And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) (8 page)

“Did you know he was on his way when we were in the barn Monday morning?”

“No, he called after I left your place. I wouldn’t have lied to you if I’d known. But he told me he wanted to surprise you, so one, you wouldn’t tell him not to come, and two, he got an honest reaction out of you when you did see him.” Paige poured Liv another glass of wine.

“He doesn’t drink.”

“I noticed that when we were in Las Vegas.”

“I didn’t.”

“You were too busy paying attention to what the rest of his body was up to.”

Liv blushed. “Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t bother me, but he hasn’t talked about it. In fact he doesn’t talk much about himself at all. He asks me plenty of questions though.”

“He wants to get to know you better.”

“But it’s like he wants to know everything right this minute. Why is he in such a hurry? It doesn’t feel natural . . . it feels like he’s forcing it.”

“Have you told him that’s the way you feel.”

Liv shook her head. “And that’s the other thing, I’m not used to having to tell somebody ‘how I feel,’ all the time. I’m used to being alone Paige. All this togetherness . . .”

“How long is he staying?”

“Through the weekend, he says. His boys are on vacation with their mom and step-dad.”

“That’s a lot of together time for you, isn’t it?”

Liv didn’t answer. Her problem was that she liked it, the togetherness Even after a couple of days, she liked waking up with him, spending the day together, being a couple.

“What’s he say?”

“About being together? That he wants us to do it as much as we can. I don’t know what that looks like, or feels like, or what his expectations are.”

“Maybe you should try asking a few questions of your own.”

Liv woke up before Ben did the next morning, got a pot of coffee going, and went out to the barn to feed the horses. Yesterday he had helped her, today she wanted some time alone with her routine.

She stroked Micah’s nose as she led him out of the stall. “Let’s get you outside this morning. We’ll take a ride a little later.” She threw the lead up and over Micah’s withers.

“What do you think of him? Seems okay, right? And when he leaves, you’ll still be here for me, won’t ya boy?”

Ben stood just outside the barn door, listening to Liv confide in her horse. It sounded more like she expected him to leave permanently, not just leave when the week was over. He didn’t know what else to say or do to convince her he wanted more. Only time would show her that. A week ago they were in Las Vegas, and he’d been trying to convince her he wanted to see her again—hard to believe that was only a week ago.

He felt so impatient when it came to her. The more she resisted, the harder he pushed. He didn’t understand it himself, how could he explain it to her?

He came around the corner and cleared his throat to let her know he was there. “Mornin’,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. “I was lonely when I woke up and you were gone.”

“You used to having a woman next to you every morning when you wake up Ben?”

Ouch. He hadn’t expected that from her. “No, can’t say as I am. I can say though, that these last couple of mornings it felt pretty good waking up with you. Not just any woman Liv, you.”

Liv pulled away from him, leading Micah toward the panel door at the back of the barn. “Be back in a minute.”

Ben guessed that meant she didn’t want him to follow her. He went in the opposite direction, got his guitar out of the back of his Tahoe, and went to sit on the deck.

The view was spectacular from the deck that wrapped all the way around the back of the house. In one direction were the big trees that made up the Black Forest, in the other direction was prairie, as far as the eye could see. On a clear day, Ben would bet you could see all the way to Kansas, and most days in Colorado were clear.

He sat down and started strumming his guitar. This is what he liked to do when he was alone. Liv was probably used to quiet mornings taking care of her horses. He’d give her some space, he understood her need for it.

Besides her daughter, Liv had lived alone since her mother died. Ben hadn’t found out how long ago that had been yet, but he decided that today he’d stop asking her questions and start telling her more about himself. For now, he’d play his guitar. There was a song inside him itching to get out, he could feel it.

A while later, maybe as long as an hour, he could hear her moving around in the kitchen. As tempted as he was to go in and wrap himself around her, he stayed put. He’d let her come to him when she was ready. His yellow pad was full of lyrics and notes, the song he was working on was coming together.

“Whatcha’ doin’?” Liv sat down on the arm of the Adirondack chair next to him.

“There’s my girl.” Ben reached over and put his hand around neck and pulled her closer. His lips covered hers and what he intended to be a chaste and simple kiss, turned into something much hotter.

He pulled back. “I’m sorry, I’m always doin’ that aren’t I?”

“Doin’ what? Kissing me? Don’t be sorry, I like it.”

“I’m a pretty affectionate guy. My mom and dad always were. Still are. They never held back showin’ each other how much they cared. They never held back with me or my brothers either. Not everybody is used to that I guess.”

“It’s okay, really. I like it.”

“But you’re not used to it.”

“Ben I’ve been alone a long, long time. I’ve been alone a lot more than I’ve been with somebody. My husband died before I had a chance to really know what it was like to live with somebody that way. My mom and dad loved each other, and me. But you’re right, they weren’t as openly affectionate as even Dottie and Bill are.”

“I like being here with you Liv.”

“I like having you here.”

Ben raised his eyebrows at her as if to say he didn’t believe her. He set his guitar down and patted his lap. “Come here.” He pulled her down on this lap and snuggled her into him.

“This isn’t a normal way of going about courting you, I admit that. I should be calling you up, asking you out on a date, giving you a few days in between to decide what you think about me, whether you like me or not. But it hasn’t been that way between us, has it? And now here I am, invading your space, not giving you much choice about it.”

Liv didn’t say anything. She ran her finger up and down the back of his hand, lost in thought.

“Do you want me to leave?” He hated to ask the question, he was so afraid she’d say she did. He got here on Monday and dug his heals in, telling her he was staying rather than waiting for her to ask him to. He held his breath, waiting for her to answer.

“No Ben, I want you to stay.”

He let the breath out. He was so relieved he started to laugh. “God—what you do to me girl.”

“I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve never had a man come and stay with me. Ben—wow, this is harder to say than I thought it would be, and I thought it would be pretty hard. You should know . . .” She wanted to jump up, run into the house, lock the door, and never have to look at him again. Once the words were out of her mouth, he’d probably look at her in a whole new light, and not a favorable one. “I haven’t been with another man since Renie’s father, and that was a long, long time ago.”

Ben tightened his arm around her shoulder, keeping her next to him. He could feel her muscles straining and he wasn’t going to let her go. How did he say this? He was as torn as she was. “I think I knew that Liv.”

“You did?” He felt her muscles trying to pull away from him again, and he held her even more firmly.

“It wasn’t anything you did, or didn’t do. Don’t go getting all insecure on me. It was just a feeling. I can’t explain it.”

“It’s the re-virgin thing. I knew it.”

“The what?” He could see her smile, he hadn’t hurt her feelings.

“I told Paige it had been so long since I had sex I was a re-virgin.”

His leaned his head back and laughed, one of his big Ben laughs. It warmed her soul and she started to relax. “Hungry?”

“Starving. You know what I really want to do?”

“What’s that?”

“I want to cook in that
fan-spacular
kitchen you’ve got in there. I’ve been jonesin’ for it since I saw it.” Ben nudged her off his lap and they went inside.

“You’re on cowboy. I’m going to give Paige a call and see if she wants to come out and join us, if that’s okay with you. Paige usually has breakfast out here with me a couple times a week. I know she’s staying away on purpose.”

“Please Liv, it’s your house, you don’t need to check with me before you invite somebody over. Does Mark come usually come out too?

“Sometimes. Would you like me to invite him too?”

“Yeah, I would.” Ben started to chuckle. “Mark’s one of the funniest guys I’ve ever met. I had a really good time last night at their place.”

“Most people say that. And you’re right. I spend most of the time I’m with him laughing so hard that my stomach aches by the end of the night.” Liv walked over and hugged him.

“What’s that for? Although, just so you know, you never need a reason to wrap yourself around me.”

“You like my friends.”

“Baby, I like a lot more than just your friends.”

Chapter 7

“We should probably go out and do something today since it’s going to be warm and sunny. Away from the ranch I mean,” Liv said as Ben and Mark were clearing the dishes. “I’ve got a new horse coming in tomorrow to board and I don’t know what time yet. Regardless I should be here most of the day, to make sure he’s settled.”

“And tomorrow night we’re having dinner with Bill and Dottie. Is that still on?”

“Yep, Dottie left a message on my cell asking us to be there at six.”

“Whatever you want to do is fine with me baby.”

Paige got up from the table and motioned for Liv to follow her. They walked out on the deck and Paige closed the door behind her.

“What? What’s going on Paige?”

“I had to get out of there before I opened my big mouth and stuck my foot in it.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. You two are just such a . . . couple.”

Liv swatted at her. “Oh, stop it. We are not.”

“But you are. Making plans, figuring out your day. ‘Whatever you want do is fine with me baby.’” Paige mimicked him.

“He’s just being polite. Stop it.” Liv got up to go back in.

“Wait. Seriously, I just want you to know, it’s really nice to see you this way.”

“It’s really nice to feel this way.” Liv turned and closed back the door. “I don’t think I’m going to like how it feels when he leaves.”

“You’ll cross that bridge when you get to it. Enjoy your time with him, and then make plans for the next time you’ll be together.”

“But what if—”

“Really? You’re really going to go there?”

“No, I guess I better not.”

Since it was unseasonably dry and warm for late-March, Ben and Mark had made a plan to take Mark’s Jeep up to Mt. Herman. It was a rough dirt road, full of washboards. They looked like two little boys when they talked about it.

“What do you say? Liv? Paige?”

“Liv will be in, I will not,” announced Paige. “I’ve got too much to do anyway. Go enjoy yourselves.”

“Liv, you’re sure you want to go?” Ben asked.

“Liv loves to ride in the back of an open Jeep and get all dirty, don’t ya?” Paige answered for her.

“Nothin’ I like more than getting dirty,” she answered with a wink.

After a late lunch they decided to take another road back into Rampart Reservoir and survey the fire damage from the wildfires the summer before. They toured Eagle Lake, the camp Renie had gone to every summer when she was a girl. Signs of the fire’s devastation surrounded the camp, yet the cabins, outbuildings and main lodge were completely spared. Even the trees surrounding the buildings and the lake showed no signs of fire. Liv hadn’t been up here and was astounded by what a miracle it was.

The road they planned to take back was closed, so Mark pulled over and put the cloth top back on the Jeep, so they’d have a more comfortable ride home on the highway. Before they got on the road again, Mark popped a CD into the player. A CB Rice CD.

“One of my favorite people gave me this CD,” Mark told Ben. “I thought it was okay, but she
lurves
it, so I’m humoring her.”

Mark turned toward Liv who looked like she wanted to throttle him. “Been on their Facebook page lately? How about Twitter?”

Now she wanted to kill him. Mark was the world’s biggest tease. Sometimes he went too far, not realizing how much he was embarrassing the target of his playful joking. Liv wanted to pull her hat down over her head and crawl onto the floor.

No one spoke. Mark laughed nervously. Ben didn’t know what to say. It was cute that she liked his Facebook page. He’d known that she had, he’d seen her name, and her picture. He didn’t want to freak her out then by friending her, but he’d thought about it. That was after he met her again in Crested Butte, but before Vegas. He knew about Twitter too. He wondered if she actually read his posts.

“W-e-e-l-l, I guess I said the wrong thing,” Mark tried to joke it away.

“Have you Liv? Have you checked to see if anyone knows where I am this week?” Ben figured the best way to make her feel more comfortable was to talk about it.

“I haven’t.” What was she going to do, lie and say she never looked at it? She did, all the time, but not this week. She hadn’t even thought about it. Why would she? He was
with
her. Ben reached over from the back seat and rubbed her shoulders. She remained silent the rest of the way home.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Ben said after Mark dropped them off.

“You must think I’m a stalker.”

“Why? Were you?” Ben pulled her over and tickled her. “Were you stalking me baby? Did you run into me with your inner tube on purpose just so you could get me into bed?”

She rolled her eyes at him and scooted away. “No, I didn’t. But I guess you should know that I knew about your show.”

“What show? The benefit?”

“Yeah. Paige and I were thinking about going. I mean before she talked me into going to Vegas with her, we talked about going to your show.”

“Nothin’ wrong with that, is there?”

“And I did, you know, look at your Facebook page. And Twitter. And Instagram too.”

“Do you know that’s how I knew you were there?”

“Where?”

“At the pool that day. I saw you in one of the my pictures.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I took some photos that day at the pool. First I sent them to Jake to show him what a cool place it was. Then I was going to post a couple on Instagram. As I was looking through them, trying to decide which ones to use, I saw you. When you ran into me, I was trying to find you.”

“You were? Really? You’re not just saying that to make me feel like less of a dork?”

“Who’s the stalker now baby? Sounds like I am.”

She loved him for trying to make her feel better about it. Wait. She
loved
him for it? Oh God, where had that come from? She stopped laughing and turned away from him. There was no way she would let herself fall in love with him. Nope, it wasn’t going to happen. She needed time to think, time away from him, for at least a few minutes.

“Whoa, what just happened?” Ben tried to get her to turn back and look at him.

“Nothing.”

“No, it isn’t nothing. Your face went from laughing to full-on thundercloud. What did I say?”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine. You didn’t say anything.” What was she going to say? Oh, no big deal,
I just realized that I was about to let myself fall in love with you.

“Come on Liv, don’t do this. We’ve had such a great day. We’ve had such a great week. You’ve had fun, haven’t you?”

“I’ve had a great time Ben. Everything is fine. I just remembered something I had to do. I’ll be right back.”

Liv was out the back door and into the barn as fast as her feet would carry her. She checked on each of the horses, put a few things away, made sure the stall was ready for the new horse arriving tomorrow. She ran out of the things to do, she had no choice but to go back and hope Ben had let it go.

When she came back inside, Ben was still in the kitchen, where she’d left him. It didn’t look as though he had let it go.

“Liv, please sit down. We need to talk.”

“Ben, we’ve done nothing but talk.”

“Liv, sit down. Please.”

She sat.

“Look, I know this is hard for you. I’ve invaded your space, I follow you around, I won’t let you alone for five minutes without wanting to touch you, or kiss you, or get so close to you that I feel as though we’re one not two. I like being with you. I like it a lot. I like you a lot, and I want to get to know you better. When you do that thing you do, what you just did, it makes me crazy. You close yourself off from me and then you bolt.”

“It was
nothing.”

“It wasn’t. Don’t
lie
to me about it. Just talk to me.” He was angry and as much as his instincts told him to hide it from her, if he did, he’d be doing the same thing she was.

“Maybe you should—”

“Don’t,” he shouted. “Don’t tell me I should leave.” He rubbed his face with his hands and continued to pace the kitchen.

“That wasn’t what I was going to say.”

“What then? What were you going to say?” He was still shouting at her.

“I was going to say, maybe you should sit down.”

Shit. What was wrong with him? He barely recognized himself. She had him so tied up in knots he was acting like somebody he didn’t even know. Maybe he should have a drink.
Fuck no
.
Where had that come from? Now it was his turn to leave. He stormed out of the back door in the direction of his truck.

“Ben, wait!”

Oh, thank God, she was following him. He didn’t know what he was going to do if she hadn’t. He stopped and turned back to her.

She threw her arms around him and crushed herself against him. “I’m sorry, please don’t leave.”

“Liv, I’m an alcoholic.”

She held onto him as tightly as she could, not knowing where he was going with this.

“And right then, for one of the first times since I’ve been with you, including in Vegas, I wanted to take a drink.”

“Oh Ben, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say, I’m just so sorry.”

He took her hands from around his waist and moved away from her, so he could look at her. There were tears in her eyes.

“It happens, it isn’t you. I think about drinking. But when I’m with you, I don’t. That’s why it freaked me out. All week, even when Bill asked if I wanted a beer, or when we were at Paige and Mark’s place and you all had wine, not once did I have that horrible craving to join you.”

“I’m so sorry.” She just kept saying the same thing over and over, she didn’t know what else to say.

“No Liv, listen. It isn’t you. You need to understand that. It isn’t you, and it has nothing to do with you. No, that’s not right. It does, but in the opposite way. I love bei
ng with you. There, I’ve said it.
I love being with you.
And you know what else, and this is really going to make you bolt. I think I’m falling in love with you. How’s that for putting pressure on you?” He let go of her hands and walked toward his truck.

Liv spoke so softly he could barely hear her. “Where are you going?”

“I’m not going anywhere. That’s the thing. I can’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“If I got in my truck right now and left, I wouldn’t even make it to the highway before I turned around and came back.”

“Then come inside with me.” She put her arm around his waist and led him in the direction of the house.

He slung his arm over her shoulder and brought her head closer to him. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“There isn’t anything to be sorry for.”

“After dinner I need to call Renie. She and I have been playing phone tag since Saturday and I really need to talk to her.”

“Where does she go to school?”

“Dartmouth.”

“Holy crap.”

“What?”

“Well it’s a long way away, and damn, it’s a hard school to get into.”

“You’re right. It’s both of those. And I miss her like crazy. This is her last summer before she graduates and I want to see if she’d like to do some traveling.”

Ben did his best not to react. He prayed the expression on his face stayed exactly as it had been. They’d known each other a little over a week, longer than that, but essentially a week. Her making plans that didn’t involve him was the most natural thing in the world. His feeling a pang of jealously when she did was the most unnatural thing in the world.

“Where are you thinking of going?” He hoped his voice sounded interested, not interrogatory.

“I’d like to take her to Europe, but anywhere she wants to go would be fine with me. All I care about is getting to spend time with her.”

That’s how I feel about you, he wanted to say, but didn’t. “Tell you what, why don’t you take some time now, give her a call, and I’ll make dinner.”

Her face lit up. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“I told you, I love your kitchen, I might even apply to be your full-time cook.”

“How good at it are you?”

“Oh baby, just you wait and see.”

Ben’s kitchen at home was nice, Liv’s was out of a magazine. A large cedar beam, similar to the ones in the family room, was the focal point of the kitchen. Lighting fixtures hung down from it over the island, where there was a seven burner Wolf cooktop. Even more impressive were the bells and whistles that were hidden away. Electrical outlets and an exhaust panel were hidden within the rough-edged granite, and popped up at the push of a button. He’d seen her do it when they made breakfast.