All or Nothing (16 page)

Presley woke the next morning to Ben’s hands rubbing lazily across her rear. Half rolling over, she gazed at him warmly, “Merry Christmas. And good morning.” She leaned up and gave him a sweet lingering kiss.

He tucked her under his arm and held her for a moment. “Morning. Merry Christmas, again,” he said, his eyes equally as warm as hers.

She turned her head to look at the clock, saw it was eight in the morning, late for him, then snuggled in more and asked, “Have you been awake long?”

“Not very.”

She didn’t believe him. “You could have woken me. Hungry?”

“Always, for you.” He kissed her long and deep, and her heart set off pounding harder than a jackhammer breaking through concrete. Pulling back, he laughed a little, then said, “But I’ll settle for breakfast. Remember, nothing low rent.”

With her hands, she pushed off his chest playfully, stood up, found a pair of sweats, then pulled Ben’s T-shirt on over her head. She loved wearing his clothes, smelling his scent on her, and feeling that part of him against her body. He followed her out of bed, pulled on his jeans, and took another shirt out of the drawer he had been storing a few articles of clothing in.

Passing through the living room on her way to the kitchen, she stopped and did a double take, then ran to the tree. “Where did all of this come from?” There had to be twice the amount of gifts under the tree than when she left for her shift yesterday. She hadn’t noticed last night when she’d gotten home. Then again, Ben had pretty much attacked her and didn’t give her a chance to notice anything. Now she wondered if that was all part of his plan.

“Ever hear of Santa Claus?”

She grunted. “Sure, but Santa didn’t visit my house often. And when he did, he never left anything like this,” she said seriously, and crouched down to look closer. “You went overboard, Ben. There are twice as many boxes as before.”

“I couldn’t very well have you open more gifts from yourself than from anyone else. Geez, now that
would
be sad.”

Wow, that was sweet. Really, really sweet. And something she never expected. “I can’t believe these are all from you. You said you didn’t like to shop,” she accused him.

“I don’t, not in a mall. But I know how to enter my credit card into a computer.” He chuckled at her chagrined look, then added, “Besides, they aren’t all from me.”

“What? Who else would they be from?”

“I guess we could start with opening the gifts before breakfast and find out.”

“Wait, I need to get yours then. Hang on.” She jumped up and ran to her room, threw open her closet door and filled her arms, then came back out balancing several boxes.

“And you said I went overboard.”

“I like to shop. You should have expected this.”

He reached out and took the boxes from her hands and set them on the floor. “The ones you bought yourself can wait. You know what’s in them anyway. Let’s start with the ones not from me. Here.”

He handed her a box and she read the tag, then dropped the box as if it were on fire. “Your
parents
bought me a gift?”

Laughing out loud, he reached over, picked it up and handed it back to her. “Geez, Presley, it’s not a bomb. And yes, they did. You’re my girlfriend, you know. That’s pretty much standard practice in my family.”

His girlfriend. He just called her his girlfriend. There went the racing of her heart again. “But I didn’t get them anything,” she said, suddenly distressed.

“They don’t expect it.”

“But they just met me a few days ago,” she argued.

“Presley,” he said, laughing some more, “stop, and just open it. You’re being ridiculous.”

Tentatively, she slid the ribbon off, then flicked the tape with her nail and peeled back a corner. “You aren’t going to be one of those people that carefully opens things and saves the wrapping paper, are you?” he asked, a pained expression filling his handsome face.

She’d never been one of those people before. Then again, she’d never had anyone buy her this much stuff before. And she really wanted to remember everything about this day. “Sorry.”

“Just rip it open.”

So she did, and it felt great. Lifting the top of the box off revealed a beautiful deep orange sweater and a matching scarf. Her eyes filled as she picked it up and brought it forward for a closer look. “It’s cashmere,” she shrieked and dropped it back down.

He fell back on the floor laughing. She was glad he found it funny, but wow. She had never owned cashmere before. And Ben’s parents bought it for her. Wow, oh wow, she couldn’t think of anything other than that. “It’s lovely. It really is. And so thoughtful. Your mom really shouldn’t have.”

“It has my father’s name on it too,” he said snickering.

“Did your dad know what was in the box?”

“I doubt it.”

“Then I repeat. Your mom really shouldn’t have.” But Presley was glad she did.

“Here, this one is from Kaitlin. I figured I should tell you before you pick it up and drop it. I think it’s breakable,” he added slyly.

Shaking her head, Presley grabbed the heavy box and opened it up to reveal a crystal cookie dish. Real crystal. And Ben’s family’s wealth started to rush back at her, making her feel uncomfortable again. “It’s beautiful, but it’s too much Ben. This is
real
crystal.”

“Yes, it is. I told Kaitlin you would say that. She told me to tell you that she ‘owes you more than that, so be quiet.’” He shrugged. “I don’t know what she meant by it and didn’t ask. I have a feeling she wouldn’t tell me anyway.”

Presley knew what Kaitlin was talking about. Kaitlin was happy to see pieces of the old Ben back, and she insisted it was all because of Presley. “Any more from other people, or can we start opening each other’s now?”

“No. Here.” He handed her another one. “This is from me. The rest are from me now.”

She accepted the box and handed one over she bought for him. “Let’s open them together.”

In the end, her living room looked like a war zone of boxes and wrapping paper and she wasn’t sure who the winner was—then corrected herself. She was the winner. Because today was by far the best Christmas morning she had ever had in her life. It had nothing to do with what she received, but rather who she spent it with.

Not that she didn’t get some pretty nice things. For someone who didn’t like to shop, he did a pretty good job. He bought her a few tops, a pair of jeans, blue suede heels—she didn’t think that was funny, but they were
really
nice heels—and a new scarf and winter hat—which were also cashmere.

He seemed pleased with his gifts as well. She thought she had done well with some new shirts and pants. They both had the same idea about gloves and a hat. But he seemed the most pleased with the new ankle holster she bought him.

She had been really nervous about that and had even researched them. When it was all said and done, she’d looked at the one he had, figuring he was particular about those things, located the brand name on it and then went from there. When she told him she kept the receipt and he could exchange it if he didn’t like it, he told her it was perfect. And she believed him.

Because the morning was exactly that. Perfect. She stood up and walked to the kitchen to get a garbage bag, then came back and started to pick up the discarded paper. Only he grabbed her hand and pulled her back down to the floor. “I’ve got one more thing for you.”

She frowned and couldn’t possibly imagine what else he would have bought her. Pulling the small jewelry box out of his pocket, he handed it over, and her heart dropped in her stomach. She prayed it wasn’t what she thought it might be. It was way too early and way too serious. Holding her breath, she flipped open the lid and saw a pair of earrings in an intricate design, almost resembling the design on his ring, but not quite. Close though.

He took the box out of her hand and explained, “It’s a Celtic design representing strength and courage. Because that’s you, Presley, one hundred percent.”

Yep, best Christmas ever. Hands down, no other one would ever compare.

***

“Did Presley like her sweater?” Isabel asked Ben, hours later at his parents’ house.

“She loved it. Got all teary-eyed the way women do. I don’t get it. It’s just a sweater,” he said, shrugging.

“And that is why you’ve been single for so long, Ben,” Ryan said. “Because it’s
never
just a sweater.”

“You’re giving me advice? Please. I watched you muddle your way through your relationship. And you’re one to talk about being single for so long,” he said back, amusement flashing in his eyes.

“I had to wait for the best. It just took longer than I thought,” Ryan said, pulling Kaitlin closer and giving her a kiss.

Ben bit back a response. It wasn’t the time. Besides, Kaitlin was happy and that was all that mattered. And Ryan, well, Ryan was great too, but Ben would never admit it.

Watching Ryan and Kaitlin together right now brought on a pang of jealousy. Ryan was right, sometimes you had to wait for the best, and Ben knew he still had some work ahead of him, and still had some waiting to do.

He hadn’t missed Presley’s look of panic when he handed over the jewelry box this morning. It was a test so to speak, to gage her reaction to it. If she seemed disappointed, then he would know, but she hadn’t, she seemed nervous, and then relieved when she opened the box.

So now he knew. She wasn’t ready. Of course, it wasn’t like he had told her how he felt. Even
he
wasn’t ready for that right now. But he thought he might be getting there. Of course, thanks to his little test, he knew he had more work ahead of him.

More work to do on her, and more on himself. Personally, he was getting there, closer at least. But not all the way. Maybe never all the way. The question was, would she be happy with just part of him? Could he be happy with only part of himself?

***

“What are you doing here?”

Ben shook his head at Presley’s shocked face. “Is that anyway to greet your boyfriend?”

“It is when I didn’t know he was going to stop by. Especially since I thought you were at your parents’ today.”

“I was. Now I’m not. Dinner is over and I’ve got one more thing to do.”

He caught her eying the gift bag in his hand. “Did you bring me another gift?”

“No. Boy, getting greedy now, aren’t you?” He reached out and tugged a lock of her hair when her jaw dropped. “This is for someone else.”

Walking down the hall, he bit back a laugh. He knew she was following behind him, but she didn’t say a word. Turning the corner, he popped his head into Sarah’s room. “Merry Christmas.” She sent him a bright smile, looking so much stronger and better than she had last week.

“Thank you. Merry Christmas to you, too.” Sarah eyed the bag in his hand. “Are you bringing Presley a gift?”

“No, she was bad. Didn’t you know that no one gives you gifts when you’re bad?” he asked, teasing Sarah, and ignoring the snort that Presley made outside the doorframe where he suspected she was hiding.

Sarah laughed happily, almost carefree, and the sound melted his heart. “Presley is never bad. Presley’s great.”

Yes, Presley was great, the best there was. But he wasn’t going to say that to Sarah, not when he hadn’t even said it to Presley. “This is for you.” He handed over a small gift bag.

“What is it?”

“Open it up and see,” he said, encouraging her.

Sarah tore into the tissue paper, sending it flying. Now
that
was how a gift should be opened. Pulling it out, she unwrapped the little box and flipped it open, revealing a keychain. “It’s so pretty,” she said in awe, running her hands along the design. “Does this design mean anything?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah, it does. Strength and Courage.”

And there went Presley, trying to hide her crying, but he heard the sniffling just the same.

If Christmas was the best holiday she’d ever had, then New Year’s Eve might have been the best night of her life.

She’d barely made it through the door after her shift when Ben had grabbed and pulled her into a kiss, yanked her jacket off, and tossed her purse on the floor. Groping, pulling and shedding each other’s clothes, they were soon naked and on the couch, his mouth covering hers, and his body entering her. “Just in time. It has to be right,” he mumbled incoherently between kisses.

Together, in a race to the end, they started and ended within minutes of falling on the couch. He lifted his head, gave her a final kiss, nuzzled her neck a little and said, “I needed to end this year and start the new year with you the same way. Inside of you, the place I always want to be.”

She was a goner. Those few words had done it. Tears had filled her eyes and he panicked, just like she knew he would. Which only caused her to laugh, especially when he said, “Ah, shit, did I hurt you?”

“No, Ben, you didn’t. Happy tears. Just happy tears.” She hadn’t wanted to tell him they were tears of love. She wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.

Hours later now, she lay in bed, listening to his deep and steady breathing. Her back was against his chest, his arm around her waist and she threaded her fingers through his, lightly tracing the ring on his finger with her thumb. He never stirred, his breathing never changed, and she whispered, more to herself than anything else, “Please don’t break my heart.”

***

“How was Florida?” Presley asked Lucy on the 2
nd
of January, an hour before their shift was to start. Lucy had texted her, wanting to get together and talk about their holiday.

“Good. It was hard to fly back to New York though. I hate winter, I really do,” Lucy said, pouting as only she could. “But it was nice to visit with my parents. I still can’t believe they live there now. They started to put some pressure on me about getting married and having babies.” She stopped talking and laughed. “Can you believe it? I just about died when they put Mark on the spot like that.”

Presley chuckled. She knew Lucy was hoping for an engagement ring for Christmas and she most likely asked her parents to put Mark on the spot like that, but Presley would never say otherwise, least of all out loud. Lucy would only deny it, and she never lied well anyway. Mark probably saw right through the whole thing. “What did Mark do?”

Lucy sighed, fiddled with the fries in front of her, looked around the cafeteria solemnly, then looked back at Presley. “Nothing. He didn’t even react at all. Pretty much ignored them, pretended they never said it and changed the subject.”

“Maybe he isn’t ready yet? Did you ever think of that?”

“We’ve been dating over a year. I mean geez, Pres, I’m pushing thirty and he is thirty. If you don’t know after a year, why waste each other’s time?”

With a frown, Presley replied, “If you’re enjoying each other, can’t you just let it go for now?”

“Yeah, I guess. I just really hoped I would get that ring.” Lucy picked up her drink, took a long sip and her eyes went wide. She slammed the drink down and almost yelled, “Oh my God, I forgot. Let me see those earrings.”

Presley’s eyes lit up ecstatically. She pushed her hair away from her face and showed Lucy the earrings Ben had given her for Christmas.

“Those are so pretty. You’re lucky. I didn’t get any jewelry at all, just some clothes from Mark. I would have been happy to even get some silver earrings. What, have you guys been together like two months?”

“Something like that. And they aren’t silver,” Presley mumbled. Later that day when Ben had left to go to his parents’ for the holiday, she had swapped out her little gold hoops and taken her new earrings out of the box. Only then did she see they were actually white gold, not sterling silver at all. Leave it to Ben to go overboard.

“So how are things between you two? I couldn’t believe it when you told me everything he got you. It had to look like an explosion of gifts under your tree on Christmas morning,” Lucy said excitedly.

“What do you mean?” Presley picked up her burger, deciding she better start eating or she would never get through lunch before her shift.

“Come on, this is me, Pres. I know better than anyone that not only do you buy your own Christmas and birthday gifts—which isn’t a big deal, lots of people do it—but you also wrap them and address them to yourself.” Lucy paused when Presley glared at her, but didn’t stop. “
And.
You are the only person I know that makes herself an Easter basket and buys herself heart-shaped candy for Valentine’s Day.”

Presley chose not to answer. There was no use denying it. It was all true—and pretty sad, to be honest. Unfortunately, that was all she ever knew growing up. Even when her parents were alive, her mother never was one to go out and make holidays special. She and Chad never got huge overflowing amounts of gifts for any holidays, just a few things from her parents under the tree.

They never went without, but holidays weren’t about how much they received, but more about time spent together. Too bad all that time and attention was always focused on Chad and not her.

Even after Chad and her father died, her mother’s focus wasn’t on her. She didn’t do anything at all with her, which was when Presley started to buy everything for herself. Her mom didn’t care. She even handed over her credit card and told her to do it.

The ringing of Lucy’s phone had Presley looking up fast from the fries she was playing with on her plate. “Sorry, it’s Mark. I need to grab this.”

“No problem,” Presley said, then continued to eat, her mind wandering back to what Lucy said about Christmas day. Ben had left shortly after their Christmas breakfast. She ended up making him Eggs Benedict, along with waffles and bacon. Not exactly high rent like he asked for, but not low rent either. Of course she wasn’t sure how to make breakfast into something elegant, but he seemed pleased. Then he had left shortly after to spend the holiday with his parents, and she finished getting ready for work.

By the end of her shift she was beat and looking forward to crawling into bed. However, when she turned the corner onto her street she saw Ben’s SUV in her driveway. Stunned but pleased, she pulled behind it, then frowned when she saw the lights on in her house. He had given her the key back that morning, so unless he went and made a copy, she had no clue how he got into the apartment.

Opening the front door, she saw him lounging on her couch, his feet up and a blanket covering him. He turned to look at her, a mischievous grin on his face. “Hope it’s okay I’m here?”

Dropping her purse on the coffee table by the door and hanging up her jacket, she took her time answering, a silly look on her face the whole time. “Of course. Did you make a copy of my key?”

“No,” he replied, his smile still in place.

Her smile disappeared. “Then how did you get in?”

He cocked his head to the side. “Do you really want to know?”

“Maybe not.” She walked over and sat next to him, then leaned in and gave him a kiss on the lips. “On second thought, maybe I do want to know if my place is that easy to break in to.”

“There’s nothing broken,” he said, tugging on a lock of her hair.

“I see that,” she said. “But still. Should I be nervous that it was so easy to get in?”

A soft warm look came into his eyes followed by a quick kiss on her forehead. “Do you really think I would let you live in a place that was easy to get in to?”

“So everything is good then?”

“It is now.”

Angling her head, she asked, “What did you do? I didn’t notice anything.”

“Does it matter what?” She gave him a steady glare and he relented. “I just tightened some locks on the window. Nothing major. The apartment is in a good area, and the landlords have it pretty secure. I would feel better about a deadbolt and chain on the door though.”

He was being so sincere, and frankly no one had ever cared about her welfare before. It was touching. “Sounds reasonable. I’ll ask the landlord about it, or call a contractor myself.”

He winced. “You think I can’t handle installing a deadbolt lock and chain? I may not be a contractor like Alec, but I’ve put my fair share of time in on his crew.”

“Really? Did you wear a tool belt?” Images of him shirtless with jeans and a tool belt on his hips crossed her mind, causing her face to light up.

“Yes, I did. And why does that have you happy all of a sudden?”

“Never mind,” she said chuckling. Then she looked at his face, really looked, and saw the dark smudges under his eyes. He had done nothing but smile or grin the entire time she’d been home. But behind that mask she saw the sadness, and how worn out he really was. He looked troubled. More than he had in a while. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he replied, his mask of happiness never wavering. “Why do you ask?”

Shaking her head, she stood up, pulling him up with her. She had a feeling she knew. He had been fine when he left that morning, more than fine. But she had a bad feeling that Patty might have called him. All the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place, most likely why he was here when she didn’t expect it.

He would never come out and say it, but he probably didn’t want to be home alone tonight, and was hoping that by being with her he could actually get some sleep.

When he was standing next to her, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, then held him tight for a minute. He never said a word, just continued to hold her. Pulling back, she looked into his eyes and said, “The spare key is on the counter next to the microwave.” She gave him a quick kiss on the lips and forced a smile on her face so he wouldn’t think she was on to him. “For when you’re ready.” She didn’t want to put any pressure on him. Maybe he wasn’t ready to have a key to her place.

Honestly, she wasn’t sure she was ready either, but it felt like the thing to do.

Later that night, as tired as she was, she tried to stay awake until she knew he was sleeping, listening for his deep, even breathing. But she fell asleep waiting for it, his arm around her waist holding her close. Every time she moved, some part of him followed. An arm on her hip, his hand next to hers, his leg touching hers.

It was almost… smothering—conjuring memories as a child with her mother demanding so much of her attention, needing so much from her and never giving back.

But then she realized it wasn’t smothering at all. It was vulnerability from Ben. Something she never expected to see from him. And that he was showing that side of himself warmed her. Made her happy, made her feel cared for.

He gave her so much, never took anything from her, never demanded anything from her, and she realized that she wanted to give back.

The next morning, he leaned over the bed and gave her a goodbye kiss, just like he had been doing ever since she teased him about leaving her house without a trace. Hours later she climbed out of bed, took her shower and made her way to the kitchen. She turned on the coffee maker and noticed the key was missing from the counter. In its place was a note. Picking up the piece of paper she read,
I’m ready, are you?

All morning long and halfway through her shift she thought of those words. Was she ready? Did she want to give her heart to someone right now? She was pretty sure she couldn’t fight it off any longer. But there was so much he really didn’t know or understand about her.

Though, if she were honest with herself, he seemed to understand more about her than anyone else.

Christmas morning was a good example. It was almost like he knew how pleased she would be. Not that she was materialistic, she really wasn’t. She wouldn’t have cared if every box had coal in it—it was the idea that she woke up and had a Christmas morning like something she’d always dreamed of. Except she never told him that or anything at all about her childhood holidays.

Fluctuating back and forth emotionally all day, trying to figure out if she was truly ready or not, she rounded the corner and heard laughing inside of Sarah’s room. Thinking that one of the kids wasn’t in their room when they should be, she walked over and stood in the doorway, watching Sarah playing cards with Ben, his back to her, and Sarah’s head down concentrating. “Are you going to say hi, Presley?” he had asked.

“How did you know it was me,” she’d asked, pouting slightly.

He turned his head and lifted an eyebrow. “You walk a certain way.”

“You know it’s me by the way I walk, even with everyone else walking around here?”

He added a smirk to his face, causing her to lift then drop her shoulders in defeat. “What are you doing here?” she asked instead.

“Ben’s teaching me to play hearts, Presley,” Sarah informed her.

“That’s nice. Are you beating him?”

“No. But I will,” Sarah had said, laughing.

Ben stood up and tossed his cards on the table next to Sarah’s bed. “You need to get ready for the night. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble with Presley. She can be a little cranky when she’s hungry.”

Presley punched him lightly in the shoulder. “I do not get cranky when I’m hungry. But I am hungry right now. Are we eating together?”