Altar Ego (17 page)

I woke feeling like I had done ten rounds with a pro boxer and as I tried to haul myself out of bed I broke down and crumpled into a heap on the floor. Max came running and sat beside me wrapping his strong arms around me and holding me tightly.

“Sssh Princess. It’s going to be okay. I promise you.”

“I can’t face one more day without him Max. I wish I had died too.” I pressed myself deeper into his warmth and let my emotions take over.

“DON’T SAY THAT!” He moved back and lifted my chin, staring deep into my eyes. “We WILL get through this, and I don’t ever want to hear you say that again.” He hugged me once more before helping me up and handing me tissues for my nose.  “Now, get your crippled arse downstairs for breakfast.” He attempted a smile.

The table was laid for breakfast when we got downstairs and Ellie was sitting nursing a cup of coffee. She looked tired and drawn, like she hadn’t slept for weeks but when I entered the room she looked up with the biggest grin ever.

“Morning Mum.” She slid a cup of coffee across the table to me and wrapped her hands back around her own mug.

I smiled at her as I sat, it was difficult to fit this bloody plaster cast under the table and as I felt my frustration take over I heard a giggle. I snapped my head up to see Ellie, Max and Ian all stifling their laughter.

“I’m sorry Mum.” This was Ellie.

I chuckled myself, feeling normal for the first time since the accident.

“Don’t apologise. I guess it is quite amusing to have me dependant on others.” I finally managed to force my leg under the table and reached for my coffee.

“Max?” I stared into my coffee. “Could you take me to the apartment today please?”

“Yes of course.  We don’t have any keys though.” He replied.

“The concierge will let me in.” I told him.

We sat in silence while we drank several cups of coffee. I pushed away every piece of food that was placed in front of me. Ian had gone all out with pancakes and waffles, piled high with crispy bacon and maple syrup. All of my favourites but I couldn’t eat. My stomach churned and putting food into it was the last thing on my mind.

Ian was the first to leave the kitchen table.

“I’m going to head back into the office, see what I can find...if anything.” He sighed.

“Okay.” Max replied and tilted his head as Ian passed by. He was rewarded with a gentle kiss as his man passed him. I smiled to myself. However miserable I was feeling right now I was glad that Max had found someone as wonderful as he was.

Max explained to me that Ian was spending every waking moment trawling the internet for news of Dominic. He was focusing today on the club and its whereabouts. The hope was that someone there would know what had happened. 

“But I know where the club is...” I told him.

“What?” Max looked surprised.

“Yes.  I have been doing the books there; the keys are in Dominic’s office at the apartment.” I explained.

“Well why didn’t you say so?” Max smiled at me. “Let’s go Princess. We need to wrap you up warm.” He helped me up and ushered me upstairs. I dressed as quickly as was possible with a leg that wouldn’t move when I wanted it to, and within 30 minutes we were in the car and heading for the apartment that I shared with the man I loved.

When we arrived Max pulled up outside and I hobbled to the front door. Pressing the bell for the concierge we waited, rather impatiently for him to respond.

“Hello?” The rather tinny sounding voice came over the intercom.

“It’s Elise Bentley. I...Err....I don’t have my keys...” The door clicked open before I finished speaking and we made our way inside. We were greeted by the huge man that was the concierge, with pock marked skin and a chest wider than the M1. He was a mean looking fellow but not today. Today he was grinning from ear to ear.

“It’s so good to see you Ms.” He took my hand and clasped it firmly in his. “Is there any news on Mr Payne?”

Max shook his head and the concierge released my hand with a downfallen look on his face.  He called the lift and handed me a passkey for the penthouse floor.  We entered the lift, pushed the passkey into the slot and pressed the button for the top floor. I looked over my shoulder to see this huge man wipe his eyes as we moved away from him.  I bit back the tears that threatened to fall once more as the doors closed and the lift began its ascent.

As we approached the floor where the lift would stop I felt an incredible sense of calm come over me. It was no surprise really; this place would always feel like home.  Within these walls I could truly be myself. I could succumb to my deepest desires, and listen to my body wholeheartedly.

Not any more though.

Without Dominic it was just a bunch of rooms with furniture in. So I couldn’t quite understand why it felt so natural for me to be here.

The lift pinged softly and the doors slid open. The scent was the first thing to hit me. It was as if he had been here this morning. The essence of him filled the air and I inhaled it deeply as I stepped out of the lift into the open space.

The kitchen was pristine. I expect his housekeeper had been coming still to keep things ticking over.

“Will you move back in?” Max asked me quietly.

I shrugged my shoulders.

“You just look so...I dunno...at peace I guess.” He walked alongside me as I moved around the room.  “This is the calmest I have see you since you woke up.”

“I don’t know what will happen Max. I’m fairly certain there will be no provision for me to stay here and I sure as hell couldn’t afford to buy it.” I sighed.

I moved to the piano and lifted the lid, trailing my fingers along it. It tinkled beautifully under my touch and brought back the memory of Dominic playing. I should learn to play I thought to myself.

I turned my back to the window and the incredible view and looked at Max.  I felt my shoulders sag and the lump form in my throat as it all became too much.

“I miss him Max.” I blinked as the tears came rapidly. “I just want him home...with me.”

As the first sob left my body Max was with me holding me tightly in his arms and comforting me.

“I wish I could make it better Princess.” He sighed against my hair. “Let’s get these keys and then we can figure out where to go from here.”

He moved away from me gingerly, almost as if he was afraid to let go. As if he was afraid that I might break down completely. I sniffed and tried desperately to stem the tears as I followed him across the room. He stepped aside as we came to the corridor and I passed him and led the way to the office.

His scent was stronger in here. It really was as if he was still here. No normal scent would linger for this length of time. I shrugged again and opened the desk drawer where we kept the keys. I pulled out the large bunch and jangled them in my hand to let Max know that I had them. I picked up the photo frame on the desk. We were stood side by side at a charity dinner. I was dressed in a red backless gown and him in a suit. I was looking into the camera and smiling. He was looking at me.  I gasped as I realised that he looked at me like he adored me. He looked like a man in love.

I placed the frame back on the desk and Max touched my hand.

“Why don’t you bring that home?” He asked. “It might help you to have something.” 

I nodded as I picked it back up and clutched it to my chest. We turned to leave the office and as I followed Max into the hallway I felt a cool breeze brush past me.

“I’m not going to say goodbye Dominic.” I whispered into the empty room. “I don’t believe our time is over yet and I WILL be with you again someday.”

I closed the door behind me and gave Max a small smile.  He held my hand and we headed for the lift once more.

After some sketchy directions and several wrong turns we finally arrived at the club. Max was busy taking the piss out of me for my crap memory and laughter filled the air. It was as if everything was just normal, and it was extremely refreshing. As we parked outside the wooden door, Max looked around in surprise.

“I know.” I told him. “It’s not what you would expect is it?”

“Errr...No. Not at all.” He replied as he opened the car door. “I don’t actually know what I was expecting. A big neon sign above the door? Dancing girls? A floor map of all the dungeons.” He winked and we chuckled at the silliness of it all. I handed the keys to Max as we approached the door. It would be difficult for me to manage the weight of the door on crutches. He unlocked it and pushed it open. There was a distinctive smell in the air. In all the months I had been coming here out of hours I still hadn’t managed to figure out exactly what it was. It was most likely a concoction of perfumes and cleaning fluids, along with several different oils and balms. The result was a heady scent that you couldn’t help but like.

We navigated the corridors to Dominic’s quarters. It was strange that there was nobody around. Usually a couple of the girls would be floating about or at least a security man or two. It was strangely silent and a little uncomfortable to say the least. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but it was if the whole place was deserted.  We had a busy timetable over Christmas and New Year and there weren’t even any decorations up. I couldn’t hide my confusion as we entered the rooms that Dominic called his own.

“Are you okay Princess?” Max asked with concern.

“Yes...Yes...I’m a bit confused to be honest.” I scratched my head in perplexity. “The Christmas period was fully booked, and yet it’s like a ghost town.”

“Oh.” He too looked confused. “Well that’s strange.” He paused for a moment as if he were carefully thinking through his next statement.

“You can say it you know!” I snapped. “You can just say that it’s because he is dead!” I felt my voice catch in my throat as I said the words out loud. “You can just say that everything is shit, and he isn’t coming back.” I sank down onto the sofa and put my head in my hands and once more I let the tears flow.  Max sat beside me. He didn’t touch me this time. He just sat there...a comforting presence and let me cry.

As I composed myself we both snapped our heads up. There were footsteps in the corridor.

“Someone’s here.” Max said as he jumped up and went for the door.

“Hello?” A feminine voice called tentatively.

Max opened the door wide and in walked a woman. She was glamorous but not overly so. She wore a suit and high heels which made her legs look like they went on for miles.

“Hi.” She spoke softly as she came into the room. “Elise? You’re Elise right?”

I nodded.

“My name is Sara. I’m Dominic’s solicitor.” She sat down beside me and turned to speak in a hushed voice to Max. Max wandered off and Sara took hold of my hand.

“How are you holding up?” She asked me, but before I had a chance to reply she continued. “I’m glad you are here. I have been trying to get hold of you. I went to the hospital but they said you had discharged yourself.”

She looked me over with what I saw as concern.

“I’m okay.” My voice was small and unrecognisable as my own. “Just getting through each day. You know how it is.”

“I’m sure it isn’t easy.” She gave my hand a little squeeze and took a deep breath before continuing. “You should know that Dominic changed his will Elise. He left everything to you.” She looked up as Max walked in with two glasses of water and handed one to her. She kept talking as she passed it to me and took her own from him. “The issue is that we haven’t been able to trace his body. We have been round all of the hospitals and nobody seems to know where he was taken.” She sipped at her water. “Until we find him we cannot move forward with anything, though of course you are welcome to go home if you wish.”

“I...errr...” I stumbled over my words. He left everything to me. Why would he do that? My head was in turmoil.

“Elise is a bit unsteady at the moment.” Max interjected. “I think she should stay with me. At least until Christmas is over.” He told her.

Sara nodded in agreement.

“Yes that’s probably wise.” She reached into her bag and took out a business card. “This is my number Elise. I promise you I will find him. In the meantime, if you need anything...and I mean anything...you just give me a call.” She stood and shook Max’ hand as she turned to leave. “You take care of her please. She meant the world to that man.” With that she left the room, her heels echoing around the corridor as she walked.

“Max.” I looked up at him. “Why would he do that? I asked.

“Because he loves you Elise. Why is it so difficult for you to see how much we all love you?”  He smiled at me. “Are you ready to go home? I don’t think we will find anything here, and it seems like Sara is on the case.”

“No.” I struggled to get to my feet. “Go and get the biggest tree you can find and some decorations. Call a florist and have as many Christmas wreaths made as they can manage. Then get back here and help me with the guest list. There was a party planned for here tonight and I’m not letting Dominic’s world fall apart just because he isn’t here to oversee it.”

“That’s my girl.” Max grinned at me. “It’s nice to see that fighting spirit coming back. You just aren’t the same without it.”

Over the next few hours I sat in the office and called all the staff. They were mostly surprised to hear from me but were all more than happy to come in and attempt to get back to normal. By the time I had gone through the entire file of staff members and was about to start on the guest list, Max was back complete with two burly blokes and the hugest tree I have ever seen. They erected it in the main room and the girls that had already arrived set about decorating it. The whole place was a hive of activity. One of the girls had programmed the sound system and Christmas songs were filtering through the club. Everybody was really trying to get into the spirit of Christmas and I smiled as I watched them. In fact on the outside I was happy and cheery, but on the inside I felt broken in two. Nobody mentioned Dominic; I think they were all just happy to be back in the club and attempting to be ‘normal’.

The time flew by and we were soon ready for the stream of cars arriving carrying our guests. Some of the biggest names were attending, judges, police chiefs, TV actors and even a couple of rock stars. They all wanted to keep this side of their lives quiet and who could blame them. Everyone was pleased to see the club open, and as if they had all been prepared...or forewarned...nobody asked me about Dominic.

The party was a huge success, the drinks limit was relaxed, only a little mind...the pleasure rooms were still open and we needed everyone to be fully aware of any decisions they may make. After several hours of entertaining on top of all the preparation I was glad to see that last car leave. The cleaning could wait till after Christmas. We didn’t need to be back in until after Boxing Day so everybody could relax for a couple of days and hopefully enjoy Christmas now that they knew their jobs were secure.

Max drove me home at a little after 3am and we both collapsed exhausted once in the house. Max lay with me for a little while, his strong arms holding me and his body curled around mine. I drifted off to sleep feeling a little happier than I had done for the last few days. I could see the future now, and although it was pretty dire to be facing it alone...I wasn’t afraid anymore.