All In (14 page)

“I don’t want to let them in this time. I want to let him make me happy. But this is Maddox, and I don’t know if he can do this,” she admitted.

A crease formed between Lo’s eyebrows. “What did he say?”

“He said he was all in. He said he wants this. And I believe him, Lo. I really do. But this is what he does. He jumps in with both feet, and when it gets hard, he turns off. Cold as ice. I’ve seen it. And it scares the shit out of me.”

“He’s not going to do that to you.”

“You don’t know that. And I don’t want to be that girl who walks on eggshells around him. That will just make us both miserable.”

“Then don’t,” Lo sat back in her plush seat.

“What?”

“Don’t walk on eggshells. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“That this ends. We end up hating each other, and I lose one of my best friends.”

“Would you die if that happened?”

“Of course not, but I’d be pretty damn miserable for a long ass time. I don’t know if I could go through that. I’m afraid it would ruin me. This isn’t like any of my exes. He’s not like them. He means so much more to me than that,” Cass admitted, and it was true. This wasn’t Blaine or the meaningless other relationships. This was the one man she’d let closer than any other man, and she knew losing him would destroy her in ways the other one’s didn’t.

“You’d have me,” Lo smiled.

“You don’t give me mind blowing sex,” Cass joked.

“You don’t know that!” Lo retorted. “You insult my skills!”

They both giggled.

“I would never! With the way Dan looks at you, oh, hell, I know you’re that good.”

Lo grinned. “Honey, here’s one thing I know. There’s no guarantee when it comes to this shit. You could be together twenty years before it falls apart, you could be together five minutes. But you’ll never know if you live afraid. He’s got his own shit to get together, and you have to let him. You also have to trust that, even if he gets cold feet, he won’t freeze you out like the others. You aren’t those other women to him, Cass. You’re not even his cold bitch of an ex-wife. You’re so much more. You’ve always been precious to him. So don’t shut him out. Let him in.”

Cass remained quiet, her thoughts thick with indecision. Could she do this? Yes, she’d already let him in so far, but could she give herself over to him completely? Could she shut this down and allow herself to be happy with him, actually happy and not just hiding her anxiety by acting happy?

“How do I do that, Lo? I don’t know how. How do you shut down all the demons that’ve been speaking to you for forever?” she asked, putting her face in her hands.

“You beat those little shits down a tiny bit at a time. Let them try to bite, and then rip them apart,” she growled, the vehemence in her voice causing Cass to peek through her fingers.

“Lo, what’s going on with you?” Cass asked, knowing that the change in tone was only partially for her.

Lo shook her head. “This is about you.”

“No, it’s not. I’ve been dealing with this shit forever, and we know it’s not going away fast. Besides, maybe the less I dwell in my own anxiousness the less likely it is that I let those—what did you call them? Ah, yes, little shits—take hold.”

Lo’s face fell. “It’s Dan,” she admitted. “Honey, I don’t want to drag you into-“

“Oh, no you don’t. Nope. You tell me!” Cass demanded.

Her friend sighed, and it was then that Cass noticed the dark circles under her friend’s eyes. She realized she was being a terrible friend. Here was Lo, offering her all kinds of advice and friendship, and all Cass had done was worry about her own self. She was an awful person.

“I think I’m in love with him,” she admitted, her eyes rolling up to the ceiling.

Cass grinned. “And you’re just figuring this out now?”

“Not exactly.”

“But…”

“He wants me to move in with him.”

“And you want to?”

“Oh, hell. I don’t know. I mean, I do. I love being with him, and we’re so, oh, the fireworks never go away. But, girl, this is moving in. With a man. With a man I was just supposed to be all sexy with and nothing more.”

“What are you afraid of?”

Lo cocked her head. “Afraid?”

“Yeah. You’re sounding a lot more like me than you. So what’s got your panties in a bunch?” Cass asked. She knew what the answer was, but she wanted Lo to say it. The two of them knew each other too well.

“I’m not afraid.” Lo put up her defenses. “I do not do afraid.”

“Freaked out?”

Lo pursed her lips. “Better. Maybe.”

“Just say it.”

“If I move in with him, this is it. This is the last man. The only man,” she admitted, and Cass smirked.

“What’s so damn funny?” Lo spat.

“You. You talk about using your looks before they’re gone, and I get that. But are you really willing to lose a great man because you feel like you’re missing out on men thinking you’re hot? They’re going to think you’re hot whether you’re taken or not. And when they’re gone? Not that I ever think they’re going to go,” Cass was quick to clarify when Lo’s eyebrow rose, “When they’re gone, what will you have? A bunch of memories and a thinned out pot of losers?”

“I hate you,” Lo grumbled, sipping her own shake.

“Because I’m always right.”

“Because you’re a smug bitch when you turn the tables.”

“But I’m right,” Cass’ mouth quirked.

“You’re right, dammit.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“Think about it,” Lo said. “I told him I’d think about it and give him my answer after the gala.”

“But your answer is…”

Lo rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Cass slurped the last of her shake. “I suppose we have to get back,” she sighed, looking at the time on her phone.

“You’re going to be okay?” Lo asked as they walked out of the diner.

“I’m going to be fine. One day at a time,” she admitted not only to Lo, but to herself.

“
Y
ou are a sonofabitch
, Maddox Paul,” a sassy voice jarred him out of his reverie. He had been staring at his computer reliving memories of the weekend. He’d have jumped up, but his pants were straining so hard, he was sure his dick would come bursting out if he stood up.

“Lo…” he clenched his jaw.

“If you hurt her-“ angry brown eyes glared at him behind a bevy of black curls.

“Lo!” he sharpened his tone. “Can you please shut the door?”

She narrowed her gaze, but did as he asked.

“Let’s hash this out now, shall we?” he leaned forward and motioned to a chair. “I’m not hurting anyone.”

“You will.”

“I won’t.”

“History tells a different story,” Lo crossed her arms, her bracelets clanging with the movement.

“History is full of lessons for the future.”

“Lessons that haven’t been learned to date.”

She wasn’t giving up.

Maddox closed his eyes, tamping down the anger that was threatening. He wanted to lash out at Lo. He wanted to tell her to get the fuck out of his business and that this was private. But he knew it wasn’t. He pulled back, knowing this was Lo’s way of protecting Cass, no matter how inappropriate he thought it might be.

“She’s fragile,” Lo whispered, but the accusation still hung in the air.

“I know.”

“Then you know what happens when you fuck this up.”

“You make it sound like it’s the inevitable.”

“Isn’t it?” Lo pursed her lips waiting for him to disagree. But could he?

She wasn’t wrong. History had shown time and time again that he went in hot and heavy to only cool off like a blizzard rolled in out of nowhere. He didn’t want to do that to Cass, but want and reality are two very different things. Up until Friday, he hadn’t even given a relationship between them much thought. Sure, there were signs that Cass had meant more to him than he cared to admit, but when a man is blind, he’s blind. They were friends, until the switch suddenly turned on and everything became clear.

Every feeling he dismissed came rushing at him as soon as she told him about her ideal man. He breathed easier when Cass was in the room. His eyes always found her. He laughed more with her, felt more confident with her, and he had this burning desire to make her feel like the beautiful woman she was. He wanted to be the one to bring a smile to her face, to give her confidence, to be the one she leaned on. He wanted to touch her, feel her close, and never, ever take her for granted again. He had no desire to go back to the way things had been, but would that desire hold?

Would he break her heart?

“I don’t know,” he sighed, leaning back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling.

“Fucker,” she grumbled.

“I want this. You know that, right?”

“You always do. But this isn’t some random woman. She isn’t one of the stick thin bitches you’ve been with before who will get sad for half a second until they move onto the next loser CEO who can boost their rep. This is our Cass.”

“She’s stronger than you think,” Maddox growled. Lo acted as Cass’ guardian, but sometimes she treated her friend like a child.

“Not with this,” Lo replied.

“She’s not a child. You need to let her live.”

“I am letting her live. I haven’t talked her out of this. But don’t pretend like you won’t destroy her in the end.”

“How do you know she won’t destroy me?” he asked, and as the words came out, he realized how true that statement was. He was all in with Cass. He wanted her more than anything. He couldn’t imagine his life without her. But what happened if her insecurities took hold and she walked away? Or worse, if she stayed, but all he did was send her deeper into a well of anxiety? And what if, after all this, what if she decided she couldn’t deal with him and walked away?

Pain ripped through his heart.

Lo sighed.

“You have it pretty bad, don’t you?” she uncrossed her arms and began toying with her bracelets.

He glared at her.

“Oh, stop it, pretty boy. You may be my boss, but I’m taking off the employee hat right now. It’s time for you to shut up and listen to me. Cass is my girl. She’s my best friend, my sister. I love her as my own. And I don’t care about any job or career as much as I care about her. So let me tell you that there will be a world of hurt if you destroy her. I will never, ever, let you forget what you did,” Lo seethed as she leaned forward, her eyes boring into his. Maddox had no response for the seething venom in her voice. Lo was always flippant and full of sass. Her anger never boiled very hot. This was different. Mama Bear had her claws out.

“But I’ll tell you, if you want her, make it work. Make her yours. Let her work through her shit, and there will be a lot of shit, but be patient and let her get through it. She’s had years to make herself crazy, and a little mind blowing sex and sweet nothings in her ear won’t make it all magically disappear.”

Mind blowing sex? How did she…oh. Really?

A small grin pulled up at the corners of his mouth before he hid it back away. The iciness in Lo’s gaze told him she hadn’t missed it.

He cleared his throat.

“I know you’re worried about her, and I appreciate that, Lo. I do. And part of me wants to tell you to get the fuck out of my office, because I’m pretty pissed you’d think I’d take any of this lightly. But you’re right. I suck. I’ve left a long trail of broken hearts and used women. But I’m not doing that with Cass. I know what she is, who she is, and I’m not in this for the short term. Is that good enough for you?”

“For now,” Lo stood up and moved to the door.

“We have an understanding?” she asked before reaching for the handle.

He cocked his head. What?

“You’re going to try, and I’m going to not have to kill you?” she grinned.

“I’m going to more than try. I know you’d look too good in orange.”

Lo laughed as she stepped out of his office, but it wasn’t until his door shut behind her that he let his guard down.

Damn, Lo.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been saying the same things to himself. He was an asshole. He knew what he’d been doing with woman after woman. He knew how he ran hot and cold, and he knew that this was a very, very dangerous thing he was getting into here. He wasn’t even this scared with his ex-wife, and he’d married her. Cass was that woman he could tell anything to, and she never judged him. Well, at least not to his face. The relationship was so unconditional, and he knew that a screwup meant losing something that came once-in-a-lifetime.

He ran his hands through his hair. Shit. Shit. Shit.

C: Jackass.

His phone lit up. Maddox peeked at it, and his heart fell. What had he done?

C: I ate too much at lunch, and I blame you.

Okay, nothing wrong. Just her way of joking.

M: I wasn’t there.

C: Exactly.

M: And I would have…

C: Distracted me from giant, yummy ice cream concoctions.

M: Definitely. I can think of a few ways to distract you right now
… Damn. He was getting hard again. He had to get control over that rogue dick. He couldn’t walk down the hall this way.

C: No office nookie.

M: Tease.

C: I’ll make it up to you later.

He grinned thinking of all the ways she could make that up to him later. He had quite the imagination.

M: You’d better. Dinner?

C: Don’t talk about food. No food. Never eating again.

M: Oh, I definitely wasn’t thinking about eating food…

C: Bad man.

M: You know it.

* * *

T
he glow
from her screen highlighted the strain on her face as she stared at her computer. Maddox leaned against the side of the doorway, his lips turning up at how she mumbled to herself as she examined whatever it was she was working on. She was so engrossed in her project, she hadn’t even realized he’d been staring at her for the past few minutes.

“Creeper,” she mumbled when she finally caught him out of her corner of her eye.

“Didn’t want to disrupt the zone.”

“Others would’ve just left me be,” she grumbled, looking back at her screen.

Well, someone was in a bad mood.

“Everything okay?” he asked, coming to sit behind her.

“Fine,” she responded, but the low growl coming from her as she refused to look at him in favor of the website plan on her screen definitely meant things weren’t fine.

“Obviously not. Wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Not wanna talk about it?” he glanced at the door to make sure no one could see before running his finger up her arm.

She closed her eyes. “Not right now, Mad, please,” she pleaded.

Well, that wasn’t going to work. He didn’t like this. Something was really wrong. Cass wasn’t the type to hold back.

“Did I do something wrong?” he whispered. Already. How could he have screwed up already? He hadn’t even seen her. Maybe that was the problem? Maybe her no-nookie-at-work rule wasn’t really a rule, but a challenge? Should he have paid her more attention? He thought letting her be all day was what she wanted. He-

Ooookay, that was some good side eye.

“Not everything’s about you.” She pursed her lips.

Right. Right. The muscles he didn’t realize he was clenching relaxed. Well, then, he could deal with this.

“Well, if you’re sitting in your dark office grumbling to yourself, and it isn’t about me, then it’s about work, and since I’m the boss I’m asking you what’s wrong.”

“This. This is all wrong,” she motioned to her computer.

“The website plan?”

“Yes. It’s impossible to navigate. There’s no cohesion. It’s not intuitive.”

“Then have them redesign it.”

“This is the redesign of the redesign, and we’re two weeks from the deadline.” She put her face in her hands.

“Let me see it.”

“No.”

“Cass…you know I adore you, but let me see the damn website.”

She sighed and stood, allowing him to take her place. He scrolled through the design, and realized something…it sucked.

“Who designed this shit?”

“Mad…”

“Cass…”

“Look, I’ll deal with it, okay?” she pushed him out of her chair.

“Phil?”

“I”m not saying anything.”

“No. If this is his idea of good, then we need to have a chat.”

“Please don’t,” she pleaded, her eyes brimming with tears.

He shut the door and turned back to her.

“Tell me.” He folded his arms over his chest and stared at her. He wanted to hold her close. He wanted to wipe away the tears he was sure were coming. But a closed door wouldn’t do anything to keep someone from walking in, and even that wasn’t in the realm of normal for them. Besides, once he started to comfort her, he knew he wouldn’t want to stop at just a hug. His control was good, but not that good when he’d been thinking of the weekend all day, spending half the day behind his desk because he’d been hard as a rock.

Besides, now he was pissed.

“Please let me just deal with this,” she whispered.

“No.”

Her eyes widened and then turned hard. “You’re not my savior.”

“I’m still your boss. Tell me why this website sucks. We can’t roll that shit out. You know that.”

“Of course I know that. What do you think I’ve been doing for weeks? Do you think I’ve just been sitting here trying to find ways to make it suck more? THIS,” she waved her hand at the screen, “is salvage. This isn’t event the worst of it.”

“Salvage isn’t good enough.”

“It’s what you’re gonna get.”

“I need you to do better. I need your team to fix this,” he stared at her, realizing she was fixing it.

“This is me fixing it, okay?” She changed her screen to another plan, and he moved back behind her to look at it. The navigation was clean, the design simple. It was easy to follow and had a well thought out design flow.

“You did this?”

“This was the original design.”

“Then what the fuck are you showing me?”

Just then the door opened and Phil stepped through.

“Do you have the redesign?” he glared at Cass before noticing that Maddox stood behind her. “Hey,” he acknowledged.

“It’s almost ready,” she mumbled.

“I asked for the draft an hour ago,” he scolded, looking at Maddox like, “See. This is what I’m dealing with.”

“Cass and I were just discussing it,” he responded before Cass could say something snarky. She glared at him in warning.

“You were, huh?” Phil’s eyes narrowed at Cass.

“He came in and started nosing around, just like Mr. Annoying Ass usually does,” she waved him off, and while the words were typical Cass, there was tension behind them.

Phil stepped around, and Cass wasn’t fast enough to hide the design from her desktop.

“Why are you showing him that crap?” he accused.

“I wanted to know how we got to the piece of shit she was working on when I walked in,” Maddox interjected. “Phil, why don’t you meet me in my office in 5,” he dismissed Phil, and once the sputtering man left, he turned to Cass who was fuming.