An Act of Redemption (7 page)

I try to stop but can’t. Everything from seeing Logan last night to all of this—it all pours out of me like a tidal wave. He holds me tighter and rubs soothing circles on my back. I hiccup into his shirt as I try to get control of myself. “I’m sorry,” I choke out. “I didn’t think anything would happen. A lot of the other students from campus have been going so I thought it would be okay.”

“None of them should be going, but the only one I care about is you. A lot of shit goes on there, Anna. More than you know.”

“I won’t go back again,” I promise. I hadn’t planned to ever go back because it’s not my scene, but I especially won’t now, knowing Logan will be there. At the thought I look up at Jaxson. His fierce eyes soften as he swipes a thumb under my eye, wiping away my tears like he’s done so many times in the past. “What’s he doing here?” I ask.

Indecision battles in his gaze as he remains silent. It makes me feel bad for putting him in this position.

“Can you at least tell me if he’s okay?” That wasn’t the question I intended to ask, but it was the first one to come out of my mouth. I hate that I still care about him after all this time, but I do.

“He’s okay. He can take care of himself.”

I’ve always known he can handle himself, but seeing him fight last night was different. There was something behind his blows, something cold and hard. He was more like a machine than human.

“How?” I ask again, knowing I shouldn’t. “How is he out? He’s supposed to have two years left and now he’s involved in something illegal. It makes no sense.”

Another heavy breath escapes him. “Listen, I can’t tell you much. Hell, I’m not supposed to tell you anything. It’s not my place. But I’ll tell you it’s big, bigger than us, and you need to stay away from it. It’s dangerous shit and he needs to focus.”

“You’re training him, aren’t you?” I ask, the realization striking me fast.

He nods. “Yeah, we all are, but please don’t ask me any more because I can’t tell you.”

“Okay, I won’t.” I step back and wipe away any subsiding tears. “I should get back to campus. I have a lot of studying to do before my shift at St. Mary’s tonight,” I tell him, talking about the soup kitchen I volunteer at.

“Are we good?” he asks, wanting to know if I’m still angry with him.

I hate that he knew and didn’t tell me, that they all knew, but I trust him. And if he says he can’t tell me then I know it’s for a reason. It really isn’t any of my business anyway. Logan and his life haven’t been for a long time. The thought sends a fresh wave of pain through me.

“Yeah, we’re good. We’re always good,” I tell him truthfully. Sometimes Jaxson can be really overbearing with his protectiveness, but I understand why and I accept him for who he is. There’s nothing in the world that would make me turn my back on him—not ever. He didn’t turn his back on me when I needed him most. All three of them could have left me and saved themselves, they were as broken and beaten as me, heck, they were worse off than me. But Jaxson promised me that they wouldn’t leave without me and he kept that promise.

He slings an arm around my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. “Good. Come on, I’ll walk you out.” We walk out into the busy gym and I notice a few people’s eyes on us, probably wondering about the slam of the door that just happened a few minutes ago.

A loud, painful groan draws my attention over to the sparring ring. I look to see a fighter hunched over, holding his abdomen, coughing and wheezing through his pain. Sawyer leans down and gets in his face. “That’s what happens when you’re looking where you shouldn’t be, asshole. Keep your eyes to yourself and focus!” His annoyed gaze swings to mine and he points to the door. “Time to go, kid. I love you, but you’re distracting my fighters.”

I giggle and blow him a kiss. “Bye.”

Just before we make it to the door it flings open and in comes running a beautiful little girl with long brown hair, olive complexion and ice blue eyes—the same as her dad’s. “Daddy, Daddy!” Annabelle cries, and I quickly realize she’s upset, tears rushing down her cheeks.

Jaxson drops down, his arms open and waiting for her. She launches her tiny body at him and he scoops her up. “Hey, baby girl, why the tears?”

Julia walks over and greets me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, but she looks as distraught as her daughter.

“Ralphie Byron, that’s what’s wrong, Daddy,” Annabelle explains with a sob. “He was pickin’ on me at the park and callin’ me names, then he pushed me down.”

“HE DID WHAT?” Jaxson bellows, rage transforming his expression.

Sawyer joins us, wondering what’s going on. “Hey, squirt, why the tears?”

“Look what Ralphie Byron did to my face,” she says, her voice stronger now as she points to the little scratch on her delicate cheek.

Jaxson’s furious eyes snap to Julia, waiting for an explanation. She rubs Annabelle’s back to soothe her and releases a stressful breath of her own. “It was a mess, Jax,” she starts, her voice thick with emotion. “All of us were at the picnic table, looking at pictures, when we heard her cry out. We found them at the back of the park and she was on the ground holding her face and crying while the boys, Parker and Beckett, were beating the crap out of Ralphie.”

“Good!” Both Jaxson and Sawyer shout at the same time.

“Well, not really, because Ralphie’s mother was really angry, even after we told her what happened. I thought her and Kayla were going to come to blows—it was a disaster. Then she said she was going to the police.”

Sawyer snorts. “What’s the bi—” He looks at Annabelle and catches himself. “What’s she going to do? Press charges on two five-year-olds, one of them the sheriff’s kid?” He chuckles. “We’ll see how that turns out.”

“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do,” Jaxson says, his voice laced with fury. “I’m going to that kid’s house to kick his ass, then I’m going to kick his dad’s ass, then I’m going to kick his dad’s ass for having a bunch of asshole kids. I’m going to keep kicking asses until the line of ass kicking can happen no longer!”

We all watch him, everyone silent at his outburst. After a long moment we burst out laughing, including Annabelle.

“I love you, Daddy,” she says, giving him a loud smacking kiss on the cheek, her smile radiant. “You always make me feel better.”

He grunts, but his expression eases marginally. “I love you too, baby. Don’t worry about this, I’ll take care of it.”

“I know.” She gives him one more hug then reaches her arms out for me and I immediately take her.

Julia steps up to him and wraps her arms around his neck. “I love you, too,” she says with a smile.

He pulls her in close and stares down at her in a way that makes me envious. I remember what it was like to have someone look at me like that. It’s the best feeling in the world.

“I love you more,” he says, before laying one hot kiss on her.

“Are you comin’ to the fair with us, Anna?” Annabelle asks with a hopeful expression.

“Sorry, sweetie, not today, but I promise to come hang out soon and we’ll have some girl time.”

“Why don’t you come over for supper next week?” Julia asks. “We can arrange it for whenever is best for you. I know school has been keeping you busy.”

Yeah, she does know that because I vent to her often about it. “Sure, I would love that, thanks.” I look back to Annabelle and give her a big squeeze then smooch on her chubby little cheek. “I’ll see you soon, lil’ sister.”

She beams at me like always when I refer to her as that, but that’s what she is. My
little sister
. We don’t need blood between us to make it a fact. Jaxson and Julia have been trying for years to have more kids but it hasn’t worked out. I think they have made peace with it.

I hand Annabelle back to Jaxson and kiss his cheek. “Bye, see you soon.”

“Bye, kid. Call me if you need anything.”

“Always.” After one last wave to everyone I leave and head back to campus. Back to the safe and boring life I’ve had for the last four years.

*

Nancy walks into the back as I’m finishing up the dishes, looking as tired as I feel. “Hey, hon, Sarge just walked in for a meal. I told him he’s late and we’re already cleaning up, but you know how grumpy that man can be. Can you deal with him? He’s always nice to you.”

I smile. “Of course.”

“Thank you. Go on and I’ll finish this up.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yep.”

Before heading out I grab some leftovers and make him a plate, to which Nancy shakes her head at, but I ignore it. If there’s food left then that man is getting some. I also make sure to grab my purse, remembering what I have in it for him.

Walking out into the dining area I see him sitting at a table in his grungy brown coat and fingerless black gloves, my heart hurting and smiling at the same time.

“Hey, there’s my girl,” he croaks out with a crooked smile. A harsh coughing spell follows right after and I notice his voice is raspier than usual.

“Hi, Sarge.” I lay his plate down in front of him and give him a kiss on his cheek, something that many of the girls who help out here frown upon, but I don’t care. The man is homeless not a disease. Every decent human being deserves kindness.

“Ah, I knew you would come through for me,” he says, digging into his food right away. “I’ve missed you, where have you been? You know I don’t like anyone else here, they’re all snippy.”

“They’re snippy because you’re grumpy to them,” I explain with a smile as I take the seat next to him.

He harrumphs. “They just don’t know how to take a joke, they’re too uptight.”

I bite back a chuckle, he’s partly right. “Well I’ll be here for the next three nights, so make sure you’re on time and I’ll make sure to be the one to serve you. Deal?”

He looks over and gives me a wink. “All right, deal.”

“Good.”

I change the topic and visit with him while he finishes his supper. I notice him cough a lot throughout our conversation. Finally, at his third harsh spell, I pat him on the back and ask him about it. “Are you doing okay?”

He waves away my concern. “I’m fine, kid, I’m always fine.”

“You don’t sound it,” I press gently.

“It’s just a cold. I got stuck in the rain the other night for a while. No big deal.”

“How did you get stuck in the rain?” I ask, my concern escalating. “Aren’t you staying at the shelter?”

“Most nights,” he replies with a shrug. When I remain silent he looks over at me to see my troubled expression. “I’m fine, Anna. Believe me, I’ve stayed in far worse places when I was in the Marines.”

It’s not the first time he told me he used to be in the Marines. I decide to ask him about it, but make sure to tread cautiously. “Can I ask you something?”

By the soft tone of my voice he knows what’s coming. He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “You want to know how I ended up here,” he says it as more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah, if you don’t mind sharing it with me. I want to understand how a man who fought for our country ended up here.”

Our gazes lock, and I see the moment he decides he’s going to share his story with me. Breaking eye contact he looks straight ahead, focusing on nothing in particular yet seeming to see everything. “You know, when I first enlisted into the Marines I couldn’t wait. The rush of fighting for your country and making a difference.” He shakes his head. “There’s nothing like it, Anna. You make friendships and family with your fellow soldiers. You live with them day in and day out, fighting alongside them. You sleep next to them in the shittiest conditions known to man. They’re like the brothers you’ve never had. You live, breathe and sleep this bond, you trust no one more in the world to watch your back. And then…you watch a lot of them die.” I see him visibly swallow and it makes my own throat burn. “It’s hard, really fucking hard, but you understand that this shit happens. It’s a part of that life and you made the choice, so you tamp it down and push forward. You think you’re okay and you live this way for years. Then, when you’re done and you come home, suddenly there’s too much time to think. The silence and the normalcy bring those long-buried demons to the surface fast. People think once you’re out then you’ve made it through the hardest part, but it’s not like that at all. For so many years you’ve been conditioned to live as a trained machine that you forget what it’s like to live as a civilian.”

Tears blur my eyes but I clench my jaw and hold them back because I know he wouldn’t appreciate them. “What about counseling?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even. “Don’t they get you help?”

A bitter laugh escapes him. “After so many cutbacks, unless you have the money, the little help that’s offered isn’t enough.” He clears his throat. “It’s my fault though and I know it. I dealt with it wrong. I secluded myself and drank myself into oblivion. I lost my wife, my house—everything. I allowed my life to spiral out of control, and by the time I woke up it was too late and I had nothing left.” He looks at me now with shame and regret burning in his tired grey eyes, looking much older than his fifty-five years. “So many people look at me and have no idea what I used to be. They don’t know that I was a respected man who fought for his country. They only see a bum on the street, who they think is too fucking lazy to work. They don’t know that I’ve tried to get a job, but who the fuck is going to hire a bum? The companies I’ve applied at look at my clothes and see I haven’t showered for a few days. Some say they will call me, but on what phone? I got no fucking phone. But you know what? I’ll never accept money from anyone, nor will I ask for it. I’ll survive how I have to and I will do it on my own.”