Angela's Salvation (26 page)

She let go of the blanket so she could wrap her arms around his neck.  "I don't ever want to lie to you Nolan," the thought of him running from her again terrified her, and she held him so tight that her arms ached from the exertion. 

"If I were any kind of man I would walk away from you sweetheart," she deserved so much more than his fucked up mentality could give her, but damn it he didn't want to let her go.

"If you walk away from me again you'll destroy me Nolan, I love you," she could deal with anything he could dish out except the idea of not having him in her life, she told herself.

"God help me, I love you too Ang, but you have no idea how fucked up I am."  She'd only glimpsed a small part of his need to be in control, and it terrified him that he would break her when she discovered just how much he needed to feel fulfilled.

Hearing him say he loved her was all she needed, the tears fell softly down her cheeks as she realized that whatever issues he had she could deal with, knowing he felt the same way.  "Promise me you won't run again Nolan, my heart can't handle it." 

"You might be the one who runs when I show you what I'm really capable of," he tried to protect her, but damn it he was tired of denying his desires and she was the only one he truly wanted.

She couldn't imagine there was anything about him that would make her want to run, and she pulled back to look into his haunted eyes.  "As long as you love me Nolan, I can handle whatever demons you think you have." 

She had no idea what demons he truly possessed, he thought with a pang of regret, but maybe it was time he shared who he truly was with her.  "I have something I want to show you Ang, and if you can still say that after I do, then we'll go from there."  He slid from the bed and walked over to his chest of drawers pulling out a long t-shirt.  Walking back to the bed he handed it to her, and turned his back while she dressed. 

She slid on the t-shirt and smiled at the thought of him turning his back so she could dress.  Since she imagined he was the one that undressed her earlier, it was somewhat a mute point that he not look now.  Sliding off the bed, she noted the shirt fell to her knees, and she laughed softly telling him he could turn around.

She looked like an adorable waif dressed in his oversized shirt, but his mind was so filled with fear that she'd run away when he showed her his secret room, that he couldn't smile.  "Just know Angela I would never truly hurt you."  Taking her hand he led her out of the room and downstairs, and then to a basement door.

She wondered why she'd never visited this room before, but had her answer when he took keys from his pocket and unlocked it.  She followed him down the long flight of steps and her heart almost stopped beating at the sight of the room that enveloped her.  Medieval torture chamber came to her mind as she allowed her eyes to gaze over the strange contraptions. Tugging back on his hand, she wanted to run the other way for a brief moment.

Her heart raced in her chest and her eyes met his, hoping he was going to tell her this was all just a joke.  "Nolan, I don't understand?" She knew he had issues, but this was overwhelming.  She'd heard about places like this, but seeing one in person was more than a little terrifying. Memories flooded her of being raped and confused with the visions of this room that was apparently meant to cause people pain and she panicked.  "I want to leave."  That was the understatement of the year, she wanted to destroy the scene before her.

He could see the terror in her eyes, and knew exactly what she was thinking.  "Nothing here can hurt you on its own Angela," he whispered softly, hoping she could find it in her heart to trust him.

His words made her relax a little, but not enough that she could truly not think about what he did to people down here.  "But you want to hurt me here?" She couldn't combine the man she knew with the devious looking devices that surrounded her in this room.  The thought of him wanting to torture her made her physically sick and she cringed visibly.

"I know it's hard to understand Angela, but everything down here can be used
for pleasure, it doesn't have to be painful."  He read the disbelief in her eyes, and wondered if he shouldn't just take her back upstairs.  But what would that mean to them, he pondered.  This was part of who he was and he wasn't sure he could just walk away from it, not even knowing how much he loved her.

She wanted to scream at him that he did
n't need any of this stuff, but she could see by the longing on his face that this was something he truly enjoyed. It terrified her she admitted to herself, but what frightened her more was the thought of losing him because she couldn't at least try to understand why he needed these things.  "Tell me what you do with all of this."  It took every ounce of courage she had to keep her words calm.

He gave a relieved sigh that she wasn't running away, and gently took her hand in his, pleased that she wasn't pulling away.  He explained that he didn't enjoy causing pain, but increasing the stimulation of passion and showed her how each prop worked and what he would do to her if she agreed to let him introduce her to his lifestyle.

He explained to her about safe words, and how she would always be in control of any experience they ever shared down here, and was pleased that her breathing, which had been rather erratic, seemed to calm. 

"So you're telling me that if at anytime I use one of those words you would stop immediately?"
The idea of being a willing participant in these strange sexual games was overwhelming to her, but knowing she could stop anything if it were too much gave her a little more courage.

"Absolutely Ang, anything we would do here would be consensual."  She was so beautiful he thought as her eyes gazed around his dungeon, curious and frightened at the same time.  There were so many pleasures he wanted to share with her, he could only hope someday she'd trust him enough to allow him that honor.

So many things began to make sense to her as she studied his domain.  The way he enjoyed taking control, and the guilt that had forced him to run away because he was afraid she couldn't handle the darker side of his desires.  "Nolan, do you truly love me," she whispered softly?

"For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I know what love is Angela, and yes more than anything else in this world I love you."  He had never felt this way before about any woman, and his broken little angel standing here in the middle of his deranged twisted dungeon of needs willingly, made him realize that he would never feel about another woman they way he felt about her.

She smiled sadly at his words, knowing that if this is what he needed then there was no way she could deny him.  "I love you enough to do this for you," lifting up on her tiptoes, she kissed him gently on the lips.

Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly, understanding that she was giving him a gift she'd never given any other man in her life, her trust.  "I'll never let you regret this Angela, I promise." He thought of all the ways he could pleasure her body in this room, and vowed that she would never regret the decision to allow him to share his deviant world with her.

"Show me," she whispered softly, aching to love him even if she was afraid of all the strange toys that surrounded her.

Her words startled him for a moment, dawning recognition of what she was willing to do for him settled in.  For the first time in his adult life he was afraid to take control.  "Some other time," pulling her into his arms, he held her tightly.  Just knowing she didn't see him as some freak and was willing to trust him enough to even consider this dark part of him, for now it was enough.

It shocked her that she was a little disappointed that he was refusing to initiate her into his world when only moments ago she'd been terrified to have his darker side revealed.  "Nolan I don't want you to run from me again, if this is part of who you are then I want to love that part of you as well."

Could this woman be any more amazing, he asked himself?  She had been abused, left on her own, and even with all that pain in her background, she was still willing to allow him to walk her into his fucked up world of deviance.  "For now Ang, all I want to do is love you."  Giving her no time to question his motives, he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her gently.

Lifting her into his arms, he carried her easily back upstairs and then to his bedroom.  There would come a time when the need to be in control would overwhelm him again, but at this moment all he could think about was making love to this incredible angel who'd given him a reason to hope again. 

With tenderness he undressed her and smiled as she slid into his bed and looked up at him with trusting eyes.  The beauty of her non-judgmental expression made him feel more whole than he had ever felt before in his life.  Discarding his own clothes he joined her and their bodies pressed against each other, everything in their past dissolving away leaving only two broken people attempting to heal the only way they knew how.

Each stroke of his tender hands over her heated flesh made her ache to fulfill him, there was no selfishness as they kissed, embraced and finally joined together.  This was more than just about gratification for both of them.  When he paused, embedded deeply inside of her, she stared up into his warm gaze and smiled.

"I want you to know sweetheart, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make myself worthy of your love."  He began to ride her with restrained patience, enjoying each stroke within her clenching, velvety folds.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, aching for fulfillment but enjoying this tender side of him that showed her more than words could ever express how much he truly cared for her.  "You already have Nolan," pulling his head down to hers, she kissed him as he continued to love her body as if he had an eternity to pleasure them both.

Restraining himself until she cried out her release, he still didn't give in to his own need to rush the moment of ecstasy, but continued with slow, long thrusts until he lost himself inside of her.  Making love to her was a gift that he determined to always respect and in her arms he found a solace that he'd never thought possible.

Long after their lovemaking was over, he held her, almost afraid to let go.  The demon was still hiding somewhere in his mind, but with her he almost felt like he had a chance to be normal again.  The soft caress of her hand over his chest made his heart ache with the possibilities that he didn't need to control her to cover up his past any longer.

The next week was like a dream for Angela.  Nolan had taken the entire week off and insisted she do the same, it was hard to argue with your boss when he gave you a vacation.  Rachel had started working at one of the Vegas clubs as head bartender, so she didn't feel guilty for spending most of her time with Nolan.  Today she had to face her
stepfather's trial, but even that didn't put a cloud in her feelings.

The dark dungeon that Nolan had finally given in to exploring with her had been an experience she couldn't regret at all.  Maybe if he'd been the man he was before they'd met it would have been different, but all she saw from him there was a tender lover bent on showing her all the different ways passion could be found.  He'd even allowed her to be in control there and it had done more for her self-confidence in the desire department than anything else he could have done for her.

Dressed for the court date, she waited patiently as Nolan adjusted his tie for the tenth time.  "I thought I was the one who was supposed to be nervous," she grinned, walked over and fixed the knot that seemed to be giving him fits.