Annie's Truth (Touch of Grace) (13 page)

John eyed David but kept a firm hold on the lead rope. The horse was high spirited, but John had a hard time believing this was one David couldn’t handle. In order to save time he thought he’d get to the point. He had his own chores to do, and time was a wasting. “Is that why you asked me to come over this morning?”

David shrugged. “That among other things.”

He walked inside his shop filled with brooms, tools, and horseshoes hanging from the walls. The anvil he used for forming the metal shoes stood by the contained embers of hot coal. A metal stall was available for a rambunctious horse, but to use it on Lucy would only make her more nervous. David rolled out a cart to where John stood with the horse and then put on a heavy apron over his black pants and plain shirt. He calmly stroked the leg he was about to work on, and when Lucy was quiet, he slowly put pressure on her ankle so that she would lift her leg. He had a nice touch and didn’t show any fear. If horses felt the fear of another, it created even greater anxiety.

“What other things?” John had an idea but didn’t know why David brought it up. The situation with the Beilers wasn’t something John wanted to discuss, especially with someone he didn’t know well enough to trust.

“I’d wondered whether anything had changed between you and Annie with her gone.”

“It’s hard to tell when someone’s far away for a long period of time, and I’m not naive enough to think she’s not taking in all there is to see.” He stopped and thought about that for a moment. These were things he hadn’t let himself think about, but now that he was, he supposed he should be prepared for anything. Although he knew how he felt about Annie, he didn’t know whether she felt the same and if the rest of the world might be exciting enough for her to turn toward another beau or way of life.

“Why do you ask?”

“You know the Beiler family better than anybody, and I’m thinking of taking Hanna to Sunday singing.”

David began the process of removing the horseshoes. First he removed the nails and cleaned out the dirt. Then he used a special tool to cut down the hoof about a half inch all the way around. John had shod his family’s horses, but the ease and precision with which David worked was much to be desired.

He took the shoes over to the coals and let them set for a few minutes, then took one out using a long metal rod with pinchers on the end that held the shoe on the anvil. He hammered away until the horseshoe was back in good shape, and then he stuck it in a wooden tub full of water. John backed away when the cloud of steam rose. Then David took the next one and repeated the process until all were pounded down and ready to be refastened to the horse’s hoof.

As he worked, John thought about Hanna and David. Their personalities were similar, and though Hanna was a bit younger than David, they seemed a good fit. “They’re good people,” he said. “Amos is tough on the outside, but he’s a good man. Mamm is much the same but makes a body feel welcome.”

David used a small blowtorch to raise the surface on the bottom of the shoe to create traction. He dunked them in the water again, making clouds of steam rise around and twirl up as the water hissed.

“You don’t have a problem with me taking Hanna?”

“No, why would I?” John’s thoughts wandered as he tried to figure why David would care what he thought about Hanna. The mare sidestepped, bringing John back to the job at hand. He gently pulled on the rope as he stroked her side. “Easy, girl.”

“You got her?” David took a step back and waited.

When the mare calmed, he placed a shoe on her hoof and drove the nails in until the point came out at an angle through the side. He pounded the nail back to stabilize it against the hoof. The excess was cut off, and he filed it down until it was smooth.

“Just making sure. I wouldn’t want to start something that would cause any more problems. The Beilers have enough on their minds without adding to it.”

John took that for what it was worth and not a penny more. It seemed David was fishing for him to take the bait, but maybe he wasn’t giving him the benefit of the doubt. If he was being genuine, John was being a heel.

“I’d have to agree with that.” He untied the horse and walked her around to ensure her new shoes fit properly. “I’ve got to say, you’re as good as your daed at shoeing a horse.”

David nodded and stared at John like he was sizing him up. Something seemed to be missing from this conversation, but John had found out all he could without asking outright. He was sure he’d find out soon enough.

 
Chapter Thirteen
 

W
ITHIN A COUPLE
of weeks they were working together making contacts and doing research. Rudy went about making phone calls, one leading to another. While he was on hold, he asked Annie questions about other avenues she might take if one fell through. Annie now worried she was getting her hopes up. She made a list of steps that, when completed, would mean she was done.

One morning, to her surprise, Rudy walked toward the door without a word. Unsure whether he was leaving or taking her with him, she waited.

“Okay, let’s go.” He grabbed his keys, and she followed him to the car. The silence during the ride was uncomfortable, and with no idea of how long she would be in the car with him, she looked out the window, distracting herself with watching people as they drove downtown.

One woman had a child in a contraption strapped to her back, much as the Indians used to do. Another man was digging in the trash on a street corner. Annie wondered why there were so many of those men in the city. Didn’t others offer food to people who didn’t have any?

Rudy parked on a busy downtown street and walked her to the Department of Social Services. People turned to stare as they walked through the sterile halls. When Rudy asked a security guard for directions, though he answered Rudy, he kept his eyes on Annie throughout the conversation. What must they be thinking? That they were a couple?

As they stood in line, Rudy kept looking at his handheld phone. It rang a couple of times, and he made some calls. Annie wondered if he was purposely ignoring her or if this was his normal routine.

A couple of teenagers walked by and snickered at them. Another joined the teens and laughed out loud at comments that Annie could only imagine.

Rudy watched the whole scene with the phone by his ear, having a heated conversation with someone on the other end of the line. “Jerks.” He shook his head at the teens.

Annie didn’t want his pity or even his encouragement. She had decided to concentrate on completing her purpose here with as few emotions as possible.

“Maybe you shouldn’t dress Amish in a secular community.” Rudy turned to see her reaction.

No doubt it would make their time easier when she was in public, but she continued to feel pressured to do things here that weren’t comfortable for her. She just had to decide which way was the
most
uncomfortable.

The woman at the window called to them just in time. Annie quickly stepped forward so she didn’t have to answer Rudy. “I need to fill out a form to find information on my birth mother.”

The woman took in Annie’s plain clothes and then all but froze when Annie told her why she’d come. She thawed after a moment and reached for some paperwork. “Once this is filed, we can search to see what information we have on your birth mother.”

“When will you know?” It had to be soon. She couldn’t put out the Glicks any more than she already had. And Essie and Rudy treated her like a chore on their lists.

“It depends on how much you give us to go on.” The large woman tapped her pink fingernail on the counter, waiting for Annie to complete the form. When Annie handed it back, she glanced at the information. “I can tell you already this isn’t enough. Come back in an hour, and I’ll show you how to get more information.”

For the first time since she arrived, someone who could help her was actually offering their time. “Danke. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, and then added, “There is a twenty dollar processing fee.”

Annie pulled out her knitted money pouch, and as she handed the woman a twenty-dollar bill, she noticed how Rudy watched her. She still felt bad that Mamm had given her the money she saved, and when she saw the specks of flour on the bills, she felt guilty all over again.

When they were almost to his car, Rudy asked, “Do you have enough money for all this?”

She ran her hands over her arms, thinking about his question. Having seen how she handled her money, Rudy had to be aware of her limited funds. “I just want you to know that this can cost a lot of money.”

Annie nodded and turned to walk again, embarrassed by his discovery about her lack of funds. She hadn’t thought anyone would find out this soon.

“I know you want to keep things private. But you’ve got to—”

“Rudy, stop being so logical and
feel
for a minute.” For a moment she wished she were alone, that no one knew her or why she was here. “I have some money. Maybe it’s enough; maybe it’s not. And I don’t have a choice with what I wear.” She let out a long, weary breath, feeling more tired than after a full day’s work on the farm. “But I have to do this. So please don’t continue to point out the obstacles.”

When she turned to continue to the car, she saw him shove his wallet back into his back pocket. The gesture both surprised and confused her. So far the only feeling she’d gotten from him was that this was something he was supposed to do. The thought that he might actually want to help gave her a slight bit of hope, but then she thought he could also just be trying to get rid of her faster.

On their drive home Rudy stopped on campus to get a syllabus for a test he had later that week. He hopped out, but when Annie didn’t follow, he opened her car door. “Aren’t you coming?”

Annie scanned the area, met one girl’s eyes, and turned away. “Nee, I’ll wait here.”

Rudy crouched down and held on to a corner of the window for support. “If you’re not comfortable walking through campus, I can come back later.” But he acted put-out with the offer.

Annie let out a breath. What was worse—walking through a Mennonite campus or spending time alone with Essie? “I’ll wait.” And she did, for what seemed to be a long time. She fought to keep her mind steady and prayed for a vacant space. She needed a fruitful void, some place to let the Spirit come in to keep discouraging thoughts out.

On the drive home Rudy stopped at a strip mall and parked the car. “You want to go in?”

Annie scanned the huge cement building, countless cars, and people everywhere. “Nee, you go.”

“Wait here. I won’t be long.” He gave her what appeared to be a small smile and stepped out of the car.

But it was long, and Annie was almost angry by the time he got back. She’d never felt like such a burden. Tomorrow she’d figure out how to take the bus, like Essie did. She unlocked the door for him, and he handed her a bag as he slipped into the seat. “Here.”

Annie opened the bag to find an ankle-length denim skirt and bright-yellow shirt. She shut the bag. “I can’t.”

He put the car in gear and started for the agency. “You’re not on the farm, where you wear farm clothes. In Harrisonburg you wear street clothes,” he said, as if it were a written law.

She peeked into the bag and admired the blue etching around the collar of the shirt, imagining what it would look like on her. She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“It doesn’t mean you’ve changed into an Englisher, Annie.” He chuckled.

She hadn’t heard him laugh. It was nice to see his eyes sparkle and his smile, even if the reason wasn’t in her favor. “Why did you laugh?”

“Because you’re the most Amish person I’ve ever known.”

Annie took that as a compliment and looked at the clothes without intimidation.

As they walked to the same window they were at previously, Annie noticed the first lady they’d talked to was gone. Annie’s stomach rolled, hoping she hadn’t left for the day.

Rudy went up to the window and asked for the woman by name. The lady at the window directed Rudy to the door at the side and buzzed them in. The dull white walls and dirty tile floors were no better in the back area. Annie felt an instinctual urge to clean the place up a bit, or maybe a lot.