An Ever Fixéd Mark (26 page)

Lizzie felt suddenly very awake. She
realized everything had changed and everything she observed and
heard after this was her new reality. She felt it more than the
night Ben sat in her dining room and revealed he was a vampire.
That was a relief. This revelation didn’t provide any relief or
excitement. It made everything slow down and inescapable.

The calm entered her gaze and made her voice
very articulate. “Who was Eloise?”

“The Fultons’ house maid,” Ben said
slowly.

“What was her name?”

“Lily.”

Lizzie shuddered again, wishing she dressed
in more than a tank top. “What does she have to do with
Charlotte?”

“Horace Fulton was the primary heir of the
Fulton fortune. Charlotte wanted that fortune. So she married
him.”

“Did Horace Fulton know she was a
vampire?”

“No one knew Charlotte was a vampire. She
had a youthful appearance and played the part of innocent very
well…” Ben faded. “Horace Fulton was a self-righteous man, who
would never be publicly associated with someone who didn’t uphold
his virtues. Privately, he had no virtue and had more interest in
the young housemaid than the secrets of his wife. ”

Lizzie looked down, trying to remember
anything she could about Horace Fulton. There wasn’t a room in the
house in which they were required to talk about him. Only… at some
point the tour pointed out that Peter Fulton was the only child of
John to produce heirs that survived into the twenty-first century.
“Horace Fulton didn’t live very long,” Lizzie muttered the only
detail that her memory produced.

“No.”

“Did Charlotte have something to do with his
death?”

Ben’s eyes searched for something in her
question. “She killed him.”

“What happened to Lily?” the name fell out
of her mouth heavily.

“
Charlotte liked Lily.
They were friends.”

“Did she know… did she know what Charlotte
was?”

“Lily was one of her sources.”

“Just her source?”

“No,” Ben looked away from her. “They were
lovers.”

“Did Charlotte kill Lily?”

“No.”

Lizzie glanced at the article, seeing the
names and words blend together on the paper. The year of the
wedding stood out suddenly, prompting the memory of the other few
details. “Was Oliver around when all this happened?”

“He was still human,” Ben returned his
glance to Lizzie’s intent eyes. “He and Lily were childhood
friends. He wanted to marry her, but there was some complication
with his family. He fought in the war and came back after Lily met
Charlotte…” he faded, eyeing her again. “Lily … she and Oliver
renewed their affair until Charlotte found out.”

“Then she turned him into a vampire out of
spite?”

Ben’s focus drifted to a place other than
the kitchen. “Spite.”

“What happened to Lily?” the name still left
her lips like a stone.

“Oliver always loved her. That didn’t change
when he became a vampire,” Ben looked towards the window over the
sink. “He didn’t know his new strength. He didn’t know what he
could do to her when he tried to take her blood.”

“He took too much.”

Ben looked away from the window and met her
eyes. “Too fast. It wasn’t wickedness. It was… accident. He loved
her. He just loved her … too much.”

“So Lily was the reason he became a vampire…
and she was the first person he killed,” Lizzie felt her calm start
to agitate.

“The guilt never left him. He never forgave
Charlotte. But he stayed with her for several years.”

“Where were you? Were you still Charlotte’s
lover?”

“I was in Europe for most of that time. I
was taking care of Charlotte’s property in France. I was there for
Charlotte’s wedding and … when Oliver became a vampire,” he met
Lizzie’s eyes again, not trying to shield his shame. “When Oliver…
he didn’t have much use for me until he parted ways with Charlotte.
After the Civil War he needed financial independence and asked my
help to open a mill.”

“Where Eloise Hutchins came to work for
him.”

“I never met her,” Ben looked at Lizzie. “I
never even saw a photograph of her. I doubt there was ever one
taken. She was an orphan and worked in the mill to support the aunt
and uncle who took care of her. But you can read that in your
papers.”

“Did she have red hair?”

“Yes, Elizabeth,” Ben breathed in slowly.
“Yes she did. But that… that isn’t in anything you could have read
about her.”

“How do you know it?”

“Because I had to help dispose of the
body.”

“Oh my God,” Lizzie felt a sudden swim in
her stomach. She stood up immediately and made it to the sink
before she vomited. She kept her head over the sink. Ben came
behind her and ran the water to splash the back of her neck and
clean out the sink. He massaged the back of her skull and slid his
hand gently down to her mid back.

“We can stop.”

“No, we can’t,” Lizzie stood herself up and
leaned against the counter to stabilize the dizzy feeling behind
her forehead. “If you never met Eloise, how do you know she was
Lily?”

“Oliver recognized her. I believed him.”

“So Oliver killed her again?”

“Yes.”

“Why? Because he still didn’t know the
strength of his own power?”

“Because he can’t control himself when his
emotions… he never stopped loving Lily or hating her.”

“Hating?”

“For bringing Charlotte into his life.”

“How do you know saying Eloise was Lily
wasn’t some lame excuse for murdering an innocent girl?” Lizzie
avoided his eyes.

Ben took hold of her chin and forced her
focus back to him. “Because the next time he saw Lily, I did
too.”

Lizzie shook her chin out of his grasp and
started to walk away from the counter, but her knees wouldn’t
support her. Ben was at her side in time to stop her fall. He
guided her back to the stool and went back to the sink to get a
glass of water.

“You haven’t eaten,” he said as she drank
her water.

“Neither have you,” Lizzie saw the burning
in his eyes. “You want to, don’t you?”

“Elizabeth…” Ben took the empty glass from
her hand and put it aside.

“It’s me, isn’t it?”

“Do you think it’s you?”

Lizzie paused for a second then went into
the bedroom. She hastily put on a shirt and some shorts, not even
checking to make sure they were the right side out. She grabbed her
purse and stopped in front of the mirror. She looked tired and
disheveled. She didn’t want to leave. She wanted to know more. She
didn’t want to know any of it. She couldn’t go home. She couldn’t
return to anything she knew before.

She threw her purse back on the bed. She
went to the bar and poured herself a shot of whisky. She swallowed
it hastily, breathed in quickly, and then promptly drank another.
She turned and saw Ben watching her in the doorway.

“How do you know I’m Lily? Did you ever meet
her?”

“Yes, she...”

“Is that why you came to Springs?”

“No, Elizabeth. I told you why I went to
high school.”

“Is that why Oliver went? Or did he know
where I was?” Lizzie still had the shot glass circled in her
fingers.

“We came to Coldbrook because I wanted to
move there with Maria. I bought a house that she wanted to live in.
I didn’t want to go there alone. I asked Oliver to come with me…
because I thought he needed a fresh start.”

“A fresh start? From? Killing more mill
workers?”

“He killed Charlotte.”

The shot glass slipped from her fingers and
crashed to the floor. Lizzie bent to pick it up and sliced her palm
on one of the shards. She looked up at Ben and saw him swallow
hard. “I’ll pick it up, Lizzie. Go wash your hand.”

Lizzie glared at him and opened up her
bloody palm. The whisky made her head spin. She didn’t want to
move. She didn’t want to give him the relief. “If I’m Lily, why
didn’t Oliver ever… why did he keep his distance?”

“Because he was determined to improve
himself,” Ben looked away from her and her exposed hand.

“But you were there… fawning over my best
friend…”

“To protect you,” Ben met her eyes. “I put
myself in your class and your company more so I could see if Oliver
was ever tempted.”

“But he wasn’t?”

“He was.”

“But I was… I wasn’t as attractive then. My
blood wasn’t as attractive,” Lizzie said to herself, more than to
Ben.

“I think that stopped him from trying to
take your blood, but not from …”

Lizzie reached for a chair and sat before
her legs gave way again. “So all those years of self loathing was
actually a past life self preservation?” she laughed madly, losing
her sense of appropriate conversation. “And Oliver resisted
temptation and went off to San Francisco to marry a vampire?”

Ben almost smiled. “He did.”

“What about Melissa Benson?” Lizzie felt her
mind clear suddenly. “He did that, didn’t he?”

Ben held her gaze and went to the broken
pieces of glass on the floor. He looked at the one with her blood a
few minutes longer. He took the pieces out of the room and came
back with a wet paper towel and a broom. “You really should wash
that hand.”

“Tell me about Melissa.”

“I told you I don’t know.”

“Did you have to dispose of that body,
too?”

“No. I don’t know what happened. I don’t
know,” he stared at the tiny remnants of glass.

“She looked like me,” Lizzie felt her eyes
grow heavy.

“Yes, she did,” Ben swept the small pieces
off the floor.

Lizzie touched her palm with the paper towel
Ben left on the table. She realized the blood dripped onto her legs
and the floor beneath her. She stood up quickly and went into the
kitchen to wash it under cold water until the bleeding stopped. She
wrapped gauze around it and took an aspirin. She let herself cry,
not from the pain but the wish that someone else could have wrapped
the gauze for her.

Ben was in the living room, leaning on the
window seat, staring at the empty vase beneath the mirror. “I need
to go home,” Lizzie had her purse in her hand.

“Elizabeth,” he didn’t turn to look at
her.

“I need to think,” she said very calmly.

“Yes.”

“Ben, why are you with me?” she let herself
ask it. “Is it revenge against Oliver? Or… is it guilt?”

“Guilt?” he turned to her.

“Because you let those other… girls… die.
Are you just with me to make sure it doesn’t happen again?”

Ben quickly embraced her. “I don’t want it
to happen again, Elizabeth. It would have been better if I hadn’t…”
he breathed in slowly and out again. “If I hadn’t gone to that
reunion”

“
Why did you?” Lizzie kept
her arms at her side, unable to return his embrace.

Ben pulled away and touched her chin. “I
wanted to see you. I knew where Oliver was. I found out you were at
Mt. Elm. I thought that meant…”

“Meant what?” Lizzie’s head clouded even
more.

“I wanted to see you,” he pressed his lips
to hers.

Lizzie relaxed into the kiss and then
resisted. “I need to go.”

Ben stepped back and let go of her. He
released a sigh and nodded his head. Lizzie clutched her purse and
walked out the door.

Chapter
Nineteen

“What happened?” Nora exclaimed as she and
Meg hurried towards Lizzie in the ER waiting room.

“I broke a glass at Ben’s,” Lizzie
explained, her energy drained from sitting alone with her
thoughts.

“Where was Ben?” Meg frowned.

“He wasn’t home,” Lizzie said the lie she
already formed in her mind. She wasn’t going to explain she was
afraid to show him the soaking gauze and have him take her to the
ER after she ran out of his apartment. “He had an emergency at his
office.”

“Oh Lizzie,” Nora hugged her. “Do you want
us to bring you back to his place?”

“No, we’re supposed to have dinner, aren’t
we?” Lizzie pulled the energy for a smile. “Or were those plans
just part of the ruse?”

“Uh uh,” Nora shook her head. “Meg threw the
party. Dinner is from me. Besides, you look like you could use a
drink.”

“
Yeah,” Lizzie tried
another smile but lost her enthusiasm. “Thanks for coming to get
me, guys.”

“Did you call Ben?” Nora asked. “Does he
know what happened?”

“Yeah,” Lizzie nodded.

“He was a big help with the party,” Meg held
open the door. “I swear that guy would do anything for you.”

Lizzie swallowed hard and merely nodded as
she followed to Nora’s car. She was glad for Meg’s happy spirits
and the lack of sleep that made her chatty. Lizzie paid enough
attention to offer a few phrases, but found her concentration still
trying to clear a path through all the information she received
earlier that afternoon. It all seemed to go around in the same
cyclone that filled her mind as she waited to see the doctor and
got her stitches.

To let the thoughts settle and take shape
would be an acceptance of everything that Ben told her. That the
Fultons’ maid was a lover of the vampire who made Ben a vampire.
That Lily was Oliver’s lover. That Lily was the reason Oliver
became vampire. That Lily made Oliver a killer. That she, Elizabeth
Watson, was Lily. And Eloise. Was she doomed to have their
fate?

Ben said Oliver was determined to improve
himself. It seemed believable. Lizzie remembered the article about
his environmental research. He didn’t seem like a monster. He
evolved, as Ben evolved. Ben said that he couldn’t control his
emotions as well… that he was like Meg. Emotionally manic.

Lizzie always knew Meg had the ability to
rein herself in. She just didn’t. She relished the immaturity of
her extremism, knowing it got her attention and sympathy.
Eventually, it was Meg herself who grew weary of the highs and lows
and settled into calm… until the next round of polarity and the
next obsession with Alec McCaffrey. Ben seemed confident in the
fact that Oliver moved on without succumbing to whatever pulled him
back to Lily. Except for Melissa Benson.