Always Me (3 page)

Jose’s blood pumped through his body. After the first hit, he let he soothing effects of the drug wash over him.

He wet his finger and wiped up the rest of the powder. After releasing it on a pop, he got out of the vehicle and walked to the shady bar. He wasn’t a fan of the fancy dance clubs. The women there judged too quickly. They were only after his money anyways.

The sound of country music invaded his ears, and if he didn’t need alcohol and sex, he probably would have driven away. Jacking off wouldn’t do it. Even though it was still early in the day, the music thumped through the bar. He needed the warmth of a woman’s pussy wrapped around his cock as he fucked her hard.

Even though in the past two years he had sex with a lot of women, Tori McLeod always came to his mind. From the first moment he’d seen her at the club a couple of years before, he’d wanted her. He didn’t know why. It probably had to do with Sebastian wanting her. But Jose didn’t care. He just knew he needed her in a way that was animalistic. The obsession he felt for Tori took over his mind and body. The unexplained need he had towards her took over his life. He would have her. Even if it killed him.

Chapter 4

“This doesn’t mean anything, Tori,” Garrith said as I handed him a beer. He sat on my couch, shoulders slouched, staring at the note from Jose.

Yeah, right. He knew it meant something, but he didn’t want to scare me. Too late for that. I was absolutely terrified.

“Like hell it doesn’t,” Keisha argued, ripping the note from his hands. She stood and pointed at me. “Tori, we need to get you out of here.”

My eyes widened as I sat beside Brett on the chaise. “I’m not…”

“Don’t start jumping to conclusions, love. This might not…”

Her head whipped back toward his. “Garrith, seriously, are you fucking listening to yourself right now?” Keisha exclaimed, placing her hands on her hips.

“You better watch the attitude, Keisha,” Garrith said firmly.

“Yeah? Or else what?” Keisha rolled her eyes.

His gaze darkened, a hint of hunger flashing in them.

My cheeks heated as if I’d walked in on a private conversation. The way they acted reminded me of Sebastian and me. My eyes watered.

“They’re going to be fighting about this for a while,” Brett said quietly to me.

I sighed, leaning my head against his shoulder, trying to move past the ugly beast of jealousy lashing its tail. “I didn’t want to tell anyone. I don’t want you guys to worry.”

“Why wouldn’t we worry?” he linked our fingers. I watched as his calloused free thumb trailed tiny circles over the back of my hand. Every time he touched me, even just a small gesture, I compared it to Sebastian. No tingle, no spark, no wanting or needing spread through me. I didn’t ache for him like I did Sebastian. I almost giggled. Wouldn’t he be happy knowing that he had ruined me for all men? I was attracted to Brett. Who wouldn’t be? He was supermodel perfect with light brown hair and deep blue eyes, but he wasn’t Sebastian Chelios. There was only one Sebastian, and he was no longer around.

A lump formed in my throat, and I released Brett’s hand. “I need some air.”

Excusing myself, I grabbed a beer from the fridge.

“Do you want company?” Brett asked as I pulled open the patio door.

I smiled at his thoughtfulness. “Give me a little bit.” I needed some time alone. Away from the happiness that surrounded my friends. I wanted to wallow in my own self-pity for a little bit.

He nodded and turned to Keisha and Garrith. “If you guys don’t stop arguing, I’m going to bash your heads together.”

I laughed and stepped out onto the deck, heading to the swing set. The cool midnight air washed around me, caressing my body. Shivers ran down my back, and I wrapped the sweater tighter around my shoulders as I sat on the swing. After taking a swig from my beer, I placed it on the ground.

I kicked and swung into the air, letting the cool wind kiss my skin. Keisha didn’t know what she was talking about. I couldn’t leave. This was my home. Antonio’s home. It was all he knew. I couldn’t take him away from it. She meant well, though. She was trying to look out for us. But if Jose was back, no matter where we went, he would find us. Bile rose in my throat, and I had to swallow several times before I was able to relax.

I closed my eyes and let the wind whip through my hair as I swung higher and higher. It was freeing. Garrith and Brett had built this swing for me as soon as I moved into this house.

The hairs on the back of my neck tingled. I opened my eyes and caught Brett looking at me through the patio door. I smiled.

He waved and headed back to the living room.

Sadness and guilt ate at my stomach. He probably thought I was leading him on. Was I? I stopped the swing. I grabbed the bottle of beer as a shuffle in the trees sounded at the back of the yard. My heart sped up, beating hard against my chest as my eyes flicked around the open space. The lights from my patio didn’t expand over the whole backyard, and nervous butterflies roamed through my belly. “Is someone there?” I called out. Yeah, as if they would answer, Tori. Rising from the swing, I took a step toward my house. Chills ran down my spine as the trees ruffled again.

“Tori?”

I jumped and turned to the sound of Brett’s voice.

His brows furrowed. “Is everything okay?”

I looked back at the shadows at the end of the yard. Something was out there. Something watched me. Not sure why, but it didn’t overly scare me, either. I just wanted to know what was in my yard. Even if it was an animal. Just knowing would make me feel a whole hell of a lot better. “I think something’s in the trees.”

“It’s probably just a raccoon.”

I frowned. “But…”

“What’s going on?” Garrith asked, strolling up beside Brett.

“She thinks there’s something in the trees,” Brett answered for me.

“I’m on it.”

Leave it to Garrith to always believe me. A moment later, two beams of light came around the side of my house. Gordon Cramer and John Lector came into view as they headed to the corner of my backyard with Garrith following behind them. The two FBI agents that Garrith assigned to watch my house used to annoy the hell out of me, but at this point, I was thankful. There was something more important than me to protect now.

“Tori, you should come inside.” Keisha grabbed my arm.

“I can’t.” I needed to see what they would find, if anything. Something now told me that it wasn’t an animal ruffling the trees. With Jose still being out there and me getting that note from him, I had to question whether Keisha was right. Maybe I should leave for a couple of days. Who would I stay with? If Jose wanted me, he would find me. Even my friends knew it.

“Well, then, I’m standing out here with you,” she said, linking her arm in mine.

Brett came out and joined us, placing an arm around my shoulders. He kissed the top of my head. “You two are way too stubborn for your own good.”

We watched as the lights bounced around in the trees, searching.

A moment later, the three men emerged from the woods and strolled to the house.

“Did you find anything?” Keisha asked as she stepped into Garrith’s arms.

A twinge of jealousy spread through me, and I looked away, feeling guilty. Would I ever be able to handle seeing my friends happy? They had been through so much. They of all people deserved happiness.

“Nothing back there,” Garrith answered.

“I’m sorry for bugging you guys,” I said to Gordon and John.

“It’s never a bother, ma’am,” Gordon, the older of the two, stated. His dark eyes were warm as they looked down at me.

John just nodded, his lips turning up a bit at the corners. His piercing green eyes shone with excitement, but other than that, he was a stone. They said good night and headed back to their car.

“Are you okay?” Keisha asked me.

“No,” I answered honestly. I walked back to the swing set and sat down. I moved back and forth slowly, resting my chin on my hand as I held onto the swing.

Brett whispered something to Garrith and Keisha before walking over to me. They headed inside, leaving us alone.

“How are you doing, baby girl?” Brett sat on the swing beside me.

I sighed, smiling weakly. “I don’t know. I’m more furious than mad. If Jose actually was here, he’d been in my son’s room, and that pisses me off more than anything. A ruffling shook through the trees behind us, sending shivers up my spine.

Brett looked past me, frowning.

“Anyways, I just...it’s been two years, and I want this over.” The same shuffling noise sounded again.

Brett smiled sympathetically. “I know. I spoke with Garrith. We’re going to get your locks changed.” Looking down at me, his blue eyes heated in the dimness of the patio lighting.

I nodded. My throat dried up as he leaned down, his lips mere inches from mine. I froze, my heart pounding against my chest.

“Tori,” he said breathily, gently caressing my cheek. He had kissed me before, but this seemed different. More intense. The air crackled around us. Did I want this? Was I ready? I closed my eyes as warm lips covered mine. Goose bumps rose on my skin. For some reason I was nervous. Nervous that I was kissing another man.

Brett wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and deepened the kiss. His tongue touched my lips, attempting to push its way inside me. A part of me wanted to kiss him back, but I hesitated. A bang from the shed out back forced us apart. “What the hell was that?” Brett gasped.

I shook my head, my mind reeling. “I…I’m not sure.”

He rose and ran a hand through his hair. His shoulders were stiff. I’d never seen him mad before.

I realized that I was grateful. I wasn’t ready, and I didn’t know if I would ever be. Brett deserved better. “Brett.”

He looked down at me, his eyes filling with wanting and something else…love? Oh God, please don’t love me. It would make everything more difficult.

My cheeks heated and I cleared my throat. “I don’t...I think...”

I felt the swing move, and I turned back to Brett as he lowered to his knees in front of me. His eyes blazed, taking me in.

I swallowed, licking my dry lips. “I’m not ready, Brett.”

He sighed and placed his hands in mind but he didn’t respond.

“I’m sorry. As much as I want...I need...I can’t. It’s too soon.” I braced myself for his reaction.

His gaze snapped to mine. “It’s been two years, Tori.”

“Yeah, I know that, but I can’t get over Sebastian that quickly. I still love him,” I huffed, pushing his hands off of me.

His jaw tensed and he grabbed my hands. “I’m sorry. That was shitty of me.”

I kissed his forehead, cupping his cheek. “No, I’m sorry. You have every right to be frustrated. You’ve been so patient with me, and Antonio loves you. I just...I can’t do this yet.”

He leaned against my hand, closing his eyes.

I wanted to fall in love with him. He was such a good man, but I couldn’t. If it ever got to the point of having sex with him, it would be just that...sex. I could never love him like I loved Sebastian. The man was no longer alive, and he still had control over me. He definitely ruined me for other men. I almost laughed, knowing that he would so enjoy that, but then tears welled in my eyes. “God, I miss him, Brett. I am so sorry.”

He kissed my palm. “I know, baby girl. I wish I could take away your pain.”

I smiled. “Just you being here helps.”

He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and rose from his knees, holding out his hand.

I took it, letting him help me up, and we walked slowly back into the house.

I turned to the yard one last time and squinted, trying to make out anything that seemed out of place. Nothing moved, but the feeling of being watched still rained over me.

***

I’ll find you, cochina.

You can’t get rid of me that easily.

I’ll haunt your nightmares, puta.

You’re mine and you’ll always be mine.

I startled awake, my sweat-soaked shirt stuck to my skin. Images from my nightmare pounded in my head as my heart beat. The note. Oh God, the note. Jose...his black evil eyes burned into my brain and probably would be there for the rest of my life. A sob escaped my lips, tears rolling down my cheeks.

A cry sounded from the baby monitor. Antonio. I wiped the tears from under my eyes and took a deep breath. I had to be strong. For him. For us.

I rose from the bed, grabbed my bathrobe, and headed down the hall. I opened the door and stopped. Brett was holding Antonio, cradling him against his chest. My heart swelled at the sight. Brett looked up and blushed when he caught me staring at him. “I’m sorry. I heard him crying,” he murmured.

Taking a step toward them, I smiled. “Thank you.”

He handed Antonio to me and placed his hands in his pockets. “You look like hell.”

I felt like hell, too. I laughed lightly but shrugged, trying to come off that it was no big deal. “I had a nightmare.”

“About Jose?”

I sighed. “Yeah.”

He kissed me on the forehead, letting his lips linger. Tears pricked behind my eyes. Why couldn’t I feel for him what he felt for me? He lifted his head and smiled down at me. We walked out of Antonio’s room and headed down the stairs in silence.

“No, we are so not having spinach in our eggs,” Garrith complained.

“What’s wrong with spinach?” Keisha tossed back at him.

We walked into the open space, through the living room, and found Garrith and Keisha glaring at each other.

“And so it begins,” Brett mumbled.

I smiled and placed Antonio in his high chair. I laughed as he smacked his tray and kissed him on the forehead. Definitely inherited his lack of patience from me.

“Impatient are we, baby boy?” Keisha crooned as she came up beside us, handing him a bottle. She tickled his belly. He laughed and squirmed, shoving the bottle in his mouth. “I can’t believe how much he looks like Sebastian,” she pointed out.

I sighed, running a hand over his head. “You and me both.”

“Think he’ll be tall too?” she asked.