Aint too proud to beg sfdg-1 (15 page)

Even before shed asked, Rick knew thats where she was headed. It made perfect sense, considering the picture he was painting for her. Ive tested negative twice a year for more than seven years, ever since the accident. My last test was about two months ago. I know this is nothing to be proud of, but I did practice safe sex most of the time.

Thank God, Josie said, shaking her head and slapping a hand to her mouth. Rick thought she might cry.

Im telling you this because you have to know where Ive come from, Josie.

I care about you a lot, and Id like to have something real with you, and the only way to do that is with a foundation of full disclosure.

Jesus, she whispered, laughing in disbelief. I have another question I need to ask. Right now. Before you say another word.

Sure.

Did you ever get anyone pregnant? Do you have a bunch of kids running around the world?

Rick was pleased he could answer her with certainty. No. To my knowledge I never got anyone pregnant nor do I have any children. I would know if I did.

Youre sure.

Absolutely. I would have been hit up for child support.

And rightly so, Josie snapped.

I wouldve moved heaven and earth to be in my kids lives. Rick could see the relief on her face. Josie, thats not a responsibility I would take lightly.

Okay. Thanks, she said, looking away and biting her bottom lip. She tucked the comforter under her arms and pulled her elbows close to her sides, as though she were building a cocoon.

At this point, Rick half expected her to demand Teeny drive her home and tell Rick to never contact her again. He wouldnt blame her.

Josie turned back to him, her head held high. What else? Let me have it.

He paused a moment and studied Josie, a spark of hope growing in him.

Maybe she was stronger than he dared imagine. Her eyes were flashing with hurt and anger, but maybe she would come out the other side of all this in one piece.

The motorcycle accident. I wasnt the only one injured. There was a girl on the back of the bike.

Uh-huh, Josie said without emotion, as though it were too much for her to process.

There was only one helmet and I was wearing it. She suffered severe brain trauma and was in a coma for the last seven years. When I went back East a few weeks agowhen I didnt call you for coffeeit was because she had died. I went to her funeral.

Tell me about her. A single tear slipped down Josies cheek. She didnt wipe it away.

Her name was Margot Cummings, a girl Id known for most of my life. Our parents were in the same social circles. I dated her for a short time at Yale. When I got back to the States I ran into her at a party and decided to take her for a ride on my bike.

Josies mouth was pulled tight. What happened, exactly?

Rick told her. He told her about the drugs and the beer and the rain. He told her how he died on the operating room table and looked down on his own mangled body, only to wake up the next day, alive and in agony. He told her about rehab with Teeny, the dropped criminal charges, the pending civil lawsuit. He told her about his father dying and leaving him money. He told her exactly how much.

He talked for so long that the sun had started to come up. Every question Josie askedand she asked a lot of them over the hourshe answered truthfully. When she wasnt asking questions, Josie sat still in her little cocoon and listened intently.

Rick heard a rustling sound and looked over his shoulder to find all three dogs sniffing at the bed, tails wagging. Chen nudged his nose against the small of Ricks back.

I should let the dogs out, he said.

We should all get some fresh air. Josie got out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom. He watched her as she movedpink and round and female from tip to toe. He wanted to think of her as hishis woman, his love, his partnerbut he wasnt sure shed permit it now. Though shed been an amazing listener, he had no idea what Josie would do with all the information hed unloaded on her. He half expected her to come out of the bathroom fully dressed, with her bags packed.

It would take an extraordinary leap of faith for a woman to stick around after all hed just laid on her. It would take an extraordinary woman.

But, in truth, that was the only woman he would want to share his life with.

Josie reappeared, glanced at him briefly, then went into the dressing room. She came out a few moments later wearing a pair of jeans and a worn Stanford sweatshirt. She was the sexiest creature hed ever seen, and his heart felt as if it would break.

The dogs ran to her. She bent down and rubbed their heads, then picked up Tara and held her out at eye level. Look at you, you little cutie!

Lets go outside, everybody!

Josie opened the door and the dogs fled. She stayed in the open doorway, the sun spilling down on her. She shook her head slowly. So incredibly beautiful, she whispered.

Rick threw the covers off, hopped out of bed, and went to her. He stood behind her, pressing his body into her back. He wrapped his arms around her. Josie She shook her head to cut him off. Were all human, Rick. Were all imperfect. We all make mistakes…

He was about to agree but she cut him off with a shout, /And some of us just make huge fucking whopper mistakes that go on for years and years and end in catastrophe!/ Rick remained still, his heart banging in his chest. He was terrified.

He was terrified of losing her, and hed only just found her.

You know, Bethmy sistershe got mad at her husband the other day, Josie continued in a much softer voice, still looking out on the ranch. She told him he was as sexy as leftover meat loaf and a terrible father. She told him she didnt like the way he smelled.

Rick wasnt sure if he was expected to comment, so he stayed quiet.

Howie packed up and left, but hell be back, Josie said. People can do really stupid things when theyre depressed or have lost their way, you know?

I know, Rick whispered into her ear.

Howie will forgive her, because he loves her. Theyll work it out. But Beth will have to do her part to earn his trust again.

Rick pulled her tighter and closed his eyes.

Josie sighed. I guess all we can do is wake up every day and start over.

Her voice faltered. So, what I need to know… I guess what Im asking is… Rick felt her breath catch on a sob.

Every day, sweet Josieyoure exactly right about that. He leaned down and left a kiss on her cheek. I wake up every day and I know Im privileged to have one more chance to make things right.

She nodded softly and sniffled.

I can never change the past. All I can do is live today with integrity and balance.

That sounds like a laxative commercial or something, she said, sniffling again.

Rick smiled to himself, realizing how that could sound like mumbo jumbo, though it was anything but. If explaining his own personal credo helped Josie understand himand trust himhe was glad to do it. No matter what else is going on in my life, I wake up every day with the same three objectives: /Do no harm. Dwell in compassion. Train my mind./ If Im following that formula, I know Im living honestly and not ruled by ego or negative thinking.

I see.

I look at it as a daily dose of grace, but thats all it isa twenty-four-hour reprieve from my old ways. And I have a routine that I follow to keep me on track.

Josie turned her head to the side, just barely glancing over her shoulder. What kind of routine?

I abstain from alcohol and drugs, obviously, and I meditate for at least ten minutes a day, sometimes up to an hour.

Wow, Josie said.

I take care of my body with rest, good food, and hard physical work. I connect with nature in some way, every day. I also make a list in my head of all the things Im grateful for first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.

Okay, she whispered.

And, most importantly, I perform one act of service for someone elseit doesnt have to be a big thing, maybe just return somebodys grocery cart or pay their parking ticket or something, but I do it every day and I never do it wanting something in return.

Josie was still in his arms.

It reminds me that were all connected, that my actions affect others.

Rick paused. Im not saying I do any of this perfectly, but I do it.

I understand, she said softly.

You do?

Yes. Its your way of balancing out the damage youve done to yourself and others.

Rick smiled. You do understand.

Josie took a giant breath. Rick felt her rib cage expand under his embrace.

That was a big sigh. Want to tell me what youre thinking?

She turned in his arms, and when her eyes met his, he was immediately flooded with relief. Josie still wanted him. It was written all over her pretty face. She was going to give him a second chance.

Ive been so afraid I was falling for you too fast, that I was repeating my same old pattern, getting all ga-ga for a guy before I even knew who he was.

Rick nodded.

But now I know this isnt the same thing at all, she said, laughing uncomfortably.

No? Rick smiled.

Nopeits worse. Youve just laid out your messed-up life in a high-def, big-screen, surround-sound kind of way, and here I am, falling harder and faster than I did with all those other guys combined!

Oh. Rick lowered his forehead to hers and he held her there, waiting for her breathing to slow. At least you know exactly what youre getting with me, he said.

Ha.

Rick tucked his fingertip under Josies chin and tilted her face. He kissed her. It felt like a first kiss, tentative and sweet and full of hope. Maybe, Rick thought, thats exactly what it wastheir first real, true, intimate kiss.

When their lips separated, Rick asked, Do you want to try this with me?

Do you want to see where our relationship goes?

Yeah, I do. Josies gaze was steady. Do you?

More than anything.

Then thats what well do, she said, giving him a cautious smile. Well follow your formulawe wont hurt one another, well be honest and kind, and well keep our thoughts positive.

He hugged her close.

I cant meditate worth shit, though, she mumbled into his chest.

Well work on that together, he said.

He held her for a long time, all the while thinking, /This is one extraordinary woman./ In the silence of his heart, in the morning sunshine, Rick was grateful for Josie Sheehan and second chances.

Hed covered a lot of ground in a short time. New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana were already behind him. Bennett decided to exit the highway outside a town called Peru, Illinois, grab some lunch, and see if he could spot a coin laundry. He wanted to run some of his new Wal-Mart wardrobe through a wash cycle.

He ate his tuna salad on white from the corner restaurant while his clothes went around and around in the dryer. He couldnt help but notice the young girl at the opposite end of the laundry, alternately watching /Judge Judy/ and staring at him. She looked to be just barely out of high school. Too thin. Dirty blond hair parted in the middle. A top that barely covered the bottom of her small breasts and a pair of jeans that barely covered the crevice of her behind. It was scandalous the way young women dressed these days. When he was a young man, one could only see this much flesh at the beach, in the pages of /Playboy/ magazine, or, if fortunate enough, in the privacy of ones own bed.

Like what you see? We could go to your car.

Bennett blinked, his mouth full of tuna salad. The young lady was sauntering over to him. She leaned a hand on the back of his orange plastic Laundromat chair. Bennett swallowed, then patted his mouth with a thin paper napkin.

I am not interested, he said, looking away.

Her laugh was hoarse, which made sense because her skin and clothingwhat little she woresmelled like the Marlboro Man after a month on the range.

How do you know youre not interested unless you see what youre missing?

She brought her hands to the bottom of her skimpy top, threatening to expose herself.

Bennett jumped from the chair, threw the remnants of his sandwich into the wastebasket, then checked his watch. His clothes had another ten minutes until they were dry, but he would spread them out on the backseat if necessary. He moved toward the bank of dryers.

Oh, come on, old man. Cant get it up anymore? Maybe you just havent been with the right girl As soon as her hand touched his upper arm, he swung open the dryer door, which knocked her away.

Watch it, asshole.

Bennett shoved his damp clothes into his Wal-Mart bag and headed for the door. What was wrong with this world? When had the fairer sex become so hostile? So aggressive? So foulmouthed? When had young girls become sexual predators?

I was going to give it to you for twenty-five, she said from behind him.

Bennett spun wildly, nearly losing his balance. His breath was coming hard.

Change your mind, daddy? The smirk on her face was repugnant.

I had a daughter your age once, he said, feeling dizzy now, hearing his voice waver. Her good-for-nothing boyfriend got her pregnant and then he killed her.

The girls brown eyes squinted and she took a step away from him. Hey, dont freak out on me, grandpa.

Is that what you want for yourself?

She laughed uncomfortably. All I want is twenty-five bucks.

Did you get your diploma?

She blew air out of her lips. What are you, a truant officer or something?

Just how young are you?

Her smirk returned. How young do you want me to be?

The sadness Bennett felt for this girl was so heavy he feared it would crush him to the floor. Was everyone like this? What had happened to them all? Was there no decency left in this whole country?

Where are your parents? he asked.

Fuck off.

Bennett turned, pushed open the Laundromat door, and got in his car. He set his sights on Des Moines by nightfall. If he made it there with his soul intact, hed consider that gravy.

T
his had better be good, Roxie said, standing over Bea with her arms crossed over her chest.

Bea pursed her lips. You wont be disappointed. Sit down, both of you.

Ginger rearranged several stacks of newspapers on Beas desk and made a spot for her latte. Roxie grabbed a chair from one of the sportswriters desks but had to brush off what looked like tortilla chip dust before she took a seat.

We could get in serious trouble for doing private research at the paper, Ginger said, lowering her voice even though the sports department was empty save for the three of them. You know theyre looking for even the tiniest reason to dump us all.

Whats your point? Bea asked.

My point is I hope this doesnt take too long because I have to be somewhere at ten.

Roxie and Bea waited for her to elaborate.

Its nothing. Just a consultation, Ginger said.

Roxies mouth fell open. /Another/ one?

Ginger replied calmly, Lets see how principled you are when its /you/ going through early menopause.

Youre not going through menopause, Bea said, shaking her head and clicking away at the keyboard of her desktop. How many hundreds of people have to tell you that before you believe it?

Ginger made a noise in the back of her throat that conveyed how insulting she found that remark.

Well, its true, Bea said, looking over the tops of the eyeglasses she wore at the computer. Weve gone over this before.

At least a dozen times, Roxie said.

Bea removed her glasses and let them dangle from a chain around her neck. None of your doctorsnot your family physician or your gynecologist or your psychiatrist Psych/ologist,/ Ginger said. Theres a distinct difference.

Okay then, Bea said. Your /shrink/none of these people think youre going through menopause, early or otherwise. You told us they said you have none of the physical symptoms that come with the change of life and that youre a woman in her prime.

I know what their tests show, Ginger said. But its my body and after two kids and seventeen years of marriage, I think I /know/ my body.

Bea shook her head. Fine. This wont take but a minute, Granny Garrison.

She perched the glasses on the bridge of her nose again and went to town on the keyboard. She angled the computer monitor so everyone could see.

Roxie started reading out loud.?Richard Luis Rousseau, D.O.B. October 24, 1973, Newport, Rhode Island. Her eyes scanned down. Graduated from a prep school in Connecticut, business degree from Yale. Whats CPSI of Berkeley, California?

Bea was happy to answer. According to the secretary of states office, CPSI is Celestial Pet Superstores, Incorporated, and Richard Rousseau is listed as the principal.

This guy owns the Celestial Pet stores? Roxie looked impressed. Well, that would explain why he had a driver, I guess.

Isnt that where Josie won the grooming contest? Ginger asked.

Bea nodded.

So /thats/ how they met. Ginger squinted and nodded slowly, piecing it all together.

Yeah, thats Romeo, all right, Roxie said, pointing to the Yale senior portrait displayed on the computer screen. Hes improved with age.

Bea turned the monitor back toward herself. Ill go over the highlightsor lowlightsof our mans biography. Bea cleared her throat. This guy has a couple drug arrests under his belt, including a six-week stay in a Milwaukee jail, and a big ole juicy attempted vehicular homicide charge from 2002.

Jesus! Roxie said. Did it go to trial for homicide? Did he cop a plea?

Bea shook her head. Nocharges were dropped. Just like the drug charges he faced as a nineteen-year-old and then again in Thailand about eight years later. His daddy owned a huge import/export company, made tons of money, and had friends in high and low places. So little Ricky got to forgo the whole pesky justice-system thing.

Gingers eyes went wide. His dad was in the Mafia?

Bea looked over the tops of her spectacles. You watch too much HBO, she said. But, Bea went on, heres the most awful part. In the vehicular homicide incident, this Rousseau guy apparently got wasted at a party and took a girl on a motorcycle ride. They crashed, and the girl went into a coma and she stayed there for seven years!

Ginger brought a hand to her mouth.

She died just a few weeks ago, Bea added. The newspaper coverage was pretty scant, but the girls fathera guy named Bennett Cummingsripped Rousseau a new one right on the front page of the /New York Times/. Take a look.

She turned the monitor so they could read the headline:

RHODE ISLAND MOTORCYCLE TRAGEDY LINKS TWO NEWPORT DYNASTIES

Its a pretty wild storyseems the Rousseaus and the Cummingses were yacht-club types and had known each other forever. The accident basically ruined everyones lives. Rousseau was in the hospital for months. His father died of a stroke while Rick was in rehab. The girl withered away to nothing in a nursing home.

Ginger blinked back tears. God, thats just awful.

Roxie jolted straight up in her chair. And this is the guy whos dating our Josie?

Bea pulled her mouth tight, as if she were going to cry as well. Thats him.

Weve got to warn her! Ginger stood up. This is terrible! This guys worse than that pothead, whats-his-name!

Wayne? Roxie offered.

Ginger shook her head.

Billy? Randy? Spike?

Thats him, she said. So what do we do now?

Bea leaned back in her office chair. Do you guys know where Josie is this weekend?

Roxie and Ginger looked to each other and shook their heads. Ginger sat back down, deflated.

God, I feel awful, Roxie said, dropping her head. Ive been so caught up in my own drama that I havent even called her. Maybe shes at her parents?

Bea shook her head. I called them.

Ginger was aghast. You did?

Bea nodded. Then I called her sister, Beth, and after delivering her version of /Can This Marriage Be Saved?/ she finally got around to telling me she had no idea where Josie was.

I would just die if anything happened to her, Roxie said. Did you try her cell?

Bea rolled her eyes. Of course I did. Shes not picking up.

The three women sat in silence for a moment.

You know, I think I really need to say something at this juncture. Roxie looked at her friends. This Rick Rousseau dude was a lowlife, I got that. But that was seven years ago. Maybe hes changed. Maybe he really regrets what happened and has straightened up. He seemed like a very nice guy the other night in front of her apartment.

Ginger nodded. Hes a corporate CEO now, after all.

Bea winced. News flashlowlife and corporate CEO are not mutually exclusive occupations.

Well, sure, Ginger acknowledged. But nobodys said what were supposed to do with all this information. Do we act on it? Do we warn Josie? Do we wait and see what happens? What?

I think it all boils down to how we see Josie, Roxie offered. If we think shes going into this relationship fully informed and with a level headand that shes capable of taking care of herselfthen we should back off and let her handle it.

They all stared at each other.

Theres always the back-door approach, Bea said, a sparkle in her eye.

Ginger shook her head. Ive got a real bad feeling about this.

I havent said anything yet! Bea protested.

Yeah, but youre going to, and I dont think Im going to like it.

Just hear me out, Ginger. You too, Roxie. Bea leaned forward in her chair and rested her elbows on her knees. She looked like a womans basketball coach dispensing orders in a sideline huddle.

Lets say we bypass Josie and go right to the source of the problemRick Rousseau himself. Lets say we approach himin a nonconfrontational way, of courseand tell him were on to him, that we know who he is and what hes done.

Roxie frowned. Id hate to see what you consider nonconfrontational, Bea.

Maybe we could all go for drinks? Or even dinner? Ginger sounded markedly more enthusiastic.

Oh, right, Roxie said, laughing. We just introduce ourselves as Josies psychotically nosy coworkers and tell him we want to interrogate him to see if hes worthy of our friend. Now thats an offer any man would jump at!

Bea looked up from her crouch, smiling. This is a first, ladies! I do believe were all on the same page.

For a woman whod had precious little sleep the night before, Josie was damn near perky all day Saturday. It was probably the newness of everythingthe staggering beauty of the ranch, the way Rick looked at her and touched her, Rosas food. Honestly, the womans homemade cinnamon rolls made Josie see the face of God, and her chicken enchiladas with mole were nearly as sensual as Ricks bedtime story. Josie decided that before she left on Sunday evening, shed ask Rosa if she had a recipe for eggplant Parmesan.

She and Rick spent the entire day walking and talking their way through the ranch, taking breaks only for lunch and an afternoon snack of lemonade and Rosas fresh-baked oatmeal raisin cookies. Within the first five minutes of her tour, Josie knew the word ranch didnt do justice to the place. The word conjured up images of the old TV show /Dallas/a flat, brown, fenced-in world with big, bleached horns of Texas Longhorns mounted over the fireplace. Ricks place was the Garden of Eden in comparison.

He showed her everything. The tour of the main house began right after breakfast, sixteen rooms on two floors that managed to combine history with modern comfort. All of the guest rooms featured antiques, though none were as spectacular as those in Ricks suite. He told Josie whythose furnishings once belonged to Madame Toulouse herself.

We have a lot to live up to in that bed, Rick said, with a laugh.

The great room on the first floor featured several worn leather couches grouped around a huge stone fireplace. The walls were decorated with bits of the ranchs historyframed pages from Madames diary of household purchases, early sepia-hued photographs of men with handlebar mustaches standing with their horses and carts in front of the house. There were also dozens of oil paintings from Sonomas most respected painters. Josie was particularly intrigued by a painting of two lovers, sneaking a kiss in a vineyard at dusk. Something about the tenderness in the mans embrace made her sigh.

Romantic, huh? Rick stood at Josies side as she studied the painting.

Its one of my favorites.

Josie slowly turned her head to look at Rick. She might as well admit itshe was in love with him. At that moment, he was focused only on her, as if she were all that mattered. She loved that. She wanted more of that.

Its not just the paintingthis whole place screams romance, she said. You should rent it out for weddings.

That suggestion seemed to please Rick. A huge smile spread over his face. You aint seen nothing yet, he said, grabbing her by the hand and taking her outside.

He walked her around the first-floor veranda, where wicker tables, chairs, and rockers were grouped under huge ceiling fans. Ropes of wisteria twisted and tangled their way through the wrought-iron railing.

When Rick took her arm and guided her down the front steps and onto the lawn, Josie was awestruck at the vision. The thick green carpet sloped hundreds of feet in front of the house and ended at a stone wall that divided lawn from vineyard. Beyond the wall was a line of live oaks, and beyond that was nothing but pure Sonoma Valley vistascraggy mountains and green vineyards as far as the eye could see. Samhain Ranch was more than a retreat, it was a world unto itself.

The dogs stayed close, running and wrestling and sniffing. I think Genghis is going to turn up his nose at Dolores Park after being here for a weekend, Josie said.

He can come as often as he likes. Rick looked down at her, smiling.

Those were the same green eyes that had mesmerized Josie from the moment she saw him. But today his eyes seemed deeper, darker. Maybe it was because she knew him now, she knew who he was.

Rick gave her a tour of gardens overflowing with herbs, tomatoes, raspberries, and figs, plus a variety of trees, including apple, lime, and lemon. He showed her the delphiniums, and the hollyhocks, roses, ferns, snapdragons, geraniums, and dozens of plants with names Josie couldnt remember five seconds after Rick told her. He took her hand and pulled her up to stand on the stone wall, then pointed out over the rolling hills of grapes. He explained to Josie how the vineyards were laid out and how each area would yield grapes destined for a particular type of wine. He took her through the olive grove and said she could take home cases of their olive oil if she wanted. He took her on a tour of the pool and pool house, plus the tennis and basketball courts, where they found Teeny shooting hoops and listening to his iPod.

Beautiful morning, Teeny said, removing his earbuds. He stood in place and bounced the basketball, catching his breath. Josie caught the way Teenys eyes flashed with a question when he scanned Ricks face.

The most beautiful in recent memory, Rick said to his friend. Want to take a stroll with us?

Nah, you two dont need me tagging along. Teeny smiled at Josie. So you like the place?

Yes, Josie said simply, knowing superlatives werent needed. I sure do.

Next, they hiked up to the staff housing at the far north edge of the ranch, a line of about a dozen small houses with tiny well-kept yards.

It was where Rosa and her husband and children and their children lived.

It looked like a miniature subdivision, Josie thought.

Rick showed her the charming three-bedroom guest cottage and the newer barna huge structure divided into a section for cars and farm vehicles and a section that had become Ricks custom-made gym. Rick offered to take her through a workout, but with one glance at the free weights, she asked for a rain check.

Next he took her to the horse barn, where she met Tom, the only cat on the ranch who liked people. He rubbed up against her ankle and purred, undeterred even when Genghis sniffed and poked at him with his paw. Then they went out to the pasture to meet the horsesa paint, two Appaloosas, and three quarter horses. Rick saddled up a couple of the mild-mannered geldings and they took an hour-long trail ride, Chen and Tara tagging along happily. Genghis kept his distance from the intimidating beasts.