Always and Forever (4 page)

The second I open the shop door the awful smell hits me.
It’s a scent I’ve come to associate with him. Dust and the smell of second hand
books has always made me feel nauseas.

“Bethany, there you are. What took you so long?” He
surprises me when he makes his way out of the back room. That’s why I didn’t see
him when I first came in.

“I came as soon as I could.” I reply meekly.

“Well, thanks for coming.”

“Is everything ok?” I ask, wanting to get this over and
done with.

“Of course it is, why?”

“You don’t normally want me here on a Saturday. I thought
something was wrong.”

 “Nothing’s wrong, Angel. I’ve just arranged for Ted
to stop by, he’s bringing the photos I was telling you about. I know how badly
you want to see them.”

“Of course.” I lie, forcing an optimistic expression on my
face.

“Whilst we’re waiting can you clear that bookshelf over
there and give it a quick polish? Your mother was supposed to do it last week
but she’s made an awful mess of it. You can’t even tell it’s been done.”

“No problem.” I turn my back on him so he’s unable to see
the anger that will no doubt be painted all over my face after hearing his
cruel and disparaging comments about her.

I make my way over to the bookshelf and start unloading the
heavy books like he asked. I begin to wonder why he didn’t just bring the
photos home with him last night when he visited Ted’s house. That’s where he
said he was going when I overheard him arguing with mum.

A few minutes later the bell over the shop door jingles
announcing an entrance. I turn and see a smartly dressed middle aged man walk
in. He has greyish hair and a friendly disposition. I can tell that he has
money or a job with status because of my father’s keen interest in him.

“Ted, it’s good to see you! Thanks so much for stopping by,
I really appreciate it. This is my daughter Bethany.”

“Hello, it’s lovely to meet you at last.” Ted offers me his
hand to shake and I do so, not wanting to seem impolite.

“Same to you.” I reply curtly, turning my back on him to
get on with my task. I don’t want to seem rude but I’m not exactly thrilled to
meet the man who’s made it possible for this holiday to happen.

“Here are the photos for you, Arthur. I’m actually on my
way into town so I can’t stop but if you want any more information just give me
a call.”

“Thanks so much, I really appreciate this, Ted. I’ve told
my daughter all about the site and neither of us can wait.”

I turn around to face them both and nod my head in
agreement, hating every second.

“It’s not a problem, I’ll see you later and it was nice to
meet you, Bethany.” Ted smiles at me again before leaving the store.

“Bethany, stop what you’re doing for a moment and come and
take a look.”

I paste another deceptive look
of interest on my face before joining him to glance at the photos I’d rather
set on fire than look at. He shows me every single one and by the end of them I
have to admit that the static caravan looks lovely. It’s more like a small
house than a caravan and if I were going with anyone else then I’d be excited
and looking forward to it. The only thing is that I’m going with the only
person I hate in this entire world and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Friday night comes around again and mum and I have the
house to ourselves for a few hours. He’s already been home from work, had his
tea and gone out. It used to drive me crazy not knowing where he went on Friday
evenings but I’ve now reached the point where I no longer care. It’s nice to
have some free time away from him so I choose not to ask questions.

I’m in the middle of watching an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S
when I hear mum exclaim loudly from the kitchen.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, rushing into the kitchen.

“We’ve ran out of milk!” She’s standing in front of the
fridge with a look of despair on her face as though she’s just received the
most terrible news.

“Is that all? I thought something was wrong.” I turn to
walk back into the living room but she stops me by placing her hand around my
wrist.

“Bethany, what will your father say? I can’t believe I’ve
been so careless! It’s Saturday tomorrow and I won’t have another chance to go
out and get some. He’ll be furious with me. What am I going to do?” Her eyes
are filling up with tears and my heart aches when I hear the desperation in her
voice.

“Mum, it’s alright. The shops will be open in the morning,
we can get some then.”

“He can’t know. He’ll be furious with me for being so
forgetful. Why am I so stupid?” She wails frantically.

“Mum, look at me. You are
not
stupid.” I place my
hands on her shoulders, trying to pull her out of her state of panic.

“I am. How could I let this happen? I’m always so careful.”

“Listen, calm down. I’ll go out now and get some now, he’ll
never know.”

She stares at me with an incredulous look on her face, as
though she can’t quite comprehend what I’m suggesting.

“No, I can’t allow you to do that. It’s dark; you can’t go
out by yourself.”

“It’s only eight o’clock. I’ll be fifteen minutes at the
most.”

“If he found out that I’d let you go out by yourself…”

“He’ll never know and he won’t be home until late. He’s
rarely home before eleven o’clock on a Friday.”

I go back into the living room, putting on my shoes on and
grabbing my jacket as she continues to stare at me in astonishment.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes! I’ll be back before you know it.”

She suddenly springs into action and darts about the
sitting room looking for some money to give me. Before I leave I grab my iPod
and reassure her once again that I won’t be long.

When I step out into the crisp night air I feel a wonderful
sense of freedom which is pretty ridiculous because I’m only going up the road
to the corner shop. I told mum that I’d be quick but I never get the
opportunity to be out like this by myself and so I decide to slow down my pace
and enjoy the autumn evening.

There’s not a cloud in the sky allowing all the stars above
me to sparkle bright. For some reason I have the most peculiar feeling that
tonight is special somehow. I feel like I have a reason to be happy, carefree
and glad. It just goes to show how positive a break from my house can be.

I plug in my iPod in and scroll through all my songs,
deciding on ‘I Giorni’ by Ludovico Einaudi. This piece frequently brings me to
tears; it’s so peaceful and calming. It took my breath away the first time I
heard it. My unfortunate circumstances seem more bearable when I listen to
music like this, it gives me faith. I’m once again able to believe in
happiness, forgiveness and love.

After purchasing the milk I slowly start to make my way
home. It’s such a beautiful evening; a part of me would like it to last
forever. The stars continue to shine above me, once again reminding me that
tonight is special. There’s almost an ethereal glow coming from the sky and it
forces me to remember the conversation I had with gran last week.

She told me that I have to find my own happiness and that I
have to find my own way by chasing after whatever will bring me joy. I gaze up
at the sky above me and start to wonder about what my life has in store for me.
Surely there must be more than this.

I’m not ready to go home yet. I know I should feel guilty
about my mum, I realise that she’ll be worrying about me but I just feel like I
can’t go home yet. Something gravitational and something too powerful to ignore
is keeping me here and I decide not to ignore that remarkable feeling.

I play the Einaudi track once again and decide to sit down
for a while to collect my thoughts. I cautiously sit down on the pavement,
realising that I probably won’t ever get this opportunity again. I’ll never be
able to be out by myself on a beautiful night like this which makes me want to
savour every moment.

 I haven’t always been alone like this. When I was at
school I had a friend, her name was Amy and she was a nice girl but as soon as
she found out what a control freak my father really was she seemed to give up
on continuing our friendship. I think she got tired of the strict regulations I
always had to adhere to. My father never liked her and that pretty much put an
end to our friendship. She still remained pleasant with me at school but I knew
it wouldn’t go any further than that.

After I left school I went onto college to start my A
levels and that’s where I met Callum. We shared one of our classes and were sat
next to one another; we quickly became friends and spent most of our free time
at college together.

There was one time when my father
decided to
surprise me and meet me after college. He saw me talking with Callum and that
was it, I was taken out of college and my social life pretty much ended there.
I begged him to change his mind but he refused, he argued that boys like Callum
only wanted one thing from me and that it would be safer if I stayed at home
where he could keep an eye on me. That’s when he decided to give me a job in
the bookstore and that’s how things have been for the last two years. I still
miss Callum and I often wish that I’d been able to say goodbye to him.

I’m suddenly overwhelmed by the sadness that accompanies my
memories and an uncontrollable amount of tears start to fall down my face. I
feel so helpless and weak. It’s as though I’m trapped by the situation of my
own life, I can’t make things any better for mum and I no longer see any way
out for us. There’s no escape and to dream about a future where there is one is
just ridiculous. I’ll be controlled by him for the rest of my life, that’s just
the way it is.

I angrily wipe away my tears, furious with myself for being
so weak. I’m just about to stand up and head home when I’m startled by a sharp
pain in the middle of my back, it felt like a kick. With my hands in my pockets
I have no means of preventing myself from falling face first into the road. My
iPod clatters to the ground causing my earphones to painfully be yanked out of
my ears.

“Fuck! What the hell?” I hear someone exclaim angrily.

I look up to see an incredibly handsome guy stumbling
forwards, he manages to stop himself but the two carrier bags that he was
holding fall to the ground and his groceries spill out all over the pavement.

“I’m really sorry.” I say hastily, not wanting to provoke
his anger anymore than I already have done.

“No,
I’m
so sorry! I didn’t even see you there. Are
you ok?” He apologises.

I remain still, kneeling down at the side of the road. This
is really, really embarrassing. Here I am sprawled out on the ground before
this incredibly attractive guy who continues to gaze down at me as though his
own life depends on me being alright. He’s so good looking; he’s actually what
I would call beautiful. I’m immediately left feeling inferior just being in his
presence.

I must seem so clumsy, I feel like an absolute idiot. I
know he was the one to trip over me but I can hardly blame him, it’s not like
he’d be expecting somebody to be sitting alone in the dark at the side of the
road.

“It’s ok.” I reply noncommittally, as though it’s not a big
deal.

“I really am
sorry. I tripped right over you and
that must have hurt. I honestly had no idea that anyone was sitting there and I
think I fell into you pretty hard, are you sure you’re ok?” He crouches down so
that he’s right in front of me and I can see that his dark brown eyes are full
of concern. I gasp when he offers me his hand to help me up. I thought he’d be
furious with me but he’s actually being really kind.

He has the most exquisite eyes I’ve ever seen. So caring
and beautiful, they’re hypnotising. He has olive skin and jet black hair; his
eyelashes are ones that any woman would be jealous of. His complexion is really
dark and I realise that his skin tone is a complete contrast to my own, which
seems to make him even more attractive to me.

“Like I said, don’t worry about it.” I say dismissively,
refusing to accept his hand as I help myself up. I don’t mean to be rude to him
but I’ve never been around someone who looks like him and I feel embarrassed
and uncomfortable with all of the attention he’s focusing on me.

“I’m such an idiot! I really am sorry. I wasn’t even
looking where I was going, I could have really hurt you. You sure you’re
alright? I can’t believe I knocked you to the ground like that.”