Always and Forever (45 page)

“You don’t mean that!” She cries hopelessly, clinging to
the front of his shirt.

“I do. I have never felt for you what I feel for her. She’s
who I want to be with, I’m in love with her and nothing you can say will change
the way I feel about her.”

“Jake, please don’t do this!” She pleads with him, tears
streaming down her face.

“If you weren’t a girl…” He says darkly, an underlying
threat beneath his statement.

“What, Jake? You’d hit me? Go on then, just do it! Maybe
then you’ll forgive me and we’ll be able to move on.”

He glares at her in abhorrence as she continues to beg him.
She falls to the ground in a crumpled heap, circling her arms around his legs,
imploring him to give their relationship a second chance. It’s an awkward and
distressing display for me to witness and I find myself feeling a slight amount
of empathy for her. Regardless of how badly she’s hurt me tonight, I don’t gain
any satisfaction from watching another person suffer. I don’t want to be a part
of this for a second more, I feel like I’m the outsider and that I should
probably leave so they can sort things out between them. They obviously share a
dark and complicated history; one I’m not a part of and all I want to do right
now is go straight home. I no longer care about my phone, she can keep it. I
want no reminder of what happened here tonight.

 I turn away from them and start to walk in the
opposite direction; I haven’t taken my fourth step before I hear Jake running
after me.

“Bethany, wait!”

He chases after me, calling my name and begging me to stop.
When I fail to do so, he runs ahead of me, turning around to face me and
walking backwards.

“Just leave me alone, Jake.” I say coldly.

“Baby, please stop. Where are you going?”   

“I have nothing to say to you.” I fire back at him.

“But you have to let me explain. I need to talk to you,
Bethany. There are things I have to tell you.”

“I already know! I know everything, Jake. She was going to have
your baby, what else is there to know?”

“Don’t shut me out, Bethany. There are things I want to
explain, I can make you understand if you just give me a chance to sit down and
discuss things with you. You can’t walk away from me, I won’t let you. Not this
time.”

He stops walking backwards and comes to an abrupt stop
right in front of me, purposefully blocking my path. We’ve already walked quite
a way and the sounds from the party and Sarah’s screaming can no longer be
heard.

“Look at me, Jake. Look at what she’s done to me. Where
were you? How could you leave me outside by myself, alone and helpless? If you
hadn’t come back when you did… I don’t know what she might have done to me. I
was terrified and you abandoned me when I needed you the most.”

The hurt from Jake’s abandonment was like a knife plunging
into my heart. He promised me he wouldn’t leave me, he swore he would be five
minutes and he broke that promise. He let me down and broke my trust, something
Jake said he would never do. The fact that he was going to have a baby with
this girl is also another betrayal, another lie and the deception from such a
secret has made me see him in a whole new light. I don’t even know where to
start when it comes to defining how I feel about him.

“God, I know I fucked up and I am so, so sorry. Sweetheart,
I had
no idea
she was even there, let alone that she was outside near
you.”

His eyes plead with me to understand, they’re begging me to
believe in him and he looks an absolute wreck. He is hopeless, wretched and
broken and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I do believe him. I know Jake
would never let anyone hurt me.

“Jake, there’s nothing you can say that will make any of
this better. You’ve lied to me, you’ve kept things from me and now you want to
explain yourself when it’s too late. What’s done is done and the damage has
already been inflicted.”

 I push against his chest, wanting to move him out of
my way. My attempts prove to be futile. By now I should realise how
ridiculously strong Jake is. There’s no chance I’ll be able to get past him.
 

“
Don’t
say that, it’s not too late! Bethany, you
promised me earlier this evening that there will
never
be an end to us
and already you’re going back on what you told me. Don’t do this to me, I’m
begging you.”

It breaks my heart to see him so close to despair, so
incredibly impassioned, I can feel it absorbing into me.

“Don’t try to blame any of this on me. I’m not the one
who’s been keeping things from you. I say obstinately.

“That’s not strictly true.”

He gazes at me intently, his penetrating stare making me
uncomfortable.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You kept everything to do with your father a secret; you
didn’t tell me he was hurting you.”

 I inhale sharply. I cannot believe Jake would use
that against me. I only kept it a secret because I didn’t want him to worry, I
didn’t want him to be afraid for me when I know there’s nothing he can do about
it. It really fucking hurts for Jake to throw that back in my face right now.

“How dare you! I kept that from you because I was trying to
protect you, what’s your excuse?”

“Mine is exactly the same as yours, Bethany! I didn’t want
to hurt you; Sarah means absolutely nothing to me and I didn’t want you to feel
threatened by her. Trust me, baby, please.”

He tries to take hold of my face in his hands but I pull
away from him before he gets to touch me.

“How can I trust you when you’ve been lying to me? Jake,
you were going to have a baby with this girl and I didn’t even know she existed
until tonight!”

 My eyes fill with tears, processing everything I’ve
been told tonight and the significance of their history together. Jake was
going to be a Dad. He created a life with that girl and the knowledge of this
actually causes my whole body to ache with sadness and betrayal. I might not
have any right to feel that way but I can’t help it. Jake kept this from me, he
deliberately deceived me and it really does feel like a betrayal.

 Jake turns away from me, raking his hands through his
hair and tugging on it in frustration. I find myself torn between wanting to
comfort him and wanting to yell at him and scream. I choose to remain still and
refuse to give into either of my emotions. Giving Jake a moment to regain his
composure, I mentally prepare myself for what I’m about to do because it’s not
going to be pleasant for both of us.

He turns around to face me, his eyes are haunted and his
soul full of torment. If heartbreak could be seen, Jake’s would visible.

“Here’s your phone.” Jake mumbles, holding my mobile out towards
me. He must have taken it from Sarah before he followed me.

“Thanks, I need that.” I say, snatching it from him.
“Callum’s expecting my call, remember?” My tone is toxic as I smile up at him,
confident that my taunting will wound Jake just as much as his ex-girlfriend
wounded me earlier tonight.

 His face pales and I notice him clenching his fists,
trying to control his rage.

“Don’t.” He warns me.

“What, Jake?” I goad him, acting innocent.

We’re standing in the middle of the road, glaring at one another
and challenging each other like never before. Inches separate our bodies but it
might as well be miles, I’ve never felt this separate from him before, the
distance between us is immense.

“Don’t do that. Don’t try to hurt me by mentioning him.
It’s an unnecessary form of torture, I promise you.”

 I’m still so enraged with him for lying to me; the
ugly, vindictive part of me wants retribution. My anger may be directed at the
wrong person but I still can’t stop it from being unleashed.

“I think he would really love to hear from me, don’t you?
I’ve still got his number; it’s safely tucked away in the drawer in my
bedroom.” I say viciously.

“Bethany, stop it. I know that I’ve really managed to
really fuck things up but you don’t have to do this. Don’t do this to me,
please. I can’t think about you with another guy, even when I know you’re just
saying these things to hurt me. I know I let you down tonight, you needed me
and I wasn’t there to protect you, the guilt of that is tearing me apart. I
should have been there with you but I didn’t know what was happening, you have
to believe me. I was trying to get rid of everyone inside the party, I couldn’t
find my sister anywhere and I swear my only priority was getting back to you. I
wouldn’t have even brought you with me if I’d have known she was there. I’ve
never wanted you two to meet because I know what she’s like and I would lay my
life down to protect you, baby. I was inside searching for Carla when I
overheard someone say that Sarah was arguing with a girl outside, as soon as I
heard that I knew you were in trouble and I left the house. Christ, I can’t
believe what she did to you. I need to know exactly what happened, Bethany. Are
you badly hurt? Do you need to see a doctor?”

He takes a hesitant step towards me, as though he’s
fighting with himself, unsure if he should pull me into his arms or keep his
distance.

“Of course I’m not ok! She humiliated me, Jake. She poured
her drink over my head; she spat in my face, she slapped me and then told me
that you had only used me for sex. She said you were only interested in me
because I was a virgin and you wanted to see what it was like to be with one.
How would she even know that?”

“She’s a liar! Don’t believe a single word she says. I
don’t know how she knew you were a virgin; I’ve never told her anything about
you. I swear it.”

“It wasn’t all lies, Jake. She told me the truth about the
baby,
your
baby.” I shout, shoving him in the chest with all my might.

It doesn’t make much of an impact, he doesn’t even stumble.
I’m not even sure if I want to know the details of what really happened between
Sarah and Jake but my need to know the truth is too strong and I won’t rest
until I know everything.

He looks away from me, fixing his gaze onto the ground at
our feet. I can see how painful this is for him, I’ve never seen Jake as
vulnerable this before. It’s as though he’s lost, he’s grieving for something
that’s no longer here and I don’t even know where to start when it comes to
helping him.

“Yeah, there was a baby.” He mumbles quietly.

“You need to tell me what happened, you owe me that much.”
I say decidedly.

“I’ll tell you everything, I promise. You deserve to know
the truth and I want to take the time to properly explain things, to help you
understand what happened. Do you want to go back to your gran’s house? We can
talk there.”

 He glances up at me with eyes full of hope,
desperately seeking my approval.

“No, I don’t want to go back there. I want to hear what you
have to say right here.”

I’m anxious to hear all about Jake’s past but I’m still too
stubborn to let go any of my resentment for him. My heart feels like it’s been
torn in half and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forget the things she
told me tonight. Just the thought of her and Jake together makes me sick,
especially the thought of the two of them having sex. How could he be with
someone so vicious, cruel and vindictive?

Jake slowly nods his head, clearly disheartened by the fact
I said no to going back to gran’s house with him. He takes a seat on the pavement
at the side of the road and I turn to face him, not yet willing to join him. I
remain standing with my arms crossed; patiently waiting to hear what he has to
say.

“I was with Sarah for about a year.” He confesses, sighing
deeply.

My mouth falls open in complete and utter shock. I just
presumed she was a one night stand, I never even considered the possibility
that she was his girlfriend. The idea of them in a relationship makes me want
to claw Jake’s eyes out. The rage building up inside of me is teetering of the
edge of being uncontrollable. I can blatantly see that this is traumatic for
him but I can’t deny my irrefutable envy, it’s like poison eating away at me.

“Go on.” I urge him, knowing we need to discuss this if we
want to move forward.

“I know what you must be thinking, I hate the person she is
now but she wasn’t always like that. I’m not making excuses for her, Bethany.
I’m just being honest. I’ve known her since we were kids and she always made it
clear she had a thing for me. It was never reciprocated and I told her on
numerous occasions that I only saw her as a friend. She seemed to accept it and
things were pretty simple between us. Anyway, one night we were at this house
party and we had been drinking… God, I really don’t want to have to tell you
this.” He groans, holding his head in his hands.