An Engagement in Seattle (4 page)

The saleswoman led her to the appropriate display of gowns. Julia shuffled through them quickly, making two selections. Neither dress really appealed to her.

“I’ll try on these two,” Julia said.

The woman made no comment as she went into the back room and returned a few minutes later with the two dresses in the correct size. She took them into the dressing room and placed them on the hook.

Julia obediently followed her inside. She undressed and slipped into the first dress. It was just as the saleswoman had promised. Simple and elegant. A straight skirt made of silk, a beaded yoke and cuffs. It looked fine, Julia supposed.

“No,” the shop-owner said with certainty. “This one doesn’t suit you.”

“It looks…”

“No,” the woman repeated. “Don’t even bother to try on the next dress. It wouldn’t suit you, either.”

“Please, I don’t have a lot of time.”

“The dress is one of the most important aspects of your wedding. Every bride deserves to feel beautiful on her special day.”

Julia didn’t know why she felt like crying, but she did. Buckets of tears welled up inside her. She was grateful the woman didn’t seem to notice. Brides deserved a whole lot more than feeling beautiful; they deserved to marry a man they loved. A man who loved them, too.

“Wait here,” she instructed. She left the changing area and came back a moment later carrying a lovely ornate dress. The silk gown with pearls and sequins was anything but simple. Rarely had Julia seen a dress as intricate as this.

“Try it on,” she said when Julia hesitated.

“I…I don’t think I should.”

“Nonsense. This dress was designed for someone with your body type. It’s perfect. It arrived this afternoon, almost as though I’d sent away for it with you in mind.”

“I don’t know,” Julia murmured. The woman held up the gown for her inspection. It was lovely, ten times more elaborate than the one she’d tried on earlier. Ten times more beautiful, too. It was the kind of dress a woman in love would choose, knowing her groom would treasure its beauty. Would treasure
her
beauty. A groom who’d cherish her devotion all his life. It was the style of dress she would’ve worn for Roger before she learned of his betrayal. Before she’d learned what a fool she’d been.

She wanted to argue, but one look convinced her that the woman would hear none of it. Not exactly sure why she’d allowed this stranger to dictate her actions, Julia put on the dress. The silk and taffeta rustled as it slid effortlessly over her hips. She kept her eyes lowered as she turned around and the shopkeeper fastened the small pearl closures down her back.

Julia felt strangely reluctant to look into a mirror, almost fearing her own reflection. When she did raise her eyes to the glass, she was startled at the beautiful young woman who gazed back at her. It took her a wild second to realize it was herself.

Gone were the lines that told of the bitterness and disappointment she’d carried with her since her father’s death. The cool, disinterested look in her eyes had warmed. The calculating side of her personality faded, replaced by the woman she’d been before she’d fallen in love with Roger Stanhope. Open, trusting, naive—too young for her years.

Unable to look at herself any longer, Julia dragged her eyes away from the graceful reflection of the woman she’d once been. The woman Roger’s deception had destroyed.

“It’s perfect,” the saleswoman was saying with a sigh of appreciation. “Just perfect. It’s as if the dress was meant for you.”

Julia opened her mouth to contradict the woman, but before she could voice her objection she looked at the mirror one last time. A few days earlier she’d caught a stormy glimpse of herself reflected in her office window. She’d disliked what she’d seen, the woman she’d become, cold, uncaring and driven.

She’d quickly abandoned her self-analysis and had concentrated on what was happening with Alek and Jerry at the Immigration office instead. The events of that afternoon had resulted in this farce of a wedding.

Alek had been adamant that there be no divorce. Julia had agreed to those terms, but not in the spirit he’d intended. If it weren’t for these particular circumstances, Julia doubted she would ever have married. This would be her only wedding, her one chance to wear such a beautiful gown.

“I’ll take it,” she said, calling herself a fool even as she spoke.

“Somehow I knew you would.” The saleswoman grinned broadly.

It took an additional twenty minutes, while the dress was wrapped up and the bill paid, before Julia was able to leave the shop. Nervously she glanced at her watch as she headed toward her parked car. She was already late and knew Ruth would be worried.

As often as she’d visited hospitals, Julia could never accustom herself to the antiseptic smell. She rushed down the polished hallway to the wing that housed her grandmother. She hated the thought of Ruth being here, away from her comfortable home and the pictures she loved and kept close to her side.

Ruth had tried repeatedly to prepare Julia for her death, but Julia refused to listen, refused to accept life without her adored grandmother.

Checking in at the nurses’ station, Julia was left to wait until Velma Williams, the head nurse, returned. A striking arrangement of red, blue, yellow and white flowers overfilled an inverted straw hat on a corner of the long counter. Julia admired it as she stood there. A few minutes later, Velma was back and Julia was ushered to Ruth’s side.

“Good afternoon,” Julia whispered. She couldn’t tell if Ruth was sleeping or simply resting her eyes. Her grandmother seemed to be doing more of both lately. There were various tubes and pieces of equipment attached to Ruth’s body, monitoring her heart and administering drugs intravenously. Julia looked down on this woman she loved so much and had to force back her growing sense of alarm. It seemed to ring in her ears, announcing that the time was fast approaching when Ruth would no longer be with her.

The older woman’s eyes gradually drifted open. “Julia, my dear, I’m so glad you’re here. Come, sit with me.”

Julia pulled up a chair and sat next to the high hospital bed. “How are you feeling?”

Ruth gestured weakly with her hand. “That’s not important now. Tell me about you and Alek. How I’ve prayed for this day. How I’ve hoped you’d learn to love again.”

“The wedding’s on Friday afternoon.” Julia half suspected her grandmother would find the timing suspicious, but instead Ruth smiled tenderly and a faraway look came into her tired eyes.

“Friday… It’s a good thing you won’t have a long engagement, because I doubt I’ll last more than a week or two.”

“Grandma, please don’t say that. You’re going to be around for years and years.”

The weary smile didn’t waver. “I won’t see my great-grandchildren.”

Julia wanted to argue with her, but she couldn’t; there’d never be children for her and Alek because there would never be a real marriage. She suffered a slight twinge of guilt but pushed it aside as a luxury she couldn’t afford.

“I’m sorry I’m late but I was trying on wedding dresses,” Julia explained, injecting some enthusiasm into her voice. She was mildly surprised at how little effort it required to sound excited about the dress she’d bought at the bridal shop. She described it in detail and was pleased at the way her grandmother’s eyes brightened.

“You and Alek will come see me after the ceremony, won’t you?”

“Of course,” Julia promised.

Ruth motioned toward the nurses’ station. “He sent me flowers. He’s a very thoughtful boy. Velma carried in the bouquet for me to see. Did you notice them?” “
Who
sent you flowers?”

“Your Alek. An enchanting arrangement, and such a sweet thing to do. I like him, Julia. You’ve chosen well, my dear.”

Julia was uncomfortable talking about Alek. He’d been foremost in her thoughts all day and she wanted to escape him, escape the memory of his gentle kiss.

“Tell me about your romance. You’ve been so close-mouthed about it all…yet I knew.” Ruth’s eyes closed slowly and she sighed. With what seemed to be a good deal of effort she opened her eyes again. “He’s a special man, that one. Just hearing about you two gladdens my heart.”

“Ah…” Julia hesitated, not sure what to say. “It all happened rather quickly…almost overnight.”

“So I gathered.” A spark appeared in Ruth’s eyes. “Oh, how I adore a love story. Tell me more before I fall back asleep.”

“Alek’s green card was about to expire.” Keeping everything as close to the truth as possible made this much easier.

“His green card,” Ruth repeated. “Of course, I’d forgotten.”

“He was going to have to return to Russia.”

“And you realized you couldn’t let that happen, didn’t you?”

“I hadn’t realized how important he was to me,” Julia said, adding drama to her voice. “Jerry did everything he could to persuade the Immigration people to let Alek stay, but nothing he said convinced them. The three of us were talking and suddenly I understood how vital it was to me that Alek remain in the United States. I…don’t think I could bear to go on without him.” This was a stretch, but Julia knew what a romantic her grandmother was. If she was exaggerating the truth just a little, it was a small price to pay to satisfy Ruth.

“Julia, my sweet child.” Her grandmother’s delicate hand reached for Julia’s and she squeezed her fingers. “I always trusted that in time you’d open your heart to love again. It took a special man like Alek. Be happy, my child. Promise me you won’t let go until you’ve found your joy.”

Julia wasn’t sure she understood Ruth’s words. They made little sense to her. She would have questioned her if Ruth hadn’t chosen that moment to slip into a peaceful slumber. For several minutes Julia remained at her grandmother’s side, taking in the solace she felt whenever she spent time with Ruth.

“Julia.” The sound of her name, said with that soft European accent, caught her attention. She jerked around to find Alek standing in the doorway.

She got up abruptly, resenting his intrusion into these quiet moments. She walked toward the door, not wanting him to interrupt her grandmother’s rest.

“What are you doing here?” she asked when they were well into the corridor.

The edge of his mouth lifted in a half smile. “I came to see you. There is much we need to discuss.” He tucked her hand in the crook of his elbow and sauntered over to the elevator.

“I left the wedding arrangements in Jerry’s hands. He’ll look after everything. As far as I can see, there’s nothing to discuss.”

She saw the anger in him, in the prideful squaring of his shoulders and the way his mouth thinned.

“You want me, Julia, and you need me. I just wonder how long it will take before you realize this.”

The arrogance of the man was beyond description. She glared at him. She needed no one, especially a man, and never a husband. She wanted to shout out the words, but a hospital corridor was the last place to do that.

Long seconds passed as they stared into each other’s eyes.

“You need me,” he said again.

“You’re wrong,” she returned defiantly. Conrad Industries needed him; she didn’t.

Their eyes lingered and it seemed neither of them knew what to say or do next. Jerry had mentioned how proud Alek was, and she could see that colossal ego for herself. He released her arm and turned away.

He was several yards down the hospital corridor before Julia spoke. “I
don’t
need you, Alek,” she called after him. She had to say something. They’d quickly make each other miserable if this friction between them continued. If he wouldn’t make an effort, then it was up to her.

“So you’ve already said.”

“But I
am
willing to admit we need each other.”

Grinning, he turned back. His smile grew as he returned to her side. For a heartbeat, he said nothing. Then he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her. His touch was as gentle as before. Light as air, it left her wondering if she’d imagined his kiss.

“Why did you do that?” she asked.

His smile was worth waiting for. “Because, my soon-to-be-wife, you deserved it.” He brushed the hair away from her face. “For that matter,” he said with a roguish grin, “so did I.”

Three

T
he wedding ceremony was a nightmare for Julia. When it came time to repeat her vows, her throat closed up and she could barely speak. Not so with Alek. His voice rang out loud and clear, without the least hesitation.

Love and cherish.

Julia’s conscience was screaming. She had no intention of loving Alek. She didn’t want to love any man, because love had the power to hurt her, the power to break her. Julia had worked hard to blot it from her life. Love was superfluous, unnecessary, painful when abused, and her heart had yet to recover from her first experience with it.

Signing the final documents was even worse than enduring the ceremony. Her hand trembled as she wrote her name on the marriage certificate. Her eyes glazed with tears as she stared at the official document, all too aware of the lie she was living.

Jerry, her assistant and the minister all seemed unaware of her distress. She didn’t know what Alek was thinking. His fingers pressed against the small of her back as though to encourage her. She continued to hold the pen and remained bent over the document long after she’d finished signing her name.

“May your marriage be a long and fruitful one,” the minister was saying to Alek. Julia squeezed her eyes shut, drew in a steadying breath and straightened. She dared not look at Alek for fear he could read her thoughts.

Long and fruitful,
Julia’s mind echoed. A sob welled up inside her and she was afraid she’d burst into tears. This deception was so much more difficult than she’d ever imagined.

“Shall we join the others?” Jerry, who had served as Alek’s best man, suggested, gesturing toward the door. Julia was grateful for an excuse to leave the room.

The reception was being held in a large hotel suite across the hall from where the wedding had taken place. Their guests were helping themselves to a wide array of hors d’oeuvres served on silver platters, and crystal flutes of champagne.

Julia was surprised by how many people had come on such short notice. Most were business associates, but several family friends were also in attendance. She had few friends left, allowing the majority of her relationships to lapse after her father’s death.

Alek was at her side, smiling and cordially greeting their guests. He placed his arm casually around her shoulders. Julia stiffened at the unwelcome familiarity, but if he noted her uneasiness, he paid no heed.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look?” he whispered close to her ear.

Julia nodded. He hadn’t been able to take his eyes off her from the moment she’d arrived in her wedding dress. Oddly, that depressed her, planning to deceive him the way she was. He was expecting more from this marriage than she was going to give him. She should’ve opted for the plain, simple, unadorned dress instead of the ornate one she’d chosen.

The minute she’d viewed herself before the wedding, she was sorry she’d bought this gown. Even Jerry had seemed dumbstruck when he went to escort her to Alek’s side. He’d become especially maudlin with his compliments, which added to her stress. And her guilt.

“Could you
pretend
to love me?” Alek whispered. “Just for these few hours?” His warm breath against her skin sent shivers down her spine. “Smile, my love.”

She complied obediently, her expression no doubt looking as stiff as it felt.

“Better,” he murmured under his breath.

“How soon can we leave?”

Alek chuckled softly. “I know you’re eager for me, but if we left too soon, it would be unseemly.”

Julia’s face burned with a wild blush, which appeared to amuse Alek even more. “Would you like me to get you a plate?” he offered.

She shook her head. Food held no appeal. “Do
you
want something?” she asked.

He turned to her, his eyes ablaze. “Rest assured, I do, but I’ll get my dessert later.”

Julia didn’t think her knees would support her much longer. From obligation more than desire, she drank a glass of champagne. It must’ve been more potent than she realized because she felt giddy and light-headed afterward.

It was the dress, she decided. She wanted to change out of the wedding gown because it made her feel things she had no right to feel. With Alek standing at her side, she felt beautiful and wanted and loved when she didn’t deserve or want any of it. She’d gone into this marriage for all the wrong reasons. She was uncomfortable, using Alek for her own gain, giving nothing of herself in return.

Until she’d stood before the preacher, marriage had been little more than a concept, an idea she didn’t believe in. She hadn’t expected a few words mumbled before a man of God to be so powerful. But she’d been wrong. Julia was shaken and uncertain afterward, as if she was mocking important human values.

“Jerry.” She reached out to her brother and clasped his arm with both hands. “I’ve got to get out of here.…”

He must have read the desperation in her eyes, because he nodded gravely. Whatever he said to Alek, Julia didn’t hear. She assumed her brother would escort her from the room, but it was Alek who slipped his arm around her waist. It was her husband who led her out of the reception.

“Jerry is making our excuses,” he explained.

She nodded. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as he took her down the hallway to the changing room. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Are you feeling faint?”

“I’m fine now, thanks.” Or she would be, once she was out of this dress and back in her own clothes. And once he removed his arm from her waist.… The walls seemed to close in around her. She wished Alek would leave her, but he stayed even when she reached the door leading to the changing room.

“We didn’t kiss,” Alek whispered. “Not properly.”

Julia didn’t bother to pretend she didn’t know what he was talking about. When Alek was told to kiss his bride, Julia had made sure he’d merely given her a peck on the cheek. Alek had been disappointed, and Jerry’s eyes had revealed his frustration. A passionate kiss would’ve put the stamp of credibility on their act.

“You’re not sick, are you?”

She could have lied, could have offered him countless excuses, but she didn’t. “I’m fine,” she said, just as she had a minute earlier.

“Then I’ll kiss my bride.”

Her first instinct was to put him off, to thwart him again, but a kiss seemed like such a simple way to ease her conscience. His touch had always been tender, as if he understood and appreciated her need for gentleness.

“Yes,” she agreed breathlessly.

Her back was against the wall and his arms went around her waist. Unsure what to do with her own hands, she splayed them across his chest. He pulled her against him, and for a long moment he held her, as if savoring the feel of her in his arms.

The trembling returned and Julia closed her eyes. She could smell his cologne, feel his heart beat beneath her flattened palms. His breath echoed in her ears and rustled her hair.

His mouth met hers. His touch was light and brief. She tipped her head back and her eyes drifted shut as his mouth brushed hers again. And again. A sigh worked its way through her as his tongue outlined the shape of her mouth. After a series of nibbling kisses, he caught her lower lip between his teeth.

Julia held her breath, unable to respond. She was content to let him be the aggressor, to allow him to touch her and kiss her without fully participating herself.

But her lack of involvement obviously bothered Alek.

“Julia,” he pleaded, “kiss me back.”

Tentatively, shyly, her mouth opened to him and he moaned, then deepened the kiss. His arms tightened their hold and he slanted his mouth over hers. Strange, unwelcome pleasure rippled through her body.

She sighed at the sensations she experienced; she couldn’t help it. She felt hot and shaky, as though she’d suffered a near miss, as though she’d stepped off a curb and felt the rush of a car passing by and come within inches of being struck.

Her hands, which had seemed so useless moments before, were buried in his dark hair. Her body, so long untouched, felt about to explode. She moved against him, clinging to him, fighting back tears.

The sound of someone clearing his throat broke the spell. Alek stilled, as did Julia. Slowly, reluctantly, she opened her eyes to find half of the reception guests lined up in the hall watching them.

Jerry stood in the background, smiling broadly. He gave her a thumbs-up, looking ecstatic. If they were hoping to fool their guests, they’d succeeded beyond her brother’s expectations.

As though loath to do it, Alek released her. He seemed perturbed by the interruption and muttered something she didn’t understand.

“I’ll change clothes,” she said, hurriedly moving into the room. She was grateful there was a chair. Sinking down onto it, she pressed her hands to her red face and closed her eyes. She felt as if she’d leapt off a precipice in the dark and had no idea of where she’d be landing. A kiss that had begun as a compromise had become something else. She’d been trying to soothe her conscience, but instead had added to her growing list of offenses, leading Alek to believe he should expect more.

Julia took her time changing. Fifteen minutes later she reappeared in a bright red flowered dress she’d found in the back of her closet. These days she dressed mostly in business suits—jackets, straight skirts and plain white blouses. The dress was a leftover from her college days. The design was simple and stylish.

Alek was pacing the hallway anxiously.

“I’m sorry I took so long.”

His smile was enthusiastic. He touched her lips, still swollen from his kiss. The color hadn’t faded from her cheeks, either; if anything, it had deepened with this fresh appraisal.

“I…promised my grandmother we’d stop in at the hospital after the reception,” Julia said nervously. “I’d hate to disappoint her.”

“By all means we will see her.”

They said their farewells and left the reception. Julia knew the minute they walked into Ruth’s hospital room that she’d been waiting for them. Her grandmother’s smile was filled with love as she held her hands out to them.

Julia rushed forward and hugged her. She was reminded each and every time she saw her grandmother that Ruth was close to death. She clung to life, not for herself, but for Julia’s sake. It hurt her to know Ruth was in pain. Why did those who were good always have to suffer? Why couldn’t God spare her grandmother just a few more years? This day, her wedding day, had started a cauldron of emotions churning in her mind. She couldn’t bear to think of what her life would be like without her grandmother.

It had been Ruth’s kindness that had gotten her through Roger’s deception and her father’s death. Otherwise, Julia feared she would’ve ended up in a mental ward.

Other emotions long buried and ignored came to the surface, as well. Kissing Alek had stirred up needs and desires she’d assumed were lost to her.

There were no answers, at least none she felt confident enough to face. Only myriad questions that assailed her on every front. She couldn’t trust herself; her power to discern had been sadly lacking once and had cost her and her family dearly. She dared not trust herself a second time.

She was married to a man she didn’t love, a man who didn’t love her, either. To complicate everything, her grandmother was dying. This was what her life had come down to. A loveless marriage and a desperate loneliness.

When Julia released her grandmother, Ruth looked up and brushed the tears from Julia’s cheeks. “You’re crying?” she asked softly. “This should be the happiest day of your life.”

Alek placed his arm around Julia’s waist and helped her into the chair next to the bed. He stood behind her, his hands resting lightly on her shoulders. Julia pressed Ruth’s hand to her cheek and held it there. Her grandmother seemed much weaker today.

“I remember when I married Louis,” she said with a wistful smile.

Her grandfather had been dead many years now. He was only a vague memory to Julia, who guessed she’d been about seven or eight when he died.

“I was frightened out of my wits.”

“Frightened?” Julia didn’t understand.

“I wondered if I was doing the right thing. There were very few divorces in those days and if a woman happened to marry the wrong man, she was often sentenced to a miserable life.”

“But I thought you’d known him for a long time.”

Ruth arched one delicate brow. “A long time?” she repeated. “In a manner of speaking, you’re right. But we’d only gone out on a handful of dates before we were married.”

“I’d always assumed you knew Grandpa for years.”

Ruth’s hand stroked Julia’s cheek. “It’s true that in the early days Louis worked for my father at the paint company my family owned. I’d see him now and then when I dropped in at the office, but those times were rare.”

Julia was enthralled. She knew her grandmother had deeply loved her grandfather, but she couldn’t remember ever hearing the story of their courtship.

“When did you fall in love?”

“Louis stopped working for my father, and Dad was furious with him. They were both strong-willed men and it seemed they were constantly disagreeing. Louis started his own business in direct competition with my family’s.” She smiled whimsically. “It was a bold move in those depression years, before the war. He managed to keep his head above water, which infuriated my father even more. I think at that point Dad would’ve taken pleasure in seeing Louis fail.” She paused and closed her eyes for a moment, as though to gather her strength.