Amos Goes Bananas (2 page)

“Many of the trainers and researchers here at C.U.P.I.D. think of the apes and monkeys as their closest friends. And it’s amazing the effect that kind of care has on the ability of these animals to communicate and learn basic skills.

“In this next section you will meet our largest and wisest primates here at the center, the gorillas.”

A young, intelligent-looking man wearing a white coat like the ones they had seen before was leading the tour. He had already taken them through the lower monkey
house and past the orangutans and chimpanzees here in the ape house.

“These animals may look quite cuddly, but I must ask you to stay well back from the bars for your own safety.”

Amos plodded along at the end of the group like a condemned man. Agnes Dorfmyer hung on his arm and chattered nonstop like one of the monkeys. Dunc was taking notes on the experiments, and Herman made faces at the monkeys in each cage they passed.

“Look at this one, Amos.” Dunc stopped in front of a cage larger than his living room. It was furnished like a house, and there was a computer sitting next to one wall. Another computer was on the outside of the cage. He typed in a message.

Hello. My name is Dunc
.

They heard a loud squeal, and a large female gorilla came bounding out of a small square door in the back. She ambled across the floor and stopped in front of the keyboard.

Hello. My name is Louise
.

“Did you see that, Amos? They’ve taught her how to talk to us.”

Amos shook Agnes off his arm and moved closer. “Ask her something else.”

Dunc typed in another message.

Nice to meet you, Louise. How’s it going?

Louise squealed and then typed:

It’s the pits. Louise wants out!

Dunc stepped back. “This is unbelievable. She can actually understand what I’m saying to her.”

“Aaa-mos.” Agnes took his arm again. “The rest of the group is already in the next hall. Don’t you think we should move along?”

“Good idea. You and Herman catch up with the group. We’ll be there in a minute.”

Agnes put her nose in the air. “Mrs. Burnbottom said we had to stay together. Besides, I want to get a picture of you with Louise.” She held up her camera.

Amos rolled his eyes and blew air through the front part of his hair. He turned to face her. “Look, Agnes, I don’t want my picture taken with a lousy gorilla, I—aaagghhh!”

While Amos had his back to her, Louise had reached through the bars and grabbed him around the throat with one hand. She
worked his head through the narrow opening, then jerked the rest of him in like a rag doll.

Once she had him inside the cage, she started tossing him up in the air. Before he could hit the floor, she caught him and threw him up again.

Agnes and Herman ran down the hall to find the teacher.

On the next toss, Amos screamed. “Dunc! Do something!”

“I don’t know, Amos. The tour guide said we shouldn’t get too near the cages.”

“Get me out of here.”

Dunc moved to the keyboard and typed:

Louise, put Amos down
.

Louise looked at the monitor. She stuck her lower lip way out and then dragged Amos by one ear over to her computer.

Amos and Louise playing
.

Amos looked dazed. Dunc shook his head.

Amos doesn’t want to play. He wants to go home
.

Louise cocked her head and looked down at Amos. She turned back to the keyboard.

Louise will go home with Amos
.

Dunc shook his head again.

No. Let Amos go. Louise cannot go home with Amos
.

Louise started squealing again and beating her chest with her free hand. She ran up and down the cage floor, dragging Amos behind her. Then she spat through the bars at Dunc, slapped the floor, and disappeared with Amos through the small square hole in the back of the cage.

The class watched as two workers led a shaky Amos out of the cage. His shirt was in shreds, he walked with a limp, and one eye was swollen shut.

“Are you okay?” Dunc asked.

Amos stared at him with his good eye. “Louise likes to play ball. I was the ball.”

“How’d they get you out of there?”

“They gave her a different ball. A real one.”

“Binder!” Mrs. Burnbottom marched over to him. “I’m so embarrassed. How dare you disgrace our school like this? I expect
an in-depth report all about the acorn worm on my desk first thing Monday morning. All right, class.” She turned stiffly and clapped her hands in the air. “Back to the bus. On the double.”

Most of the students stared at Amos as they shuffled by. There were a few snickers, and a couple of the kids pointed. Agnes Dorfmyer didn’t even look at him. She went to the bus with her arm tucked in Herman Snodgrass’s, chattering all the way.

Amos leaned his head back. “Well, that’s it. My reputation is shot.”

Dunc didn’t say anything. He was standing over the computer keyboard talking to Louise.

“That’s just great. Melissa must think I’m a total geek, the pushiest girl in school would rather be with Herman Snodgrass than me, and my best friend is having a conversation with the stupid gorilla that beat me up.”

“She says she’s sorry, Amos.”

Amos glared into the cage. “I hope she is.”

“She still wants to go home with you.”

“Tell her I wouldn’t take her home if she
were the last … what am I saying? She’s a gorilla, for crying out loud. Just tell her to forget it.”

“Aw, shucks, Amos. Look at this.” Dunc moved to the side so Amos could see the screen.

Louise loves Amos
.

Amos closed his eyes and slapped his forehead. “That tears it. Now I have a gorilla in love with me. Come on, we’ll be late for the bus.”

“Wait! She’s saying something else.”

Slowly, Louise typed a new message.

Thurman must die. Saturday—five o’clock
.

Dunc knocked on the door and waited. In a few minutes it opened. Amy, Amos’s older sister, stood there looking out at him. “Yeah?”

“Is Amos home?”

“He’s upstairs supposedly doing homework. Of course we all know that’s impossible, since you have to have a brain to do homework.”

Dunc had known Amy almost as long as he had known Amos. And during that time, he’d never heard her say one good thing about her brother. She told people that he
wasn’t really part of the family, that he was only living with them as part of the witness-protection program.

Dunc moved past her. “Don’t worry, Amy, I know my way up.”

He took the stairs two at a time. When he reached Amos’s room, he didn’t bother to knock.

“You’ll never believe what I found out.”

Amos was lying on the floor tossing paper wads at the trash can. “No. But I bet you’re going to tell me.” He threw another piece of paper, which fell on the floor with the rest.

Dunc looked around for a clean spot on the bed. There wasn’t one, so he moved some dirty clothes out of the way and sat down.

“According to the paper, Senator Ross Thurman will be making a visit to our town this weekend.”

“Whoopy-do. Am I supposed to care?”

Dunc pulled the article out of his back pocket and smoothed out the wrinkles. “It says that while he’s here, he’ll be taking a tour of C.U.P.I.D.”

“I hope he has better luck than I did. Maybe Louise will be busy tearing someone else apart.”

“Amos, you’re not paying attention. The senator is supposed to arrive on Saturday.”

“So?”

“So, that’s what Louise told us, remember?”

“Good for her.” Amos scribbled something on a piece of paper. Then he made a face, wadded the paper up, and threw it at the trash can.

“Don’t you get it, Amos? Everything Louise said is true. Which means—”

“Which means you have a plan. Which means it involves me.” Amos stood up and stretched. “Which means you can forget it.”

“Come on, Amos. This is a life-and-death situation. Someone’s planning on assassinating the senator, and we’re the only ones who know about it.”

“If you’re that concerned, why don’t you call the police?”

“Right. What am I going to say? That a two-hundred-pound gorilla told me all about it?”

Amos shrugged. “All I know is that I have a fifty-page report due Monday because of that dumb gorilla.”

Dunc looked at the pile of paper near the trash can. “Is that what you’ve been working on?”

“Yeah. But for some reason, I just can’t seem to get the hang of it.”

“Most people use encyclopedias and research books to do reports.”

“I’m not most people. Besides, I wanted it to be original, not something everybody’s already read.”

Dunc rubbed his chin. “It just so happens that I’ve been reading up on the acorn worm. If somebody needed some help writing a report on the subject, I might be available to help him.”

“You would help me with my report?” Amos eyed him suspiciously. “Why?”

“Because you’re my best friend, and best friends help each other with these kinds of little projects.”

“What do you want?”

“Nothing.”

“Right.” Amos winced. “Dunc, you
never
want nothing.”

“Well, now that you mention it, we might want to make another little trip out to C.U.P.I.D. and check things out—just to be sure no one’s trying to kill anyone or anything.”

“Oh, good—I thought it might be something
dangerous
.”

Amos sat on his bike with his arms folded—waiting.

Dunc was talking to the security guard, trying to convince him to let them in. “No, we don’t have a pass. See, today is our first day on the job. We’ll be in charge of … of cleaning cages.”

The guard looked the boys up and down. “This is a government installation, kid, and nobody gets in without a pass.”

“Okay.” Dunc started to turn his bike around. “But I sure wouldn’t want to be in your shoes when those cages get full of … 
well, you know, and the scientists need somebody to blame for it. Why, they might even need you to do the job yourself.”

“You have a point there.” The guard pushed his cap back. “Tell you what. Circumstances being what they are, just this once, I’ll open the gate.” His voice turned gruff. “But tomorrow, you two better have a pass.”

“No problem.” Dunc rolled his bike through the chain-link gate. “Thanks.”

Amos followed. When they were well away from the gate, he pedaled beside Dunc. “Now what? How are you going to get us inside Louise’s building?”

Dunc parked his bike. “Follow me.” He walked up the wooden steps of a red brick building with a sign above the door that read
SUPPLY
.

A woman wearing a white coat came through the door. “No one’s ever around when you need them.” She wrote something on her clipboard, then noticed the boys.

“It won’t do you any good to go in there. Henry’s not there. Nobody is. Pretty sloppy way to run things, if you ask me.”

“Yes ma’am,” Dunc agreed. “Maybe we’ll just wait around awhile for Henry to get back.”

The woman shrugged. “Suit yourselves. Sometimes he doesn’t show up for hours.”

“Oh, we don’t mind. We’re not in any hurry.” He jabbed Amos in the side with his elbow. “Are we, Fred?”