Aligned: Volume 4 (2 page)

I run faster and faster until I can barely breathe. Until my feet can’t move me any faster. Until each step becomes painful again.
 

I need evidence. I need evidence that Ethan tried to kill me. Twice. I got the evidence before. I reach into my pocket, feeling the flash drive there. I got it before, so I can get it again. Then when I have enough to nail him for all three crimes, I will go to the police. I’ll find the police officer that Ethan doesn’t have in his corner. But not until then.
 

I can’t tell Landon my plan. He would never be okay with me putting myself at risk. Even though my life has been at risk every day since I met Ethan. I just didn’t know it. He would hire untold amounts of security to keep me safe. He would move us across the country to keep me away from him. He might even go after Ethan. He might kill him. None of those options are good. I don’t want protection. I don’t want to run. And I don’t want Landon to ruin his life.
 

No, I have to do this myself. But is Ethan spending the rest of his life in jail going to be enough to satisfy my revenge? What if he doesn’t get life? What if he gets out on bail? What if he gets out after ten, twenty, thirty years? He’ll come after me. He’ll come after Landon. He’ll come after any family I have.
 

I force my legs to move farther even though they are tired. Far too tired. I need to keep running until I get all of the anger out of my body. I soon realize that may mean I have to keep running every second for the rest of my life. I finally let my legs slow until I am just walking. Until I can breathe again. Until the pain is gone.
 

I exhale deeply. He only raped me once. Although now it feels like he raped me over and over again. He raped me every time since. I didn’t know who I was fucking when I was saying yes. He was taking my freedom each time.
 

He tried to kill me twice. Both times to keep his secret. To keep the world from knowing that he raped me.
 

I smile. He failed. He failed twice at killing me. But I know what I’ll do now. I’ll get the evidence to free the men who don’t deserve to pay, and then I’ll kill him. And unlike Ethan, when I try to kill him, I won’t fail. He’ll be dead.
 

At three years old

I lost my faith.
 

I remember it

Like it was yesterday.
 

“It’s yours,” Caroline says.
 

My heart stops. My world stops. I had everything that I could ever want. I had Alex. I had an amazing career. I had money. I had Drew. Now, I have nothing.
 

Drew will hate me.
 

My career will be ruined.
 

All of my money will go to this kid. Caroline will make sure of that.
 

And Alex ... She’ll never forgive me. I’ll lose her. Again. And this time, I don’t think I will ever get her back.
 

I look at Caroline whose eyes have just now met mine. I see the fear. I see the regret. I see the lie.
 

“You’re lying,” I say.
 

She just shakes her head like she was expecting it.
 

“I’m not lying. I’m pregnant, and the baby is yours.”
 

“I don’t believe you. We only slept together that one night. You’ve probably had sex with other men since then. How would I even know it’s mine?”

I watch as the words cut through her causing her pain, but I can’t stop myself. I hate her. I hate that she’s lying to me. I hate that she is trying to ruin my life.
 

“You’re just trying to keep me away from Alex. You’re just trying to ruin everything. You’re just trying to get payback for me leaving you at the altar.”
 

I watch a tear fall from her eye. Shit, I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t expecting my words to hurt her. I was expecting her to deny it. I was expecting her to throw the hurt right back in my face.
 

I get up from my chair and sit next to her. I hesitantly place my hand on her shoulder expecting her to wince away from me. I expect her to hit me. I don’t expect my hand to calm her, but it does. I see her shoulders visibly relax at my touch. So I keep my hand there. I keep holding her. I keep comforting her.
 

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I shouldn’t have said that. This is just unreal. And I’m not sure I believe you’re pregnant. And I’m really not as sure as you are that the baby is mine.”
 

She nods as she wipes her tears before turning to look at me.
 

“I’m pregnant. And it’s yours. You’re the only one I didn’t use protection with.”
 

I close my eyes at her words. If she is telling the truth, then it means the odds are in my favor that this child is mine. I just don’t trust a word out of Caroline’s mouth. How could I have been so stupid not to use protection? How could I have been so stupid to fuck Caroline in the first place when there was even a chance of getting Alex back? Alcohol.
 

I exhale deeply, thrusting all of the air out of my lungs and hoping that it will be enough to calm me so I can talk rationally with Caroline instead of throwing things like I really want to.
 

“I need proof,” I say.
 

She nods and smiles slightly.

“I scheduled an appointment with a doctor here to do an ultrasound and start the process for a paternity test.”
 

When she speaks, her voice is unwavering. It’s confident. She’s sure that this baby is mine. She’s not lying. I just hope she’s wrong.

Fuck!
 

“Okay. Let’s do that. What time is the appointment?”
 

“Three.”
 

I nod. I can do that and still make it to rehearsals for the show tonight.
 

***

I’m wearing dark sunglasses and a hat when I enter the clinic with Caroline. Thank god, Caroline isn’t a well-known movie star. I let her check in by herself, and I take a seat in one of the chairs of the waiting room. The chair creaks like it has been used far past its time and is liable to break from just me sitting on it. I’m surprised when it doesn’t. I pick up a car magazine and begin flipping though it trying to hide my face from the other people in the waiting room.
 

I notice a very pregnant woman sitting across from me, and it makes me uneasy. I’ve never even really thought about if I wanted kids or not. Even with Alex. I’ve never had that conversation. I’m sure Alex wants kids, like all women do, but do I? I didn’t have the best upbringing. My mother was dead. And my father was a deadbeat drunken father who never paid Drew or me any attention. We never had money. We hardly ever had food. We sure as hell never did anything fun. I don’t want a child if it means that’s all I can give them. But I know I can give them more. I can give a child all of the physical things that I never had. I just don’t know how to be a father. I don’t know how a father is supposed to act. I don’t know how a father is supposed to teach his child to be a good person. I have no clue.
 

Caroline walks over and takes a seat next to me. I watch as her knee bounces lightly in her chair. The same movement Alex does when she’s nervous. I try to push Alex out of my head. I can’t think about her right now. I need to find out the truth, and then I can move on. Then I can do my best to help Caroline as a friend. Then I can figure out my future with Alex.
 

I place my hand on her leg trying to calm her, but instead, her nervous energy just passes into my body. My hands shake and then my whole body until we are both trembling messes.
 

“Caroline Parker,” says an older woman dressed in nurse clothing.
 

Caroline stands, and I follow her. The nurse introduces herself although I don’t pay attention to her name. I don’t pay much attention until Caroline is lying on the table with a drape over her stomach as she waits for the doctor to enter.
 

We wait, with her on the table and me in the chair next to her head, for what seems like hours although I know it isn’t that long. It might as well be as my nerves have now taken over my body.
 

We both jump when we hear a knock on the door followed by a doctor.
 

“So you are definitely pregnant,” the doctor says staring at the chart. “Congratulations,” she says as she shakes Caroline’s hand followed by mine. I glare at the doctor. Congratulations are not in order. She ignores my glare as if she is used to getting it from the fathers. She probably is.
 

“I’m going to examine you, and then I’ll do an ultrasound to give you an approximate age of the child and due date.”
 

The doctor begins to examine Caroline, and I do my best to keep my eyes on Caroline’s face.
 

“So how long have the two of you been together?” the doctor asks while examining Caroline.
 

I look at Caroline. I am not going to be the one who answers questions. I can barely concentrate on breathing. I can’t handle more than that right now.
 

“We’ve known each other since we were kids,” Caroline says.
 

“Aw. That’s nice.”
 

She continues examining for a moment longer. “Everything looks healthy and as it should be. Are we ready for the ultrasound?”
 

“Yes,” Caroline says.
 

I watch the screen as the doctor performs the ultrasound, but I can’t make out anything that looks like a baby. I don’t know what’s on the screen. It just looks like a blur of black and gray to me.
 

“There,” she says, pointing at the screen, “is your baby. It looks healthy so far.”
 

We both nod but neither of us take our eyes from the screen.
 

“It looks like to me that you are about eight weeks along. That would put conception at about six weeks ago.”
 

My eyes find Caroline. That’s exactly when we were together. I can’t breathe. This baby could really be mine. That little blur on the screen could really be mine.
 

“I’ll print off some pictures for you to take home.”
 

Neither of our eyes move from one another as the doctor gets the pictures and hands them to us. My eyes tell her I believe her. My eyes tell her that I know I’m the father while her eyes tell me she’s sorry.
 

“Do you have any questions for me before I go? I know I won’t be your regular doctor, but if you have any questions about what you should or shouldn’t eat, things of that nature, now is the time to ask.”
 

Now, Caroline is frozen. She doesn’t move. So I speak. “We were wondering about a paternity test. We are pretty sure I am the father, but we just want to be sure.”
 

The doctor nods. “Well, you have a couple of options for a paternity test. The least invasive and most accurate option is a DNA test. A blood sample would be taken with DNA from both of you and then we could run an analysis to see the odds of you being the father. I would also recommend blood being taken from any other possible fathers.”
 

I nod. “When can that test be done?”
 

“Nine weeks. So you will have to wait another week before the test is done.”
 

I watch as she reaches behind her desk and pulls out some pamphlets.
 

“Here is some information on paternal testing and some pamphlets on what she needs to be doing to remain healthy.”
 

“Thanks,” I say taking the papers from her hands.
 

We walk out of the clinic and find the car that I have rented. We both climb in without saying a word. I drive us to the nearest park without saying a word. I turn the key switching the engine off. I climb out of the car, and Caroline does the same. I walk until I find a picnic table to sit on. I sit down and watch her do the same.
 

I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I should have trusted you.”
 

She shakes her head while she fidgets with something in her hands. It’s her ring, I realize. The ring I gave her when I proposed. “It’s okay. I’m not sure I believed myself either. Not until I saw the baby on that screen. Not until I heard the date was when we were together.”

“I know. That’s when I realized that it was true too. I still want a paternity test to be one-hundred percent sure, but I can feel it. This baby is mine.”
 

She nods agreeing.
 

“What do you want to do?”
 

I don’t know what I want her to do. Abortion? That would make our lives so much easier, but I don’t know if either of us could go through that. Adoption? No way in hell. That leaves having it. I just don’t know how we would balance that together.
 

She wipes another tear that has fallen. “I don’t know, Landon. I never wanted kids, but I don’t know ...”
 

I reach across the table and grab hold of her hands. “I know. I don’t think I could either.”
 

She exhales a deep breath. “I just don’t see how we are going to make this work. We don’t love each other. We fight. We are horrible together. And you are with
her
. How are we going to make that work?”
 

I have no idea. Although I’m afraid as soon as I tell Alex, she will no longer be a problem because she will no longer be mine. She will want nothing to do with me.
 

“I don’t know exactly, but we can figure it out together. I want to be part of this baby’s and your life. In whatever capacity you will have me.”
 

Another tear falls as she fidgets again with the ring. “I should give this back to you.” She holds up the ring to me.