Another way (11 page)

“Why am I spanking you, boy?” she commanded.

“Because I was disrespectful.”

“This is your place,” she said in her most fierce of Domme voices. “Bent over, with your ass belonging to me.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Good boy. Go and kneel in the corner. You can watch my demonstration from the floor.”

The last thing I expected was for Will to join me on the floor to watch Laura’s demonstration. He sat with his back to the wall; I sat next to him and held his hand. It was probably more intimate than I wanted to be with him in the public setting, but I couldn’t find it in me to care.

When she was done, everyone moved back downstairs, and the party broke off for people to play or use the different facilities that Will kept in the house. I spent another hour or so with Laura, talking about Carrigan and Sawyer, her daughters, then with Shannon and Three. I got along better with Shannon’s non-boyfriend than I expected to. He was slightly nerdy but very witty and fun.

The last of Will’s guests left around midnight, and I stayed to help him clean up the playroom. I was coiling ropes while he disinfected all of the surfaces.

“Laura was great,” I said absently.

Will yawned. “Yeah. As always.”

“And Cooper.”

“As always,” he said again with a sad sort of smile.

It dawned on me then, suddenly. “He was your sub,” I said, my eyes glassing over as it all made sense.

“Yes,” Will said without emotion. “For a long time.”

I nodded, my brows furrowed, then turned to go. I just didn’t understand my own emotions. I couldn’t figure out what was going on in my head or my heart. The need for some space was overwhelming.

“Jesse, wait,” Will called, his hand grabbing my arm.

“Not right now,” I said softly.

“Jesse, on your knees, now,” my Master barked, and I shook my head.

“Red, Master.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he groaned, his hands in his hair.

“I’m sorry.” I tried to hold back the tears, an outward expression of my inner turmoil.

“Baby, come here,” Will said gently, and the third time he asked me to stay seemed to be the charm because I fell into his arms.

“I don’t know,” I sobbed into his shoulder. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?” he murmured.

“What I’m feeling. I don’t understand why I’m acting like this.”

Will took my hand and led me back down to his living room, to the chair where I’d knelt at Laura’s feet earlier. He sat down and tugged me into the seat next to him. I was surprised; normally when we snuggled together I would sit on his lap as he held me, helping me come down from the high of a session. But as soon as I was settled, he swung his legs over mine and curled into my side.

He inhaled deeply with his face in my neck, smelling me before kissing me there so softly I might have imagined it.

“I won’t apologize for Cooper,” he said quietly.

“I didn’t ask you to,” I responded hotly.

“We were together for a long time, Jesse. He was my first full-time sub, and for a while he was a lover and a partner too.”

“Why did you break up?”

Will sighed. “We lived almost 24/7 for a few months. And it almost killed me,” he chuckled darkly. “I didn’t like having to hide who I was and what I did for kicks. I could never invite my colleagues or friends over to watch a game after work, because there would be a naked man wearing a leather collar waiting for me at the door. Or my parents, Jesus, could you imagine what would happen if they stopped by without calling first? I couldn’t ask Cooper to be anything
less
than what he is, but I couldn’t keep giving him everything that he needed.

“I have my own life,” he continued softly, and I realized that my arms had wound around him protectively. He fit as well in mine as I did in his. “I like my friends, and my social life, and my non-kinky life, which is very important to me. It’s more important than being a Master. Being a Dom doesn’t dominate who I am, if you’ll excuse the pun.”

I laughed and shifted so he’d be more comfortable. “I never knew all of this.”

“That’s because I never told you,” he said solemnly.

“Did you have any close calls? When he was here 24/7?”

“More than I care to remember,” Will smiled. “My mother, once, asked me why I had a wooden chopping board on the TV unit. It was a paddle.”

“The big square one?”

“Yup.”

“Oh, shit,” I laughed.

“It is a chopping board,” he said, looking up at me. “I got it at Sears.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“Nope. And one of my friends came here after work one night when I wasn’t expecting him. Cooper was naked and waiting just inside the door; thankfully I’d locked it and intercepted Brandon at the gate because Cooper just wouldn’t have thought to take himself somewhere else while I had company.”

“So does he have a full-time Dom now?”

“He has two,” Will laughed. “A couple that loves having a little slave boy. Our breakup was hard, because like I said, we were lovers too. I didn’t keep him chained at the foot of my bed every night. He was special to me.”

“I’m sorry for freaking out.”

“That’s okay.”

I glanced at the clock. “I need to go. Adele will be home soon.”

Will held me tighter for a brief moment, then climbed out of my lap. I got the impression he wanted to say something but was holding back.

“Can we plan a date this week for a session? I’ve got plans for you.”

I returned his smirk. “Tomorrow?”

The smirk turned into a full, beaming smile. “Really? Yeah. That would be great for me, I can leave after my meeting. What time do you finish work?”

“Four.” And Adele would have already left for the restaurant, so she wouldn’t know.

“Great.”

“But I won’t be able to do my pre-session warm up, so I’ll need you to ease me into it gently.”

“I can do that,” he said with another smile. “Wait, you have a pre-session warm up?”

“Yeah,” I laughed. “It gets me into the right frame of mind.”

“Oh. I always thought you got into your headspace really easily.”

“I suppose I do. You make it easy for me.”

We were at the front door, and I was hovering, stealing for more time with him. There was an awkward pause, then his lips were on mine. I’d not even seen him coming toward me. He was just kissing me.

After a moment of shock, I relaxed against his lips. He kissed me softly, carefully; no tongue at first as I welcomed the warm, dry skin of his lips against me, then he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and ran his wet tongue over it.

One of us whimpered. I don’t know who.

His hands held my waist, holding me in place although our bodies weren’t pressed up against each other. I felt like a teenager at prom, gripping his strong upper arms to keep me standing while his kisses made my knees weak.

Will broke away, resting his forehead against mine as I struggled to catch my breath. One fucking kiss and my heart felt like it was about to beat out of my fucking chest.

“Shit. Fuck. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Don’t worry,” I said to him. “I liked it.”

And I kissed him again.

Chapter Eight

M
Y
HOURS
at work the next day ticked by slower than they ever had before. I usually had at least three staff on with me; where I worked might have been an independent bookstore, but it was a big one. So having one person call in sick put the pressure on a bit, and we had a big delivery, too, but instead of making the time go quicker, which is what normally happens when we’re pushed, I felt every minute.

I knew that our relationship was growing, we were pushing the boundaries of what we could claim was part of our D/s arrangement. Actually, I thought I was doing a rather excellent job of denying to myself and everyone else around me how I really felt. Those emotions that related to Will were being kept squashed right down and locked away where I didn’t have to deal with them.

The ache for him was huge by the time I made my way across town to his house. The drive was familiar to me, the twitchy feeling wasn’t. I hoped he would beat it out of me.

Will met me in the kitchen, just his stance telling me we weren’t in our roles yet.

“Hey,” he greeted me with a smile.

“Hi,” I said.

“I thought I could watch your pre-session warm up,” he smirked at me.

“Jeez,” I sighed, rubbing my hands through my hair. “I’m going to regret telling you that, aren’t I?”

Will laughed. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I’ll probably mess up your headspace anyway.”

“Take me upstairs?” I asked as a response. It was terrifying, asking that of him.

He nodded silently, slipping into his own role, and I left, knowing that he’d follow me in a few moments to allow me time to get ready. The playroom smelled familiar again—of leather and man and the faint lemon of cleaning products. I stripped quickly and piled my clothes by the door, then assumed my kneeling position in the middle of the room.

Surprising myself by finding my headspace easily, I settled to wait for my Master.

He entered, shutting the door softly behind him, then crossed to the stereo system, ignoring me completely. It was another thing for me to focus on—my place in this hierarchy—and I slipped a little deeper into subspace.

Master chose some softer jazz music that I’d heard before, but never in the playroom. For a moment I wondered what he had planned for the afternoon, then quickly reminded myself that he could do with me whatever he liked.

“I would like to collar you, Jesse, is that okay?” he asked.

I nodded silently, almost able to count his footsteps to the wall where he fetched my collar, then back to me to fasten it around my neck. Once I was marked as his, he silently unbuckled his pants and presented me with his semi-hard dick.

Sometimes being a submissive is about fighting all of your natural instincts and instead letting another person control those subliminal thoughts. And other times it’s about following your instincts totally and completely.

When faced with my Master’s dick, my instinct is to nuzzle straight into it; my nose pressed into the juncture of his thigh and hip as I tried to find his unique, perfect smell. He was soon hard against my cheek, and I sucked one of his balls into my mouth to start with, to get him really turned on.

“Open,” he said, tapping my cheek. Obediently, I opened my mouth and held still. “I’m going to fuck your throat, Jesse, hold on and don’t gag.”

That was easier said than done. Master didn’t do this very often, only when he needed to get off quickly. In a detached way, I could see how some dominants would find the humiliation and degradation of this act appealing. It took a long time for me to learn how to relax my throat enough to take the pounding from his cock, and even then, Master likes it wet, so there’s plenty of spit involved to lubricate the process.

For me, it was about servitude. When that collar connected around my throat, I handed over all my body to my Master to do with what he pleased. If he wanted to fuck my throat, then it was my pleasure to let him do it.

Master didn’t give me any warning that he was about to come. Not any verbal warning, anyway. I knew his body well enough to recognize the signs—his stomach muscles tensed up and his cock got harder before he shot his hot come into my mouth. I swallowed around him and kissed the end of his cock when he was done.

“Display,” he said, and I changed my stance slightly so that I was in the right position, arms held behind my back, shoulders back, and my aching cock straining up toward my stomach. Master went and collected a washcloth, cleaning off my face from any residual spit and spunk.

“It never fails to surprise me, how beautiful you look like that,” Master said once he was done, his hand gently stroking my hair back. “I’m lucky to have such an amazing submissive. I think you deserve a reward.”

His words held a touch of humor. He stroked down my cheek and gripped my chin tightly, tilting my face up to look at him.

“Mine,” he said decisively.

“Yes, Master,” I told him.

Master smiled and extended his hand to help me up. I was led to the padded table where Master quickly and efficiently buckled me into the leather wrist straps, then placed my feet flat on the table with my knees bent, and buckled them tightly too.

“Here’s the deal for tonight,” he said once I was appropriately restrained. “I’m going to make you come. Once. And only once. So make it good.”

I smiled as he looked down at me while caressing my naked chest. Gently, he placed a wet kiss right in the middle of my stomach, then trailed a wet tongue up to my collarbone, which he bit.

“No gags tonight, Jesse. No blindfolds. You’re mine, just as you are.”

“Yes, Master,” I agreed. “I’m yours.”

“Close your eyes,” he said softly.

My other senses were heightened with the loss of sight, and I heard him walk to one of the boxes and collect a few things. I was aware that he was standing next to me, just watching me and my reactions to his presence.

For some reason, that alone—knowing that he was watching me and I was safe—helped me sink deep into subspace much quicker than I did normally. I’d heard that some subs could just snap and get there, but it had always been, for me, a gradual process, both getting there and bringing myself back.