An Amish Christmas (16 page)

The colorful silks of the jockeys flashed in the sunlight as they positioned their horses behind a slow-moving truck with wide gates mounted on the back to keep the horses even. John’s pulse began pounding in his ears. His breath came in ragged gasps.

He knew this. He’d seen races like this his whole life. Bit by bit, memories of childhood events tumbled out of the fog that had hidden them. In his mind, he saw himself carrying a bucket of feed toward the stalls. He heard his father’s voice calling his name, saw his father dressed in yellow-and-white silks with a racing helmet under his arm walking toward him.

Exhilaration flooded John’s body. All his answers were there at the racetrack. He started forward, but stopped when he felt a hand touch his arm.

Karen caught up with John. “Papa found me and gave me the good news. It is a happy day for us thanks to you.”

The moment John turned to her, Karen read the truth in his eyes. Her heart stumbled painfully.

He said, “I remember. Karen, I know who I am!”

She tried to speak, but no words passed the lump in her throat.

Excitement poured from him. “My name is Jonathan. Jonathon Dresher. I remember going to a racetrack like that one with my father. He worked there. He was a driver. Karen, I remember him. His name was Carl Dresher. He had the most amazing laugh. He was always laughing at things I did.”

The joy suddenly left John’s eyes. Karen knew he was looking inward and not at her. He said, “My dad is dead. He died when I was fifteen. My mother—I can’t remember her at all. She died when I was little. It was just Dad and I.”

“What about your wife?” Karen asked. She didn’t dare breathe waiting for his answer.

“Who?”

“The woman you saw dancing.”

Confusion flashed in his eyes followed quickly by sorrow. “The woman I kept seeing was Bethany, Aaron’s wife. Aaron was my best friend. I loved him like a brother and his wife like a sister. Bethany was Sarah Wyse’s sister. That’s why I came to Hope Springs, to see Sarah…”

He pressed his fingers to his forehead. “They’re both gone. They died in a car accident the day after I gave Aaron the watch.”

“I’m so sorry.” Karen laid a hand on his arm in a gesture of comfort.

As if speaking to himself, softly he said, “Everyone I love is dead. No wonder I didn’t want to remember. The waltz was Bethany’s favorite song. I had the watch made
to remind Aaron what a lucky man he was to have found his soul mate.”

John turned away to stare at the racetrack. Bowing his head, he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

He was grieving for his family and his friends. He’d found them and lost them again all in the space of a few moments. Karen grieved with him and for him—and for herself.

He knew who he was. He knew where he belonged, among the English who raced horses, not among the Amish and their buggies. Would he leave her now? How could she bear it? How would she find the strength to go on without him?

She summoned the most difficult smile of her life. “I’m glad your memory has returned, Jonathan Dresher.”

He continued to stare across the road. “So much is still jumbled in my head. I work with a racehorse rescue foundation, but I can’t seem to remember who they are or how to reach them.”

He gripped her hand and started to pull her along. “I need to go over there and see if I can remember more. I need a phone to call Sheriff Bradley.”

Karen held back. He realized what she was doing and stopped. Giving her a puzzled look, he said, “Come with me.”

“
Nee,
I cannot. That is a worldly place. An Amish woman can have no business in a place of gambling.”

He stepped close to her. “I don’t know what else I’ll discover about myself, Karen, but I know I want you at my side. Always.”

He didn’t mean just for today. Karen suddenly faced the hardest decision of her life. Now that he had discovered his past, he was sure to want to go back to his old
life. Could she go with the man she loved into the English world?

Her father was about to remarry. Nettie would make a fine stepmother to the children. Karen wouldn’t have to take care of them any longer, but leaving with Jonathan would eventually cut her off from them forever.

Her family would be shamed by her behavior. They would have to shun her. First it would only be her father and the adults of her church, but as Jacob and Noah and finally Anna reached adulthood and took their vows she wouldn’t be able to visit with them, or see them marry and raise families of their own.

Could she give up all that for John? She closed her eyes unable to face either future.

He cupped her face between his hands. “I don’t want to be where you are not. You’ve given me everything. You gave me faith and family and love when I had nothing.”

“John…Jonathan, I love you so much. You know that, don’t you?”

He smiled softly, the warmth of his love shown in his eyes. “I had a sneaking suspicion.”

“If you love me you will go now. You will find what you need to know, but I cannot go with you into the world.”

A new pain filled his eyes, one she could not bear to look upon. Turning her face away, she said, “I have made a vow to remain true to my faith. I could give up my home and even my family for you, but I cannot turn my back on God.”

Jonathan’s grip on her fingers tightened. “God will go with us if we keep Him in our hearts. You taught me this.”

She laid her hand on his chest. She could feel the thud
of his heart beneath her fingers. “Then perhaps that was the reason God brought you into my life.”

“I can’t do it without you, Karen. I need your strength. You make me whole.”

She withdrew her hand and took a step back. “God makes you whole. Go back into the world, Jonathan Dresher. Remember me kindly for I will never forget you.”

“I’ll come back to you. I promise.”

“If God wills it.” Turning away, she walked quickly to where her father stood as tears blurred her vision.

She could not look back at Jonathan. If she did she would run to his arms and leave all that she was behind.

H
e had his life back.

Jonathan Dresher stood on the steps of the police station in downtown Millersburg breathing in the cold January air. He’d regained almost all of his memory over the past two days but it didn’t feel real.

Jonathan knew where he had been going before the incident in Hope Springs. He knew what kind of work he did. He knew what kind of friends he had. What he didn’t know was what he was going to do now.

Two months ago he would’ve given anything to know the things he had remembered during the past forty-eight hours. Back then he had no idea that finding his past would cost him the most important thing in his life. The only woman he’d ever loved.

He stared down at the plain Amish boots he still wore. Karen was safe in her Amish community. She had chosen not to come with him into his English world. He understood that. He respected her decision, but that didn’t stop the deep ache in his heart.

He had his life back, so why was he standing on these snow-covered steps wishing he were in the snug house on Eli Imhoff’s farm?

Because that’s where Karen was.

He could see her making supper, talking about a new horse with Jacob, helping Anna with her arithmetic, discussing the Bible with Eli and Bishop Zook, fending off the endless questions of Noah.

Jonathan closed his eyes and held tight to his memory of Christmas Eve and the sweetness of Karen’s kiss. Then he locked the memory away for later. Someday, he would take it out and relive that beautiful evening. For now, the pain of his loss was too sharp, too fresh.

Pulling the watch from his pocket he opened the lid and listened to the music. Aaron and Bethany had died together in the car crash. They would never know the pain of being separated. He was thankful for that.

He could see Bethany plainly now. He could hear her laughter, see the love in her eyes when she looked at Aaron. He could hear her beautiful voice raised in song. The memories no longer brought Jonathan pain, only a gentle sadness.

Perhaps one day he would be able to think about Karen without pain, too. He had promised to come back to her, but he hadn’t known the kind of commitments he faced in his professional life. He closed the watch, shutting off the sweet sounds of the chimes.

Jonathan had taken over the reins of Aaron’s racehorse rescue foundation branch in New Zealand after his friend’s death. Once a top prize-winning harness race driver, Aaron had used his substantial earnings to start an organization that cared for injured, abused and abandoned Standardbreds, first in the United States and then later in New Zealand.

A racehorse that wasn’t winning often became a liability for those shoddy owners who cared more for money than their animals. It was now Jonathan’s duty to see
that his friend’s work of protecting those horses was carried on.

Would Karen understand? Would she approve of what he did? He didn’t see a way he could join the Amish faith and still do his job, which required hours of fundraising, computer use and business travel. Even though he longed for the simple life and faith the Amish shared, he was destined to remain in the English world.

Sheriff Nick Bradley came out of the building and stopped beside Jonathan. The sheriff settled his trooper hat on his blond hair. “I spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to figure out your story, but I never came close to this. An American, living in New Zealand, comes to Hope Springs to find the Amish family of a dead friend and gets mugged for his trouble.”

Jonathan gave him a wry smile. “Sounds like a spiel for a bad movie, doesn’t it? There were clues in the things I remembered but I couldn’t put them together. I once told Karen there was something missing in the night sky. It was the Southern Cross, a constellation that Bethany said proved God was watching over her life down under.”

Nick said, “It sure explains why no one locally could identify you.”

“My company wasn’t expecting me back until after the first of the year, but I’m sure they’re wondering why I haven’t been in contact.”

“What are your plans now?”

Jonathan shook his head. “There are so many things I need to do. I need to get a new driver’s license and a new passport. I need to get access to my bank accounts and rent another car, but first I need to see Sarah Wyse and tell her what happened to her sister. I’m dreading that.”

After Aaron and Bethany’s deaths, Jonathan had
returned to the United States to try and find Bethany’s family. He had little to go on, only her maiden name and the name of the town where she grew up. It had been a daunting task, but one he felt he had to complete for her. She often spoke fondly about her sister, Sarah.

Although Bethany deeply regretted leaving her Amish family she knew they would never accept her marriage to Aaron. In her mind, leaving without telling them why spared them the shame of knowing she had left her faith. It was a view Jonathan didn’t share and intended to rectify.

He glanced at Nick. “Could you give me a lift to Sarah Wyse’s shop?”

“Sure. You know for a guy who didn’t have a clue about himself for months you don’t seem very excited about getting your memory back.”

“There are things I wish I hadn’t remembered.”

Nick laid a hand on Jonathan’s shoulder. “Everyone’s life contains moments they would rather forget. I know mine does. It’s how we find the faith and strength to face those things that define who we are. Come on, I’ll drive you into Hope Springs.”

Leaving the outskirts of Millersburg behind, Nick glanced from the road to Jonathan as the SUV rolled past snow-covered fields and farms. He said, “We’re still looking for the men who attacked you, but you need to realize we don’t have much to go on.”

“I’m sorry that I can’t remember their faces.”

“Knowing what kind of car they stole may help us trace it and we’ll check for any activity on your stolen credit cards.”

“I imagine the car has been chopped up and sold for parts by now.”

“That’s quite likely the case. I want you to show me
the exact place you were attacked in Hope Springs if you can. It’s a long shot, but there might still be physical evidence at the scene. However, unless your witness comes forward with more information for us, finding them is a long shot.”

“I understand.”

Nick hesitated, then said, “I hope you don’t hold it against Sally Yoder that she didn’t report the assault. It isn’t the Amish way. They forgive such crimes rather than report them. It makes the Amish seem like easy prey to unscrupulous men.”

“I don’t blame her. I’m just glad that I gave her a chance to get away from the men attacking her. I didn’t plan on having my head cracked with a tire iron. Besides, even if she had come forward, she didn’t know who I was. She couldn’t help identify me.”

“Are you
sure
it was Sally?”

Jonathan closed his eyes, trying to relive those moments. The woman had passed close beneath a street-light across from him. Her open buggy had allowed him a good look at her pretty, freckled face framed by a dark bonnet. “I think Sally was the woman I saw that night, but truthfully, it was her behavior when we met that makes me all but certain it was her.”

“Is there anything else you remember about that night?”

“I pulled into the filling station at the edge of town but it was closed for the night. I was putting some air in my rear tire when an Amish girl driving an open buggy passed me. I remember thinking it was late for a young woman to be out, but Bethany had told me about some of her escapades during her
rumspringa
so I didn’t think anything else about it.”

He recalled clearly the day Bethany had discovered
Aaron and himself loafing beneath the apple tree. She had often called Aaron her
geils-mann
with a smile that made it an endearment. That day Jonathan felt a sharp stab of jealousy. They were so in love. Bethany had given up everything to be with Aaron. Jonathan wondered if he would ever know that kind of love.

As she joined the men beneath the tree that lazy summer day, Bethany enchanted them with stories of her Amish life.

Perhaps that was why he felt at home so quickly with Karen and her family, and why it felt so right loving Karen. In his heart he knew there was no one else for him.

Nick asked, “Then what happened after you saw Sally go past?”

“We’ve already gone over this.”

“Humor me. The smallest remembered detail can crack a case. Just tell me again. When did you first see the truck they were driving?”

“I don’t remember seeing the truck until it pulled in front of her buggy forcing her to stop. A man got out of the truck and tried to pull her out of the buggy. When I heard her scream I ran toward them yelling something. I think that was the first time he saw me because I’d been squatting down beside my car.”

“And you can’t remember anything about the truck? The color, the make?”

“It was dark. I was focused on reaching a woman in trouble.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

“The man trying to pull her out of the buggy let go of her arm and spun to face me. I saw her whip her horse and make a break for it. That’s when a second man got
out of the truck. He made a grab for her bridle, but she shot past him and got away.”

“Thanks to you.”

“I didn’t do that much. Anyway, at that point, I realized I was facing two lunatics with nothing but my car keys in my hand. I bolted for my car. I guess I didn’t make it because that’s the last thing I remember. Do you have any idea why they dumped my body on Eli Imhoff’s lane?”

“My guess? It was a warning to frighten their Amish victim into keeping her mouth shut.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The Amish are tight-lipped with outsiders, but the news of you being found traveled like wildfire through the community. The blacksmith sign at the end of Eli’s lane would have told them it was an Amish farm even if they weren’t familiar with the area.”

“Are you going to question Sally?”

“I have to. I don’t want the same thing to happen to another woman—one who might not be so lucky.” Nick’s determination to see justice done reverberated in his tone. Jonathan knew Nick would do everything in his power to protect the people in his district and solve this crime.

A short while later they had reached the outskirts of Hope Springs and Nick pulled to a stop in front of the Needles and Pins fabric shop. Jonathan knew his purpose for coming to Hope Springs was about to be realized. After he spoke to Sarah Wyse, he had no reason to remain in the United States. He could go home.

Home was a small apartment above the stables at the farm Aaron and Bethany had owned, but it wasn’t where his heart lay. His heart would remain in Hope Springs with a bossy, devout Amish woman named Karen Imhoff.

Nick asked, “Do you want me to come in with you when you talk to Sarah? I’ve had some experience breaking this kind of news to people.”

“No thanks. I need to do this myself.” Jonathan took a moment to pray silently.

Please God, give me the right words to say. Let me bring Your comfort and blessing to this woman in her hour of sorrow.

Nick said, “Sarah is a strong woman. Stronger than you know. It will be hard for her to hear her sister is gone, but it’s better to know the truth.”

“The Amish are strong, aren’t they? Their faith is overwhelming in the face of every hardship. I admire them deeply.”

Nick laid a hand on Jonathan’s arm. “Many of them admire you, too. You’ll always be welcome in Hope Springs, Jonathan Dresher.”

Karen moved through her days like a woman in mourning. Every corner of the house, every spot in the barn and on the farm carried some memory of her time with John.

Jonathan, she corrected herself. He’d had his life restored. He would be back at his job and with his friends by now.

With sad irony she realized that now she was the one who wanted to forget. She wanted to erase the pain of losing the man she had loved with all her heart.

He had written her one letter in the weeks since he’d recovered his memory. It had been a lengthy missive about his life and what happened before they met. He had signed it, “All my love, John.”

She kept it under her pillow and took it out each night.
It still brought tears to her eyes but she would never discard it. It was all she had of him.

On the second Sunday following Jonathan’s departure, she went through the motions of getting ready for church. She put on her best dress and packed food for the dinner afterward. She went through the familiar motions of living because she didn’t know how to do anything else.

Everyone in her family seemed to understand. They made no demands on her time. Instead, they looked after themselves better than they ever had before. Nettie came frequently to lend a hand with the household chores that would soon be hers.

Now, when Karen needed to be needed the most, her family was proving they could do without her.

The trip to William Fisher’s farm for services was long and cold and they arrived with only a few minutes to spare. Karen and her family quickly filed into the house and took their places on the wooden benches, men on one side, women on the other. She kept her head down and focused on her hymnbook and prayed for the strength she needed to get through one more day.

Anna tugged on Karen’s sleeve and whispered. “Look, there is John.”

Karen’s head snapped up. She scanned the room around her. Anna pointed to the back row of the men’s benches. It
was
John. Karen’s heart hammered in her ears so loudly she thought she might faint. She pressed her hand to her mouth to hold back a gasp.

He was dressed in plain clothes and seated between Reuben Beachy and Elam Sutter. When he caught sight of her, he winked.

She turned back to face the preacher. He had winked
at her in church. Jonathan Dresher had come back to Hope Springs. Why? Did she dare hope that he was back for good?

As the singing started, Karen added her voice to the others in humble prayer and gratitude for the Lord’s blessing, but her mind was turning like a windmill in a gale. When the song was finished, she endured the longest preaching service of her life.