Altar Ego (14 page)

I moved as fast as was humanly possible trussed up like I was and darted into an empty room. I hit the button to black out the window and huddled in the corner before I let myself go. The tears streamed down my face and I cried. I cried like I should have cried when my marriage was over. I cried like I should have cried when Daniel told me he never wanted to speak to me again. I cried like I had never done before and I didn’t think this pain would ever go away.

The door opened a little and I sensed him enter. He didn’t turn on the lights, he didn’t call out. He knew exactly where I was and came straight to me. I drew back and pressed myself as far into the corner as I could.

“Elise.” His voice was soft and gentle. “Elise. You were told to wait for me upstairs.” He crouched at my side and lifted his hand to my face. He wiped away a tear with his thumb and I flinched away from him.

“Don’t you fucking touch me.” I snarled. “You gave up all rights to me when you fucked that whore in front of me.”

He sighed.

“Elise.” My eyes adjusted to the darkness as he spoke. “Elise, I own you. You don’t get to decide whether I touch you or not.”

My anger bubbled up inside of me. I pulled myself to my feet and stood over him as he stayed crouched on the floor. I felt my confidence growing with every second that passed.

“You’re wrong Dominic.” I stepped back from him as he too rose to his feet. “I have complete control over what happens to me.”

“Okay. Elise.” He moved a step closer. “Do you want me to apologise? Is that it?”  He took another step, bearing down on me like the monster he was. “I’m sorry.” He said it with a smirk and before I could even think about my reaction I lifted my hand and slapped him across the cheek. I stepped back and held my breath, unable to determine what his next move would be I didn’t give him the chance. I ran for the door, the damned rope preventing me from moving as quickly as I needed. He reached there before me and banged his hand against the door. I jumped as he grabbed me and held me against the wall by my throat. He fumbled a little until he found the lights and once they were on he released me and stood in front of me.

“I’m sorry.” He paused. “I needed to hurt someone Elise.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I mean REALLY fucking hurt someone.” He closed his eyes. “No matter how much I want to...I just can’t bring myself to be like that with you.”

I stared at him.

“You REALLY fucking hurt me tonight.” I told him. I put my hand over my chest. “You hurt me here.”

He looked into my eyes.

“I AM sorry Elise. I never meant to...” He took my hand in his and I let him momentarily. “I thought I was protecting you.”

I shook him off me.

“No. Dominic.” I said. “You were protecting YOU!”

He sighed.

“You look incredible tonight.” He tried to change the direction of the conversation.

“What a shame you won’t benefit from it.” I snapped at him. “You think you can do whatever you like? Let’s see how you like it when your little plaything fights back.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He asked as he grabbed my wrist.

“Get your fucking hands off me.” I shouted.

He let go and stood back, a little surprised I think, and I took the opportunity to let myself out. I slipped into the room next door, knowing that he wouldn’t look for me there, and hoping for some time alone to reflect on what had kicked off tonight. I needed to speak to Max but there was no mobile signal down here, and I would have more chance of finding a needle in a haystack than finding Max in the many rooms within the club.

Unfortunately I wasn’t alone. It was a closed room with private viewing so there was a small gathering of people watching a couple taking the floor. I heard my own audible gasp as I took in the scene in front of me.

A woman was there; restrained and attached to a St Andrews cross in the centre of the room. She was blindfolded and wearing earphones. I imagined there would be strains of classical music playing through to her, anything to relax her and open her up to what she was to endure tonight. Two men circled her, their erections standing proud for everyone to see.

I leaned back into the wall, steadying myself as I did so. I was turned on by what I saw and the rope gliding over my folds as I squeezed my thighs together only heightened every sensation further. My breathing was laboured and I was certain that everyone else in the room could hear my obvious excitement. I smoothed my hands over the rope tugging ever so slightly as I moved in closer. I wanted to be nearer to this woman. I wanted to enjoy watching her grow, like a flower exposed to the sunlight.  She ground her arse against the cross as the two men closed in on her. Her nipples peaked as they trailed the fronds of their cat o nine tails across her skin. They flicked them against her breasts, the redness on her skin glowing in the darkened room, before trailing them downwards to her mound. As one caressed the other one would hit, and restrained as she was, it was easy to see her arousal. Her breathing quickened and her head tossed from side to side as they continued to flit between causing pleasure and pain. Her bravery astounded me. She never once cried out, and just let herself be immersed in her ecstasy.

I felt the heat rising within me as one of the men plunged his fingers into her slick folds.  She opened her mouth and groaned loudly, clearly no longer aware or caring about the audience watching her. I responded to her call by slipping a finger through the rope and caressing myself gently, nothing too brazen; I didn’t want to alert anyone’s attention to myself.

One of the men caught my eye as stroked myself and a quiet moan slipped from my throat and echoed around the room. His look said it all. He was asking permission. He approached me slowly, while the second man released the woman from the cross. He held her gently as she found her feet, and then guided her out of another door away from prying eyes, where I presumed he would give her everything else she needed.

As the first man stood in front of me, and everyone else in that room turned expectantly to look at me, he lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed it softly.

“Miss?” He spoke quietly. “Would you care to join me?”

I nodded and moved towards him.

If Dominic wanted to play games that was fine. Let’s see how he liked it. I had no doubt whatsoever that this would get back to him, probably a lot quicker than I could even imagine. But frankly, he could go fuck himself. I came here for pleasure tonight and if he wanted to share his elsewhere then I could too.

I stepped in front of the cross. As I turned my back to it, I lifted my arms and bared my wrist cuffs. I was lifted deftly and buckled in around my waist. He moved quickly and efficiently, first strapping my wrist cuffs, and then each ankle, opening me up and causing the rope to slip and chafe, almost burning my inner folds.  The blood rushed from my head as the alcohol from earlier took effect and in a moment of panic I turned to the side and whispered,

“Please keep me upright.”

The man nodded and gave me a small smile as he covered my eyes and I was plunged into darkness. The headphones came next and the eerie sound of a song I didn’t know resounded and enveloped me in the private world I had been encased in.

I waited for what seemed like an age before I felt the soft tickle of a gentle flogger trailing across my skin. I flinched with surprise as it feathered over my breasts and they swelled against the rope. I felt something cold around my nipples, not a painful sensation, just a little heavy and alien. My nipples grew harder and the coolness of whatever was adorning them became more and more apparent. It was clearly some kind of magnetic clamp and the more aroused I became the tighter the draw of the magnets, squeezing and tightening around me. When I felt the ropes being parted and fingers spreading me before adorning the same cool touch to my clit I gasped loudly. It was such an unexpected feeling and I shuddered with pleasure as my muscles contracted and my climax came over me suddenly.

I sagged in my bonds, thankful of the support from the cross but still gasping from the surprise of the sudden onslaught. I barely had the chance to catch my breath before the pain started. I took several lashes across my stomach and thighs before I felt myself finally slipping away. I was numb, my senses removed and it didn’t hurt any more. My skin felt clammy and my breathing slow. My head lolled to the side and even within my blindfold the darkness came over me.

There was a flash of recognition that I was in way above my head. That as part of a loving relationship this was okay, but with someone I didn’t trust it was wrong. So wrong; on every level. I tried to find the strength to fight against my restraints but I was weak.

There was silence.... the calm before the storm.

Then he was there. They could dull all of my senses apart from my scent. I knew it was him and I let him take my weight as he unfastened me.

“What have you done Elise?” His words were gentle and soothing in opposition to my skin which raged, burning and sore. “What did you let them do to you?”

My body weak, I rested my head on his shoulder as he carried me out, the commotion behind me becoming quieter as he whisked me away to safety and solace. I only needed to be in his arms to feel these things, He was what made me feel safe, and as the tears rolled down my cheeks I suddenly realised why he had tried to protect me.

He laid me down on the bed in his quarters, the eiderdown soft on my back. I flinched as he released the magnetic clamps and the blood rushed back into my most sensitive areas. He kissed me gently on the lips as he removed my blindfold and I looked deep into his eyes to see the sorrow within them.

“Why?” He asked, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn’t know how to answer his question.

“Why would you put yourself in such a dangerous position Elise?” He sat up and reached for a sponge sitting in a bowl of warm water at the side of the bed. He carefully sponged me down, the white silk rope now tinged with pink where my wounds had bled.

“I didn’t realise I had.” I told him. “I was just so aroused by what I was watching and when he invited me to join him; I didn’t think you would care.”

“Oh Elise, sweetheart.” He put down the sponge. “You have no idea how much it hurts to see you in pain caused by others. Nobody else should be marking you like this.” He lifted me gently onto his lap and held me in his arms. I cried, the salty tears dripping onto his shirt and he comforted me like you would a small child. He continued to hold me after the tears stopped falling and as I drifted off to sleep in his arms I heard him whisper.

“I need you to be mine and only mine Elise. You are my weakness.”

When I woke the next morning he was laying by my side watching me. I opened my eyes slowly and frowned at him.

“Why are you staring at me?” I asked and grimaced as I moved to pull myself into a sitting position.

“Let me help you.” He placed his arms around me and lifted me gingerly, propping pillows behind me in an effort to ensure I was comfortable. “Okay?” He had a look of concern still and I wanted to reassure him.

“I’m okay.” I told him. “Better for seeing your face this morning.” I gave a wry smile.

He slipped off of the bed.

“I brought you some clothes. Can you manage?” He asked me as he moved towards the door.

“I think so.” I replied.

“Good. I will bring you some coffee and then I’m taking you home.” He smiled and exited the room.

I carefully got out of bed and pulled on the cotton maxi dress he had brought me. He was ever so considerate. Anything with a waist band would have been agony. These were not the actions of someone who didn’t care and I had to keep reminding myself of that. Even after hearing his words as I drifted off the previous night I was still unsure of where our relationship was headed. I sat on the edge of the bed pondering and was still there when he came in and handed me a steaming black coffee. I took it and sipped at it, and although it was hot, it was just what I needed for my champagne hangover.

“We need to talk don’t we?” He asked, not moving from his position in front of me just out of arms reach. This was disappointing. I needed him to be as near to me this morning as he was last night. I needed that comfort from him still. Although I was dreading the talk he needed to have with me I simply nodded in reply and sipped more of my coffee. I couldn’t help but wonder whether this was it for him. Still, it wasn’t a conversation we were having right now. That was clear.

A little while later he led me out of the building in the broad daylight and opened the car door for me. It was only as I buckled myself in with the seat belt that I realised he hadn’t blindfolded me, and I was looking out over a large barren piece of land in the middle of an industrial site. There were no signs on the building at all, and it looked pretty much just like an abandoned warehouse from the outside. I smiled to myself as he climbed into the driver’s seat. Surely he wouldn’t let me see the clubs location if it were over between us.

When we arrived back at the apartment, Dominic made himself scarce. He said he had some calls to take care of, that we would talk soon. I kept myself busy by cleaning the already pristine worktops in the surgical like kitchen and dusting the imaginary dust from the grand piano. I had come to realise that I didn’t really like having a housekeeper. At times like this I had nothing to do and I needed to keep myself busy to stop my mind from wandering. I was just thinking that I would go and clean my own flat, I had no doubt that Ellie had left a mess behind her, when he strode into the room and stood arms folded, legs slightly apart in the doorway.

“Going somewhere?” He asked. He wasn’t really asking. His words were merely a cover up. What he was really doing was telling me I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Not now that you are here, no.” I told him. “I was bored. So while you were busy, I was just going to nip out and clean my flat.” I looked down at my feet and fiddled with my own hands, wringing them backwards and forth. He had the ability to make me feel like a child and right now I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

“You mean Ellie’s flat?” He glared at me, daring me to respond.

“Yes Dominic. I mean Ellie’s flat.” I spoke quietly. I really didn’t want to argue with him. I only wanted things to be right between us. If they couldn’t be then I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible.

He moved towards me, like a leopard stalking his prey. Never before had I seen a man move with such grace, such poise. My breath caught in my throat as I watched him approach.  He gestured to the sofa...

“Sit.”

I sat down and he joined me, though he kept a little distance between us. Minutes passed before he spoke again, and the silence was uncomfortable to say the least.

“I want us to be exclusive.” He said without even a glance in my direction. “I don’t want anyone else touching you.”

I could feel the rage bubbling inside of me. How dare he? How could he sit there and tell me he wanted us to be exclusive when he had been screwing the club whore the previous night without a second thought for me.

“I know what you are thinking...” he continued.

“Oh do you?” I interrupted him. “So tell me DOM... what exactly am I thinking?” I stared at him and when he didn’t speak I carried on... “Maybe I’m thinking that I would love to be exclusively yours, but I don’t think that you will keep your dick in your pants for more than two minutes.”  There was still no response from him, his head hung slightly and his shoulders rising and falling with each breath he took. “Or maybe.... Maybe I’m thinking that you are only saying this because the thought of another man touching what belongs to you makes you feel out of control.” I was shouting now, the fury finally taking over and my hands shaking with fear. I didn’t really want this to end but I was gone too far now to not say what was really on my mind.

He was up on his feet before I spoke again.

“Yes!” He cried out. “Yes you are right! The thought of another man touching you, marking you, giving you pain or pleasure cuts me to the core.” He ran his hand through his hair, the frown lines on his forehead visible and his eyes dark and brooding. “I have to be in control Elise. Can you understand that?”

Finally!  I thought. Halle-fucking-lulah. At last he speaks some truth. I stayed sitting and watched him fighting his own torment. Why was he like this?

“What happened to you Dominic?” I asked in a quiet voice. “Why are you so intent on destroying everything?” He glared at me as I spoke. “Did someone hurt you?” I needed some answers. I had to try and understand why he was the man he was. What made him tick.

“Not everyone is damaged Elise. Some of us just like to keep control, to own pretty things. Some of us just have an appreciation of pain running through our veins.”  He held eye contact with me as he spoke.

“But you aren’t hurting yourself.” I tried to explain to him. “You are hurting others.”

“And I appreciate them letting me do so.” He continued to stare me down, as if goading me to disagree with him. “Don’t you like it when I turn your skin pink? Don’t you like it when I sink my teeth into the delicate softness of your neck?” He moved closer to me and leaned in to where I was sitting, He lifted his hand and grazed his thumb across my breast pausing as he touched the nub of my nipple, which was hardening as he spoke. “Don’t you like it when I squeeze you so hard that you whimper before coming harder than you have ever come before?” Right on cue he gripped my nipple between his thumb and forefinger and rolled it tightly between the two. I gasped and nodded.

He was right, I did enjoy it. I was happy for him to cause pain because I knew he would follow it up with more pleasure than I had ever been given in any other relationship. But there was the issue. This wasn’t a relationship. He owned me. He had everything, and I had...well I had nothing.

“But you hurt me much deeper than that.” I whispered. “I invited you to break me, but I didn’t think you would break my heart.” I dropped my eyes to the floor and he stepped back as if he had been burned, his hand leaving my breast and his face contorted with confusion.

I stood up and moved to him.

“I’m sorry Dominic. I can’t go on like this.” I felt my voice catch in my throat. I hadn’t intended for things to go this way and my heart was screaming at me to shut up and just agree to what he was offering, where as my head was telling me not to be such a fool.

“Elise.” He spoke my name softly. “What is it that you want?”

I sighed.

“I want to know you. The real you. I want to be able to discuss your work with you like normal couples. I don’t even know what you do for a living? Do you have any idea how ridiculous that is?”

I took a moment to compose myself. I was angrier with him that I could have imagined. He shifted from foot to foot indicating that he was growing more and more uncomfortable with this conversation.

“I buy companies which are struggling, break them down, strip them of their assets and then move on to the next one.” He offered in explanation.

“Just like you do your women?” I scoffed at him.

“That’s unfair Elise. You asked me and I told you. What more can I do?”

He looked tired now, his face drawn and fine lines appearing that I hadn’t noticed previously.

“I’m sorry Dominic. You are right. I wasn’t being fair. But I want to understand what’s going on inside your head.”

“You don’t want to know what goes on inside my head Elise. I have enough trouble of my own battling the demons in there.” He turned his back on me and moved to stand by the window. “I don’t understand why you have to map everything out. You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see where life takes you.” He shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“In trust is the word ‘us’ Dominic.” I moved toward him until I could reach out and place my hand on his back. “It has to be a two way street. How can I put my trust in you if you aren’t willing to offer me the same courtesy?”

I stepped back and moved away. This was going nowhere.

He reached out and gripped my wrist lightly.

“I told you I wanted us to be exclusive. I meant BOTH of us. There was no real pleasure in what I did last night.” He admitted. “I’d had a tough day and I need some release. I thought I could get it elsewhere.” He looked down at the floor and stroked his thumb over the inside of my wrist before letting go of my hand. “I am sorry Elise. I didn’t set out to hurt you, and believe me when I tell you that it won’t happen again.”

I watched him carefully; there was more feeling, more emotion in his voice than ever before. He was clearly hurting as much as I was. I had no idea what we had with each other but I did know that it was stupid to throw it away. Everyone is allowed one mistake right? God knows Adam made enough of them in the early days and I always forgave him.

I moved towards him and knelt on the floor next to his feet. I looked up at him and as I opened my mouth to speak, I realised that there would be no going back from this. This was my commitment to him.

“You have given me a new lease of life. You have taught me how to love myself. You have taught me to open my mind...and my body to new experiences. I’m not ashamed to say that I love you.” I paused... He dropped to his knees too and took my face in his hands tenderly as I continued. “I meant it when I said that I was yours. I only ask that you talk to me.”

I waited for him to respond, and he just held my face, staring deep into my eyes before finally, he spoke...

“I will do anything to keep you in my life. You mean everything to me.”

I smiled. A smile that showed on the outside but spread much much deeper within. The elation of him finally admitting that he cared was more than I could have expected and at that moment in time, I couldn’t ever imagine a day in my life when he wasn’t there.