Always in My Heart (10 page)

“Likely not both for today, Kwame,” Callie told him. “But you can certainly come back another day and watch another movie. I’m sure your father won’t mind.”

“Of course I won’t mind,” Nigel said.

Kwame came over to him and wrapped his arms around his chest. “Thanks, Dad.”

Would Nigel ever get used to the name
Dad
? Hearing Kwame call him that touched him on the deepest level. “No problem, son. No problem at all.”

* * *

After watching
Iron Man
, Kwame asked if they could shoot more hoops, so they all headed outside. Shooting hoops led to throwing a football in the backyard, and after an hour and a half, they then went back inside because Kwame again insisted they all watch
Iron Man 2
.

“It’s already getting late,” Callie said. “We’ve taken up enough of your father’s time.”

“No problem with me if he wants to watch another movie,” Nigel said. “Unless you’ve got to get going.”

“Please, Mom?”

A moment later, Callie nodded. “All right. But any time you’re sick of us, let us know.”

“Sick of you?” Nigel countered. “I’m getting to know my son. I’m never going to get sick of this.”

Callie hadn’t been serious, had said the words as a joke, but now realized how insensitive they were.

The truth was, she had hoped that Nigel would tell them they had to leave. He had been giving her odd looks all evening, looks that had her skin burning up. Because she would swear that he was looking at her as if he wanted to get her naked.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” Callie said. “It’s just that I know you’ve got work—”

“I’ve taken a leave of absence,” Nigel said simply.

“What?”

“I want to spend as much time as possible with Kwame,” was his simple reply.

And so they watched
Iron Man 2
, and when Kwame fell asleep on one of the leather chairs, Nigel said, “No point waking him up. I’ll just bring him to the bedroom I built in the basement.”

“Nigel, you don’t have to. It’s late. We can leave.”

“It’s late, and I’ve got the room. There’s no reason you can’t stay.”

There’s every reason not to stay!
Callie’s mind screamed. With Kwame asleep, what was she to do? Spend time with Nigel
alone
?

She couldn’t…

And yet, she didn’t protest as Nigel lifted Kwame into his arms. What was she to say? She knew better than anyone that when Kwame conked out, nothing could wake him.

Feeling helpless, Callie stood in the home theater, watching as Nigel took their sleeping son out of the room. Once Nigel was out the door, he looked over his shoulder at her. “Can you come with me? I’ll need help opening the door.”

Callie’s heart beat faster, which was ridiculous. It was the knowing that she and Nigel were about to be alone… .

She followed Nigel to another door in the basement and, when he nodded at her, she opened it. Using his shoulder, he flicked on the light, revealing a double bed and a tastefully decorated room.

Callie quickly scurried ahead and pulled down the white bedspread. Then Nigel laid Kwame on the sheets.

Oh God, what now?
her mind screamed.

Nigel turned toward her, and damn if he didn’t level another one of those looks on her. He had been assessing her in a purely sexual way ever since she had arrived.

But wasn’t that what she wanted? Why else had she made sure to wear an outfit that revealed her cleavage and highlighted her figure?

Callie stood rooted to the spot as Nigel walked past her out the room. Not for the first time this evening, she caught a whiff of his cologne. Old Spice. She recognized it from ten years ago when he used to wear it.

A memory of her burying her nose in his neck flashed into her mind. Oh, how much she had enjoyed—

“Are you coming?” Nigel asked.

Callie was suddenly flushed, jarred from her erotic memory. And as she looked at Nigel, her heart began to pound furiously, as though he had just asked her if she was going to join him in his bed.

Chapter 10

“A
re you coming?” Nigel repeated.

Nigel stood at the foot of the stairs, staring at her. He had to be wondering what was wrong with her, why she wasn’t moving.

“Yeah,” she finally said. “Just give me a second.”

And then she leaned forward and kissed Kwame on the forehead, as if that had been why she had been delaying her exit from the room.

Upstairs, Callie followed Nigel into the living room. When he stopped, she said, “If you want me to leave, I’m fine with that. I can come back for Kwame in the—”

“You want to leave. Why am I not surprised?”

Callie would have to have been deaf to miss out on the sarcasm dripping from Nigel’s voice. “I’m just saying…I get that me being here is about you getting to know Kwame. He’s down for the night, I can tell you that. So—”

“And what about us?” Nigel asked.

Callie’s heart sped up. “Excuse me?”

“We’re parents. Like it or not, we’re going to have to forge a friendship.”

“I…you think I’m running from being friends with you?”

Nigel shrugged. “Aren’t you?”

“I…” Callie didn’t know what to say. Because she certainly knew that was how it must seem.

“After all we meant to each other, the least we can do is sit down and talk. You can fill in some of the blanks for me. Kwame’s first word, how old he was when he walked…all that stuff.”

Was that what he really wanted? As far as Callie saw it, hearing the milestones in Kwame’s life might be more hurtful to him. Remind him of all he’d missed out on.

But she said, “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” Then she sighed. “Do you have any wine?”

Nigel nodded. “I’ve got something in the fridge. I’ll be back in a second.”

Callie took a seat on the sofa, and less than a minute later, Nigel was back with a glass of white wine. He extended it to her, and she sipped it immediately. It had a slightly sweet flavor, and was refreshing.

When she looked up, she found Nigel staring at her, as though studying her. She could hardly stand his intense scrutiny!

So she broke the silence. “I’ve got online storage where I keep backups of important documents, photos and the like. I’ve got pictures of Kwame ever since he was a baby there. I can show you the various albums of his growth over the years.”

Finally, Nigel’s eyes lit up. “I’d like that.”

Callie took another sip of wine as he disappeared into the bedroom. Moments later, he was back with his laptop.

He fired it up and then passed it to her. Callie logged on to the website that offered her online storage. This was the first time she had found it useful in this way, because until now she always accessed these files from her home computer.

She quickly found her pictures folder and the various sub-folders, and opened up the first one. She had scanned all the photos from Kwame’s birth and they were readily accessible.

“He was eight pounds, two ounces,” Callie explained, looking at a photo of her holding him moments after his birth. Tamara had been in the delivery room with her, and had been the one to take the picture.

“Where are your sisters?” Nigel asked after she went through about fifteen photos. “Your aunt and uncle?”

Callie exhaled harshly. “It wasn’t only you I kept in the dark. I didn’t tell any of my family about the baby. I was young, still in school…and I guess I was worried they would judge me. I eventually told my aunt and uncle, but I hadn’t been talking to my sisters. I know they heard, but they didn’t learn the truth about everything until I came back home for the funeral.”

Nigel looked at her, nodded and then glanced back at the computer. If he wanted to ask her about her estrangement from her sisters, he refrained.

He went through the different albums: Kwame’s first birthday, Kwame riding a bike, Kwame’s first day of school. Callie answered the questions he had, but he became more silent as he went through the photos of Kwame as an older boy, and she could only imagine that he was feeling a mix of emotions.

She could see it in his body language, and could tell that he was holding in his emotions. It wouldn’t surprise her to know that he might want to give her a piece of his mind.

These photos…precious memories…were more proof of everything he had missed out on.

“I know I can’t change the past,” Callie said softly, “but I vow to do right by you and Kwame. You have my word. I will do everything in my power to make sure that you spend as much time together as possible.”

Callie’s voice trailed off as Nigel looked away. She saw his Adam’s apple rise and fall. The tension between them was so thick, she could cut it with a knife.

“Can I ask you something?” Callie began, needing to change the subject.

“Sure,” Nigel said.

“Yesterday…when I came outside and saw you with your shirt off, I noticed that you had a pretty thick scar down the center of your chest.”

Nigel pulled his T-shirt upward. “You mean this?”

Callie placed a hand on her chest when she saw the scar. Up close, it looked vicious. Whatever had happened, Nigel had gone through something horrific.

“Yes. That.”

Nigel did something Callie didn’t expect. He pulled the T-shirt over his head. Let her get a good look at the angry scar.

“What happened to you?” she asked.

“I was shot.”

Callie gasped slightly at the admission, and then her heart began to pound. Suddenly she was imagining how differently things might have been had Nigel been killed in the line of duty. Killed long before he ever had a chance to know he was a father.

It was a hard thought to bear. As difficult as it was right now being here in the aftermath of admitting that she had kept a very big secret from him for years, it was important to accept whatever negative repercussions that came as a result of her actions. And the reality was, Nigel could have died without ever knowing that he was a father. She was going to deal with the weight of that truth for a long time.

“What—what happened?” Callie asked, her voice stuttering.

“I was on the job,” Nigel explained. “Working the case of a guy who had killed his wife and two children. We had a lead on him, found him. He ran, so we gave chase. He wasn’t about to be captured, so he started firing. I got hit.” Nigel shrugged.

He had recited these life-altering facts as though telling her what he wanted her to pick up from Winn-Dixie. It was unnerving.

Callie remembered a time when she could have lain in his arms and he would have told her everything, with emotion filling his heart. Because he had cared for her deeply. He had trusted her with his heart.

But that had changed.

Callie swallowed the lump that had lodged in her throat. She didn’t like the situation they were in, but there was no point in looking down memory lane at the past. What was done was done. She couldn’t turn back the clock. She could only do what she was doing now—try to rectify the situation.

She found herself easing her finger forward and touching the mangled skin. She hadn’t expected to, and she felt an electric charge when her fingers touched Nigel’s body. After all this time, she felt something for him.

She tried to ignore the sensations whirling within her and asked, “How close to your heart were you hit?”

“Six millimeters to the left, and I wouldn’t be here,” Nigel explained calmly.

Callie drew back her hand as though shocked by a live wire. The confirmation that indeed he could have died resonated with her more than ever. “What?”

“If the bullet had struck me six millimeters to the left, it would have hit my aorta, and I would have bled out. If it had struck me a couple of inches lower, the bullet would have pierced my heart. As it was, I was struck in the left subclavian vein. The doctors had to operate on me for over five hours to save my life.”

As though she was the one who had been shot, pain pierced Callie’s heart. “And the criminal?” she asked when she was able to catch her breath. “What happened to him?”

“He was shot and killed.”

“You shot him?”

“No, not me. My partner. Once I was hit, my partner returned fire and killed him.”

What he must have gone through! He’d put his life on the line to serve and protect, and had almost paid the ultimate price.

Callie remembered all too well how they had not seen eye to eye on issues in the past. Back then, she’d been so angry with the police because one bad officer had beaten her friend so horribly that it had cost him his life. But she was older and wiser, and had to concede that as a police officer, Nigel was doing good work. Cops put their lives on the line every single day, something she could appreciate now.

How narrow-minded she had been to look at all of the police force in such a bad light. Yes, there were bad cops out there. Too many of them, she knew. People in roles of authority should be able to be trusted, and sadly couldn’t be. But just because there were bad apples in the bunch didn’t mean you could paint everyone with the same brush.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Callie said, her voice barely a whisper.

“Are you?”

At the question, Callie’s lips parted in surprise. “Of course I am.”

“If I died, you would’ve been able to keep your secret forever. I would have never been the wiser.”

“And that’s exactly why I’m happy you’re here. Because you had a right to know. It would have been a crime if you had died without knowing that you had fathered a child.”

“Hmm.”

Callie got to her feet. She began to pace. “I see now how happy Kwame is. It’s so clear that he’s needed you in his life all along. I…I’m so sorry.”

Nigel stared up at her, his lips pulled in a tight line. He looked angry.

So Callie couldn’t have been more startled when he suddenly got to his feet, stepped in front of her and slipped his fingers into her hair. “Do you know how many days I wondered if you would come back to me?” he asked, his hot breath fanning her face. “Do you know how many times I wished you hadn’t walked out on me?”

Callie couldn’t speak. All she could register was the furious pounding of her heart as she wondered if Nigel was going to kiss her.

Did she want that?

The fact that her body felt more alive than ever made it clear that she
did
want it.

“I wanted to do this so many times,” he said, trailing one finger down her cheek, creating a path of fire. “But you never gave me the chance. Because you never came back.”

Callie couldn’t speak. Suddenly, desire was pulsing through her veins.

Nigel’s mouth came down on hers, hard. Her body erupted in an immediate firestorm of passion. He kissed her with an urgent need that matched all the raging sensations inside her. Kissing Nigel, it was as though no time had passed at all.

And all too soon, it was over. Nigel broke the kiss and pulled away from her, leaving her feeling as though he’d thrown a glass of cold water on her.

“Did you think of me?” Nigel asked, almost an accusing tone in his voice—a stark contrast to when he had gathered her in his arms. “Did you ever think of me and regret what you did?”

“Of course. More than you know.”

Nigel moved away from her, and Callie was breathless. One minute she had been ready to take off her clothes, and she sensed that Nigel had been in the exact state of mind. The next he was turning his back on her.

“Second door on the right is a spare bedroom. You can sleep there.”

That was it?

“I’m heading out,” Nigel said, not even turning to face her before he disappeared through the front door.

* * *

For a long time after Nigel left, Callie sat in the living room of his home, feeling dazed, confused and downright awful. What had happened between them?

How was it that they had gone from talking to kissing? And why on earth did she continue to feel a rush of excitement when she thought of Nigel planting his mouth on hers?

She wasn’t interested in rekindling her relationship with Nigel. Too much time had passed for that, and she certainly knew that he didn’t trust her, maybe didn’t even like her anymore.

So why on God’s green earth had he kissed her?

And God help her, there was still fire when he touched her. That same undeniable spark that had existed between the two of them years ago clearly hadn’t died.

Or maybe what she was truly feeling was regret. Regret over what could have been.

As if!
She had clearly been turned on, and had wanted Nigel to do more than kiss her.

Obviously it’s been too long since you got any,
she thought sourly.

She reached for the wine glass, finished it off. Then glanced at the clock. Nigel had been gone for twenty minutes.

For the first time, she found herself wondering if he had a girlfriend. He didn’t have a wife, that much was clear. But what if he had run straight into the arms of a nurturing girlfriend?

The thought made Callie’s stomach clench painfully. She didn’t want to think that Nigel could kiss her like that, then go spend time with another woman.