An Ever Fixéd Mark (49 page)

“So what’s this Paula was saying?” Andrew
put an arm over her shoulders. “You aren’t coming back to the
Fulton House?”

“I just thought I’d take a couple months off
is all,” Lizzie pulled her confidence out of thin air.

“You will come back?” Andrew pouted. “You’re
the only one with a sense of humor in that place.”

“I’ll be back,” Lizzie didn’t want to think
about the Fultons or the impulse that prompted her to say something
to Paula an hour earlier. She wanted a few extra Saturdays. She
wanted a break from… Lily.

“Are you okay?” Andrew rubbed her back.

“I’ve been better,” Lizzie let her eyes rest
again on the seven layer dip. It would taste so very, very
good.

“I have something for you,” Andrew coaxed
her out of the kitchen towards the bedrooms.

“Oh really?” she managed some sarcasm.

“Davis will be upset that I gave it to you
without him. But he invited Will, so whatever,” Andrew pulled her
hand into their room. He opened the closet door and pulled out a
gift bag. Lizzie took the cue and pulled out a circle of tissue
paper. She unraveled it to reveal a small hinged painted box.

“This is exquisite,” Lizzie almost feared to
touch it.

“We went antiquing this fall. It’s an old
powder box. There’s even still some powder in it.”

Lizzie opened it up to a dusty puff of air.
“All I need is a beauty mark.”

“Careful, that stuff is toxic. Probably has
mercury or lead,” Andrew laughed. “Just don’t eat it.”

“Okay,” Lizzie realized she no longer had as
much risk touching lead as she had two weeks ago. “Andrew, this is
really sweet. It’s beautiful.”

“I wanted to give it to you as a …. Christ,
I wanted it to be your something old when you married Ben. But even
if you aren’t marrying him, it’s yours.”

“Thanks,” Lizzie couldn’t stop the
tears.

“Not that I don’t think you’ll get married,”
Andrew said quickly. “It’s just… well, I can’t give that to you
when it’s someone different.”

“It’s okay, Andrew.”

“I’m disappointed you won’t be living in the
neighborhood, Lizzie,” he sighed. She remembered Andrew’s fondness
of Ben, but knew his loyalty was with her. She hadn’t told him
about Oliver, but knew there would be a night when she would
indulge in one of Davis’ martinis and tell all. They would forgive
her, just as Meg and Nora had. They were her friends, even if they
were her critics. They would help her get on her feet again, even
if she didn’t know where to go when she got there.

Chapter
Thirty-one

Lizzie rolled up her spine and collected her
breath before stepping into the store. It was three miles to the
one and only store in Coldbrook from her parents’ house. She went
inside to buy some water and returned to the mild January air. She
went behind the building where some picnic tables overlooked the
water. They were abandoned for the winter but a good height to
stretch her hamstrings before running the three miles back.

There was a sweetness in the unnaturally
warm air. The water was normally covered with ice at that time of
year. Instead it reflected the gray cloudy sky like platinum film.
There was just the soft rattle of a few branches in the lilting
trees. She wondered if any of the lake fed the springs. Did it have
the same mystical waters that lured Maria to Coldbrook a hundred
years before?

She was surprisingly calm. She spent the
holidays and the weeks after concentrating on running and not
eating. The focus provided release from the confusion of her
emotions. She was happy in her solitude. She was satisfied with her
choice to go back to herself. Relieved to longer have thoughts that
didn’t belong to her life.

She was fortunate to have the gala fast
approaching and leave her with fewer idle moments at the hospital.
She withdrew from her friends and social activity. She didn’t have
to answer more questions about what happened with Ben. It was
easier to run herself into exhaustion and go home to bed. It made
her dreams quiet. Lily went back to whatever dark corner of her
mind from which she was disturbed by Ben and Oliver.

She was aware of someone watching. She took
in a deep breath as she dropped her leg back to the ground and
turned around slowly to see Oliver. Lizzie looked away from him and
breathed in to contemplate her reaction. She couldn’t deny the
thrill of seeing his tall, strong physique and moody dark eyes. But
it disturbed that calm she recently realized.

“Hi,” he entreated quietly.

Lizzie picked up her water bottle. “Hi.”

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” he bit his
lip, keeping a wary distance from her. “I saw you walk out of the
store as I drove by and… I just … I wanted to say hi.”

“Okay,” she felt her nerves enliven as he
took a step closer. She hadn’t been with anyone since she walked
out of the hotel room five weeks before. She ran off that
frustration and loneliness every day. Was it desire that excited
her so suddenly? Or was it something else? She stepped back from
his advance. “Why are you in Coldbrook?”

“I was checking on the house.”

“The house?”

“The one Ben and I still own on Scott
Road.”

“Right,” she nodded to hide her complete
ignorance. Ben never told her they still owned property together.
In Coldbrook.

“Ben wants to sell it.”

“Oh,” Lizzie felt a sudden letdown. Did that
mean Ben didn’t want to come back to Coldbrook?

“It’s good to see you.”

“Yes,” Lizzie couldn’t make an expression of
joy or frustration. She took another sip of water and looked at the
lake.

“Are you visiting your family?”

“I am,” Lizzie let herself look back at his
hungry dark eyes.

“It’s a good day for a run,” he took another
hesitant step towards her.

“I’m training for the Boston Marathon.”

“Good for you,” he took one more step.

“Did you talk to Ben?”

“I did,” Oliver stopped moving towards
her.

“And he told you he wants to sell the
house?”

“He wants to sever ties with me,
Lizzie.”

“Oh,” she twisted the cap back on the water
bottle. Tightly.

“He told me to stay away from you,” Oliver
continued. “There wasn’t a lot of sentiment.”

“He told you… why?”

“That isn’t for him to tell me. You don’t
want that, do you?”

“Oliver,” Lizzie felt a strange apprehension
settle over her. “I told you before. Nothing has changed since I
left the hotel.”

“You’ve had time to think about it, haven’t
you?”

“I miss…” she shut her eyes, thinking of the
sensation of her blood flowing out of her neck and warming another
strong body.

Oliver put his arm around her waist and
pulled himself closer to her. “You left him,” he kissed her. Lizzie
dropped her bottle and let him open her mouth and captivate her
lips for several minutes. The exhilaration of her run sped up her
heart and aroused her senses to his touch. It felt so good, so
warm, so familiar. Like the dream that left her. It came back with
his kiss. Oliver lifted her off the ground and carried her towards
the back wall of the store. She saw the green hedges and felt the
sensation of that long forgotten memory. She breathed out as he
moved his kiss from her lips and down to her neck. She leaned her
head against the wall as Oliver inhaled a warm breath from her
skin. She knew it was the sensation she craved, but the panic she
didn’t let enter her mind before suddenly motivated her.

“No,” she unclasped one of her arms and
pushed his head up to face her. “It’s too soon.”

“What?”

“It hasn’t been two months,” she felt
suddenly frightened, still pinned against the wall. “My blood
isn’t… Ben says it has to be two months.”

“Ben is a fussy eater,” Oliver growled.

Lizzie pushed her hands against his
shoulders and managed to get her feet back on the ground. He paused
for a few seconds, his hands still holding the side of her hips. He
looked into her eyes, showing the burn of his hunger and the lust
for her. She wanted to be touched, to feed him. She wanted to make
the sadness buried beneath the hunger leave his eyes. She let him
kiss her lips and neck again. He started gently but let his hunger
propel his aggression. He lifted her legs again, startling Lizzie
back to reality. “No,” she pushed him away. He pressed against her
resistance, forcing her head against the wall.

Her eyes watered and looked away from him,
unable to make any other movement within his strong hold. “Lizzie,”
Oliver let her down gently, making the shame evident in his
voice.

She walked away from him, feeling the
intensity of the pain resonate on her skull. She wanted to cry and
have someone hug her to make it go away. Not his arms. She
preferred to suffer it alone. “I have to run home. I can’t… I need
that blood more than you do,” she forced her kindness, more out of
fear than empathy.

“Let me drive you home.”

“No.” Lizzie picked up her water bottle.

“I’m sorry, Lizzie. I didn’t mean to hurt
you.”

Lizzie looked at his sad eyes. She could
tell he was sincere, but no longer believed he could control
himself. “I think you should go, Oliver.”

“It was an accident.”

“Why are you here?” she asked abruptly. “Why
aren’t you in California? Couldn’t you have made a decision about
the house without coming back to Coldbrook?”

“I wanted to … I hoped that I might see
you.”

“I don’t live here. How did you know I would
be here this weekend?” she gripped the water bottle tightly.

“I…” he faded, but looked at her with the
answer in his eyes. An answer he was too ashamed to admit.

“Please leave me alone. I don’t want to see
you any more, Oliver.”

“Are you worried about Ben?”

“I’m worried about me.”

“No. I would never…”

“Oliver, you just hurt me,” Lizzie walked
towards the front of the store.

He took her arm and held her back. “I didn’t
want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t want to hurt Lily either,”
Lizzie let her fear show.

He released her wrist and let her turn away
from him. “Lizzie,” he called in a voice that was barely audible.
She let herself look back at him. He was crumbling. She saw the
terrified boy from the hedges looking at her. “I’ll go back to
California. I will leave you be.”

She shut her eyes. “Thank you.”

“I’m… I am very sorry, Lizzie.” She heard
his footsteps pass her. She opened her eyes to watch him get into
his Jeep. He paused and gazed through the windshield. Then he
started the ignition and pulled away.

The silence of the winter air descended
around her again. He was gone. Lizzie knew she should feel relief.
Instead she felt a deep penetrating sorrow. Muted only by fear.

*****

Lizzie took a breath as she went up the
stairs. She almost felt guilty accepting the open door from the
downstairs neighbor. She was a sweet woman who remarked something
about not seeing her lately. Lizzie smiled and managed a polite
answer about being busy. Nothing too suspicious. Hopefully …
hopefully he wouldn’t be angry for her intrusion.

She hesitated at the second floor landing.
She allowed another doubt to enter her mind. There was no contact
since December. He wouldn’t want to see her. He wouldn’t want to
see her if she was upset because she let Oliver attempt to seduce
her again. Wouldn’t Ben tell her she deserved the consequence? She
made her choice. She made the choice that Oliver wasn’t … she
walked away from Oliver. In the end she told him to go. Oliver
went. He didn’t attempt to call her or send an email or make any
contact in the week since.

The apprehension didn’t go away. No matter
how many miles she ran on the tread mill. No matter how long the
days were at the hospital. There was still something at the back of
her mind left by the fact he hurt her. Not with any desire to bring
her harm. She couldn’t completely deny that she wanted him to go
further. He let it get out of control. Her runner’s high and his
hunger blurred their judgment. Her poor judgment for allowing his
intimate touch. His instinct overtook him, a haste and fury to get
what he wanted without stopping. Lizzie understood absent-minded
fury. She didn’t understand how the sweet sad eyes could hurt her
without thinking.

Perhaps she was making a bigger deal than
necessary. It allowed her to make the trip back to his street. To
walk up the stairs and knock on his door. It wasn’t a decision to
go back to him. She just… wanted to see him. To say she was sorry.
Because she was wrong. She made a horrible mistake. Would Ben
forgive her when she explained what happened? Could he look at her
and not have hurt in his eyes?

She knocked fervently at the door. He might
not hear it if he was in his office. If he had any inkling it was
her, he might not answer it. It was seven weeks. Seven weeks since
she left this apartment that was almost her own. Seven weeks since
she let Lily cloud her head and motivations. Seven weeks since a
vampire took her blood.

She knocked again. She had to… she had to
see him to make things right in her own mind. She held her breath
as she heard the unclasping of the chain and the door opened. She
didn’t recognize the young man standing in front of her. “Is Ben
here?” her voice and her courage faltered.

“No,” the young man managed a smile.

“Will he be back soon?” It took a lot of
effort to bring herself to that street, to walk those stairs, and
to knock on the door. She didn’t know if she could do it again.

“He’s in Chicago,” the boy explained. Who
was he? Why was he in Ben’s apartment while he was out of town?
Lizzie stared at him and noticed a bandage on the inside of his
arm. He was a donor.

“But he’ll be back?” Lizzie continued, as a
woman come down the hallway towards the door.