Aligned: Volume 4 (6 page)

I glance up at Landon who, to my surprise, seems to be falling in love with it too. I thought he would want something modern. Something more manly. Something closer to his condo, but he seems to be falling for the charm of this place just like I am. I glance out the window to a large yard in the back. I see a small tire swing hanging from one of the large oak trees.
 

I try to imagine Landon pushing a kid on that swing while I read a book on the bench, occasionally glancing up to see them smiling and laughing together. I could imagine it. I could imagine a life without pain. A life without my past. A life that is just about us.
 

He left me alone in the dark.
 

He left me on my own to deal

With my own pain, hurt, and loss.
 

I hated leaving Alex, but I had to. I have another concert in Dallas that was already booked. While Alex has to stay and move us into our new home.
 

I smile thinking about it. I didn’t think I would like the home. I thought I wanted something big and grand. Something that showed off how hard we both worked for our money. Something that proved that I was never going back to living the way that both of us grew up. With nothing. But something about that cottage just felt right. It felt like a home instead of just a mansion. I’m happy she convinced me to try it out and not just because she loves it. I love it too.
 

I glance at Drew riding in the back of the SUV with me. He hasn’t said a word. Not one fucking word to me since we got on our flight out of here. He hasn’t even been on his phone like usual. Instead, he just stares out his window in a trance. I know I haven’t been the best brother lately. I’ve been focused on Alex, then Caroline, then Alex, then Caroline again. I have no idea what’s going on with Drew’s life. I have no idea.
 

We used to spend a lot of time together, but other than our business trips, we haven’t spent any time together since I met Alex. I should really make more of an effort, but I can’t. Not while I’m still trying to figure out what I’m going to do about Caroline. Or what I’m going to tell Alex.
 

Dallas is hard, though. It’s hard on both of us. It’s where we grew up. It’s where our father is.
 

“How are you holding up?”
 

“Fine,” Drew says without looking at me.
 

“Are you going to see him?”
 

That gets his attention.
 

“I don’t know. Are you?”
 

I shrug. “I’ve been thinking about it. It’s been almost ten years. I think it’s time.”
 

“Yeah, maybe.”
 

I sit back in my seat and stare out at the buildings as the Dallas skyline comes into view.
 

“I know,” he says after a long break in the conversation.

“You know what?”
 

“I know why Caroline was at your concert in Chicago.”
 

I glance up at our driver, and Drew follows my gaze. He won’t say anything, not with the driver here. It doesn’t matter how many non-disclosure agreements we have our employees sign. Things this dirty always get out. Always.
 

We can’t take that chance. I know Drew won’t rat me out.
 

“It’s true.”
 

“I know it is. What are you going to do?”
 

I rub my hand on the back of my neck. “I’m not sure, Drew. I really fucked up this time. I don’t know what to do.”
 

He sighs. “Yeah, you fucked up ... Just don’t hurt her.”
 

“Which one?”

“Both, I guess.”

I turn my attention from Drew and back to the window. I don’t know how that is possible. I don’t know how to keep from hurting Alex or Caroline. I just hope I don’t end up hurting them both.
 

When I let her come up for air, I expect her to tell me this is wrong. That this is a mistake. Instead, she licks her lips, begging for more.
 

I pick up the blue phone at the same time my father does on the other side of the visitor’s glass in the jail. He looks old. Much older than the last time I saw him. He looks worn down. He looks empty. At least, he’s sober. If it weren’t for him being arrested and thrown in prison, he would be dead. I have no doubt about that.
 

“Wow, both of my sons visit in one day. Ain’t I a lucky man.” His voice is crass as he speaks into the phone.
 

My lips remain in a firm grimace as I stare at the man who fathered me. Not that he did much to take care of us since the day we were born.
 

“What are you doing here, son? Come here to yell at me like your brother did?”
 

I flinch when he says the word son. I hate that I am his son. I’m surprised Landon came to see him. Even though he said he would, I doubted it. I guess the need to yell at Father for his fucked-up life was strong enough.
 

“You deserve to be yelled at, though,” I say even though I’m still mad at Landon.
 

“Like hell, I do! I’m still your father, you ungrateful little shit. I deserved to be visited more than once every ten years.”

I glare at my father. “This was a mistake coming here. I don’t know what coming here was supposed to solve. I just thought...”
 

“You thought coming to see your old man would make you feel better about yourself. You thought seeing me like this would make your troubles seem small in comparison to me.”
 

He spits on the ground. “I won’t give you the satisfaction. See, I got fifteen months left, maybe half with good behavior, and then I’m out of here. I can start my life over again. I’ll leave my troubles behind. My troubles are here in prison, but out there, I have no troubles. You, though. Your troubles will follow you wherever you go. Just like Landon’s.”
 

I frown. I forgot that his sentence is almost up. It makes no difference, though. This will be the last time I see him. The last time. I don’t need to go through this again. He’s the reason Landon and I had no childhood. He’s the reason we fought for everything we have. His genes are the reason Landon destroyed everything. His genes are the reason we can never drink or end up like him. A monster. He’s the reason Landon is a monster.
 

“I know about Landon’s secret.”
 

“What?”
 

“I know what he did to that man.” He smirks as my eyes grow wide with fear. Fear for my brother.
 

“It’s a wonder he didn’t end up in the jail cell right next to me.”
 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
 

He smiles. “Sure, I do. Don’t worry. I won’t talk. I’m not that much of a monster, no matter what you think. What I want to know, though, is how can you forgive him for what he did, but not me?”
 

“Because Landon has always been there for me. He’s made mistakes, but he was always a good brother. Unlike you.”

“I was a better father than either of you deserved.” He shakes his head. “But that’s not why Landon came here. He made a second mistake. A much bigger mistake in his eyes, and he blames me for it.”
 

“Except he can’t blame me for it. See, I haven’t been a part of your lives for over ten years.”
 

“But what I don’t know is why
you
came here?”
 

I raise my eyes to meet my father’s for the last time. I’ve carried the pain and guilt with me long enough. I thought I was never a good enough son. I thought that’s why he didn’t love me. I thought if only I could be better. If only we were able to make something of ourselves, then he would love us.
 

But that isn’t the case. He’s a monster. Whether he turned that way after my mother’s death or before, I will never know. But my father is gone.
 

“I came here to say good-bye. I don’t need you hanging over my head anymore. I won’t come see you again. I don’t want you to come asking for money after you get out. You are nothing to me. You are nothing to Landon. Good-bye, Father.”
 

I hesitate a second before hanging up the phone and watch as his lips slowly curl up.
 

“You are just like your brother.” He shakes his head. “This isn’t good-bye. You’ll be back. Just like Landon. You’ll both be back. I’m the only family you’ve got.”
 

I smirk. “You’re wrong. I have more family than you know.”
 

I hang up the phone before he can respond. I have plenty of family. I have Landon even when he pisses me off. I know nothing will ever change our relationship. Not like my relationship with my father. And I have a niece or nephew on the way. What more could I need?
 

65. The number of days it took to find a waitressing job.
 

I spent the weekend moving new furniture into the house. We both decided that neither of our furniture would feel right in our home that we share together. So I bought new, cozy furniture for the house.
 

The only things we moved from our condos were personal things. Clothes and pictures mainly. My camera. And a couple of Landon’s guitars.
 

He’s keeping his condo with Drew for now until Drew decides where he wants to live. He’ll eventually move his studio from the condo into one of the bedrooms leaving only one left to be filled with ...

I’m not going there. I can’t. Not again. Not until my past has been reconciled can I think about the future.
 

I glance out the front window to see if Landon has made it back yet. He hasn’t. All I see is Tessie sitting on the dirt driveway. I smile. Landon is going to hate having Silvia sit outside in the dirt when he is used to parking her in grand parking garages. If we stay here, we will have to build a garage. There is enough land for it, but in the meantime, Landon will squirm every time there is a little rain getting Silvia wet. I don’t think he was thinking about that when we bought this house.
 

I walk back to the living room feeling the flash drives in my pocket as I do. I’m surprised I haven’t heard from Ethan yet. I figured he would be impatient. I figured he would want an answer immediately or threaten to release whatever was on the flash drive. He hasn’t. He hasn’t tried to contact me, not once, but I know my time is running out. I know he will. I just don’t know when. And I don’t know what he is doing in the meantime, which makes him all the more dangerous.
 

My first step isn’t to deal with him, though. My first step is to find the evidence that will free James. That’s going to be tough. Ethan has video evidence, even though it isn’t real. I need to talk to Curt and Nick, the other security Ethan hired. They might know more. They might be willing to testify on James’ behalf.
 

I hear the engine of Landon’s car roar as it makes its way up to our house. My heart rate picks up in anticipation of Landon coming home. To
our
home for the first time.
 

I meet Landon at the door just as he opens the door. My breath catches at the sight of him. His face is drained of all color. He looks tired and run down. He runs his hand through his hair as his eyes drift up to meet mine. He smiles when he sees me, but the smile wavers. What happened in Dallas?
 

He drops his suitcase at the door before moving deliberately toward me. His eyes stay firmly on mine and mine never leave his. Neither of us speaks. Neither of us is ready to spill our secrets. Instead, our bodies collide as Landon’s lips land on mine with the same desperation as before he left for Dallas. The kiss overwhelms my body as shivers alight every nerve in my body. My hands find his neck as I hang on for dear life, the kiss getting more desperate.
 

His hands are urgent as they travel over my body. Before landing on my hips. He lifts me and I wrap one leg around him as he carries me to the living room never releasing my lips as he moves.
 

We fall onto the new couch I bought, but his eyes don’t look around to see how the place looks now. His hungry eyes instead travel down my body to my breasts that are begging to be touched beneath my plain white t-shirt. His eyes travel further down my body to my jean shorts, to my leg. When his eyes meet mine again, I see even more hunger. I see even more need. And I need it just as much. I need to feel loved. And I need to feel the pain. I need to feel it all. I need to feel everything that he will give me.
 

I tug at his t-shirt and pull it up his back and then over his head. I dig my nails into his back as I do. He retaliates by biting my neck until I’m sure a small mark will form there. Harder than he ever has before, but it’s not enough for me. I need more pain.
 

“Fuck, Landon. More,” I say as I hold his head on my neck waiting for him to bite me again. He doesn’t, though. Instead, he grabs my ass and slaps it hard. Harder than he has before and I cry out in pain and pleasure. I force my eyes shut to keep a tear at bay that formed from the sting of the pain. I don’t want him to see because I don’t want him to stop.
 

“More,” I say when my breathing has slowed.
 

I feel his hips press hard into me until I can feel his cock pushing against me through our layers of clothes. I see his face darken as he grabs my shirt and rips it in two.
 

“You want more?”
 

“Yes,” I breathe.
 

“You want me to fuck you and mark you so that everyone will know you are mine.”
 

“Yes.”
 

His hand finds my breasts squeezing them hard. Harder than any limits we have crossed before.