Always and Forever (86 page)

Nathan

Broken nose, two black eyes, shattered collarbone and three
broken ribs, a face so fucked up that my own friends can hardly recognise me
and all because of that fucking little whore and her boyfriend. I spent plenty
of time in hospital and I’m still in fucking agony. I’ve been home for a few
days now but I’m still stuck indoors and everything about my pathetic existence
is driving me insane. I’m dying to get my hands on the cunt that did this to
me. I lie awake at night and picture myself plunging a knife into his gut or
beating him until he’s half dead and unconscious. That’s exactly what he did to
me before he left me for dead.

Hammering on the front door forces me to get up off the
sofa, I limp down the hallway and take a look through the peephole. It’s only
Liam, one of my old mates that I haven’t seen for months. What the fuck is he
doing here?

“Open the door, man! I know you’re in there.” He yells.

Shit. I really don’t have a choice now. I rake a hand
through my dishevelled hair, glancing in the mirror on the wall opposite. Who
am I kidding? I look like shit but can’t keep hiding like some sort of pussy. I
might as well open the door and get it over and done with.

“What’s up, man? Come in.” I usher him inside, squinting as
the morning sunlight leaks through the front door. I haven’t been outside for a
while and daylight is something I’m going to have to get used to.

“Fucking hell Nath, what’s happened to you?” He asks,
taking in my purple bruises and swollen face.

“You don’t even want to know.” I murmur, hobbling back into
the sitting room.

“Try me.”

“Some bastard beat me up a few weeks ago. He left me for
dead before phoning a damn ambulance for me, how fucked up is that?”

“Jesus. That’s twisted.”

“I’m telling you right now, the fucker who did this to me
is as good as dead. I can promise you that.”

“Dead man walking?” Liam jokes.

“I’m serious.” 

“It’s going to be a long time before you’ll be able to fuck
someone up.” He chuckles, sitting back in his chair.

“I mean it, Liam. I’m going to get this guy and when I do,
I’ll make sure to put some flowers on his grave, just like he phoned the
paramedics for me after he left me for dead, an eye for an eye and all that
shit.”

We’re interrupted by the sound of Liam’s phone. He quickly
glances at the screen before typing out a response.

“Wow, shit just got real.” Liam murmurs to himself,
pocketing his phone.

“What you talking about?” I asked, changing my position on
the sofa. I can’t even get comfy sitting down due to the amount of my
injuries. 

“It’s just this guy I know who’s doing a favour for an old
mate of his called Jake. This Jake dude is desperate to get his hands on this
random guy who touched his girlfriend and he’s got his old crew and all the
guys he used to roll around with out looking for him. He literally wants this
guy’s blood and he’ll do anything to track down this son of a bitch who hurt
his girl or some shit like that. I really do feel sorry for the poor fucker
he’s looking for ‘cause Jake will murder him when he finds him.”

“And no one knows who this dude is?” I asked, trying to
control my pounding heart, acting like I didn’t really give a shit.

“That’s right. He’s even gone back to all the underground
fighting he used to be a part of, trying to put the feelers out to find out the
name of pervert who tried to rape his girlfriend. He’s accepting calls from
anyone with any information about the son of a bitch he’s looking. He’s
determined to find him. ”

“So he’s pretty hardcore?” I feign indifference and
disinterest, as though it doesn’t matter to me in the slightest.

“I’ve not spoken to him myself but I’ve seen him fight and
every time I’ve seen him step into that ring he looks like he could murder
somebody. I wouldn’t want to be the guy he’s looking for, I really wouldn’t.
He’s offering a shitload of cash to anyone who can give him this bloke’s name.
That’s why I think he’s fighting again; he needs the money and knows the
underground circuit will bring him information.”

I take a moment to digest everything Liam just told me. The
name Jake keeps whirling around inside my head, I’m sure that was
his
name. I was half conscious at the time but I just know I heard crying little
bitch scream out his name on the night I got hurt.

I can’t help wondering what the hell would make him come
after me again. He left me for dead, isn’t that enough? He threatened me and
made me swear to him that I wouldn’t go to the police. I was in no position to
argue and knew that I’d be forced to explain everything to the cops if I chose
to report him. I knew I’d go straight to prison for the sexual assault I made
against the little whore and that’s why I said nothing. I knew I had to wait
until the time was right for me to get my own revenge on the two of them.

“Where do these fights of his normally take place?”

I know that if I want to find out more about this guy then
I have to see him in action for myself. I’m pretty certain it’s the same person
but I need to be sure. I need to find out as much as I can about him before I
plan my next move.

“The locations change but I always get notified a couple
hours before it starts. Want me to let you know next time I hear about one
coming up? He’s one hell of a fighter and well worth the money you have to pay
just to get in.”

It’s pathetic that Liam is so pleased with himself,
thinking he’s actually managed to impress me.

“Sure, when I’m feeling better just let me know and I’ll
come with you.” I say casually, shrugging my shoulders as though I don’t care
one way or the other.

Once Liam has left, I’m let alone with my thoughts. They’re
dark and sinister, they leave a bitter taste in my mouth and I know that
nothing is going to cure it until I sort out that son of a bitch called Jake.
Sure, he beat me with his fists but will he look so clever when he comes face
to face with me holding a knife? He’s no match for a blade, especially when I
plan on using it.

I find myself smiling for the first time in weeks,
especially when I imagine all the things I’m going to do to his pretty little
girlfriend once he’s out of the picture. I might not actually kill him right
away; I might leave him until he’s half conscious and make him watch all the
fucked up things I’m going to do to her.

Revenge is sweet and the best payback is the one that comes
with planning and plenty of thought. Vengeance is far more satisfying when exacted
in cold blood. His blood is exactly what I want and I won’t stop until I get
it.

Never…

I wake up as soon as I feel the warmth of the morning sun
on my face. Jake’s still asleep, probably still exhausted from last night and
everything that happened. I silently creep out of bed and pad across the
carpet, I don’t want to wake him want to spend a few minutes by myself before
he wakes up.

There’s milk in the fridge this morning, unlike yesterday
when I found out we had none left. I make myself a coffee and sit down on the
sofa, blowing on the steaming cup of caffeine before taking a sip.

How things have changed in twenty four hours. This time
yesterday morning I was talking to Callum, exchanging numbers with him and
lying to Jake. This morning things feel different somehow. I’m well rested,
calm and composed. I feel like I’ve been asleep for a thousand years and only
just woke up. It’s a bizarre feeling and one I can’t seem to make sense of.

Last night was crazy. We both were crazy and I can hardly
believe I let Jake watch me on the bed like that, I can’t believe I even had
the confidence to do it! I close my eyes, remembering all the things he said to
me and how incredible he made me feel. It was so empowering, exhilarating,
thrilling and just plain mind blowing!

I startle at the sound of something being slipped through
the letterbox of our apartment’s front door, tip-toeing across the room so I
don’t wake Jake up next door.

Oh, God. It’s a letter from gran. The one I’ve been waiting
for, the one her friend Marjorie told me she would send. The one she wrote to
me just before she died. I stare at it for several minutes; my hands are
trembling too much for me to open the envelope. I’ve spent a whole week waiting
for this letter and now that it’s finally here, I can’t bring myself to read
it. I think it’s because I know that after this there will be no gran. This is
the last I will ever hear from her and I’m just not ready to say goodbye yet.
How can I even begin to accept that she won’t be coming back, that I’ll never
see her again and that I’ve lost the only person I ever really trusted before I
met Jake?

The silence that surrounds me is only making things worse
and I reach for my iPod, wanting to put an end to the tormenting thoughts in my
head. I already know which song I need to hear, the one I’ve turned to a
thousand times before now, the one that brings me peace… Yiruma’s ‘River Flows
In You.’

I take a deep breath and tear
open the envelope, recognising my gran’s neat handwriting right away. This is
it, our final goodbye. It will symbolise be the end of my incredible
relationship with a spectacular woman and I’m absolutely terrified. I shake my
head and imagine gran telling me to hurry up and read her letter. I realise
she’s right, what the hell am I waiting for?

 
Hello, my darling girl! I hope you’re well
and not missing me too much. I just thought I’d write you a letter to let you
know that I’m ok, I really am. I’m happy and I’m being taken care of so I don’t
want you to worry about me, I’m absolutely fine and I know you are going to be.

I’m going to post this letter to my own
address because I know you and Jake will be there often. I hope you’re both
taking care of one another and treating each other kindly. I’m having a
wonderful time here, catching up with my old friend has done me a world of
good, I’m missing you and I know you probably feel the same way about me. We’ve
always been close, even when you were a baby you were always my special girl.
You’ve been the sunshine in my life, Bethany. You’ve made my darkest days
beautiful and I want to thank you for being the most wonderful granddaughter.

I’m so pleased you’ve found happiness,
Bethany. I’m so thrilled that you’ve found someone who will truly love you and
treat you right. I know you might roll your eyes at some of the things I say
but the one thing I have always trusted is my instincts and my gut feeling. I
have a wonderful feeling about Jake, I can see how much he is in love with you
and I know you feel the same way about him. You’re both so young know but I
already know that what you and he share is the real thing. I know you two will
find happiness together and I want you to embrace every single second of it. I
had so many years with your grandfather, I loved him every second of every
single day and I regret nothing.

 Being in love and being loved in
return is why we are put on this earth. I just wish my own daughter could have
found her own piece of happiness, I sometimes question why it never happened
for her but then I look at you and everything makes sense. Regardless of your
father and his actions, he was needed. He was needed because we needed you.

I’ll see you soon, Bethany. I don’t want
you to worry about a thing, have faith that everything will be alright and
don’t be afraid of anything life throws at you. There will always be ups and
downs, we have to face things we don’t want to every single day but our faith
throughout these times of difficult makes us who we are.

I am so proud of you Bethany. Stay strong,
sweet and beautiful. Make sure you hold onto that lovely young man of yours, he
adores you and believe me when I say that a good man is really hard to find.
Smile everyday and force yourself to laugh, even when you want to cry. Life is
precious; especially when you make sure you really live it. Be happy.

 Love
always, Gran x x x  

I break down in tears as soon as I finish reading it,
clutching her letter against my heart as I start to sob. I can’t believe she’s
really gone, she’s never coming back and I’ll never see her again.
She was such an incredible lady and I was so blessed to
have known her. I will carry her strength and wisdom with me forever and do my
best to make her proud of me. I will always remember what she taught me and I’m
so thankful she got to meet Jake and gave our relationship her blessing. I know
I have chosen the right path and despite all of the obstacles we still face… I
know everything will be alright, just like gran told me it would be.I was lost
so lost. I was so lonely and it might sound like a cliché but when I found
Jake, I found what I was looking for, the missing piece, my other half.

The man who completes me.

With tears pouring down my face, I re-read gran’s letter,
making sure I savour every single word of it. I smile when I’m finished and
wipe away my tears. I don’t know if they’re tears of sadness or of joy, I think
they’re a mixture of both.

 Everything will be ok. I have faith. It’s the same
faith that gran taught me to believe in and I will never lose sight of that.
She taught me to embrace my life and enjoy everything that comes along with it.
She told me that everything will be ok and I’ll continue to believe in that for
the rest of my life.

No matter what I decide to do about the pregnancy, no
matter where my life takes me and regardless of the problems that Jake and I
will face… we will be ok.

Always and forever.