Aint too proud to beg sfdg-1 (19 page)

No, though I truly believe I failed you on that count. She took a sip from her tiny cup. Its about me, Rick. You cant be oblivious to the fact thatsince I laid eyes on youIve wanted you to want /me/.

Rick was surprised. After five years of innuendo, he wasnt prepared for a direct hit like that. Yes, Im aware of that.

But you never did want me, did you? She asked it without anger and waited patiently for him to answer.

No. I didnt.

Why? Gwen entwined her hands into a tight ball and tapped the table. Id like to know.

Rick pondered that for a moment, then said, I saw everything you were, Gwena beautiful, accomplished, brilliant woman. But none of it appealed to me.

She laughed hard, pointing her chin to the ceiling as she howled.

Im being honest with you, Rick said, admitting that what hed just said did sound pretty ridiculous. I wanted nothing to do with womennot after what Id done to Margot. It took me a long time to trust myself again, to trust myself with a woman.

Gwen sat with that information, looking down at her hands, then all around the cafй. Eventually her gaze returned to Rick. Theres something Ive wanted to ask you for years.

Nows the time, he said, giving her a friendly smile.

She didnt smile back. Do I remind you of Margot? Is that why you had no interest in me?

Rick fell back against the cafй chair, raising his eyebrows in consideration. It was true that both women were elegant, tall, slim, blue-eyed blondes. But Gwen was far more reserved in her personality, while Margot had been a party girl. Yet, Gwen had a point.

Maybe a little, he conceded.

She nodded. So tell me about her.

Rick frowned, not following the conversation. Margot?

No, silly, Gwen said, playfully slapping Ricks forearm. Josie. Your girlfriend. Tell mewhy her and why now?

He got goose bumps. Gwen had no way of knowing about Josie.

Fine, I admit it, she said with a shrug. When I left my resignation on your desk I saw her background file lying right there on top of everythingcolor photo and all. Gwen gave him a smile. So fire me.

Rick was angryat himself. It had been an oversight to leave that out for anyone to see, but as he recalled, his thoughts Friday afternoon had been on how to get Josie to the ranch for the weekend, not on tidying up his workspace.

Im all ears, Rick, she continued. If beauty, brains, and success didnt do it for you, Id sure like to know what did.

Rick shut his eyes for an instant, drudging up patience he didnt feel.

What was the best way to tell Gwen that hed found a woman who surpassed her on all those counts, and more?

Come on, please explain it to me, Gwen said. I am dying to know what kind of key it took to unlock the virtuous Rick Rousseau. Her smile did nothing to hide her angry sarcasm.

She fits me, Gwen. Rick wanted this to be quick and kind, but stern. He wanted to put an end to this conversation. We chose one another. Why is a private matter between Josie and me. Im in love with her. I know you will find a way to respect that.

After a flash of bewilderment, Gwens expression returned to the blank pleasantness she usually displayed. She reached for her bag.

I wish you nothing but happiness, she said. If you need my assistance finding a replacement, Id be happy to help.

Thank you. Rick stood up when Gwen did. Good luck to you, Gwen. He held out his hand.

She took it. She kept her hand linked to his for just a second longer than she should have. Rick ended the contact.

Looking slightly embarrassed, she asked, I can still count on you for a recommendation?

Anytime.

Good-bye, Rick.

She walked through the cafй, out the door, and past Teeny without acknowledging his presence. When Rick arrived on the sidewalk a moment later, Teeny was laughing.

Whats so funny?

Oh, you know, he said, letting go with a great sigh. I was just thinking what excellent taste you have in women.

Rick felt his face expand in a smile. Will you be my best man?

Teeny looked down at him, his eyebrows arched high on his forehead. On your wedding day and every other day, he said.

Feel like hitting Tiffany?

Teeny laughed. I thought youd never ask.

Id like to keep going if you dont mind.

You wanna drive all night? LaShelle looked shocked by Bennetts suggestion. You got a woman waiting for you in San Francisco or something?

Bennett had to laugh. No. It did give him pause, however, that LaShelle had begun to ask questions. Perhaps giving her a ride had been a mistake. Maybe he should have dropped her at the closest bus station and been done with her.

Didnt mean to pry, LaShelle said, pursing her lips. Its just that were a long way from Rhode Island.

We are, Bennett said.

So, you got family in California?

Just someone I know. Its business, really.

LaShelle wiggled her head around on her neck, disdain in her eyes.

Something aint right about you, Benny.

He let go with a little laugh of surprise, but in his gut he felt apprehension. We all have our imperfections, he said.

LaShelle nodded. Uh-huh, well, lets start with your clothes.

Bennett was offended. What in the world is wrong with my clothes?

She rolled her eyes. Number one, they aint you. You look like youre dressed up for Halloween or some shit. You dont belong in those clothes.

Nothing about the picture fits together.

Oh, really. He was becoming quite amused by the exchange.

Come on now, Benny. A man who carries himself the way you do, talks like you, has table manners like you? And a haircut and nails like yours?

LaShelle looked him up and down. Youre in good shape for an old man, and its not the rough hands and hard work kinda shape, either. I bet you work out with a personal trainer.

Interesting theory, he said.

And /that/ kind of man dont appear in public in a monster truck T-shirt, drivin a trifling Buick with a Mexican flag hangin off the rearview.

Bennett chuckled softly. Well, I certainly appreciate the compliment, if thats what it was.

Ha! LaShelle crossed her arms over her chest. That wasnt no compliment.

What Im saying is, Im on to you, Benny. Dont know what it is, but I know youre a man on a mission and you sit over there every day, mile after mile, stewing over it.

Im just trying to get where I need to go.

Uh-huh. LaShelle sighed. Anyway, I dont want to get all up in your business. All I know is you wouldnt hurt a fly, Benny. Thats really the only thing I care about.

Bennett gulped. Thank you for your vote of confidence.

LaShelle laughed.

They sat in silence for about five miles, when out of the quiet came the voice of an angel.?Hes a man on a mission/Sent to make things right/Drivin as far as he has to/ If it takes the rest of his life. The words were followed by her humming a bittersweet melody.

Whats the name of that songand dont tell me its?Big Shit Poppin.

She giggled. I dont know what the name is. I just made it up.

Bennett was no expert on popular music. His tastes ran more to Mahlers /Fifth Symphony./ But he knew a lovely singing voice and a catchy melody when he heard them, and hed just heard them from LaShelle.

Can you sing more? Maybe even finish what you just started?

LaShelle reached between her feet into her backpack and pulled out a ragged spiral notebook, covered in doodles and lettering that looked like street graffiti. I got about seventy songs in here that I wrote.

You pick a topic and I probably wrote a song about it.

Good God, he thought. He just might be sitting in the car with the worlds next Diana Ross! Upon closer examination of the notebook cover, he learned he was sitting next to LaShelle Davis, 112 College Avenue, Apt. 10, Indianapolis, Indiana.

Bennett cleared his throat. Have you written anything about a fathers love for his daughter, by any chance?

LaShelle cocked her head away from him in surprise. Damn if you didnt pick the one subject I know nothing about.

They drove all night. LaShelle sang a selection of music ranging from gospel hymns to country and western ballads, many of which shed written herself. Bennett felt his heart stir when she sang a Billie Holiday song. He was grateful the darkness hid his face.

After they stopped for a quick bite to eat and a fill-up, LaShelle turned on the passenger-side light and finished writing the song shed started hours earlier. She sang it in its entirety, then said, Its called?The Ballad of Big Bad Benny.

He laughed, and she joined him. Bennett hadnt laughed like that in yearsseven years, to be precise.

They reached Reno at about two A.M. LaShelle had slept for a few hours and woke up refreshed. They had breakfast, filled up again, and were heading back to the car.

Toss me the keys, Benny, LaShelle said. You kick back for a while. Well be in San Francisco before you know it.

Bennett didnt know what had come over him, but he gave her the keys. You have to fiddle with the shift when you put it in reverse, he warned her.

Once back on the highway, he was asleep in minutes.

T
here wasnt much spring in anyones step that morning. They sat listless under a palm tree at Dolores Park, watching the dogs play. Roxanne shared her bad news first: After her lawyer said she had no recourse if fired, shed decided to quit the paper before they axed her. Ginger went next: Her son had gone from honor student to juvenile delinquent overnight, and she felt like the worlds worst mother. Bea then admitted she felt weighed down with the knowledge that they had to act on Josies behalf, and soon.

Ill do it by myself if youd prefer, Bea told them, noting their lack of enthusiasm. I can handle it alone.

Roxanne shook her head. No doubt, but we dont want this Rousseau guy pissed at Josie.

I can be as subtle as the next person, Bea said.

You have many wonderful qualities, Ginger said, but youre about as subtle as a two-by-four upside the head.

Bea sniffed. Fine. Then well do it together. But you have to be ready to roll when I tell you were on. Can you do that?

Ginger nodded faintly.

Roxanne sighed. In a couple days, my schedule will be as open as it could possibly get for a human beingno job, no one to date, no reason to live.

Ginger patted Roxie on the shoulder. Listen, if it makes you feel any better, I heard a rumor that theyre going to cut half the editorial staff in the weekend and features departments, so I may be next.

I heard that, too, Bea said. But I didnt want to upset you.

Ginger laughed. How could it upset me? I dont have any more?upset left in my tank! My husband left me for a girl I swear still wears a training bra. My sons are headed to death row. And Im starting to get jowls.

Bea groaned. Please spare us.

I am! Look! Ginger raised her chin and patted the underside of her jaw with the top of her hand. Im starting to look like Hillary Clinton in the last days of her primary campaign!

The air filled with cracking sounds when Roxanne stretched her neck.

Sorry. Just getting rid of some tension, she said apologetically.

All right, then. We need a strategy, Bea said.

In a weary voice, Roxanne said, What do you have in mind?

Do you have any suggestions?

Roxie looked up, sighing. Yeah, Bea. My suggestion is we drop this whole thing before we alienate Josie forever. This is her life were fucking with. She has a right to privacy. She has a right to choose the man she wants to have a relationship with. I just cant wrap my brain around how this is okay to do to my best friend.

Bea nodded gravely. I have an answer for that.

You have an answer for everything, Ginger offered.

Rick Rousseau is not a Spike or a Randy or a Billy or a Lloyd, Bea said.

Those guys were losers and jerks, but compared to Rick Rousseau, theyre Eagle Scouts. She stopped and wrapped her arms snug around her knees, lowering her voice. Rousseau is bad news. Hes a drug addict. His girlfriends have a tendency to end up in comas. But I really think the combination of his money and his looks has Josie blinded.

That would be awful, Ginger said.

This is Josies pattern, Bea continued. She brings a guy she barely knows into her life and expects happily ever after. The worst thats happened so far is that the guy breaks Josies heart and steals a few of her kitchen utensils. But her latest boyfriend is on a whole new level of rotten.

Roxanne nodded. Fine. Lets just get it over with.

Bea smiled with relief. Ive been thinking that Rousseau would have too many opportunities to cancel on us if we made plans in advance, you know, like if we invited him for a drink or something. Bea waited for feedback, but didnt get any. So Im thinking we just surprise him.

Roxanne raised an eyebrow. Like run up to him on the street and yell /boo/?

Bea wasnt amused. We know where his office is and we know he goes to Josies, right? So how about we wait for him to show up at one of those places, and catch him before he goes inside?

You mean another stakeout? Ginger asked, obviously not loving the idea.

Dont you think its a little dicey to ambush a CEO at his own corporate headquarters? Roxanne asked. Security tends to frown on that kind of thing.

Then Josies place it is, Bea said.

When? Ginger and Roxanne asked in stereo.

Keep your phones with you at all times. Ill let you know.

About fifty miles outside of San Francisco, LaShelle went silent.

Bennett tried to engage her in conversation a few times, and failed each time. She was a fine driver, hed noticed, and anyone else would assume she was concentrating on the increased traffic. He knew better.

She was gazing into the black hole of her future.

We should probably stop and get some rest, he said. Pull off at the next hotel you think might work.

But its almost morning. Were almost there.

Bennett nodded. Tomorrows a big day. We should get some rest and a nice hot shower, maybe wash our clothes.

LaShelle glanced over at him, her eyes sparkling in the darkness. I dont know why you decided to help me back in Nebraska, but I appreciate that you did. Thank you, Benny.

Youre welcome, he said, suddenly fighting back a wave of sadness. He would miss her, he realized. Shed been good company. Maybe one day she would come to visit him in prison. I know youre going to make it, LaShelle. I am sure of it.

She nodded curtly. Heres a place, she said, taking the exit to a Hampton Inn.

LaShelle was equally taciturn later that afternoon as they drove into the city. Eventually she asked, Do you have any ideas about a good place to drop me?

I do, Bennett said.

I really hate to ask you this, after all youve done for me Ill give you enough money to get started, he said. It would be my pleasure.

LaShelles tears streamed down her face. I think fifty ought to do it, she whispered. I can take it from there.

Bennett smiled and nodded. Fifty it is.

He followed the signs to the San Francisco International Airport and parked in the short-term lot. LaShelle frowned at him. You leaving me here?

Not exactly. Get your bag, please.

Bennett opened the trunk and pulled out the little package hed prepared for LaShelle that morninga check for a million dollars, drawn from his private account, stuffed into a Hampton Inn envelope along with information the bank would require to verify the transaction. The envelope was tucked into the freshly laundered monster truck T-shirt, tied with a string hed found in the glove compartment. Bennett shoved the bundle into his flannel shirt, closed the trunk, and went around to where LaShelle leaned up against the Buick.

Do you have ID?

One of her eyebrows rose high on her golden-brown forehead. You Homeland Security now?

Bennett laughed, linking his arm with hers and urging her ahead. No, but those very same gentlemen will require you to have identification to board a plane, and thats what youre going to do.

She ripped her arm away from him. You are /not/ putting me on a plane back to Indianapolis! Im not going back there! I dont care if I have to work at Taco Bells from here to MexicoI aint never going back to that hellhole!

Bennett nodded soberly, knowing hed reacted similarly the last time business required travel to the Hoosier state. Of course not. Im putting you on a plane to Los Angeles.

Her eyes went huge.

Isnt that where you were headed, LaShelle?

She swallowed hard, nodding.

Then thats where youll go. He held out his elbow again. Shall we?

Bennett paid cash for her ticket at the Virgin America counter. He walked with her to security, but before they parted, he handed her fifty dollars in cash. Here you go, he said.

She took the money, folded it, and put it in her front pocket. LaShelle kissed his left cheek. The kiss matched her voiceit was that of an angel.

Id like you to have this, too. Bennett pulled out the prepared package.

Just a little something to remember me by.

LaShelle looked at the monster truck T-shirt and laughed, shaking her head. Youre such a nerd, Big Bad Benny. He watched her shove the shirt inside her backpack and zip it closed. He sighed with relief.

Well. She looked around anxiously. I should probably go.

You should.

Is there some way I can reach you? Id like to pay you back the fifty as soon as I get settled.

Bennett shook his head. Everything Ive given you today is a gift, not a loan. If the nature of my gift should shock you, please be advised that its the real thing.

She frowned. You talking about the cash or the T-shirt? she asked.

Both. He touched her hand. Theres only one thing I ask of you.

LaShelle cocked her head. Whats that?

Bennett said the words to LaShelle that hed never once uttered to his own daughter. Never give up on your dream. Promise me youll never give up.

She looked surprised, but smiled. Okay. I promise.

LaShelle hugged him quickly and disappeared into the human cattle call that was airport security. He caught her eye one last time and waved good-bye. She waved back. Bennett retrieved his suitcase from the trunk of the Skylark before he headed to the car rental lot and the end of life as he knew it.

Josie hadnt yet used any vacation days for the year, so after her deadline Tuesday afternoon, she asked her city editor for the rest of the week off. I could really use a few personal days, she told Ken.

He looked baffled. To do /what/?

Personal stuff, Josie said, trying not to be offended that her boss assumed she had nothing to do. Of course, she wasnt going to correct him. Ken didnt need to know she planned to sleep, do laundry, go to the grocery, finally take Genghis in for his first free grooming, and spend some time with her sisterall the stuff she hadnt gotten around to because shed been having nonstop incredible sex with the man she loved.

Plus she wanted to have that man over to her place for dinner again Thursday night. He said he had a surprise for her.

You never take personal days, Ken said, still confused.

Yes or no, Ken. Josie put a fist on her hip.

Ken swung around in his desk chair and tapped on the computer, checking the newsroom staffing schedule. Yeah, sure. Looks like I can pull one of the interns off night cops and have them cover for you. You expecting anybody interesting to die this week?

She laughed. Im an obituary writer, Ken. Not a psychic.

Well, go have fun. Just swear to me youll be back Monday.

Josie rubbed her fingers on her temples and pretended to go into a trance. I see myself on Monday… back at my desk… gulping bad newsroom coffee… looking harried and overworked…

Thats my girl, Ken said.

On her way to her car, she had the most wonderful realization: Josephine Agnes Sheehan had a life! She was taking personal days! She was happy!

Josie smiled to herself, pleased that if she were to drop dead right that minute, at least thered be something to write about.