All or Nothing (20 page)

The next morning, Presley rolled over and found the bed empty. No surprise, Ben had to go to work. And frankly, she wasn’t even startled that he didn’t give her a kiss good-bye this morning. He was probably running for the hills right now, and she wouldn’t blame him. Not with the freight train of baggage she dumped on him last night. Obviously, she couldn’t even handle her own baggage. She didn’t expect him to either.

Forcing her drained and sore body into the bathroom, she turned the shower on and undressed slowly. Her body felt as if that very same freight train of baggage had just hit her. Stepping under the hot spray, she stayed there, letting it run over her head, and soothing her as best it could. Too bad it wouldn’t soothe the ache inside of her.

Unaware, more tears poured out, leaving her standing in the shower much longer than she intended. Finally exiting, she dried off, then wrapped a towel around her hair, pulled on sweats and reached forward to wipe the steam from the mirror.

Then wished she didn’t when she saw the reflection staring back at her. Her eyes were swollen and puffy, not to mention bright red. Even her nose was red. She looked like hell.

Turning the water on cold, she soaked a washcloth, then applied it to her eyes and held it there until the coldness was gone. Repeating it a few more times until she was satisfied most the swelling had disappeared.

Rummaging around in the medicine cabinet, she found eye drops and used them, cursing against the burning sensation, but knowing it would help with the redness. Content she looked almost human, she left the bathroom and made her way to the kitchen.

She stopped midstride to see Ben sitting at the counter, drinking a cup of coffee and typing on his phone. “Good morning, Presley,” he said without looking up at her.

“What are you doing here? I thought you would be at work.”

He stopped what he was doing, looked up at her, then tilted his head to the side. “I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay.”

Her heart beat fast in her chest. No one had ever put their life on hold for her. Not enough to stay and hold her all night while she cried. Not to mention, wait for her in the morning to see if she was okay.

Looking at the clock, she realized he must have been sitting there for easily four hours, since he always woke before five. Unsure how to proceed, she walked forward intending to make a cup of coffee.

But he beat her to it, standing up and blocking her way, then told her to sit down. “I’ll get it for you. Do you want something to eat?”

“No, coffee is good for now. I’m not sure my stomach can handle anything at the moment.”

He nodded, handed her the coffee, exactly the way she liked it, then sat next to her at the counter. No words said at all. He just looked at her, watched her actions, then leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips as he ran his hand over her head, across her cheek and down her arm. “You look better.”

She blinked back the tears and forced out a laugh. “Considering I just spent twenty minutes trying to get rid of any signs of last night, I don’t need you getting my eyes all red and puffy again.”

He chuckled but didn’t put his usual grin in place. He wasn’t trying to hide behind it this morning. It seemed monumental to her that he wasn’t, but she couldn’t focus on that right now either. She wasn’t sure she wanted to go there. “
Are
you going into work today?”

“Soon. I need to go to the police station and give my statement. Lucas has been sending me messages too. I need to see him this afternoon.”

“Didn’t you tell him you were good? Or does he want to see for himself?” she asked.

He smiled grimly. “No, I need to file reports with the legal department. There will be an inquiry on my actions, the protocol taken, and how things might have been handled differently. Then he and I need to figure out what actions might be taken to prevent this again. Not to mention potential lawsuits. I hate lawyers even more than I hate paperwork… or shopping,” he added, then gave her a genuine smile.

She ignored his attempt at joking. “Do you need to worry about a lawsuit? You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said, feeling her anxiety building in his defense. “Do you have to hire your own attorney?”

Shaking his head, he said, “Well, I wouldn’t have far to go if I needed one, since my sister just married one of the best defense attorneys in the area. But no, I don’t need one. That is what the hospital’s legal team is for. And Lucas assured me he would handle the case personally, not that I expected any differently. Nor do I expect anything to come of it. But we have to cover our bases.”

“That makes sense.” She took another sip of her coffee and noticed half of it was gone. She didn’t even realize she had been drinking it while they were talking. Her mind was all over the place right now. “Let me finish this up and get dressed. Then I’ll go to the police station with you.”

He frowned. “No. Stay here and relax. I’ll come back and get you, then bring you to work. There is no reason for you to go with me.” He held his hand up when she started to protest. “I don’t need you there passing out on me,” he said with a trace of humor, obviously trying to cover up what might really be going on in his mind.

“I’m not going to pass out.” She reached over and ran her hand across the stubble on his cheek. “Thank you for last night. I guess I’ve had things bottled up for a long time, and once they started to leak out there was no stopping them.”

“Don’t thank me, Presley. I’m not feeling real charitable. And frankly if your mother were here right now, she and I would be having some words. I didn’t like what you told me last night, not one bit. I want to go back in time and change everything that happened to you. Everything you felt and everything you had to go through. But I can’t. And as much as I want to do it, I wouldn’t.”

She stared at him, alarmed and puzzled. “Why?”

“Why, what?”

“Why wouldn’t you go back and change anything?” It made no sense at all to her, why he would defend her, why he would say what he did about all the things that happened, then turn around and say he wouldn’t change it.

“Because if I did, then you wouldn’t have turned into the woman I fell in love with.” He stood up, gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked out the door before she could respond.

***

Ben returned to Presley’s hours later. After talking with her this morning he had gone home, changed clothes and shaved. Then he ran for an hour on the treadmill. He was wound up tight and needed to clear his mind. In order to do that, he had to get rid of some of the pent up emotions within him.

He’d had no intention of telling her he loved her. He had no right to say it to her, not with everything she had gone through the last twenty-four hours, but he couldn’t seem to stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.

Only he didn’t want to wait around for her to respond. He didn’t want her to feel like she had to say them back, not if she didn’t feel it. And he wasn’t sure what she was feeling.

When he was done with his run—and self-lecturing, because even though he loved her, there were parts of him that had greater baggage than Presley’s—he went to the police station and gave his statement. It was pretty cut and dry. There were enough witnesses to what happened last night.

On his way back to Presley’s, he stopped and picked up a few sandwiches, figuring they could have a quick lunch and he could bring her in early for her shift. Opening the door, he smelled lemons. “What have you been doing?”

“Sorry, I needed to do something, so I cleaned. Then I baked. I don’t know why, but when I’m antsy I clean and then bake. Hope you like lemon bars.”

“Yeah, I do.” He held up the bag. “I picked up some sandwiches for us. Then if you don’t mind, I thought I could bring you in early. There’s a lot to do today.”

“No problem.” She walked back into the kitchen, pulled out plates and silverware, grabbed a few sodas out of the refrigerator and sat down next to him. They sat there silently eating for a few minutes, until she said. “Can I ask you something?”

He turned to her. “Sure.” He held his breath, waiting for her to bring up what he said before he walked out the door. Waiting for her to start in on the talk about how she wasn’t ready for it.

Instead she stunned him. “Will you tell me about Trent?”

He continued to eat, processed the question in his head, and decided that considering everything he pushed her to say last night, the least he could do was say a few things. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, I know the ring you wear has something to do with him. I know he was your best friend, and that he died, and you left the service shortly after. Why don’t you tell me about him as a person? What was he like?”

He knew what she was doing. The same thing he did last night. Just trying to get him to talk. It was simple enough, and he had enough control to limit what he said, regardless of how heightened his emotions might get. “We were a lot alike. Went through all phases of the Navy and SEAL training together. He was funny, always smiling, and always laughing.”

“A lot like you, then?” she asked with a small smile of her own.

“Yeah. We were like brothers. After years of jealousy at how close Phil and Alec were, I finally understood it. I had that with Trent. Only different. What we went through, the missions, the training, the pain and the sorrow—it brings people together in a way that only those who serve can fully understand.” He stopped and continued eating, letting what he said process in his head before he continued.

“Will you tell me about his death?”

He finished his sandwich, then took a drink to help the burning in his throat. “No. There are some things I won’t share, Presley, and some things I can’t, because they are confidential. In this case, it’s both. I know you told me things last night, but this is different. War is different. What Trent and I experienced together, what we went through together, could be classified as hell at the best of times.”

Her look of sympathy made him pause, he didn’t want that look, and didn’t want her to feel that toward him. “There are parts of my life I’ve found I have to keep secret for a reason. No one needs to know the things I did, or the person I was in the service. I’m not that person anymore.”

“I think you will always be that person. Until you can let go. Until you can get it all out. You saw what happened to me, Ben. That was years of emotions and secrets hidden deep. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

“It’s not the same thing, Presley. I appreciate you asking and trying to help. But no one can understand what happened that night. Or what I go through because of it.”

“Because you won’t tell us. But I know more than you think.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?” he said, sarcastically, then wished he hadn’t. Not when she smiled at his response.

“I know you feel guilty, and you feel responsible. And that every time Patty calls, you have nightmares and can’t sleep. Because a part of you feels like you failed her too, and she blames you for her son’s death, doesn’t she?”

He picked up the wrapper his sandwich came in, crinkled it up loudly, and tossed it in the trash. “You see more than you should.”

“I guess I’m a little bit like you in that sense, huh?”

He ignored her. “Do you mind changing and going in early? I need to meet with Lucas soon.”

“Sure. Give me a few minutes.”

She came out dressed in her scrubs minutes later. They drove to the hospital in silence. He parked his SUV and they made their way to the elevator. When she got off on the same floor as him, rather than going on to the Pediatric Ward, he stopped and pulled her aside, away from the foot traffic. “What are you doing? I told you I’m fine. I appreciate it, Presley, but I don’t need you to go with me. You don’t need to relive it right now.”

“That’s too bad, because Lucas called and asked me to come in and make a statement. Besides, as long as I have the man I love next to me, I can get through it, right?”

“What time do we have to be at Kaitlin’s?” Presley asked.

Ben looked up from the text he was reading while sitting on her couch. “Not until four. We’ve got a few hours still.”

“I’m surprised they want everyone together again so soon. They just got back from their honeymoon last Sunday.”

Placing his phone on the coffee table, he shrugged. “Kaitlin told me they wanted everyone together. I didn’t ask why. I just do what I’m told.”

She snorted. “Since when?”

“You haven’t figured out by now how terrified I am of the women in my life?” He stood up and walked over to where she had been washing the windows. He knew by now she always cleaned when she was antsy. He just didn’t know why. “Besides, I’m pretty sure you know what today is about,” he said, raising his eyebrow at her.

She ducked her head and went back to her cleaning, and not doing a very good job covering up the light pink that spread across her face. It had been almost three weeks since they both let it slip that they were in love with each other. Yet neither of them had actually said those three big words to each other. Only little comments about not breaking each other’s heart, like it was their secret code.

He didn’t know what was holding her back from saying the words to him, but then again, he hadn’t said them either. So he couldn’t judge.

Quickly, he had her caged against the wall, holding her hands above her head with one of his own as his mouth was at her neck placing feather-like kisses along her collarbone. “I’ll get it out of you.”

“Huh? What?” she asked, her eyes starting to glaze over.

“What is going on today,” he mumbled around kisses, his lips close to her ear now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she stammered.

He pushed his hips against her, rubbing the length of his body on her. “I think you do. And I’m really good at making people talk,” he whispered, her body trembling now.

She arched against him, then ordered, “Kiss me.”

He knew what she was doing. She was trying to distract him. It was working. He could get her to talk, but he really wasn’t going to. Whatever it was, he would let her keep her sister’s secret. But he was having too much fun with her to stop now. “Maybe if you ask nicely,” he said softly, pulling her earlobe into his mouth.

“You told me to take if it I wanted it,” she reminded him. “But I can’t move my hands.” She tilted her neck to the side, trying to get him to kiss her more. “So I’m demanding it instead.”

She was slowly killing him and didn’t even know it. Or maybe she did. He didn’t care either way. Instead he let go of her hands, then quickly dipped his shoulder under her chest and lifted her onto his shoulder, her legs hanging in front of him “Hey,” she yelled. “What are you doing?”

“Taking control of the situation.” He walked quickly to her room, and when she started to squirm to get down he slapped her behind with just enough force to sting, keeping it playful at the same time. She laughed at him, letting him know she knew what he was about.

Walking into her bedroom, he tossed her on the bed and came down on top of her, straddling her waist with his legs and locking her arms above her head with one of his hands again. Then he leaned down and kissed her like she asked, their lips and tongues meeting and retreating, setting a frantic pace they both loved.

Until suddenly, her leg wrapped around his waist, she shifted and was now on top of him, straddling him as he had been her. Now both of her hands were pinning his to the bed above his head, her fingers entwining with his. She noticed the shock on his face, followed by the admiration in his eyes. “I impressed you, didn’t I?”

Damn, she did. And that she knew it was even better. He could easily turn her back around but decided to let her have her way with him. Matter of fact, he preferred it.

Running her tongue down his neck, around his collarbone, then back up his neck, she whispered, “You won’t turn the tables on me if I let go of your hands, will you?”

She wasn’t stupid, she knew he could turn her around easily enough, but she seemed to be enjoying the game as much as him. “Like to be in control, do you?”

“There is nothing I like better than having you under my control,” she said seductively, and at that moment he was willing to give her control any time she wanted it.

“Maybe there is nothing I like better than giving you that control,” he replied.

She leaned back quickly, searched his face for a second, then stopped, leaned forward and placed her lips gently against his. “Your heart is safe with me,” she whispered.

Not what he wanted her to say, but he knew it meant the same. He repeated those same words back to her, and then she changed gears and kicked it up a degree.

Releasing his hands, she frantically reached for the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up over his head, tossing it on the floor. Then scooted down and quickly shed him of his pants. He helped her out of her clothes just as fast, until they were both naked, her on top straddling him once again, then easing down, taking all of him, agonizingly slow. A huge contradiction to the urgency they shared undressing each other.

Leaning forward, she laced her fingers through his again, laid her upper body against his, slid her long legs out so they were on top of his, and stayed still. “I just need to feel you for a minute. Under me, inside of me, every part of you with me.”

He was rocked to the core, his emotion greater than ever. This was more than sex, this was love, the love they couldn’t seem to speak of to each other, but they had no problem showing it. “Take all the time you need.” He could have laid there like that for years and been content.

But minutes later, she adjusted her legs, got back on her knees, grabbed his hands and placed them on her breasts. Then she threw her head back and started to ride him. Slow, then fast, hurried, then not so hurried, changing it up, leaving him guessing, making him wait for it, ready to beg.

Gloriously she let go of her inhibitions and gave him everything she had. He
felt
everything she had. From her body, from the emotions in her eyes as he watched her breath catch, and her hand go between her legs while she rubbed herself until she was right to the very edge. Removing her hands, she rode up and down at a fast unbridled pace until he couldn’t hold back any longer and jumped over the edge of madness with her.

***

Presley looked around the large family room at Kaitlin and Ryan’s house. Phil was the last to arrive, then apologized to everyone saying he lost track of time on the drawings for the new development that he and Alec had in the works. Minutes later Sophia slipped in. Presley didn’t even know she was coming.

Everyone was there, or everyone that seemed to matter in Kaitlin and Ryan’s life. Both of their parents, their siblings and their spouses, herself, and their closest friends, Jack, Cori, Mac, and Beth. Presley waited with bated breath, the same as the other girls, who were all hoping and praying Kaitlin said what they thought she would.

“Now that you are all here,” Kaitlin started, then stopped and picked up Ryan’s hand and gave it a little squeeze. “We just want to tell you all, officially, that we’re having a baby.”

Both mothers jumped up and ran to Kaitlin, hugging her tight. Both fathers congratulating Ryan, and then each other. Like that had something to do with it, Presley thought. The men all seemed surprised, which was good. Presley was glad she’d kept it a secret from Ben and suspected that all the other women had also.

Looking over at Ben, she noticed he was unusually quiet, a little bit shell-shocked, but hanging in there. “What’s wrong?” she whispered.

He looked back at her, his eyes a bit misty. “My baby sister is having a baby,” he said in wonder.

“Yeah, she is. And she is watching you right now,” she pointed out.

Ben looked Kaitlin’s way, stood up, walked over and lifted her off the ground in a hug, then planted a kiss on her cheek. Then he turned to Ryan, shook his hand and told him in a firm voice, but with a big grin, “Don’t ever let her down.”

“No, worries there,” Ryan said, happily. “You should know by now, your sister has me wrapped around her finger.”

Ben slapped Ryan on the back, then walked back to sit down next to Presley while Kaitlin laughed and said, “Okay, Cori. Your turn.”

All heads turned in Jack and Cori’s direction. Obviously the women had all kept that a secret from the men too. “Geez,” Cori whined. “It’s your day.”

“And yours. So spill, I can’t believe you waited this long. You of all people,” Kaitlin said going over and tugging Cori up and taking her seat.

Cori pulled Jack up next to her. He looked slightly embarrassed and extremely proud, while Cori bounced up and down on her toes. “We’re having a baby, too!”

More hugs, kisses and congratulations made the rounds. Presley looked over at Ben, who was chuckling. “I hope there wasn’t something in the water at the wedding. Anyone else have an announcement to make?” he said, looking at Phil, who turned away embarrassed. Presley wasn’t sure what that was about, but everyone laughed.

Kaitlin spoke first. “I was pregnant before the wedding, Ben. I’m almost eight weeks now, and Cori is about eleven weeks.”

“What?” Ben roared. “You got my sister pregnant before you married her?!”

Ryan burst out laughing, obviously not the least bit concerned with Ben’s outburst. Presley reached over and patted him on the leg, then leaned over and kissed his cheek. He was such a good big brother.