And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) (20 page)

Chapter 17

Liv dropped Ben off at the airport in Centennial, but stayed in the car. They’d stayed up all night, talking, having sex, talking some more. She was so tired, but she wouldn’t have traded the time with him for anything in the world. The only thing was, when she was tired, she got very weepy. And she was weepy anyway, saying goodbye to Ben. She’d probably cry the entire way home.

“I think this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” he said to her before he got out of the car. “Every bit of me wants to take you with me.”

“I’m not full yet Ben.”

“I know.”

Part of what they talked about last night was this dream of Liv’s and how important it was to her. For the first time in her life, she was doing something just for herself, and she had to do it. If she didn’t, she wasn’t sure what would become of her.

That seemed to resonate with Ben. He’d been there, more than once, when he knew that if he didn’t do something, he’d be lost. He’d felt that way about his music, he’d even felt that way about his sobriety, once he’d decided to own it.

He’d also felt it when he showed up at her place unannounced, and stayed for a week. And again when he threw a bag in his truck and drove to Oklahoma, not knowing exactly what he was doing, but knowing he had to do it anyway.

“Olivia Fairchild, I’m gonna miss you like crazy.”

“Me too.”

“I like hearing you will. Anything else you need to say to me before I go get on a plane and fly west?”

“I don’t want to let go of this Ben.”

***

Liv did, in fact, cry the entire way home. She pulled off the highway in Castle Rock because she was sobbing, and was afraid she’d get in an accident if she didn’t. The funny thing about it was that it felt good. It wasn’t
end of the world
sobbing, it was
I’m going to miss him so much
sobbing.

Jolene was coming to her place in the morning. The next two events were in Colorado, then she’d head up to Idaho. Those were events she’d do all on her own, and that’s the way she wanted it. She was ready.

When she pulled into the driveway and saw Ben’s truck, she was afraid she was going to start crying again, but she didn’t. Seeing it there soothed her.

She went in the house, climbed up onto the bed and fell asleep, clothes and all.

When Liv went to change the next morning, there was another shirt of Ben’s hanging on the handle of her closet door. She loved that he did that. She wondered what he took of hers this time.

She went out to get Micah ready and take care of the rest of the horses just as Jolene pulled in the long drive. She parked next to Ben’s truck and pointed at it. “He’s here?”

Oh for crying out loud, what was Jolene’s deal with Ben anyway? “No. He’s not. His truck is here. Okay?”

Liv could hear Jolene grumbling but the only word she could pick out was “good.”

Jolene stayed for two days and then told Liv she was ready. They’d see what her times were at the next three events, Jolene would review the videos she was arranging to have taken of Liv’s rides, and then they’d get together to work out whatever kinks crept up.

Liv had never felt more excited, or free.

The first event was at the Douglas County Fair, in Castle Rock. Since it was only about forty-five minutes from the ranch, it was an easy trip, and she didn’t have to get a stall for Micah overnight.

She did well all three nights, and ended up in the top two, and won $757.77. If she could get in the top three in just one more event she’d have her card for Kansas City.

In Pueblo she placed second at the State Fair rodeo, which meant she had enough winnings to get her full membership in the Women’s Professional Rodeo Association.

Next up was Idaho.

***

They were on the bus, pulling out of Chicago, headed for the show in Cleveland the next night.

“Go get some sleep,” Jimmy said to Ben, “and try not to be quite as much of an asshole tomorrow.”

Ben wanted to tell Jimmy to go fuck himself, but he knew his friend was right. He was an asshole. They’d been on the road exactly nine days and every part of his body ached for Liv. After Cleveland they had one night off and then played four nights in a row, ending in Philadelphia. He had two days between then and the next show, in New York. He was going to see Liv no matter what. And his kids, he needed to see them too. He missed them so much, all three of them, his heart hurt.

As much as Ben hated being away from Liv, and his boys, he loved touring, loved the audiences every night. These were by far the biggest venues and biggest crowds CB Rice had ever seen. When he was on stage, he was fine. It was the rest of the time he was miserable.

It was Sunday night, which meant she’d be finishing up at the Magic Valley Stampede in Filer, Idaho. It would be her first event as a full member rider. And she’d been worried about making enough to qualify in two months. She did it in two events. He was so proud of her he thought his heart would burst. He couldn’t wait to hear how she did tonight. He checked his phone for the hundredth time. Nothing. He’d keep it right next to him in case he drifted off before she called.

Something woke him up, he had no idea what time it was. He checked his phone, almost two. No call from Liv, but there was one from Renie. It had come in just before midnight. And then a text from her asking him to call her as soon as he got the message, no matter what time it was.
Fuck.

“Ben?”

“Yeah Renie—”

“There’s been an accident.”

Every muscle in Ben’s body seized. All the air left his lungs and he was sure, absolutely certain, he was about to have a heart attack. “Tell me.”

“She’s in a coma.”

Ben’s cry woke everyone on the bus.

Jimmy was in the bunk closest to Ben. “What’s going on?”

“Oh no, oh dear God. What’re they saying?” Pause. “Okay, I’m on my way. I’ll get there as fast as I can.”

“What’s going on? Come on Ben, tell me what’s going on, so I can help you.”

“It’s Liv. An accident.”

“On it.”

“Call my dad.”

They were still three hours outside of Cleveland, by the time the bus got there, Ben’s dad would be waiting with the plane. From Cleveland it would take another six hours to get Ben to Twin Falls, Idaho.

Ben talked to Renie again, then to Paige. Jimmy was on the phone with Frank, the band’s manager, working on canceling the Cleveland show.

It was almost one in the afternoon by the time Ben walked into St. Luke’s Hospital in Idaho’s Magic Valley. Mark was waiting for him inside the front entrance.

Mark’s eyes were bloodshot and his hands were in his pockets.

No, no, no.
Ben went dizzy and brushed against his father. “Tell me,” he managed to say.

“She’s critical.”

Liv was in the intensive care unit, Renie was with her. There were tubes everywhere, machines hooked up to her. Ben put his head in his hands and started to cry.

“Stop that,” Paige barked at him, then softened her tone. “She’s going to get through this.”

Ben’s arms ached with the need to go and hold her. Renie’s head came up when she saw him and she came out.

“Go ahead,” she murmured. “I’ll tell you more after you’ve seen her.”

Ben knew he was putting one foot in front of the other, he could even see himself moving forward, but the walk to her bedside felt like the longest of his life.

There was a metal device on her head, with screws that looked as though they were going into her skull. Her face had marks on the side of it, scrapes and cuts. A machine did her breathing for her. Ben leaned over and kissed her forehead, sat down and started to talk.

He talked, and talked, and talked. He told her every single detail about the show the night before, in Chicago.

He told her which songs had been crowd favorites and which ones he’d chosen to do for encores. He asked her about her race, and about what happened. It was the same conversation he would’ve had with her if they had talked last night. Except she wasn’t answering him.

Ben told her that he was going to play “And Then You Fall,” last night, but he’d decided that the first time he played that song, her song, he wanted her in the audience, so he waited. That was when he broke down.

Paige came in and put her arms around his shoulder. “Come with me Ben.” And she ushered him out of the room. Mark stepped forward, put his hand on Ben’s arm, and walked away from the ICU.

Ben sat, head in his hands and cried. He found her, his reason for living. What if he lost her now? Would he lose himself too?

“She’s gonna be okay.” That simple statement from Mark brought him back. What was he doing, letting go of her already?

Ben turned and looked at him.

“No one else is letting go of Liv. If you are, then you probably shouldn’t be here.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you are with her, you need to let her know that you believe she’s going to be okay. She lived. She’s gonna be okay.”

Mark was right. He’d only been thinking of himself. And that was exactly what Liv would say if she could talk to him right now. She’d say, “This is about me, not about you.”

“Paige can tell you what the doctors said, if you’re ready to hear it.”

Paige told Ben the doctors had two treatment options. They could keep Liv in traction for twelve weeks, to see if her neck injury would heal on its own. Or, they could perform surgery. With surgery, the risk was significant. There was a chance Liv wouldn’t survive it.

They wouldn’t do anything, however, until they determined the reason for her coma. There was nothing on the MRI indicating why she wasn’t conscious.

“They want us to keep talking to her. She may be able to hear us, know we’re here. Before you go back in, I want to talk to you about the tour,” said Paige.

“What about it?”

“You need to get back to it.”

“What? No. You’ve gotta be kidding.”

“If there is any change in her condition, we’ll let you know. But Ben, you’ve got sold out shows, a band and a crew depending on you.”

No. Paige was wrong. He wouldn’t even consider leaving. If the doctors didn’t know why she wasn’t conscious, that meant that she could wake up any time. He would be here when she did.

Bud found them a place to stay for the night, not far from the hospital and rented a car. He came upstairs around five to see if he could get Ben to go get something to eat. He was sure his son hadn’t eaten since the day before. Mark came out and found him in the waiting room.

“How is she?”

“No change.”

“How’s my boy?”

“In pretty bad shape. Paige is going to try to get him to go back out to the tour. Do you know exactly how many concerts they’ve canceled so far?”

“Tonight’s, and they didn’t have a show scheduled tomorrow night.”

“Something happened at the arena, right after Liv’s accident. There was a close family friend who happened to be competing in another event who saw what happened, and was with Liv while the medical team waited for the ambulance to get there. Liv was conscious.”

“And?”

“She told Billy, that’s the friend, not to let Ben know what happened. And then she asked him not to let him come if he tried.”

“Why not?”

“No idea. Do you know if something happened between them in the last couple of weeks?”

“It isn’t something Ben and I have talked about.”

“Paige is convinced Liv can hear us, that’s why it’s so important that we keep talking to her, but that we don’t say anything, you know, that might upset her if she can hear us.”

“So Paige, is she thinkin’ she wants Ben to leave?”

“Yes. She is.”

Billy Patterson came off the elevator with Dottie and his dad.

“Where’s our girl?” Dottie said to him.

“I’ll take you in. Bud, are you okay out here?”

“No, no, don’t worry about me. I’ll wait here.” Bud went and looked out the window, talking in hushed tones to Mark. “Do you want me to talk to Ben then?”

“Paige will. But she wants your help to try to convince him. We’ll keep in contact with him and let him know if there’s any change at all.”

“I know my son. It isn’t going to be easy to get him to leave.”

“I know that, and I don’t know if it would be a good idea to tell him she didn’t want him here. What do you think?”

Bud had no idea. He’d call Ginny.

Paige and Renie came out when the Pattersons went in. Followed by Ben.

“Hey Dad.”

“Hello Son,” Bud answered, wishing he knew what to do.

“What the hell is
he
doing here?” Billy was looking at Ben. “She doesn’t want him here.”