Always and Forever (83 page)

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I sneered.

“Yes! What do I have to do? What do I have to say to
convince you that I’m telling you the truth?”

“How about you stop lying to me?”

I used all my strength to shove him in the chest,
frantically trying to put some space between us. Jake’s presence was
suffocating me, he was everywhere and I could barely breathe, speak or think
logically with him so near.

“Bethany, I didn’t lie to you and deep down you know I’m right.”
His eyes kept switching focus; his intense gaze swept from my eyes before they
dropped to my mouth and back up again. It was blatantly obvious that he wanted
to kiss me but he was fighting with himself. He didn’t know whether to give
into temptation try and resist.

“How about you stop lying to me?”

I was being so obnoxious, my behaviour was beyond ludicrous
but I just couldn’t stop myself.

“You know, I should be the one firing questions at you
right now! I need you to tell me that there was nothing going on back there
when I caught that son of a bitch with his hands all over you. What the fuck
were you thinking, Bethany?” His unpredictable and unstable temperament had yet
again changed, from hopeless desperation to acute outrage and jealousy.

“It wasn’t my fault he started dancing with me. You totally
overreacted and behaved like a complete Neanderthal.”

“Can you honestly blame me for how I acted? What the hell
were you trying to do to me? Were you deliberately trying to make me jealous?
Do you know how fucking incredible you look tonight? You knew exactly what you
were doing, turning up at my work dressed like that, knowing that every guy in
the place would want to put his hands on you.”

He towered above my small frame, glaring down at me with so
much anger and hostility. The atmosphere in our apartment was charged and
electric, the temperature was high and I knew that despite the intense
animosity between us, we still shared an extraordinary amount of chemistry.

“I was angry, ok? All night I had to watch you with
her
.
I had to watch every single girl in that place throw herself at you and I’d had
enough!”

“So you thought you’d teach me a lesson and give me a taste
of my own medicine? You thought you’d rip out my heart, tear it into fucking
pieces before handing it back to me like it was no big deal?”

“That wasn’t my intention.” I lied.

“Come on, you knew exactly what you were doing. You knew
that dancing with that guy would be like waving a red fucking flag in front of a
bull. You wanted to antagonise me, you wanted to provoke me and that’s
precisely what you did. Why were you even there? Why the hell wouldn’t you ask
me before stumbling into the club? I don’t want you anywhere near that place.
It’s full of scumbags who wouldn’t think twice about coming onto you. I was
working and I didn’t even know you were there, If I hadn’t spotted you when I
did…”

“What would have happened? Absolutely nothing and you know
it.” I snapped.

“Someone might have hurt you! I don’t even think you would
have told me if they did. You’ve lied to me before, what’s to stop you doing it
again?”

I couldn’t believe he would bring up what happened to me
before. I’d already explained to him the reasons why I’d kept the assault from
him. I was disgusted that he chose to remind me of it during our confrontation
and was struggling to control the anger building up inside of me.

“You know why I lied to you that night; it was to keep you
out of prison and to keep you from doing something you would later regret. I’m
not a little girl, Jake. I can take care of myself and I was with Carla. She
came over to keep me company and when I told her that I was curious about
downstairs she offered to take me. We didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Jesus, Bethany… I swear you’re going to make me go crazy
one of these days.”

He closed his eyes and turned away from me. He looked like
he was absolutely exhausted and physically drained; the tension was oozing from
his body and I swear I could feel it working its way inside my own head.

“You already are crazy for what you did to that poor guy
downstairs. He might have called the police; they could be here to arrest you
any minute.”  I said, starting to panic.

“That’s not going to happen.” He spoke with so much
confidence and certainty; it made me wonder how he could be so sure.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do. No one in there will have phoned the police
and if that guy knows what’s good for him… he won’t either.”

“I think you need some help, Jake. You need to learn how to
deal with your anger and that temper of yours. It’s out of control and I think
we both need to take some steps to helping you deal with it.”

“I can cope just fine when I know that my pregnant
girlfriend is safe at home where she belongs. What I can’t deal with is her
sneaking into my place of work, and allowing a perfect stranger to put his
hands all over her. She then has the audacity to have a go at me for hurting
the guy when he was blatantly coming on her! What the fuck were you thinking?
Why did you let him touch you?”

He whirled around to face me and grabbed hold of my arms,
we were inches apart and I could feel the heat radiating from his body.

“I felt betrayed! I felt stupid for staying home every
night and trusting you. I found out that you’re surrounded by beautiful women
and gorgeous bartenders every single night and I guess I just figured out the
reason why you chose to take a job like that. Don’t feel guilty about it, Jake.
I knew you would get bored of me sooner or later. I can’t compete with the
likes of them; they’re gorgeous and look like supermodels. It’s just a matter
of time before you ditch me for one of those Barbie dolls downstairs.”

Tears of frustration were now streaming down my face; I
could feel myself drowning in them and despised myself and my broken
self-esteem for destroying the small piece of confidence I thought I had.

“Don’t say that! Don’t ever compare yourself to them!
Bethany, you are my whole world. You and this baby mean everything to me and I
think you’re the most beautiful girl in the entire universe. You’re the only
girl I see and I love you more than anything. Sweetheart, please believe me.
Melissa meant nothing to me, she never did. I’ve told you everything about my
past and I don’t know what to do to convince you that you have nothing at all
to worry about. I hate the fact that you keep torturing yourself like this,
driving yourself crazy over girls that don’t matter and sex I didn’t even give
a shit about.”

His stormy eyes were ablaze with torment and despair as he
tightened the firm grip he had on my arms. His desperation was tangible; I
could almost taste his desolate devastation and anguish.

“You only slept with her once?” I asked him, needing to
believe it was nothing more than a one night stand.

 “Baby, it was one time thing and it meant nothing. I
didn’t care about her and she felt the same way about me. It was a one night
stand and we haven’t even spoken about it since that night. The other girl
moved away shortly after and I never saw her again. I don’t even know her name.”

I froze and wondered if I had heard him correctly.

“What did you just say?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything, Bethany. Please.” He
begged me crushing our chests together.

“What other girl?” I persisted, unable and unwilling to let
it go.

“Baby, you don’t really want to know so don’t ask me.”

“Believe me, I do.”

 I was lying to myself when I told him I wanted to
know what he meant. I didn’t. I knew it would kill me but the compulsion I felt
to uncover the truth was undeniable. It was something I just couldn’t ignore,
even if the truth would destroy me.

“Look, I didn’t mean to say that, it just slipped out.”

“You had a threesome with two girls?” I sounded horrified
and repulsed at the same time. I’d never experienced so much fury; it was pumping
through my veins and turned my heart cold.

 “I’m not proud of it, ok? It was a long time ago, it
was one night and I’ve regretted it ever since. At least it proves to you how
little it meant to me, it was a drunken, idiotic and meaningless event that
took place before I even met you.”

“So it was just a foolish night of fucking?”

“I hate to say it admit it but… yeah. That’s all it was,
that’s all it ever was before you.”

“How could you, Jake? How could you use them like that?” I
whispered, holding onto my stomach.

I felt sick. I was full of hatred and seriously wanted to
hurt him. I couldn’t get the disturbing and intrusive images of Jake with two
naked women out of my head. I felt betrayed and heartbroken, it didn’t make any
sense but that’s exactly how I felt. The fact that he was still in close
contact with one of the girls made me tremble with rage. I wanted to kill her.
And him. I wanted to murder them both with my bare hands.

“I told you I wasn’t a good person before I met you. I was
a typical male who only thought with his dick and never with his heart. I know
that my behaviour disgusts you, I can see it in your eyes and I don’t want you
to view me in that way, I’m a different man now, Bethany. You made me want to
change; you’ve made me whole again and you make me better.”

He tried to touch me but I flinched away from him, stalking
over to the kitchen cupboard to get a glass.

“I can’t believe you were with two women at the same time.”
I murmured in disbelief, filling my empty glass with water.

 I could feel his nearing presence behind me as he
crossed the room, chastising my body for the way it instinctively reacted to
him.

“Baby girl, I’m so sorry. Let me make this right. Let me
show you how much I love you, how badly I want you and how desperately I crave
you.”

 He circled his arms around my waist as his mouth
trailed kisses down my neck. His hands eventually found their way to my breasts
and he squeezed them roughly, massaging them between his strong fingers.

“Jake, don’t.” I whimpered, determined to remain in control
and angry. His touch felt far too good and I was close to giving into the
sexual demands he made on my body.

“You want this, don’t you? You wanted this. You need me to
show you what you mean to me. I’ll show you, baby. I’ll prove it to you all
night long if that’s what it takes.”

“Stop it! That’s not what I want.” I pushed myself against
him and turned around. “I want to know if that’s what you’re eventually going
to expect from me. Will you want to introduce a third party into the bedroom?
Are you going to bring home one of your old conquests?”

“Bethany, stop it.” He warned me.

“How about the guy you beat up downstairs? He seemed pretty
interested in me, he might let you watch, you could even take turns and I could
see what I’ve been missing.”

I knew it was a monumental mistake as soon as I said it.
Jake’s expression turned from one of anger and frustration to something else
entirely. Violent fury contorted his face and I knew I’d pushed him too far.
Jake was so close to the edge, I had no idea what his next move would be and a
part of me didn’t want to stick around to find out.

“Don’t you dare joke about that. Don’t you fucking dare.”
He backed me into a corner and for one moment I really was terrified. I knew
Jake would never hurt me but it was like he had transformed into someone else.
I was looking into the eyes of a stranger and I was unsure if I’d be able to
find Jake amongst the disruptive chaos going on inside his head.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t push me, Bethany. I’m too fucking angry right now,
I’m capable of anything. You don’t know the thoughts that are racing through my
mind, what I want to do to you.”

“What do you want to do?” My voice was barely audible and
my head was spinning. I don’t know what possessed me to ask such a question,
especially when I was pretty certain I knew the answer.

“I want to take you right now.
I want to bury myself so deep inside you, Bethany. I want to fuck you all night
long and remind you exactly who it is you belong to. I want you to scream my name
and know that it’s the only name you’ll ever be screaming. I’m the only one who
gets to make you come, who gets to own you and who gets to be inside you. You
are mine and it’s about time you get used to the idea.”