Always in My Heart (5 page)

“So he never knew about me?” Kwame asked. “At all?”

“No, sweetheart. I want to make that clear to you. It’s not like your father knew you existed and chose not to be a part of your life. I…I feel awful for what I did, but all I can say is that at the time, I had my reasons. Reasons that seemed good to me. A lot has happened in the last couple weeks that has made it clear that I was wrong, and that you ought to know who your father is.” Callie paused. “So that’s where I went this morning. To see your father and tell him about you.”

Kwame was silent, and Callie could see in his eyes that he was processing everything. After several seconds, he asked, “What did he say?”

“That he wants to meet you.”

Kwame’s smile was hesitant. “He did?”

“Of course.” She ran a hand over his head affectionately. “Of course he would.” She kissed Kwame’s cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him before, but I was scared.”

“You were?”

“Yes. With each day that passed that I didn’t tell you about your father and where he lived, it became harder to know what to say to you when the time came. Mostly because I wasn’t ready to contact him about you. I was worried about how he would react if I told him the truth.”

“Was he mad?”

Callie nodded. “Uh-huh,” she said, opting for the truth. “But he had a right to be. And he could have been more upset. But the most important thing for him was learning that he had a son.”

Another pause ensued. Then Kwame asked, “What’s his name?”

“His name is Nigel. Nigel Williams.”

“What does he do?”

“He’s a police officer. Actually, a detective. He solves murders.”

“Cool,” Kwame said.

Callie was glad that her son was immediately warming to the idea of having a father, rather than being shocked and hurt that she hadn’t told him the truth all along.

But he didn’t say what she had expected him to say, that he wanted to meet his father, so Callie asked. “Honey, do you want to meet him? I know this is all so sudden—”

“I want to meet him today,” Kwame said with enthusiasm. Then he immediately glanced away. “Unless…unless you don’t want me to.”

Callie’s heart ached to hear those words from her son’s mouth, but could she blame him? “The whole reason I’m telling you about him is because I want you to get to know him,” she explained. “I figured that you might need some time before meeting him, to process it all, but it seems that you’re as eager to meet him as he is to meet you.”

“Will it be today?” Kwame expelled an audible breath, one full of nervousness.

“As I said, your father is a police officer, so he’s got to go to court today and work later, but tomorrow morning, we’ll go meet him. Sound good?”

“Sure,” Kwame said.

“Great.” Now Callie was the one to exhale nervously. This was really going to happen. Kwame and Nigel would finally meet.

“Can I go downstairs now?” Kwame asked.

“Of course.”

As he bounded out of the room, a smile touched Callie’s lips. Her son had taken this news very well.

Thank God for the resilience of children.

But the real test would come tomorrow.

Chapter 5

N
igel had planned not to tell Marshall about Callie’s revelation until after he met his son. But it didn’t take long after they started their evening shift for Marshall to realize that he was completely distracted and ask him what was going on.

So he told him. Told him about the surprise visit from Callie and what she’d said.

Marshall stared at him with the same dumbfounded expression Nigel was sure he’d worn this morning when Callie had stunned him with her news.

“What?” Marshall asked. “What did you just say?”

Nigel expelled a huff of air. He’d spent the day trying to get a handle on his emotions. He kept alternating between being confused, surprised and angry.

Right now, after having relayed the story to Marshall, he was back to being livid. “She said that I’m a father.”

“No way.”

“That’s what she says.”

“So the kid she was with… About eight, right?”

“He’s nine,” Nigel said. “The timing fits. The date of his birth is six months after we broke up.”

“I can’t believe it, man. What are you going to do?”

“It’s all just sinking in,” Nigel told him. “The reality of it. I didn’t wake up expecting to learn that I’m a father. The situation is so surreal. But that said, if the kid is mine—”

Nigel didn’t finish what he was saying. A part of him never wanted to see Callie again, not after her revelation. He had loved her, but clearly she hadn’t loved him at all. For her to leave him, while carrying his child, and wait ten years to tell him about this… If that wasn’t the lowest of the low, then what was?

“You believe her?”

“Yeah, I do.” And that was the problem. Because considering he believed her, then he had no choice but to get to know his child. Which meant he had to see Callie again, even if that was the last thing he wanted to do.

“I wish I could throw her in jail for this,” Nigel went on. “Lock her up and throw away the key.” But even as he said the words, he knew he was lying. He was speaking the language of an angry man. One who had been deceived. “But if Kwame is my son…” He paused, once again feeling the gravity of the situation.

He was a father.

“Then you’re gonna accept him,” Marshall supplied.

“Yeah.”

“Of course. I knew that for you there would be no other choice. You’re not the type to turn your back on your child, even under these circumstances.” Marshall paused, his eyes widening as he shook his head. “But it’s gonna be hard, man. To not have been in the kid’s life all this time… He might reject you.”

Marshall knew him too well. He’d been a friend of Nigel’s for twelve years, ever since they’d met at college. They’d both gone on to become police officers, following a similar path within the police force. Nigel had become a sergeant in six years, Marshall in seven. Nigel became a detective three years ago, and Marshall followed him a year later. The best friends were now partners.

So Marshall knew there was no way that Nigel could walk away from his son, whether or not he’d known he existed. Nigel was the kind of man who, if he had fathered a child during a one-night stand, would’ve been in the child’s life as a full-time father.

This child, however, had been born out of love.

Love,
he thought sourly. He had loved Callie, but how did a woman who had claimed to love him lie to him for all these years?

“No matter how hard it will be, I have to be in his life,” Nigel said. “Take it slow. Day by day.”

“I hear that,” Marshall said. He got up from his desk, picking up Nigel’s coffee mug as he did. “I’m thinking you need another one, right?”

Again, proof that his friend knew him too well. The more stressed Nigel was, the more coffee he drank. It was like that when they worked a murder case together. He could drink a whole pot of coffee in one shift. For him, it had the effect of calming his nerves, as opposed to making him more on edge.

“Yeah, sure,” Nigel told him.

As his friend went off to get the coffee, Nigel thought again about seeing Callie on his doorstep. To think that for one fleeting moment he had fantasized—as his eyes had first settled on her in surprise—that she’d shown up at his door to tell him that she still loved him. That she regretted walking out on him and wanted him back in her life.

How foolish had he been.

Ten years, and clearly he was still delusional regarding Callie Hart.

There was a time when Nigel had believed that he was going to marry Callie, that they would settle down and have the family he had always dreamed of having with her. But after she had walked away from him with not so much as a goodbye, he had become jaded and distrustful. Ultimately, he had started dating again, but he hadn’t felt for anyone else what he had felt for Callie.

At his house, she had asked him if he was involved with anyone, and he had avoided her question. He was single now, though a couple years ago he had gotten engaged with the hope of finally having that family he craved. The truth was, Angie had been more of a good friend with potential than a woman he loved. And she knew it too, because even though she’d said yes to his proposal, she had ultimately given him a myriad of excuses as to why they shouldn’t get married—she was afraid of being a cop’s wife, he didn’t spend enough time with her, that sort of thing. If Nigel had loved her the way he should have, he would have fought to keep her in his life, but instead he had let her walk away.

Unlike some of the guys he knew—like Marshall, who preferred to date but not settle down—Nigel was the marrying kind. He relished the idea of settling down and having a family. Most likely because although his parents had been married for thirty-seven years before his mother’s death, they had hardly been in love. His father had never looked at his mother with genuine affection. He always got the sense that the two of them had just been friends who one day said,
Why don’t we tie the knot?

Perhaps in their generation that was the thing to do. Or perhaps something happened during the marriage that Nigel didn’t know about that caused a rift between them. Regardless, Nigel had craved a close relationship with a woman and a house full of kids.

Stupid fool that he was, even as he and Angie had broken up, he had thought of Callie. Wondered where she was and what she was doing with her life.

It wasn’t that he couldn’t track her down. He was a cop, with the resources to find her. He simply hadn’t wanted to. He hadn’t wanted to know what was going on in her life. He hadn’t wanted to think of her. He had wanted to close his heart to her once and for all.

Marshall reappeared with a cup of black coffee just as Nigel liked it.

“My, my, my, Callie is back in town,” Marshall mused. “You know, I always thought you two were perfect for each other. Shocked me big time when she left. I guess if that friend of hers had never been so brutally beaten, then she wouldn’t have been so angry with you when you—”

“Then it would’ve been something else,” Nigel said, spitting out the words. “She took the first excuse and ran with it. If it wasn’t what happened to her friend, then she would have found another excuse.”

Nigel shrugged, as though what he’d just said was hardly of consequence to him, but the truth was, just thinking of what Callie had done was making his gut clench painfully right now.

Which was crazy. Because he shouldn’t feel anything. Nothing at all.

* * *

Callie had thought she was nervous heading to see Nigel yesterday and telling Kwame the truth about his father, but now, as she woke up on the day they would all meet, her nerves were even more shot.

She had hardly slept all night, so consumed with the thoughts of how the meeting would go. Callie had noticed that even Kwame tossed and turned as he slept. He had taken the news with stride yesterday, but it was clear that her son was anxious over the idea of meeting his father. He was only nine years old, and despite being mature for his age, he was still a kid.

A kid who was no doubt worried about whether or not his father would accept him.

Callie hoped that the visit went well. She wished she could predict how both Kwame and Nigel would react to each other, but that would only be revealed with time.

Callie saw to it that Kwame had a good breakfast, one where the family was once again gathered. Everyone except Deanna. She had left yesterday afternoon to visit a friend and hadn’t returned. Despite what Deanna had said about being willing to put the past with Natalie behind them, Callie doubted they had straightened things out.

But she would have to worry about that later. Right now, she had to introduce her son to his father.

* * *

Precisely at 10:00 a.m., Callie was at Nigel’s door with Kwame. She knocked, and then held her breath as she waited for Nigel to answer.

Moments later the door opened, and there was Nigel. He held her gaze for one electrically charged moment, and the air in Callie’s lungs expelled in a rush. She felt a tingling of what she’d felt yesterday—a definite reaction to him as a man.

Even after all this time, her body reacted to his. She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised. Their physical connection had always been intense.

The next moment, Nigel’s gaze went from her to Kwame. He said nothing, just stared, taking in the sight of him.

Callie saw a wealth of emotions flash in his eyes. Wonder, fear, excitement, sadness. In twenty-four hours, Nigel’s life had changed forever.

Callie cleared her throat and looked from Nigel to her son. “Kwame,” she said, “this is your father.”

Then Callie regarded her son cautiously. His eyes were wide as he looked at Nigel. He was clearly curious, but also overwhelmed.

And then she noticed Kwame swallow, and she saw in that simple motion his vulnerability. He was standing here on his father’s doorstep, looking for acceptance. For some sign that his biological father was not going to reject him.

Her gaze volleyed back to Nigel. The fear was gone, and Callie saw in his eyes hope, caution and vulnerability, same as the look on Kwame’s face. They were both looking for acceptance.

Nigel was the one to make the first move. He extended a hand to Kwame, saying, “Hello.”

“Hi,” Kwame said in a meek voice.

Nigel opened the door wide. “Both of you come on in.”

Kwame stepped forward first, followed by Callie. When they were in the foyer, Kwame asked, “Are you my dad? Is it really true?”

Nigel got down on his haunches so that he was eye level with his son. “Yeah. And I want you to know that I just found out about you and I couldn’t be happier.” Nigel smiled, a genuine smile that reached his eyes. “I wish I had known about you before, but I’m meeting you now. And that’s what matters.”

Kwame nodded.

Nigel continued to speak. “I’m sure you probably have questions for your mother, and the two of you likely already discussed the situation. But I just wanted to say to you that if you’re angry with her for anything, don’t be. Your mother and I…our relationship was difficult at times but it had nothing to do with you. I know she didn’t want to hurt you. So I just want to make sure that you’re not angry with her.”

Callie’s eyes immediately went to Nigel’s, and he met her gaze. She was certain she had a look of wonder on her face, because she was shocked. Shocked and touched at the fact that he was trying to make sure her son absolved her of any guilt. It was far more generous of him than he needed to be.

Nigel suddenly said, “Oh, heck. Forget all this formality. I want to give you a hug.” He drew Kwame into a warm hug, one that lasted for several seconds. Nigel hugged his son, and Kwame hugged him back. Callie’s eyes filled with tears. Kwame’s eyes were shut tight as he held his dad, but there was a big smile on his face, one she knew meant total bliss.

She had just given her son the father he’d always wanted.