An Affair of Honor (Rebel Hearts Book 2) (26 page)

“Your wife met Mr. Lloyd. Somehow he managed to get into the house, past every servant, and arrived upstairs. He was in the drawing room. I warned you the servants needed to be dismissed for their lack of propriety and respect to you both. He must have had someone’s help, because I made it very clear that he was never to come here again the last time I saw him.”

William curled his hands into fists. “So she’s gone off with him.”

“No, she is in the drawing room. But she is weeping again.” Dawson drew closer. “She’s had a shock. The man revealed a little bit more of his nature than she was prepared for.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing happened, but I think he might have forced her had I not intervened.”

“I’ll kill him.” William considered his options. Chasing after Harry Lloyd appealed, but Matilda was upset. He’d see to her first. “Thank you, Dawson. I had better go and meet with my wife.”

He trudged upstairs, more than a little worried about what sort of reception he’d receive today. Sometimes she smiled, sometimes she seemed wary, but after discovering he’d lied to her about Harry Lloyd’s death so there was no impediment to their marriage, he expected any number of greetings. None of them could be good or in his favor.

He stepped into the drawing room, spotting Matilda far down the large chamber, and closed the door behind him to ensure their privacy. Her gaze was pensive as she stared out the nearby window. He drew closer, tense with both anger and apprehension.

She didn’t acknowledge him, so he sat at her side and waited for her to speak.

Her head turned a little toward him. “Dawson told you I had a visitor.”

“He did. I will go after him directly and make Lloyd regret ever coming to see you.”

“You will do nothing.” Her jaw clenched. “Do you understand me? You will never raise your hand against Harry Lloyd.”

“But he has upset you.”

“No, Captain. You have upset me.” She played with the ring on her finger. “Why did you say he was dead?”

“I didn’t.” He winced. “It was you who twisted my words to take on a more permanent meaning.”

“You could have corrected me.” She blinked rapidly, dislodging a tear. “You always correct me.”

“I know he meant something to you, but you deserved better than that scoundrel. He would not have treated you well. He would have used you.”

Her breath caught. “You used me to avoid marrying Miss Chudleigh.”

“You knew I was going to do that.” William stared hard at her face, trying desperately to read her mood. “You agreed, and I’ve never imposed on you. I thought this, we, were becoming more than a business arrangement.”

“Our bargain is based on a lie.”

“Our marriage is not. Have I not kept my promise that I would protect you and never ask for more than you are comfortable with?”

She laughed bitterly as she studied the plain band gracing her left hand. “I accepted you because I could see no other way to escape servitude. I could not see the truth of your character, only the lie that you were a gentleman with somewhat honorable intentions.”

“Lloyd did not have honorable intentions toward you. He fooled at least one other maid into sharing his bed.”

“I never did.”

“I never suspected you had. When you told me he offered to marry you, I was livid,” he said. “I can recall the misery of another maid who’d been charmed by Lloyd’s smooth tongue perfectly well. I wanted to spare you the unpleasantness.”

“He had a ring.” Her brows drew together. “He came to marry me.”

William swore. “I don’t believe it.”

“Well I do, and that is all that matters,” she whispered, turning away from him. “So you decided to save poor, gullible Matilda. To keep me in this gilded cage until you are bored with me.”

“You are not gullible, and I would never tire of you.” He nudged her arm. “What we have is not easy to describe, but I am happy with it. I thought you were becoming so too.”

She hugged herself. “How can I trust you now?”

“Because you know me, better than anyone else ever could or will. I have done everything I can to protect you. I accept your limitations. I will never ask for more than you want to give.” He frowned, trying and failing to define how he felt about Matilda. It was more than need or want. He couldn’t bear to lose her over this. “Lloyd was dismissed from service for lifting the skirts of another maid. He filled her belly and denied any responsibility.”

Her skin paled. “Why did I not hear of it?”

“Luck and quick action.” He sighed. “The girl had been Dawson’s particular friend—not an intimate acquaintance, he assured me—but they confided in each other. She only told him, and he appealed to me. When confronted, Lloyd fled. I never imagined he would return. I never imagined you had formed an attachment to him until the moments before you accepted my proposal.”

Her brow furrowed. “He said he was going to make his fortune, and he has.”

“That surprises me. Lloyd barely worked a day here as it was. Dawson has revealed tidbits of how the servants’ hall is run, and I have to say I’m not pleased with what I have learned has been going on behind my back. I am sorry if you were imposed upon when you were a maid here.”

“I was not imposed upon,” she whispered. “But I was worked very hard. I used to go to sleep at night so exhausted that my whole body ached. Morning always came too soon.”

He clenched his hands into fists, furious. “I’d no idea. I’m so sorry, Matilda.”

“Why should you have troubled yourself over me? I was just a servant.”

“My dear woman, right or wrong, you were never just a servant to me.” He considered whether to touch her, take her hand or wrist, but decided against it. He was patient enough to wait. He would let Matilda make further overtures if there were to be any at all before their arrangement came to an end. “It has always been up to you what our marriage entails. I have tried to give you time to adjust to your new role. I care about you. From the moment we met I wanted to protect you. I hired you without references because I couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving my house.”

“Thank you, Captain.” A half smile curved her lips, but her tone dripped sarcasm, something he’d never heard from her lips before. “It is pleasant not to be exhausted anymore. To sleep uninterrupted in a soft bed until after the sun has risen.”

He clenched his jaw. Was she so upset that she never noticed her slip into formality? He’d grown so accustomed to her using his given name that his rank on her lips was insulting. “I like to wake you solely to have the pleasure of your company.”

She smiled sadly at that. “So you can move me around like a puppet on a string.”

William sighed as his patience was tested with that remark. She might see herself that way, but he did not. Matilda had grown to enjoy his fussing until this moment. “The household needs firmer guidance from you if it is to function properly from now on.”

“Mrs. Young is very set in her ways.” She shrugged. “She won’t listen to me. Why would anyone?”

“Because you are my wife. You must stand up to her. If she wishes to remain in our employ, she must adapt.” He clenched his hands between his knees. Dear God, he’d never heard Matilda so defeated before. It made him afraid he had lost her good opinion forever. Did she even want what he offered her? He had to know today if he’d ruined their marriage. “If you wish to separate now because of what I led you to believe about Lloyd, then that is your decision and I will make the necessary arrangements so you can follow him and hope he will offer for you again. He’d be a fool not to.”

As she closed her eyes and her lips pressed together tightly, William’s heart gave a horrified lurch. Did she wish to go?

He pressed on, knowing he must. “If, however, you want to remain as my wife for the season and beyond, I will be pleased and support any changes you wish to make within the staff and how the household is run. I want you to be happy here. I want our staff to be happy here too, but there is a thickening layer of dust on all the furniture. They must do some work for their wages. I can only assume the dust has formed because you are not working yourself to an early death to clean our house.”

She did not react to his words, but tears began to slide down her cheeks.

He took a calming breath to better voice a third option. “But if spending the rest of your life with me is something you would consider, I would be the happiest of men. We are, despite your misgivings, a very good match. I have trusted you with my life, Matilda, and I have no doubts about that decision. Yet I know it cannot be easy to accept my rules and restrictions. Trust me with your happiness and allow me the privilege of making this a marriage for forever.”

He stood when she remained silent. “I’ll be downstairs if you should wish to talk again tonight. And unless you say otherwise, we will go on as we have been—sleeping beside each other at night, dressing together in the morning.”

On a sudden impulse, he kissed the top of her head. “Think about it, Matilda. I can give you everything you need and more. A home, wealth, security, passion, and friendship. I don’t want to crush your spirit. I want to nurture it. Reveal it until others can see your worth too.”

William looked for signs of agreement, but her eyes remained closed, her face stained with tears. Should he tell her his secret wish? A truth he’d never been sure how to voice? But this moment was the worst time to confess that he loved her. She might think he was trying to manipulate her again. Better to say nothing and wait until the time was right if she stayed.

He strode out with a heavy heart. The truth was always a discomfort, and loving Matilda had always been a secret he’d kept close to his heart. He made his way to the library and stopped before the window.

Outside, Harry Lloyd waited on the street, eyes fixed on the upper drawing room window where William had left Matilda to decide the fate of their marriage. Miss Chudleigh’s carriage rolled past, the woman’s face turned to him. She waved.

William glared at them both until they went on their way, and wished they would never darken his door again.

Twenty-One

M
atilda wiped at her eyes as tears continued to fall. Indecision gripped her. She was furious, confused, bound up in lies and desire, and hope, with no certainty of what lay ahead.

Seeing Harry again had been such a revelation. He’d forced her to see a truth that had been staring her in the face all along. She preferred to keep the easy life she was living now. Despite the lie, she wanted to remain with William.

If Harry Lloyd did actually go into a partnership at a tavern and married her after her marriage to William ended, Matilda as his wife would have to work, and work very hard, for the rest of her life.

Every form of the life William offered was very easy in comparison.

She stared at her hands. Once red and chafed from hard work, they were soft and paler than she’d ever seen them since her father’s death. William hated it when she even tidied a room.

She was also appalled at the idea of running out of her marriage, even if William had lied to her to obtain her agreement.

She drew her knees up to her chest and placed her chin upon them. Harry was right too, after a fashion—she was always in this part of the house for the latter part of the day. Even when William had been at sea, she had gravitated to this pretty room—seeking a moment or two of peace from the other servants. For a short while she had pretended to be the lady of the house rather than the lowly maid who cleaned it.

And now, thanks to William’s new and startling wishes, she might live with him forever.

All she had to do was believe in him. To trust him without reservations.

She liked this house, and she’d grown accustomed to her easy life here. His family was kind and she was slowly growing accustomed to them being around.

She had even grown accustomed to William’s scoldings and rules. He was very steady in temperament once she had figured out his quirks and made allowances for his desires.

She’d learned to understand her own.

Matilda looked forward to the next punishment so much that the very memory of the last made her body quiver with anticipation. But despite the pleasure of her situation with William, she had never believed she belonged in his world. She’d always known she could never stay with him.

And yet the thought of leaving, of never seeing him and his scowl again, brought unbearable pain.

There was a tap at the open door, and she quickly placed her feet on the floor so she was again a proper lady. “Come in.”

As it swung open, her disappointment was acute that William had not come back to her. “Yes, Dawson?”

“Captain Ford begs me to ask if you would be joining him for dinner.”

She frowned, unable to decide. She didn’t want to leave the comfort of this room yet because the moment she did she would have to decide what to do with her life and their marriage. “Tell me about your friend, the one Harry Lloyd stole from you.”

Dawson shut the door quickly and took a few paces into the room. “Not stole. She was never really mine. Marta worked as a kitchen maid. She was young, pretty, and very shy, just like you in some respects. A little flattery, and before I knew it Lloyd had a claim on her heart.”