Amish Sweethearts (9 page)

“Can you tell me?”

“Now?” she blurted.

He nodded. “I need to know if my continuing to wait for you is the right thing to do. I don’t want us to court and court and court only to have you change your mind. . . .” His voice trailed off.

He was asking about her love, but he’d never told her that
he
loved
her.
Was he waiting for affirmation from her first?

Anxiety swept through her and she crossed her arms. “Could we wait to talk about this?” she asked. “When we have more time? When I’m not feeling overwhelmed?” She still needed to get the dinner rolls started. And finish her sewing. And get the gifts wrapped.

His face fell. “Of course. I’m sorry.”

“Denki,” she said.

He sighed. “See you Wednesday,” he said as he led the horse and buggy to the driveway.

She nodded and said, “Merry Christmas,” and then headed toward the house.

The tears started before she reached the halfway point. She kept her head down as she waved at Reuben rolling by in his buggy, and then ran up the steps, hoping Simon wasn’t still in the kitchen.

Of course he was, along with Rose and Trudy.

She hurried on through with her coat still on, hoping they wouldn’t notice her face.

“What’s the matter?” Rose asked, rising to her feet and following Lila. “Reuben didn’t break up with you, did he?”

Lila shook her head and dashed to the bathroom, closing the door and locking it before Rose could follow.

“Let me in,” Rose said as she pounded on the door.

“I’m fine,” Lila said. “I just need to wash my face.” She sat down on the toilet lid and grabbed the hand towel, burying her face in it, trying to keep from sobbing. But it was impossible.

“Lila?”

She didn’t answer. She’d hated Christmas since her mother had died. Dat was always in a bad mood. The younger children had expectations she couldn’t meet. She did her best to cook the foods Mamm had and keep the traditions, but she always failed.

Having Zane stop by had made her think of all the Christmas Eves the two of them snuck out of their houses and met down at their fort. That had always been the highlight of Christmas for her. She still had the gifts Zane had given her, all tucked away in a box beneath her bed. The bookmark was still her favorite. If he’d stayed another night, would he have visited the fort? Perhaps that was why he left.

If he’d stayed another night, would she have ventured down there, hoping to meet him? She cried harder.

Once she married she wondered if Rose would take over trying to put Christmas together. That made her cry too. Daniel had already left. Simon would be off in the Army. Lila would marry Reuben sooner or later. Everything was changing. She’d imagined all of her siblings staying close by, all of them having families. That wouldn’t happen now. Daniel would become closer to Jenny’s family. Simon would be gone. She’d go off with Reuben to his house.

Another sob wracked her.

“Lila!” Rose knocked again.

“Give me a minute,” she answered, standing and washing
her face. Christmas wasn’t the only reason she was missing Mamm. What advice would she have for her about Reuben?

Lila sighed. She knew. All she had to do was look at the choice Mamm made. Instead of marrying Lila’s father, she’d picked Dat.

Lila dried her face and finally opened the door, to find Rose still standing in the doorway.

“What is it?” her sister asked in an unusually sympathetic voice.

Lila shook her head.

“If it’s not Reuben, then is it Zane?”

Lila started toward the kitchen. “It’s nothing,” she said. It was everything. Missing Mamm. Christmas. Simon. Reuben asking her if she loved him.

Jah, and Zane.

Lila stayed up late into the night on Christmas Eve, running the treadle sewing machine until Dat stumbled into the living room and told her to go to sleep. She’d finished her gifts for Rose and Trudy, and her fingers were nearly numb from the cold anyway. She’d have to finish the others after Christmas dinner.

“You should have planned your time better,” Dat said as he stepped toward the hall.

“Jah . . .” Lila muttered. She hadn’t planned for the extra shifts she’d worked in the last week or the drama around Simon joining the Army or how drained she felt after seeing Zane again.

The Christmas Eve dinner had seemed like drudgery. Every year she tried to make things festive for the others, but this year she couldn’t seem to manage to drum up any Christmas spirit. Hopefully by tomorrow she’d be able to enjoy their day together.

Before she went to bed she put candy in the dishes Trudy, Rose, and Simon had left on the table. She knew Zane’s family
filled stockings for Christmas morning, but her family followed a simpler tradition. If only she could simplify her relationships like that too.

Once she was in her room, she shivered in the cold as she pulled her flannel nightgown over her head and then slipped between the sheets of her icy bed, pulling the quilts her Mamm had made up to her chin. Rose stirred in the double bed that she shared with Trudy. Dat believed children should share a room. The bedroom Aenti Eve used to have had been the guest room since she left—except they never had any guests. Sometimes when Lila felt desperate to be alone she would read or do handwork in Eve’s old room, but Dat wouldn’t have been happy if she made a habit of it.

She rolled toward the wall, her teeth chattering. A tear seeped out of her eye. Rose stirred again, and then Trudy called out in her sleep.

Lila held her breath for a moment, but then Trudy called out again and stumbled from her bed and made her way to the single bed.

Lila threw back the quilts, and Trudy crawled in beside her. Lila curled around her little sister, who immediately fell back to sleep. It had been a couple of years since Trudy had crawled into bed with Lila. Perhaps the conflict between Dat and Daniel and Simon had upset her more than she’d let on. Lila drew closer to the warmth of her sister, whispering, “Merry Christmas,” as she drifted off to sleep.

Christmas morning she went through the motions, bleary eyed and yawning, as she made breakfast and then served it. Trudy had already eaten the candy in her dish by the time Daniel arrived midmorning. He ate a leftover slice of ham as Dat called everyone into the living room.

Only Trudy was excited. The rest of them seemed to just be going through the motions. As they all sat down Lila couldn’t help but notice there weren’t many presents on the table by the door. Although some Amish families had a tree, her family never did. Not even when Mamm was alive.

Lila hadn’t talked to Dat about what he planned to buy for everyone. She hoped he’d planned something—not for her, but at least for Trudy, Rose, Simon, and Daniel. Although now Dat probably didn’t think Simon deserved anything.

Dat read the Christmas story, and then they all bowed their heads in a silent prayer. Lila tried to concentrate on Jesus coming to earth as a baby, but she kept thinking about Zane. She figured it would take him two days to get to Texas. Did he have a special friend waiting for him when he arrived? Maybe that was why he’d avoided her when he was home. Her face grew warm. She’d been foolish for not thinking of that sooner, but that would be for the best. For both of them. Zane deserved an Englisch girl who could share his life. She’d never begrudge him that.

Finally Dat stirred, ending the prayer, and the rest of them raised their heads.

Trudy rubbed her hands together. “Time for presents!”

Dat frowned. “We give as a reminder of what God gave us,” he said. “The focus is not on what we receive.”

“I know,” Trudy said, scooting back on the couch. “I want to give my presents too.”

Dat cleared his throat. “I didn’t get gifts for you three older kids this year,” he said. “You’re adults now.” His eyes landed on Simon for a brief moment.

Lila nodded. That was fine.

Trudy frowned, until Lila asked her to pass the gifts around. All of the children had gotten Trudy a gift, and Dat had bought her a set of mixing bowls and cookie cutters. She was ecstatic. She was thrilled with the apron Lila had made her too.

Rose seemed oblivious that the others didn’t have gifts and made a big deal over the set of serving platters Dat had bought her for her hope chest. She was gracious about the place mats and napkins that Lila had made for her also.

Thankfully Lila had bought the boys gifts—T-shirts, socks, and cans of shaving cream.

Trudy had bagged a stack of cookies that she’d made with Shani for everyone.

Simon ate his cookies, marveling at how delicious they were. Trudy giggled and told him she’d make him more with her new mixing bowls. Lila suggested the others play a game while she headed into the kitchen to make the stuffing. Except for Trudy’s cookies, no one had given her a present.

After a few minutes, Daniel joined her. “It was a lot of fun at Jenny’s last night. We opened gifts and then all sang carols together. Reuben said he wished you could’ve come along.”

Lila shook her head.

“He did,” Daniel insisted.

“I’m not questioning that,” Lila said. “But who would have made dinner here? Or put Trudy to bed? Or made the gifts for Rose and Trudy?”

“You have a point.” Daniel shrugged and then yawned.

“Looks as if you stayed too late last night.”

He grinned. “Maybe.”

Rose didn’t come to help until Lila asked. By then Dat had fallen asleep in his chair and Simon and Daniel had gone outside. By the time dinner was ready, Lila felt frazzled.

Someone needed to find the boys, so she did it herself, thinking a walk in the cold might help her feel more settled. She flung her coat over her shoulder and headed out the back door. The sun remained hidden by the clouds. Even the snow appeared gray, as if the world had lost its color. As she approached the barn, she yelled, “Daniel! Simon!”

The sound of a gun startled her and then filled her with anger. Why were they target practicing on Christmas?

She stepped around the back of the barn. At the edge of the woods, Simon aimed at the target. Another shot. He hit the red center.

“Simon!” she yelled.

He turned, his eyes beady. Daniel stood behind him but started shuffling toward Lila. Simon stayed put.

She shivered. Shooting at a target was one thing. Even a deer. How could he possibly think he could shoot at a person?

“Dinner!” she shouted, and marched back toward the house, thinking of Zane on the road on Christmas Day. She had never felt so lonely in her entire life.

The next morning Dat cornered Bishop Byler in Monika’s kitchen as other members of the two families gathered in the living room. Simon had stayed home. Lila stared at the bookcase Reuben had made for her Christmas present. He didn’t read—but he’d made a home for the few books she’d managed to collect over the years. She’d given him a runner for his table.

Dat’s voice rose. Lila hadn’t expected him to talk with the bishop about Simon, but she was guessing that was the topic. It wasn’t like her father to talk about family problems, especially not with the bishop. Dat was a private person, but it seemed he was willing to swallow his pride if it meant finding help to prevent Simon from going. At least Simon hadn’t joined the church yet, so it wasn’t an issue of him being shunned.