America's Galactic Foreign Legion - Book 4: Demilitarized Zone (3 page)

“Our scientists are digging up fossils,”
reported the spider guard, when he met with Guido. “That is
all.”

“Fossils?” asked Guido. “Do you mean like
dinosaurs?”

“Old bones and stuff like that,” said the
spider guard. “I could not get a lot of details.”

“Do you expect me to pay ten thousand dollars
for a bogus story like that?” asked Guido. “Why are Arthropodan
marines guarding a fossil dig?”

“I do not know,” said the spider guard.
“Perhaps the fossils are valuable, and the scientists need
protection from bandits. We are very serious about our
history.”

“Did you eyeball the inside of the tent
yourself? Or is your story just more second-hand rumors?”

“A very reliable source told me,” said the
spider guard. “I cannot tell you who.”

“For ten thousand dollars you had better tell
me who, and a lot more,” said Guido. “I’ll give you half the money
now, and half later when you bring me a fossil. I need proof. Major
Czerinski is not going to buy your fossil story without proof.”

“I will try,” said the spider guard. “But it
will not be easy. The tent is guarded.”

“And find out why security is so tight if
there is nothing but dust and bones in that tent,” demanded Guido.
“Find out about the guard postings, too.”

* * * * *

Guido passed the information about the
spiders’ secret tent to me, and I discussed the matter by phone
with General Kalipetsis.

“I do not see any military value in
prehistoric fossils,” said General Kalipetsis. “What would they do
with old bones?”

“The guard said they take their history
seriously,” I said. “Or maybe it’s all a lie, and they’re just
jerking us around.”

“What history?” asked General Kalipetsis.
“The spiders are not from New Colorado. We were here first. This
was a dead planet before we arrived.”

“That is it!” exclaimed Captain Lopez,
listening in on the conversation. “The dig is not prehistoric, and
they are not looking for bones. The spiders are digging up old
exoskeletons. They aim to prove that the spiders were here first,
long before humanity terraformed New Colorado.”

“They could assert a rightful claim to the
whole planet!” added General Kalipetsis. “That is not going to
happen! I am sending more of the First Division to the New Gobi
Desert. I want that dig stopped now.”

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Chapter 3

“My name is James Grigg,” announced the field
representative from Walmart. “I hope to locate a new superstore
right here in New Gobi City. Next to the highway at the border
would be perfect.”

I looked out my office window at the Golden
Arches towering over Guido’s guard shack. “Sorry, but that spot has
already been taken by the McDonald’s Corporation. Don’t worry.
There are lots of other prime sites available.”

“Walmart needs that border site to properly
serve both sides of the DMZ,” insisted Grigg. “General Kalipetsis
assured me you could make it happen.”

“The hamburger flippers got here first,” I
explained. “What can I say?”

“Would ten thousand dollars persuade you to
change your mind?” asked Grigg. “I need that site.”

“Is that check or cash?” asked Captain
Lopez.

“We don’t accept bribes,” I said, frowning at
Lopez. “McDonald’s was here first. There is nothing I can do.”

“How about twenty thousand dollars and a
complementary Sam’s Club membership card?” asked Grigg. “This is a
very time-sensitive issue. I want to begin construction this week.
Crews are already on the way. I was told I could work with
you.”

“I can’t take your money,” I said. “But if
you could do me a favor, I will see what I can do. The insurgency
destroyed an automated lighthouse south of New Memphis. Order your
construction crews to rebuild that lighthouse, and I will order
McDonald’s to move their site.”

“Major Czerinski, we have a deal,” said
Grigg, shaking my hand and briskly leaving to inspect the site of
New Gobi’s new Walmart superstore.

“What are you going to tell McDonald’s?”
asked Captain Lopez.

“Place Ronald Carter under arrest and bring
him to me,” I ordered. “Tell Carter he is under arrest for health
code violations.”

* * * * *

Captain Lopez and a squad of legionnaires
arrested Ronald Carter at the construction site and dragged him to
my office. All construction was halted.

“This is outrageous!” complained Carter.
“What is the meaning of this?”

“There has been an Escherichia coli bacterial
outbreak at the last restaurant you opened,” I said.

“At the DMZ site near Waterstone?” asked
Carter. “I was not advised of this.”

“That’s the one!” I exclaimed, pounding my
desk with my fist. “You have now been advised. I am holding you
personally responsible. And, as a precaution, I am stopping all
construction of your new McDonald’s until your legal problems are
resolved.”

“What legal problems?” asked Carter. “How
much? I’ll just pay the fine and be done with it.”

“We have orders to shoot you at dawn,”
advised Captain Lopez.

“This is a joke. Right?” asked Carter. “It
better be a joke. I am a well-respected businessman, and a personal
friend of General Kalipetsis. Can’t we work something out?”

“I don’t see how,” I said. “Someone has to
take the blame. The E. coli has even killed spiders.”

“How come this is the first I have heard of
an E. coli outbreak?” asked Carter.

“There are national security issues,” I said.
“We are trying to prevent a panic, and possibly even a new war. If
the spiders think you tried to use biological warfare against them,
it would be bad for everyone. They are very sensitive about fecal
contamination.”

“Brown floaters in the New Mississippi River
drive them crazy,” added Captain Lopez.

“Please, I’ll do anything to help,” said
Carter. “What can I do?”

“McDonald’s needs to keep a low profile for
now,” I suggested. “Out of sight, out of mind. Quietly move your
construction site and those Golden Arches away from the border
crossing. The Arthropodan commander has already announced he will
blow it up with cannon fire.”

“I’ll do it,” said Carter. “Anything
else?”

“The spiders want a million dollars
compensation for families of the deceased,” added Captain Lopez,
greedily. “It’s a fair amount. We negotiated them down from fifty
million dollars.”

“I can authorize that,” said Carter. “It’s
fair.”

“We will try to hush up the matter as much as
possible,” I said. “But there will always be rumors. Do not discuss
this with anyone.”

“Don’t worry,” said Carter. “I won’t. Thank
you so much for your cooperation and help in this matter.”

As Carter left, I turned to Captain Lopez.
“What next? I feel like I have been appointed Mayor of Tammany
Hall.”

“You are the Military Governor of New Gobi
City,” replied Captain Lopez. “I am the mayor.”

“Whatever,” I said, rising to greet the next
person through my door, and to shake his hand.

“I am Pastor Jim. I hope to be the first to
build a church in New Gobi. I have already picked a site on a hill
overlooking the whole valley,” announced Pastor Jim.

“What denomination?” I asked.

“The Church of Scientology,” said Pastor Jim.
“Being leading citizens of New Gobi, I expect both of you to attend
my first services.”

“I’m catholic,” announced Captain Lopez,
crossing himself. “It would be a sin for me to attend. I can’t
afford any more bad marks, if I expect to get into Heaven.”

“I do my praying at the casino,” I replied.
“And I make my donations there, too.”

“There are no casinos in New Gobi,” advised
Pastor Jim. “Until one is built, you will attend services and be
prominently seated in the front pew. There is a whole lot of moral
rejuvenation that needs to be done around here, and I will start
with you. In spite of what I have heard, I believe you are
basically good and have unlimited capability for good. I will work
to help you attain brotherhood with the universe through the
technology of the mind.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, feeling trapped.
What
did I do to deserve this?

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Chapter 4

“Do you know anything about an E. coli
outbreak?” asked General Kalipetsis, during my weekly report. “The
spider governor personally asked me about it. He says there are
rumors of thousands of casualties, and that the Legion is doing a
massive cover-up.”

“No,” I said. “Something that big could not
be covered up. Everything is normal here.”

“I thought so, too,” said General Kalipetsis.
“The governor also complained about that new lighthouse you had
built. He appreciates the new lighthouse, but is complaining about
the flashing neon sign that says, ‘SHOP WALMART. Only 435 MILES
NORTH TO NEW MEMPHIS.’ The governor claims it looks tacky and is a
blight on the landscape.”

“We are supposed to promote trade and
economic activity along the DMZ,” I explained. “Technically, the
New Mississippi River is part of the DMZ. And Walmart built the
lighthouse for free.”

“Quite right,” agreed General Kalipetsis. “We
are well within the terms of the peace treaty on that. I’ll tell
him to stuff it if he doesn’t like the sign.”

“The governor would gripe if I hung him with
a new rope.”

“What is the latest on that fossil dig?”
asked General Kalipetsis.

“I’m working on it,” I replied. “Patience.
This will take time.”

“You don’t have time,” said General
Kalipetsis. “Military Intelligence says the spiders are sending
reinforcements. I want that fossil dig destroyed. Make it look like
an accident.”

“I’m still trying to confirm it is really
fossils under the tent,” I said. “Anything else?”

General Kalipetsis checked his list. “Ah,
yes. Did you threaten to shoot someone from the McDonald’s
Corporation?” he asked.

“McDonald’s? The aircraft people?”

“I’m not sure,” said General Kalipetsis.
“Have you threatened to shoot anyone lately?”

“Not recently,” I said. “We really need to
get a handle on rumor control. It seems I spend half my time
putting out fires that don’t exist.”

“I know how you feel,” said General
Kalipetsis, dismissing the rest of the complaints, obviously
satisfied that all was going well. “Call me as soon as you get an
update on that fossil dig.”

* * * * *

Satellite photos showed spider trucks loading
and unloading plastic containers at the large tent. Inferred
imagery revealed a substantial heat source inside the tent. This
did not lend credence to the spider guard’s claim about it only
being a prehistoric dig. Even so, the spider guard brought Guido a
small flat rock that had the imprint of a winged arachnid-looking
creature on it. When General Kalipetsis was informed of the fossil,
he gave approval for a commando strike on the tent.

Captain Lopez led a team of legionnaires
carrying explosives. They parachuted across the border at night and
approached the tent from the back side. They quietly slit the tent
canvas and entered undetected, finding large metal tanks connected
to long copper tubing. Sacks of sugar and ground corn were
everywhere. Despite the fans circulating the air, the heat and
smell of fermenting corn mash was oppressive.

“This is not a fossil dig of any kind,”
commented Captain Lopez. “It’s some kind of chemical refinery.”

“It’s a still,” said Corporal Williams. “In
fact, there are several stills. The spiders are making
moonshine.”

“How do you know that?” asked Captain
Lopez.

“I’m from Tennessee,” said Corporal Williams.
“I am an expert on such things.”

Private John Iwo Jima Wayne, a spider
legionnaire, picked up a plastic bottle and took a swig. “It’s good
whiskey, too.”

“Do not drink that,” ordered Corporal George
Rambo Washington, another spider legionnaire. “It could be
poisonous.”

“Only to a teetotaler like you,” sneered
Private Wayne, taking another swig. “I say we load up as much as we
can and carry our spoils out of here.”

“Knock it off!” ordered Captain Lopez. “No
more drinking! Set your charges. We are blowing the whole operation
up.”

“That’s a damn crying shame,” complained
Corporal Williams, gulping a swig. “I’m taking some of this shine
back with me for evidence. Brew this good must be illegal.”

“Why do we have to blow it up?” asked Private
Wayne. “It seems like such a waste. Besides, we might start a
war.”

“My orders are to destroy everything in the
tent,” said Captain Lopez. “I did not jump out of a perfectly good
airplane, hike through the desert at night, and risk my life behind
enemy lines to not blow something up. Set the charges now.”

An hour later, a huge mushroom fireball lit
up the sky on the spider side of New Gobi City. The spider
commander immediately made accusations of Legion treachery. I
denied involvement, suggesting that the explosion was accidental. I
mentioned all the secondary explosions and asked the commander what
was stored in the tent that was supposed to house only an
archeological dig. The commander just shook with anger and stormed
off, muttering about how I would be sorry I was ever hatched. The
border situation was tense for days, as both sides moved armor into
position.

Guido finally defused the situation by
spreading rumors that the sabotage was a Mob hit. Guido explained
that New Memphis gangsters were upset about the moonshine
competition, and this was a stern warning that future bootlegging
operations would not be tolerated without a negotiated cut of the
profits.