Ancient Hiss Story (2 page)

“
B
ut
why
did
those guys want the painting so bad?” Gideon Crenshaw, chief scientist at the
Ritzholdt Museum
, asked early the next morning after Kate had told him the whole story in full detail.

They were sitting in Gideon’s lab which encompassed most of the basement of the museum. Some of the lab real estate was dedicated to preserving and restoring paintings and artifacts, as one might expect in the basement of a museum. But what most people wouldn’t expect was that the bulk of the lab was reserved for Gideon’s gadgets and experiments.

Sometimes those experiments had to do with making solvents and cleaners for artifact restoration, but most of the time, they had to do with creating gizmos, tools and concoctions that would help Kate in her job of retrieving items stolen from the museum.

Naturally, being a museum, the
Ritzholdt
had billions of dollars’ worth of items, and naturally those items were often the target of thieves. Not so much while they were on display in the museum, but during the acquisition process or when the items were being loaned out to other museums and private parties.

Of course, the museum reported these thefts to the police, but the police were usually swamped with high priority crimes and that’s where Kate came in. She would be sent off to ‘retrieve’ the stolen items by whatever means possible.

Sometimes she had to use unorthodox methods and that’s where Gideon’s gadgets, concoctions and tools, along with Kate’s training as a former FBI agent, came in handy.

When there were no stolen objects to track down, Kate helped procure items for the museum’s vast collections, which was what she had been doing out in Ohio. That was usually a pretty safe job, so she normally didn’t arm herself. However, given what had happened at Estelle’s, Kate made a mental note to take a trip to Gideon’s lab the next time she went on an acquisition trip.

“I was hoping
you
would know why it was so special. It looked just like a regular painting to me. It wasn’t even that good,” Kate said.

“I don’t know … unless…” Gideon’s green eyes squinted shut behind eyeglass lenses as thick as coke bottle bottoms.

“Unless what?”

“I’m not sure. Max didn’t say anything to me about it being unusual and I don’t want to speculate. We’ll have to see what he says.”

“We should ask him. I know there’s more to this painting than meets the eye,” Kate said.

“No point in asking him. You know how he is. He’s tight-lipped. If there is something and we need to know, I’m sure he’ll tell us.” Gideon twisted his lips together. “The whole thing is rather strange, though. Why didn’t they just come in and take it from you in the first place?”

Kate shrugged. “I’m not sure. I got the impression they had orders to try to buy it like normal.”

“Probably, so as not to arouse suspicions.”

“Yeah, well, I don't know about that. Shooting us with poison darts would tend to raise eyebrows.”

Gideon’s forehead creased in concern and he looked at Kate’s neck. “But it sounded like they only did that as a last resort, after you insisted on outbidding them. I wonder what was on those darts.”

“I have no idea. Whatever it was made my muscles go weak and then knocked me out. I don’t know how long I was out, but when I woke up I don’t remember feeling that bad. Although I was kind of preoccupied with not burning up in the house fire so maybe I just didn’t notice.”

“Those symptoms sound almost like a synthetic derivative of snake venom,” Gideon said.

Kate thought about the ruby-eyed serpent ring. “Snake venom? Do you really think they would get venom from a reptile and put it on the darts?”

“I didn’t say it
was
snake venom. I said a synthetic derivative that causes similar symptoms. I use a formula of it for some of our serums.”

Kate remembered an assignment not long ago where Gideon had outfitted her with a modified perfume vile that actually injected a serum into her victim. The serum had knocked him out for hours so Kate could rifle through his computer for information. The victim woke up unharmed, but unable to remember what had happened. She supposed it would be hypocritical to get worked up about the
Men in Black
for using a similar serum on her.

“I wonder why they left money?” Gideon asked.

“Maybe they actually had a conscience. I remember Snake Ring saying the boss told them not to kill anyone right before Onion Mole shot me.”

“But then they left you to burn in the fire … I mean, how would they know that you would get out in time?”

“I don’t think they knew the place was on fire. They ran out the door with the painting right after they shot us with the darts. The towel probably hadn’t caught fire yet and you wouldn’t have been able to see the flames from outside the house for quite some time. They were probably long gone by then.”

Gideon nodded. “If their boss told them not to kill anyone, that means someone is behind this. I mean, other than the two thugs. They were just minions … just like Max suspected.”

Kate's left brow ticked up a notch. She’d had to leave a voice message on Max’s cell phone with the bad news. She’d been a little nervous about his reaction as he hadn’t yet called her back. One reason she’d come to work early was that she was hoping he might come down to see her about it in person.

Gideon knew that it was an ongoing source of frustration for Kate that, despite having worked for Max for almost two years, she’d never actually seen him. She’d talked to him plenty of times on the phone, through Skype, over texts, but she’d never seen his face. And she was dying to find out if his looks matched his sexy, smooth baritone voice.

The lab door whooshed open and Kate twirled her chair, thinking this might finally be the big moment. Who else would be here this early besides Max? But the excitement that bubbled up in her chest fizzled out when she saw it was only Max’s assistant, Mercedes LaChance.

Mercedes fixed Kate with a scowl which Kate enthusiastically returned. The two women didn’t get along. In fact, Kate had a sneaking suspicion that Mercedes took great glee in keeping Kate from ever meeting Max in person. Not only that, but she was a pain in the butt about expense reports.

Mercedes’ doe-brown eyes drifted over to Gideon and her lips cracked in a smile. Ever fashionable, she wore a tailored navy suit with white piping. Her glossy, brown hair was piled up on top of her head in a stylish up-do that made Kate unconsciously run a hand through her unruly, copper curls.

Kate noticed Mercedes was holding a cell phone out in front of her as if she had someone on speakerphone.

“Max…” Mercedes chirped into the phone.

“Yes, Mercy, did you find them?” Max’s deep voice, edged with an Irish—or was it English—accent and laced with concern came from the phone.

“Yes, I found them both in the lab. I’m there now and I have you on Facetime.”

“Kate! I’ve been trying to call you and let you know I got your message,” Max said.

Kate’s eyes darted to her own cell phone. Max had been trying to call? She swiped her phone off the table and pressed the button. Dead battery.

“Hi, Max. Sorry, my cell phone’s dead.” Kate grimaced.

Mercedes smirked and held her phone at an angle so Kate couldn't see Max.

“That’s okay. I wanted to be sure to reach you to let you know that I thought you did a wonderful job despite the fact that you were unable to secure the painting,” Max said.

Kate got up from her chair and walked over to stand next to Mercedes. She was taller than the petite brunette and hoped to be able to easily get a glimpse of Max on the phone’s display over Mercedes’ shoulder. “Thank you, Max. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to get the painting, but under the circumstances, it was impossible.”

Just as Kate got to Mercedes shoulder, the other woman turned so they were facing each other. Mercedes held the phone up straight, smiling at the display and leaving Kate staring at the back of the phone.

“I certainly hope that you were not harmed?”

Kate warmed at the genuine concern in Max’s voice. “I’m fine. Wasn’t hurt at all.” She craned her neck forward to look over the top edge of the phone. Seeing Max upside down would be better than nothing.

Mercedes snatched the phone away, holding it higher. “She looks fine to me, Max.”

“Good. Good. It wouldn’t do for you to get hurt, Kate. I would be very upset and I’m terribly sorry to put you in harm’s way.”

Kate shuffled to the side a fraction of an inch. If she moved slowly, maybe Mercedes wouldn’t notice her sidling over to get a glimpse. “Oh, no problem. I always manage to land on my feet. I did survive the FBI, after all.”

Max chuckled. “And Mrs. Perkins? Is she okay? I hope her house was not too damaged.”

Kate took another quarter-inch step to the side. Mercedes wasn’t paying attention. She was busy making eyes in Gideon’s direction. Kate shot a look over her shoulder at Gideon. What was up with that? Was he making eyes back?

“Kate?”

“Oh, sorry, Max. Estelle wasn’t hurt. Her home was a total loss but she didn’t seem to mind. It turns out the police deemed it an accident. She'd dropped the tea towel when she got shot with the dart and that started the fire, so she told them the truth except the part about the bad guys, the dart and the money on the table. The insurance company is going to pay her a hefty sum and the men that took the painting left a lot of money, so she actually ended up with quite a windfall. To tell you the truth, she seemed pretty happy about the whole thing. Said she was going to buy a retirement condo someplace in Florida.”

“Those men exhibited rather odd behavior, wouldn’t you say?” Max’s voice asked from the phone.

“We were just talking about that,” Gideon said as Kate made another sidestep. Just one more step and she’d be able to see the display.

“Could you describe the men to me?” Max asked.

As Kate started to describe the
Men in Black
, Daisy, Gideon’s Dachshund, who typically spent the bulk of her day leisurely napping in the lab, suddenly realized there were people present and came trotting out from one of the rooms that housed one of Gideon’s many secret experiments.

Mercedes’ eyes lit up and she fell to her knees to pet the dog. Unfortunately, the phone went with her and was now facing the floor, making it impossible for Kate to see the display.

“Did the mole look like an onion?” Max asked.

Kate exchanged a look with Gideon. “Yes, it did! Do you know who it is?”

“Unfortunately, I do.” Max’s deep voice was laced with concern. “Those men work for Igor Markovic of the
Lowenstaff Museum
. He’s been a thorn in my side since day one.”

“That’s right,” Gideon said. “I know he’s tried to beat us out of quite a few artifacts.”

“True.” Max’s voice was muffled because Mercedes was so busy petting Daisy, she had the phone pushed against the dog’s fur. “He plays dirty and I simply cannot tolerate that.”

Kate tapped Mercedes on the shoulder and made hand-over-the-phone motions. Mercedes scowled, cradled the phone protectively against her chest and stood up.

“Yeah, that’s right. We can’t let him just waltz in and take stuff from us at gunpoint!” Gideon was saying.

“Or dart point…” Kate added.

Gideon’s face turned thoughtful. “But what can we do about it now?”

Max sighed. “The museum game can be a tough one. There’s a lot of competition for the best items. People use creative methods to acquire them, but even so, there has to be some level of fairness. People can’t just run off half-cocked, pulling guns and burning down houses to get what they want. As far as I’m concerned, Markovic cheated. He stole that painting right out from under us using unfair methods, and I think there is only one thing we can do now to vindicate ourselves and make it right.”

“What’s that?” Kate asked.

“Steal it back.”

K
ate never did get
to see Max on Mercedes’ phone. He’d hung up too quickly, claiming not to want to know the details and leaving it all up to Gideon. Naturally, stealing the painting back required a lot of planning and a little bit of deception, which was why Kate found herself in Florida, sitting in a Toyota Corolla rental car outside
Golden Capers
the next afternoon. Inside the nondescript retirement community lived people who were the best she knew when it came to deception and stealing—her parents.

Kate got out of her car, taking note of the quiet. That was good. It meant the usual raucous party wasn’t in progress. Parties happened often at
Golden Capers
and it didn’t matter what time of night or day. Apparently, retirees had to have something to keep them occupied. She opened the fence around the pool and stepped inside.

Sunlight winked off the surface of the aqua blue, in-ground pool. In one corner of the fenced-in patio area, a chrome blender gleamed on the counter of a grass tiki hut. Colorful paper lantern lights dangled from the top of the hut. A bikini top floated in the pool and Kate tried not to think about how it had gotten there.

Most of the lounge chairs surrounding the pool were empty except for two across the pool, each of which held a wrinkly senior citizen. One of them waved at Kate enthusiastically.

“Kate! Your mom said you were coming. We can’t wait to get started!” Gertie Rosenbloom slouched in the lounge chair. Her oversized, rhinestone-studded sunglasses competed with the pool for most likely to blind someone with glare. Beside her, Sal Munch shot Kate a greeting with his eyebrows over the top of his newspaper and then went back to reading.

Gertie and Sal were friends of her parents and fellow residents at
Golden Capers Retirement Community
.

Well, perhaps ‘friends’ and ‘residents’ weren’t exactly the right words. Come to think of it, ‘retirement community’ might be a little misleading, too.

Gertie and Sal, like all the other people that lived at
Golden Capers
, including Kate’s parents, were former thieves. The senior citizen swindlers were long-since retired … or so they claimed. While Golden Capers resembled any other retirement community on the outside with stucco buildings, a pool, tennis courts and Wednesday night pot luck dinners, what most people never suspected was it was entirely filled with ex-thieves and con men. Not just your garden variety, either—the real pros in the field. The ones that had been wildly successful and retired
before
they got caught.

Everyone at Golden Capers had known each other ‘back in the day’. They’d worked on jobs together and when it came time, pooled their money to buy the community outright where they all lived like one big family. This way, they could talk freely about old times and practice their skills without anyone getting suspicious.

Kate didn’t know how, but somehow Max had known about Kate’s association with the
Golden Capers
crew. Sometimes, she wondered if that might have been one of the reasons he’d hired her, because he often suggested she enlist their aid in her ‘assignments’.

Not that the gang minded—they lived for it. It was a great way for them to stay in practice and relatively ‘safe’, seeing as Max could usually use his pull to get them out of any minor problems with the law. For the most part, no one bothered notifying ‘the law’ about any of the heists Kate and the crew pulled off because they were usually retrieving items that had been stolen from the
Ritzholdt Museum
in the first place.

Kate waved to the two sunbathers and then skirted the pool on her way to the steps that led to her parents’ condo.
Golden Capers
wasn’t lavish, although she was pretty sure they could’ve afforded something a little more upscale. They probably just didn’t want to draw attention to themselves. It was a very simple complex, with Lemon Bay behind the units and the Gulf of Mexico across the street. All in all, not a bad gig.

Her parents had a large unit on the second floor. The door swung open as soon as she tapped and there stood her mother. Carlotta Diamond looked twenty years younger than her age of sixty-eight. She was petite, with thick chestnut hair that hung to her shoulders. The thin strands of silver that highlighted the hair at her temples only served to give her an air of sophistication that matched her slight European accent. Her brown, almond-shaped eyes crinkled at the edges in a smile for her only daughter.

“Honey! So good to see you!”

Kate bent down to hug her mother, who was a good foot shorter than her. The scent of Chanel Number Five conjured up happy childhood memories as the two women embraced affectionately.

Despite being brought up by a jewel thief mother and con artist father, Kate had had a relatively normal childhood. She’d done everything other kids had done and her parents had acted the same as other parents. Okay, it was a little strange that she had this large entourage of aunts and uncles who weren’t actually related to her, but her parents had done everything they could to keep her life normal.

She’d never suspected that her parents and extended family were a little bit unusual until she’d gotten older. In the meantime, her ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’ had taught her a variety of unique skills, like lock-picking, disguises and pick-pocketing—all of which were coming in handy now, given her choice of career.

“Kitten!” Vic Diamond waved from the lanai at the opposite end of the condo.

“I have snacks outside.” Carlotta led Kate through the condo, which was apportioned with the finest money could buy, with upscale kitchen cabinets, granite countertops, Carrera marble flooring. But the best part about the condo was the view. In the back was an un-obscured view of Lemon Bay—a large expanse of water dotted with mangrove and palm trees. From their second story perch, they could watch boats sailing past on their way to the channel that lead to the Gulf of Mexico. Tropical birds flitted in the trees and even an occasional dolphin graced the bay with its appearance.

The mild breeze ruffled Kate’s hair as she followed her mother through the sliding glass doors.

“Did you have a nice trip?” Vic asked.

Kate kissed her father on the cheek before sinking into a cushioned patio chair in between her mother and father. “The flight was kind of bumpy, but overall it was good.”

Kate studied Vic. His short-cropped, salt-and-pepper hair—mostly salt now—gave him a distinguished air. Even though he was almost seventy, his face was relatively free from lines. His golden tan was a testament to his active, outdoors lifestyle as was his sturdy build. His ready smile, which showed off his perfect teeth and the gleam in his eye, all added to his youthful appearance.

Kate felt blessed that both her parents were in good health and enjoyed an active lifestyle. That lifestyle probably helped keep them looking so young. That and good genes. Kate hoped she’d inherited the looking-young-for-your-age gene from them.

“That’s good. We’re so glad to have you here.” Vic slid the laptop that was open in front of him over so Kate could see the screen. “I was just talking to Gideon here on Skype.”

Kate waved to Gideon, whose face took up most of the screen. “Hi, Gid.”

“Hey, Kate. Your Dad and I were just discussing the painting.”

“Okay. Anything new?” Kate had told her parents the whole story about what had happened at Estelle’s when she’d called the day before to ask for their help. While she’d been packing and flying down, Gideon had probably done more research and he and Vic must have been well into making plans. Kate would need to catch up.

“It seems that Max has someone on the inside at the
Lowenstaff Museum
and he got word that the painting is there,” Gideon said.

“They have it on display already?”

“No, not on display. It’s in the basement. Max’s contact didn’t know exactly why, but I assume it would be for restoration. Do you remember if the painting needed work?”

Kate wrinkled her forehead, trying to remember what the painting had looked like. She wished she’d looked at it closer, but at the time, she thought it would just be an easy acquisition. Hindsight was always twenty-twenty. “It did look pretty old. I guess it might have needed some repair.”

Vic slid the laptop back in front of him. “I’m running some scenarios through the software now. We’ll know more about the best way to retrieve it in a minute.”

Vic referenced the special ‘heist’ software that one of their computer expert friends had created. Vic had assured Kate they only had it created to use for practice, as a video game of sorts. Apparently, it got pretty boring having parties out by the pool all the time, so the
Golden Capers
gang liked to practice their old skills even if they didn’t put them to practical use anymore. The software was part of that, but it turned out that it also came in handy for some of Kate’s assignments.

“I sent over some blueprints of the museum layout in case you need them,” Gideon was saying.

“Thanks, kid,” Vic replied. “We might need some of your other unique talents once we get the plan worked out.”

“No problem. Anything you guys need. Oh, and Kate…”

“Yes?”

“Max wants to make sure that you leave money for the painting. He said that we’re not thieves. We don’t steal things, and since the painting wasn’t technically stolen from us and Markovic paid Estelle for it, we need to pay for it, too. Otherwise, we’re no better than he is.”

“Okay,” Kate said uncertainly. She didn’t really think leaving money was necessary. As far she could tell, the whole stealing business when it came to this painting was walking a fine line anyway.

“So I’ll send that down along with whatever equipment you guys need.”

“Sounds good.” Kate remembered the pile of money on Estelle’s kitchen table and wondered how they would lug around a big duffel bag full of money while they were trying to pull off a museum heist. She assumed it would be cash since they couldn’t very well leave a check.

“This is going to be so exciting.” Carlotta’s eyes sparkled.

“Gee, Mom, you’re acting like we’re going on a fun vacation. We
are
breaking in and stealing something,” Kate pointed out.

“I know. That’s what makes it exciting.”

Carlotta had been one of the best jewel thieves in the business. She’d broken into countless homes and other places. That’s how she’d met Vic. When they combined both of their skills, they were unstoppable.

But Kate’s parents hadn’t just used their skills to accumulate money for themselves. They’d done good things with their skills, too. Things like retrieving items stolen by governments during various wars and giving them back to their rightful owners.

Sure, they took a little bit of payment for themselves along the way, but just like the others at
Golden Capers
, they’d never hurt another human being. It was a special code with all the
Golden Capers
gang who had rarely brought guns on any of their jobs.

“What’s so special about this painting, anyway?” Vic asked.

Kate shrugged. “I’m not sure. It was pretty old. But I got the impression that getting it back from Markovic was a matter of pride with Max. They have a long-standing rivalry.”

Vic’s eyes narrowed. “Seems like this is going a bit far for it to be a matter of pride. There has to be more.”

“I’m sure if there was more, Max would have told me.” Wouldn’t he? Her father had a point. It
was
going a bit overboard. The thought that Max might not trust her enough to tell her made her chest tighten.

Vic and Carlotta exchanged a glance.

“Maybe he’s trying to keep you safe,” Carlotta suggested. “You know, the less you know about it, the better. You know how bosses are. They don’t always want to tell all their secrets. Makes them feel important.”

Kate’s chest constricted another notch more because of what her mother
hadn’t
said than her actual words.

“Oh, I see. You guys think Max didn’t tell me because he was afraid I would freeze up again. Is that it?” Kate hated the defensive tone that had crept into her voice.

Carlotta patted her arm. “Of course not, dear. Everyone freezes up once in a while. It’s very common, especially in high stress situations. It’s happened to me countless times.” Carlotta shot a glance over to Vic.

Vic chimed in, “Me, too.”

Kate narrowed her eyes at her parents. Were they just telling her that to make her feel better? She’d never known them to lie to her, even for her own good. Somehow, the thought that her parents weren’t perfect, either, mollified her.

She relaxed back into her chair. Her mother was right, of course. But that still didn’t explain why Max’s interest in the painting was a little bit over the top.

“Did you get a good look at the painting? Who was the artist?” Vic asked. “Maybe we can have Sylvia do some research.” Sylvia was another of the Golden Capers gang who had specialized in art.

Kate sighed. “I guess I should have paid more attention to it, but I honestly thought it was just a routine pickup. It was old, but it wasn’t even by anyone famous, or at least not that I could tell. The signature was just a scribble.”

Vic’s face screwed up in thought. He was just about to say something else when the computer dinged, stealing his attention.

“Aha! This is perfect.” Vic’s eyes shone as he looked over the top of the computer screen at them. “The
Lowenstaff
is having a big event to show off their new Faberge egg exhibit this Friday. There should be thousands of extra people milling around and lots of chaos going on … a perfect opportunity for us to use as camouflage while we steal the painting.”