin spreads across her face. “And last night?”

I blush.

Her eyes widen with excitement, and she leans forward. “Was he good?”

I don’t feel like discussing Tucker’s sexual proficiency, or whether it was a one-night fling or something more.

Caroline grimaces. “From what I heard in my room this morning, it was pretty damn hot.”

My mouth drops open in horror. “
You heard us
?”

She rolls her eyes in disgust. “Our walls are paper-thin. Of course I heard you.”

Tina picks up my glass and hands it to me. “Drink this.”

I grab the glass with shaky fingers and drink several generous gulps.

Tina turns to Caroline. “Now what did you hear?”

I gasp. “Are you
insane
? Why would you ask that?”

“Because Tucker’s not the least bit interested in me so I’ll have to live vicariously through you.” I start to put my glass down but she makes me lift it back up. “Drink some more. You’ll be less mortified.”

Against my better judgment, I obey her order. I’m already nervous, and we haven’t even gotten to the club yet. I’m seriously regretting this decision.

Tina waves her hand to the bartender and points to me, waggling her eyebrows, then turns to Caroline. “Details.”

Caroline scowls and shakes her head. “No freaking way. I’m trying my best to purge it from my mind.”

The waitress brings another drink and sets it in front of me.

Tina turns her attention on me. “You’re nervous, right? I want you to have fun tonight. You’re too worked up most of the time. Now the fact that you fucked Tucker Price—”

“Tina!” I hiss.

“—is a step in the right direction to getting your freak on. But you skipped a bunch of steps you need to go back and hit tonight.”

Caroline leans over the table and takes my hand. “I agree with Tina, except for the fucking-Tucker part.” She shoots Tina a glare. “Don’t encourage her.” She turns back to me. “You need to relax and have fun. If you need a little alcohol to help you do it, so be it.” She points to my glass.

I feel like they’re trying to force cough syrup down my throat, except my drink tastes nothing like cough syrup. In fact, it hardly tastes like alcohol at all, yet I’m feeling pretty buzzed. “What is this?” I ask taking another sip.

Guilt washes over Tina’s face. “Long Island Iced Tea.”

“What?” I set the glass on the table knowing I’m going to be drunk very, very soon. But then again, what’s the harm in that? I’ll pay for it tomorrow, but tonight I want to forget everything. Forget Tucker and all my past. I want to forget about my carefully plotted life, and I just want to have fun like everyone else. I shake my head. “You know what? Who cares? My goal tonight is to get drunk.” I bring the glass to my lips and take several swallows.

Tina’s eyes light up. “Well, look at you. You go, girl.”

Caroline doesn’t look as ecstatic about my announcement, but I realize Tina and I are on opposite ends of extremes—Tina’s the wild child, and I’m the boring one. Caroline straddles the center line. For me to skip right over Caroline into Tina’s territory is shocking. Ordinarily, I would ask myself if this was a good idea, but I have enough alcohol floating around in my bloodstream to shove aside any concerns.

For once in my sorry life, I’m going to have fun.

I finish my drink, and Tina drives us to the club. I’ve never been here before, but Caroline used to go here with her ex-boyfriend, and I know Tina frequents the place. She’s tried to get me to come with her half a dozen times. She’s had a fake ID ready for me for months.

We’re not wearing coats, and although I’m wearing Caroline’s sequined sleeveless shirt and a skirt, I’m not as cold as I would be without the alcohol. We walk across the parking lot, and when a couple enters the building, loud music blares from the doorway. I wobble across the asphalt on Caroline’s borrowed heels, already feeling the rhythm soak into my bones.

Caroline shoots me a weird look. “Tina, we have to take turns watching her tonight.”

Tina scrunches her nose. “Whatever for? She’s a big girl. You have to let our baby bird fly.”

“She’s so drunk she can hardly walk, and we’re not even in the club yet.”

I groan. “Sure, I’m pretty tipsy, but I’m having trouble walking because I’m wearing your three-inch stilettos.” I point to my feet.

Caroline remains unconvinced. “You don’t drink that often, and Tina filled you with enough alcohol to fuel an ethanol-powered car for fifty miles.”

Tina shakes her head. “And you’re telling me that you’ve never been drunk? Come on, Caroline.”

“You know that’s different,” Caroline protests.

“Scarlett’s smarter than you give her credit for. She’s not that drunk, and we’re in a public place. She’ll be fine.” Tina sighs. “But if you think she needs watching, you take the first shift.”

After we pay to enter, Tina heads straight for the bar, and she and Caroline order drinks. I’m tipsy but not drunk. Contrary to what Caroline thinks, I’m no stranger to alcohol. You don’t grow up in the home of an alcoholic and her friends and not become acquainted with it. I had my share of drinking binges in high school with the handful of people I hung out with. I just left it all behind in Shelbyville when I came to college.

Leaning against a tall table, I look around the room. We’re on a raised level that surrounds a sunken square floor, which is half full of dancers. A DJ is set up on the opposite side of the room.

Tina comes back and hands me a drink. “There’s a good selection to choose from tonight.”

I turn to her in confusion.

“Guys. We’re here to look for guys.” She says it slowly as though I’m deaf, which I partially am from the roar of the music and the crowd.

“I thought we were here to dance.”

Tina grins and sips her drink.

I taste mine and realize she’s gotten me another Long Island Iced Tea. She doesn’t just want me drunk. She wants me wasted.

Caroline stands next to me, swaying to the music. She leans toward my ear. “I trust you, you know. I just worry about you.”

I give her a smile. “I know.”

We stand at the table and finish our drinks, then Caroline grabs my wrist and tugs me toward the dance floor. We descend the stairs and stop close to the edge. Since I’m not used to wearing heels, and I’m on my way to being drunk, it takes me a second to regain my balance. Caroline begins to dance, watching me. I close my eyes, and let my body move to the music. The anxiety-ridden me, currently drowning in alcohol, claws to get out of this loud, crowded place. But I stuff her deeper while the newly liberated me basks in her freedom.