An Amish Match (13 page)

But he'd heard what she said. Lloyd had promised to get a cradle for their firstborn, but then hadn't given her the extraordinary one he'd purchased. Where had that cradle gone? Joshua knew it was unlikely that he'd ever get an answer. That bothered him less than the grief he'd heard in Rebekah's voice when she spoke of her late husband.

How could he hope to win her heart when it belonged to the
daed
of her two
kinder
? He hadn't relinquished his love for his late wife. Astonishment ran through him. Tildie! When was the last time he'd thought of her? He was shocked that he couldn't recall.

He went through his normal evening routine, but his gaze kept wandering to Rebekah. She worked on lengthening Levi's church pants until it was time for prayers and for the younger
kinder
to go to bed. Before she took Sammy into the downstairs bedroom, she gave Debbie and Levi each a kiss on the cheek, and his own skin sizzled with the memory of her lips against it.

Soon the footsteps upstairs disappeared as the
kinder
found their beds. Timothy had gone outside without any explanation, but Joshua was used to his son's changing moods. Not that he appreciated them, but he expected them.

When Rebekah returned, she continued her sewing while he perused a new buggy parts catalogue that had come in today's mail. Neither of them spoke as they sat facing each other across the cradle.

“Joshua, it's time,” she said suddenly.

He leaped to his feet and stared at her, dropping the catalogue on the floor. “Already? I thought the
boppli
isn't due for a few more weeks. Will you be okay here while I call Beth Ann?”

She put her fingers lightly on his arm. “Joshua, it isn't time for the
boppli
. It's time to talk about selling Lloyd's farm.”

Glad that the
kinder
were elsewhere so they hadn't seen him jump to conclusions, he lowered himself into his chair. He didn't wait for his heart to slow from its panicked pace as he asked, “What has changed your mind?”

“I told you I needed time to think over the decision, and I have,” she said.

Joshua's teeth clenched so hard his jaw hurt. She was shutting him out again. He glared at the cradle, which had reminded her of the husband she'd chosen with love instead of the one she'd agreed to wed for convenience's sake. He'd never imagined he'd be jealous of a dead man, but he couldn't restrain the horrible emotion.

Lord, help me walk the path You have chosen for me and forget about other men's. You brought Rebekah and her family into my life for a reason. Let me be Your instrument in helping them live as You would wish for them.

“All right,” he said, hoping hurt hadn't seeped into his voice. “I'll make the arrangements with Jim Zimmermann to set an auction date. It'll take some time to prepare the auction and advertise it. He'll want the most bidders there possible so you can get plenty of bids for the farm and the equipment.”

“It's been this long. A little longer won't make any difference.” She didn't look up from her sewing. “I'd rather not go.”

“I understand,” he said, even though he didn't. Actually, he comprehended why she didn't want to watch the farm as well as her house go on the block. What he didn't understand was why she'd come to the decision to sell now.

“
Gut
. Lloyd asked you to take care of us as you think best. He'd have trusted you to oversee what needs to be done, Joshua.”

“Do you trust me, too?”

She finally met his eyes.
“Ja.”

His heart seemed to bounce in his chest, beating madly as if it hadn't made a sound since Tildie had drawn her last breath and it was finally coming to life again. Rebekah trusted him. As he held her steady gaze, he knew her faith in him wasn't because he'd given her the cradle and a home for her family. He saw something more in her eyes, something that spoke of respect and camaraderie. He didn't dare look for more. How could he ask for her love when he withheld his own heart? The thought of loving any woman other than Tildie seemed a betrayal.

Or was he seeing what he hoped to in Rebekah's gaze?

He would know, one way or the other, with his next words. “I'd like to talk to you about one very important matter.”

“I told you. I trust you to handle the farm auction.”

He shook his head. “This doesn't have anything to do with the farm. It's about Sammy and the little one.”

She curved her hand over her stomach. “What about them?”

“What do you think of me adopting them?”

Her breath came out in a gasp, and she stared at him without speaking. For the second time that evening, he had shocked her into silence.

“Rebekah, I should have phrased that better. I've been thinking about this since Jeremiah dropped off the cradle. He asked if I intended to become the
kinder'
s legal
daed
.”

She started to speak, then stuttered into silence again.

“Take all the time you need to consider it and pray about it, Rebekah,” he said. “I'm not asking you to take this step because I want you and the
kinder
to forget Lloyd is their true
daed
, but if Jeremiah is asking, others may be, too. I think we should have an answer to give those who ask.”

Finally she spoke in a whisper, “
Ja
, we should have an answer.” She put the garment she'd been working on back into the mending basket and slowly stood. “I need to pray about this, Joshua.”

“I will, too.”

She nodded and again started to speak, but said nothing as she walked out of the room.

He heard the bedroom door softly close behind her, shutting him out as she did each night.

With a sigh, he rose. He glanced at the stairs, but how could he sleep after the evening's events? Rebekah had kissed his cheek, albeit as chastely as she did the
kinder'
s. She'd expressed her faith in him. She hadn't turned him down when he spoke of adopting her and Lloyd's
kinder
, even though he'd failed to mention the true reason why he asked. Not his brother's curiosity or anyone else's mattered as much as how much he had come to consider Sammy his own and the
boppli
, as well.

He walked into the kitchen and noticed light flowing across the floor. He looked out the window and saw two figures silhouetted against the faint light from the lantern in the barn. One was Timothy. Joshua frowned when he realized the other person was Alexis Granger. She held the handles of a large tote bag with both hands, and she was talking earnestly. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but their posture suggested they were discussing something important.

What was the
Englisch
girl doing over here at this time of night? Brad had mentioned more than once that he insisted his daughter be home by dark, except on weekend nights when she could be out until midnight with her friends.

He took a step toward the door, then heard a soft voice say, “Don't.”

Turning, he discovered Rebekah coming around the kitchen table. “I thought you'd gone to bed,” he said.

“Sammy wanted a drink of water, so I came to get it.” She looked out the window. “If you confront Timothy in front of his friend, he won't heed anything you say. You have to talk to him as you did about working with his
onkels
. He listened to you then.”

“He needs to listen to me now.”

“I agree, but he won't hear you if he feels he has to defend himself. Talk to him tomorrow when you can be calm and present a reasonable argument about how he could hurt his friend's reputation if it's discovered he's meeting her after dark in the barn.”

“Do you think they—”

“I think they are
gut
people who care about each other, but I don't think she sees him as anyone other than a friend. He might have a different opinion of their relationship. Even so, you've taught him well. Trust him to know the right thing to do.”

He glanced once more at the teenagers, then nodded. “How do you know so much about teenagers when Sammy is only a toddler?”

“I don't know. I'm going with what my instincts tell me.”

“I hope your instincts are right.” He looked out to see Alexis sprinting across the yard in the direction of the Grangers' house. The large bag flapped against her legs on each step.

“So do I.” He heard the fervor in her voice. “So do I.”

Chapter Twelve

O
n the day the farm was to be auctioned, the
kinder
pleaded to attend with Joshua. Rebekah agreed because she had always enjoyed auctions. She warned them that, other than Timothy, none of them must join the crowd that was bidding unless they were with Joshua or one of their
grossmammis
. Buyers would be annoyed if they were distracted by
kinder
running about.

Grossmammi
Wanda handed covered dishes to the
kinder
in the family buggy. Now that her cast was off, she seemed to be trying to make up for lost time. Each
kind
, including Sammy, was given a plate or a pot to watch over. Wanda had insisted on bringing food, even though the members of Rebekah's old district would be offering food for sale. It was a fund-raiser for a husband and wife in the district who each needed surgery.

When Joshua stepped up into the buggy, he said to his
mamm
, “We'll see you at the auction later.”

“We'll be there as soon as Esther finishes frosting the cupcakes she's making.” After offering a wave, Wanda climbed into her own buggy, turned it and drove down the driveway.

“I get tired trying to keep up with her,” Joshua said, shaking his head. “She has more energy than a dozen people.”

“True.” She looked from Wanda's buggy to the one holding her family.

Sammy was giggling and trying to peek into the plastic bowl on his lap. Debbie steadied it and whispered in his ear. That set him to chortling even more. Beside them, Levi was squirming as he always did when he was excited. Timothy sat in the front with his
daed
, trying to wear an expression of world-weary boredom, though she suspected he was as eager to go to the auction as his siblings were.

They were going away for the day, and she'd be alone in the house. Sadie had gone home for the weekend, leaving food for their meals in the refrigerator. Mending waited, as always, but she didn't want to spend the day doing that or trying to work in the garden. Bending over was getting harder every day.

She wanted to spend the day with her family.

Instantly she made up her mind. “Joshua, can you wait a minute while I get my bonnet and shoes?” She smiled. “It may take more than a minute for me to find my feet and get my shoes tied, but not so long that we'll be late for the auction.”

“You want to go, too?” Joshua asked.

She understood his surprise. She'd been adamant about not being there. Joshua believed it would make her sad because of memories of Lloyd. In a way, he was right, but her sorrow focused on how her dreams for a life with Lloyd had faded away into a desperate struggle to survive and protect Sammy from his
daed
.

When Joshua had asked her about adopting Sammy and the
boppli
, he hadn't had any idea how difficult it had been not to shout out
ja
immediately. Once the
kinder
had the Stoltzfus name, they could grow up without anyone watching for Lloyd's weaknesses. Best of all, she wouldn't have to disillusion Joshua about his friend. The secret of Lloyd's abuse could truly and completely be buried along with him.

She needed to find the right time to tell him that she wanted him to be the
kinder'
s legal
daed
. A time when they were alone so the
kinder
didn't hear, and a time long enough after he first asked so he wouldn't ask the questions she didn't want to answer.

“Ja,”
she said. “I've changed my mind. Women do that, you know.”

“So I've heard. More than once.” He motioned for Timothy to move to the back with his siblings. Joshua walked with her to the house, offering to help her with her shoes, and gave her the tender smile that made her heart do jumping jacks. “I'm glad you're coming with us.”

“Me, too.” In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she'd been this happy. She held that close to her heart, intending to savor it through the whole day.

* * *

The sale was going well. The farm that had been quiet for so long had come alive as if a county fair had set up its midway between the house and the barns. A crowd of nearly a hundred people stood beside the recently painted barn that shone in the bright sunlight. More mingled and chatted among the buggies, wagons and cars parked in the yard and down the farm lane and out on the road. The auctioneer was making the bidders laugh with his antics as he tried to cajole a few more dollars out of them for each item.

Smoke from grills brought by the members of Rebekah's old district was laced with delicious scents of meat, peppers and onions. Rows of baked goods awaited buyers with a sweet tooth. Cans of soda and iced tea were encased in galvanized buckets of quickly melting ice.

Joshua stood to the side and watched the enthusiastic bidding for a plow that looked as if it had hardly been used. The work his brother had done to fix the buildings was going to pay dividends, he was certain, because he'd heard several groups of men discussing the value of the acreage and buildings. Their numbers were higher than his estimates. His work to arrange the machinery to its best advantage was helping each piece sell for more than he'd dared to hope. The
gut
Lord had brought generous hearts to the auction today.

He smiled as his favorite verse filled his head:
This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it
.

The
gut
Lord had also brought several young Amish men who were eager to set up their own farms. He recognized a few from Paradise Springs and guessed the others were from the surrounding area. Most of them worked at jobs beyond their families' farmsteads, and they longed to return to the life beloved by most plain men: husbanding God's beautiful creation. By day's end, he hoped one of them would be the new owner of Lloyd's farm, because there were a handful of
Englischers
talking about bidding on it, as well, and it was always disappointing when
gut
farmland was subdivided for another neighborhood. But, either way, the farm should sell well.

Lloyd's legacy to his wife and son and unborn
kind
.

Joshua scanned the crowd, which was intent on what the auctioneer was listing as the next lot. Where was Rebekah? He saw Levi and Debbie playing volleyball with others their age. Timothy had worked with other teens to set up a makeshift baseball diamond where abandoned hubcaps, salvaged along the road, served as bases. Home plate was simply an area scratched out in the dirt.

When the house's front door opened, Rebekah emerged with a pitcher of some fruity drink and paper cups. She went with care down the steps, and he held his breath until her feet were securely on the ground. For her to fall now could turn the
boppli
and make the delivery much more difficult and dangerous.

“Now there's a man who's in love with his wife,” teased Ezra. His brother nudged him with an elbow and chuckled. “Can't keep his eyes off her.”

Joshua didn't want to admit that his younger brother was right. “Don't you have better things to do than lurk around spying on me?”

“Nope.” He rested his shoulder against a nearby fence post. “I've been looking for a seeder, but that one went for more than I thought it was worth.
Gut
for Rebekah, not so
gut
for me. That was what I was mainly looking for, so I need to find something to do while
Mamm
enjoys time with our neighbors.”

“And Leah Beiler is here.” He eyed his brother with a grin. “Are you two going to be the first to publish your marriage this fall?”

“You know better than to ask that.” He chuckled. “And that's a clumsy way of trying to divert me from noticing how you're mooning over your pretty Rebekah.”

Joshua changed the subject to the work Daniel had done on the farm. That seemed to distract his brother, or perhaps Ezra was so enthralled with anything to do with agriculture that he was eager to talk about it anytime. Giving his brother half of his attention, Joshua continued to watch Rebekah.

Like his
mamm
, she was unwilling to sit while others worked. She must not overdo when she had to think of her own health and the
boppli'
s.

Ezra's laugh intruded on his thoughts. Slapping him on the arm, his brother said, “Go ahead and moon, big brother. I'll talk to you later
if
you can think of anything other than your wife.” He walked away still laughing.

Joshua considered retorting, not wanting to let his brother get the last word, but what could he say? Ezra was right.

He strode across the field in the opposite direction, away from the crowd and the noise. He needed some quiet to think. He paused by the farm pond where the only noise was the chirping birds and the breeze in the reeds along the water.

Why was he trying to deny the truth? Rebekah was always in his thoughts. When he considered staying another hour at the shop to finish work, he imagined her waiting at home with his meal ready and worrying that he hadn't arrived home at his usual time. He remembered how delicate her touch had been and how she'd fretted about causing him more pain when she cleaned his cuts in the wake of the exploding root beer. Even when his
kinder
came to mind, Rebekah was there, smiling, encouraging them, scolding when necessary, loving them with an open and joyous heart.

Exactly as he longed for her to love him.

Exactly as I love her
.

That thought sent a deluge through him, washing away the last remnants of his resolve never to fall in love and put his heart in danger again. Whether he turned his back on her love or tried to win it, he couldn't guarantee that he was avoiding heartbreak. But he was if he ignored the truth.

He'd fallen in love with his sweet wife, the woman he'd promised to cherish. Overwhelmed by the gift of love that God had brought twice into his life, he dropped to his knees and bowed his head as he thanked his Heavenly Father.

To that prayer he added, “Give us your blessing, too, Tildie. I know now that if I'd gone first, I would have wanted you to find someone to bring you and the
kinder
love and happiness. Please want the same for me.”

A sense of peace settled upon him as he stopped fighting himself. He almost chuckled at the thought. An Amish man was supposed to play no part in any sort of war, but he'd been fighting one within himself...a futile one, because the resolution was what he'd known all along. God came into their lives and hearts through love.

He needed to remember that.

* * *

The raised voice echoed oddly through the empty house. Joshua frowned. What was going on? His
mamm
had told him that Rebekah had gone inside to get out of the hot sun. He'd expected to hear the muffled sound of the auctioneer's voice, but he heard shouts.

He strode into the living room. The room silenced, and he looked from Rebekah who was backed into a corner, one arm protectively around Sammy and the other draping her stomach, to two men he recognized as Lloyd's brothers, Aden Ray and Milo. The latter stood too close to her, clearly trying to intimidate her. Both men stepped back and let Rebekah and Sammy rush to his side.

He urged her to take the
kind
and leave, but wasn't surprised when she shook her head. She didn't want to abandon him to deal with the two Burkholders. He took her hand and drew her closer, feeling her fingers tremble against his palm. Beside her, Sammy clung to her skirt.

“What is this?” Joshua asked in the calmest voice he could.

“Family business.” Aden Ray glowered. “As Lloyd's brothers, we've got a right to a share of the profits from this farm.”

“Rebekah has been generous with you already. She gave your family permission to take whatever you wanted out of the house. You did. However, the equipment and farm belong to Lloyd's son.”

“Which means it goes into your pockets. How convenient for you! Marry the widow and collect the fruits of our brother's labors.”

“I would have married her myself if I wasn't already married.” Milo, Lloyd's older brother, sneered. “She's not bad to look at when she's not blown up like a balloon.”

He stared at the man's crude, greedy smile, not dignifying the stupid comment with an answer. Tugging on Rebekah's hand and calling to Sammy, he turned on his heel to walk away.

They walked out the door. As they reached the bottom step on the front porch, his arm was seized, shocking him. He hadn't expected another Amish man to lay a hand on him in anger.

“Rebekah,” he said as he drew his arm away from Milo Burkholder, “
Mamm
would like your opinion about which cakes to auction off first.” That wasn't true, but he didn't want her to suffer any more of her brothers-in-law's comments. “Why don't you and Sammy find her now so they can be sold while the crowd is still large?”

She backed away, frustration and fear in her eyes that were as wide and dismayed as her son's. But anger, too, because her face had reddened, making her freckles vanish. He was astonished how much he missed them. As strong as she was in facing every challenge, the freckles softened her expressions while reminding him how gentle she was at heart. He gave her a wink, and her lips quivered before she turned and crossed the yard toward the refreshment area.

“Gut,”
Milo growled. “Now with her gone we can talk man-to-man.”

“We don't have anything to talk about.
Englisch
law and our own traditions are clear on this. The widow and her
kinder
inherit her husband's estate. As I said, she has been very generous and offered your family everything in the house.”

“It's not enough!”