All Access (Brothers of Rock #1) (rockstar contemporary romance) (15 page)

Johnnie sighed.  “What are the rest of the guys wearing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are they wearing suits or their normal clothes?”

“Oh, Johnnie, sorry.  This is a photo shoot for you.”

“Me?”

“Just you,” Peter said.  “You’re going to meet the executives of the hospital, take some pictures, maybe stop in and say hello to a few of the patients...”

“But Chasing Cross is playing the show.”

“Exactly!  We can’t have an army parading through a hospital.”

“It’s not an army.  It’s a band.”

Peter moved to Johnnie and put a hand on his shoulder.  “Listen to me, Johnnie.  I understand this solo idea and song has you nervous, okay?  But we’ve done this before.  You’re the front man, there’s certain things you do on your own.  You represent the band.”

“I don’t like that anymore,” Johnnie said.  “We’re a band.  We should do this together.”

“And you are.  On stage.  Playing the charity show.”

Johnnie shook his head.  “I just...”

“Just what?”

Johnnie heard Jess’s voice in his mind.  “Just nothing.  Let’s get moving then.”

“Good man,” Peter said.  “Let me make the call so cameras will be waiting at the hospital.”

When Johnnie returned to his room a few hours later, the only good he felt came from meeting the patients.  For some reason he though he’d be meeting elderly folks, those who were on their way out of life.  Instead, he met all ages, something that really touched his heart.  Men and women, fans of the band, those wearing Chasing Cross t-shirts, those with the biggest smiles and hope in their eyes when he met them.  It brought a sense of reality to him, and he saw himself wanting to do more to help those in need, those sick, those who couldn’t make it to a Chasing Cross show.

Rick and Danny were in Johnnie’s room, Danny standing in the kitchen drinking a glass of water and Rick on the couch fumbling with a guitar.  Johnnie heard the sour note as Rick tried to strum a chord.

“Lift your pointer finger,” Johnnie said.

“What?” Rick asked.

“Look... your pointer finger.  Pick it up.  Why even use it?  You’re laying it flat and it’s hitting the D string, buzzing.  Just pick it up.”

Rick listened and strummed the chord again.  It came across clear.

“Nice,” Rick whispered.

“Not a proper G chord,” Danny yelled.

“Coming from the kid who refused guitar lessons,” Johnnie said. 

“No comment,” Danny said.  He finished his water and walked through the living room. 

“What are you doing?” Johnnie asked.

“I came here looking for you,” Danny said.  “Wasn’t sure if you disappeared forever with your girlfriend or not...”

“Yeah.  I had to get out of here for a day,” Johnnie said.  “This woman...”

“She’s everything,” Rick teased as he strummed the only chord he could clearly play on the guitar.

“Johnnie falls hard,” Danny said.  “I bet he has cuts on his hands and knees from it.”

“It’s not like that,” Johnnie said.

“So, hey,” Rick said, “how was your photo shoot?”

Johnnie looked at both Rick and Danny.  Danny didn’t seem to care but Rick had a little resentment in his eyes.

“Not really a photo shoot,” Johnnie said.  “Just went to the hospital.  Took a few pictures, met some fans.  We need to go to the hospital as a band and play or do something.”

“Could have went today,” Rick said.

“Peter set it up...”

“He always does.”

“What’s your plan?” Danny asked.

The question caught Johnnie guard.  He looked at his younger brother and knew he couldn’t lie or hide anything from him.  His eyes were Johnnie’s eyes, the same bloodline flowing between them.  “What do you mean?”

“For today?  For the show?  Are you staying in the city or going back to your secret hide away?”

Johnnie exhaled.  “I’m here.  I’m staying.  Playing the show and then we should all do something together before splitting up.”

“Splitting up?” Rick asked.

“We have a month off,” Johnnie said.  “What do you plan on doing?”

“Should we write some new music?  I actually have an idea for a song... I’m still getting the chords down pat here...”

“You can’t write a song,” Danny said.  “You can’t even write a check.”

“No,” Johnnie said.  “That’s really cool, Rick.  If you have an idea...”

Johnnie almost slipped, to tell Rick to bring the idea to him.  But Johnnie held back.  No.  That’s not how it was.  Johnnie wasn’t the one who approved songs.  No.  It was just that nobody else ever came to the band with a song. 

“We can do whatever anyone wants,” Johnnie said.  “I plan on going to my cabin again, longer than a day.”

“With your woman?” Rick asked.

“She’s not my woman.  She’s a woman... that I care about.  Yes.  She’ll come.  You guys can too.  Hell, maybe we should write our next album up there.”

Johnnie felt wrong saying it, knowing that’s where he wrote the song that could take him away from the band.  The song that Jess made perfect.  And the song that wouldn’t stop playing in his mind.

“Doubt that,” Rick said.  “I don’t want to get involved in your relationship.”

“No women,” Danny said.  “We can’t write like that.”

“It doesn’t matter right now.  We just have to get ready for the charity show.”

“We?” Rick asked.  “Aren’t you going to make the set list?”

“Why don’t we wing it?” Johnnie asked.  “We all pick a couple songs, let the people pick some songs.”

“Hey, taking requests that’s a good idea,” Danny said.

“Could work,” Rick said.

“Okay, I’m out,” Danny said.  “I’m going to find food.”

Danny started to walk away and Johnnie grabbed him.  He touched his brother’s face and smiled, remembering the first time Danny sat on the floor and watched Johnnie play guitar.  It was not very good but it was Johnnie’s first audience... and the first time he
wowed
someone. 

“Take it easy tonight,” Johnnie said.

“I plan on it,” Danny said.  “I don’t think there’s any booze left in our rooms.”

Johnnie let his little brother go and when he looked at Rick, changing to a different chord on the guitar, he seemed a little drunk still.

“Are you okay?” Johnnie asked.

Rick didn’t look at Johnnie.  “I guess I could ask you that.”

Johnnie took of his jacket and threw it to the couch.  “I don’t know what I am right now.  This woman... I’ve never had something like this happen to me.”

“Only a matter of time, right?”

“A matter of time for what?”

“Before one of the groupies sticks.  You get enough of them.”

“She’s not a groupie,” Johnnie said.  “I met her at a café.”

“Maybe that’s where I should start hanging out.”

Johnnie watched Rick’s fingers shaking as he couldn’t figure out the fingering for what looked like a D chord.  Johnnie sensed tension within Rick so he didn’t try to correct him.

“Fuck it,” Rick said and tossed the guitar to the floor.

Johnnie winced but still kept his mouth shut.

Rick looked at Johnnie.  “I wanted to go today.”

“I’m sorry, man, okay?  I’ll talk to Peter.  I swear I thought we were all going.  If I knew beforehand...”

“What?  You’d demand your way?  Because you can do that.  You’re the lead singer.  You can do whatever you want.”

“No, I can’t.   Rick, what’s going on with you?”

Rick shook his head. “I’m sorry.  I’m just... tired.”

“Quit partying then.”  Johnnie reached for Rick’s knee and lightly punched it.  “We’re not twenty anymore.  Nobody expects us to get in trouble or get kicked out of the hotel.”

Rick smiled.  “But those were the best nights.”

“Yeah.  Calling Peter at three in the morning to pick us up and find a place to stay.”

“He’d fend off hotel managers and cops...”

“Remember when the label threatened us?”

“They wouldn’t have dropped us,” Rick said.  “No matter what.  We made too much for them.”

“We still do,” Johnnie said.  His heart hurt a little as he said it.  “And we will for a long time.  That’s why I need everyone to be healthy and happy.  That’s why we get to take these breaks.  Not to sit around and ponder life, but to get out and live it.”

“I only feel good when I’m on stage,” Rick said.

“So get on stage,” Johnnie said.  “Learn that damn guitar and we can get on stage.”

“You and me?  And, what, play a bar?”

“Who cares?  We’re fucking Chasing Cross... we can do whatever we want.”

Rick laughed and Johnnie felt the tension float from the room.  He stood up and retreated to the kitchen to sigh.  Everything just felt so mixed up and wrong.  He almost wished they didn’t have the charity show.  He could still be in the cabin with Jess.  Things made sense there.  Things felt good there. 

“So, you really like this woman?” Rick asked.

“Yes,” Johnnie said.  “In fact... there’s something in my jacket I wanted to show you guys.  You can look if you want, just promise you won’t brag I showed you before anyone.  Especially Danny.  He gets jealous.”

Rick leaned from the couch and reached for Johnnie’s jacket.  Johnnie smiled, wondering what Rick’s reaction would be like.  It was something he picked up a long time ago, on the road.  Something that came with a great story and something he had hidden for years.  Johnnie may have been the front man of a band, a group of guys he thought of as brothers, but he had his own dreams and desires.

When Rick pulled out folded up papers and held them up, Johnnie saw three different versions of his hotel room.  He tried to move but bumped into the counter, sending a surge of pain through his body. 

“Shit,” he said.  “Rick, wait a second on that... that’s not...”

Rick opened the papers, read them for a couple seconds, then threw them to the table.

“Is this a joke?”

“No, that’s not what...”

“A contract for yourself?” Rick asked.  “You wanted to show me?  But nobody else?”

“No, that’s not what you think.”

“Looks like a contract for you to go solo.  No, excuse me, there’s a note from you... demanding Jess be added to the contract.”  Rick looked back at Johnnie.  “You and your new girlfriend, huh?”

Johnnie didn’t understand how the hell the contract got into the pocket of his jacket.  He gave it to Jess to hold.  He wanted her to think about it.  To really think about it.  To understand what it could mean for herself... and Johnnie...

Johnnie froze, realizing what it meant.

Jess must have snuck the contract into his pocket.  Her way of giving him the final answer.

“Are you going to talk to me?” Rick said.  “Or is this it?  Play the charity show and then break up the band?”

“The band isn’t going anywhere!” Johnnie boomed.  “We’re in this together.”

“That’s why your name is on that contract, right?  That’s why you went to the photo shoot today, right?  That’s why you did the fucking phone interview, right?”

Johnnie clenched his jaw.  He felt angry, sad, and annoyed.  “You don’t understand... Rick...”

“I don’t understand?  Make me understand.  Looks like you’re cutting on the band.”

“I would never do that.  Okay?  I wrote a new song... and Peter heard it and suggested I release it on my own.  I told him from day one it was missing something.”

“That’s where your girlfriend fits in?”

“She has an amazing voice,” Johnnie said.  “I tried to tell her to record it with me.  But not release it...”

“Don’t bullshit me, Johnnie,” Rick said.  “You’re all grown up, aren’t you?  Too big for the band now.  Don’t like to party anymore.  Everything is business and money.  The same shit you didn’t care about ten years ago.  All we wanted to do was play music.”

“And I still do,” Johnnie said.  “What do you think I’m doing?  I’m in that damn cabin, writing music.  The rest of you...”

“What?  Because we have a few good nights?”

“How many good nights in a row have you had, Rick?”

Rick laughed. 

“Are you still having a good night right now?” Johnnie asked.  “Your eyes are a little...”

“Don’t worry about me,” Rick said.  “Okay?  Just don’t.  You want to sing on your own?  You want to be some coffee shop guy, with your guitar and your girl, go for it.  Doing it this way...”  Rick pointed to the contract.  “This is shit.  And you know it.”

Johnnie had no response.  It was shit.  He should have never taken the contract from Peter.  He should have never forced the contract onto Jess.  He should have talked to the band... but he didn’t want anyone to worry.  He didn’t want to put a wedge in the group.  Not with Danny being his actual brother. 

“And you know what?” Rick asked.  “Peter... is an ass.”