Antagonize Me (22 page)

“Honey, she isn’t here,” my mother says softly. Her eyes are sad, and I can’t make out if it’s because of where I am.

“Can you call her?” I manage again. She looks down and just as she does the doctor walks in.

He smiles at me and checks my chart. “Can you please tell me your name and date of birth?” he asks looking up only once. I say my name and give him all the details he needs. He then asks me for the today’s date, and I tell him. He then proceeds to tell me I’ve been in a coma for one month. I don’t say anything when he says that. I’m beyond shocked.

“You’ve had surgery on both your legs, they were broken. We’ve had to keep you in a coma to reduce the swelling of your brain. Your cast will be removed in three weeks’ time. You’ll need a bit of physio to see how the functions are in your legs.”

“What about my work?” I ask not taking everything in.

“Yes, your father has spoken to me about that. You will need to take the rest of the season off. I believe you will make a full recovery, you just have to take it easy for a while. Your body has been through a lot,” he tells me then proceeds to check me over. I sit there watching the door, waiting for her to walk through. To see her.

“Where’s my phone?” I ask my mother, she passes it to me and I don’t read any of the messages or acknowledge any of the calls. I dial her number and it goes straight to voicemail, her voice fills my ears and I smile.

“You have reached me. If you don’t know who me is, you have the wrong number unless it’s Kyrone. You always have the wrong number.” She laughs before the message stops.

“Hunny, she’s gone. She… she was not well.” I look at her and see tears in her eyes.

“What do you mean she isn’t well?” I ask my mouth going dry again for different reasons.

“We haven’t spoken to her for a few weeks. She left,” my father says.

“Where did she go?” I ask looking back at my mother with tears welling in her eyes.

“She was not well!”

“You said this already,” I reply on the verge of screaming.

“She was pregnant, Kyrone,” my father says, and my head snaps to his.

“What?” I ask looking back and forth to both of them.

“She lost the baby, Kyrone and she lost herself as well. The look in her eyes still haunts me,” my mother says shaking her head, trying to rid the thoughts that are taking place right now.

“I need to see her.
Where is she?
” I scream the last part.

“You can’t move, you still have to recover.”

“Fuck my recovery! If someone doesn’t find her I will tear these casts off my fucking legs and find her myself,” I tell my parents as I sit up and remove the blankets that are now covering my legs. My legs are both in casts. I look to them realizing now what the doctor had said. I grab for my phone again, this time ringing Hillary. She answers on the first ring.

“Kyrone,” she whispers.

“Hillary, tell me she’s there,” I say into the phone.

“She is, but Ky, she isn’t well. She has checked out, she’s blank.”

“Can I speak to her?” I ask.

“She’s just passed out and I don’t want to wake her, Ky. She hardly sleeps,” she says sounding desperate.

“Hillary, I’m going to come for her. I’ll make her better,” I tell her sounding sure of myself.

“I don’t know if that will do any good, she needs help. If she doesn’t get better, Ky… I’m her next of kin and I’m going to take her to my father’s hospital.”

“Will you keep me posted?” I ask my heart breaking that there’s nothing I can fucking do to help her right now.

“Of course,” she says. “I’m glad you’re awake,” she whispers.

“Every day Hill, I want to know how she is every day,” I say. She replies with a yes and I hang up.

Every day I speak to Hillary, and every day she picks up and tells me how bad or good she’s been doing. It’s bad when she tells me what happens, that she’s so low that nothing can bring her back up and that she wants to take her own life. I wasn’t there when she lost our baby. I don’t know the hurt that is suffocating her heart and her soul. I can barely understand her pain. I just know I will be there for her, no matter what. I agree with Hillary that she should take her to her father’s hospital. It hurts though, I feel insignificant like I’m useless. I want to be there to shake it out of her. To tell her that I will love her enough for both of us until she’s ready.

The day I leave the hospital, walking out of there feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can go to her now, hold her, have her and hopefully fix those broken pieces and put them back together.

My phone starts ringing, it’s Hillary. “I’m bringing her home,” she says.

“To mine,” I say not giving her a chance to argue.

“Yes Ky, to you,” she replies and hangs up.

I circle the living room, watching the front door waiting for that knock. Knowing who will be on the other side. I feel like hours have passed before she does, and when she does… my heart stops. It starts a regular heavy beat, beating out of my chest with each step that I take.

Hillary drives us back to Kyrone’s apartment. She doesn’t speak much on the way, just about her work and how it’s going. I look out the window most of the way, answering when necessary. When we pull to a stop, I open my door and step out. I look at Hillary and she passes me my phone, telling me she isn’t coming up.

As I walk into the building, a dread comes over me. What am I going to do? What would I say to whoever is in there? I knock when I reach the door, and when it’s opened by Kyrone my heart stops. I take a step back and look at him. He looks the same like everything was a dream. His hair is shorter in places on his head, probably where they had to shave it for the surgery. He doesn’t speak and neither do I. He looks me over and stops at my wrists.

“How are you?” he asks cautiously.

“Good, I think,” I murmur back to him.

“I’ve missed you,” he says, reaching for my hands.

“Do you know?” I ask him, referring to the baby. He looks puzzled at first. “I couldn’t carry your baby. I’m a useless woman,” I tell him how I feel. He pulls me to him and I’m careful that I may hurt him. “How are you walking?” I ask, looking down at his legs.

“You are not a useless woman, do not ever say that again. You just had too much stress. First your grandfather, then me, then the baby. Any normal person would break, Christina.”

I cry into his shirt, letting him hold me.

“I was in so much pain,” I sob, hoping he knows that I’m not now, now that I see him.

“Yes, I know, Christina. You have dealt with a lot, but that’s what I’m here for, to pick you back up and make you smile again.”

“How could you do that if you were broken?” I ask him.

“Sometimes two broken pieces make a whole, baby.”

“It just hurts, it all just hurts.” I silently scream into his shirt.

“I know, believe me, I know. When I found out, I needed to find you, I needed you with me. You see, Christina, I gave you my heart once, but you didn’t just want that. No, you took my soul.” I drop my head to him and cry into his chest. He makes me feel better, so much better than I’ve ever been.

“Why didn’t you find me?” I ask in a small voice.

“I tried, but I couldn’t leave the hospital. I tried to so many times, then they brought the big guns in… Hillary. She promised to look after you and I believed her. There was nothing I could do strapped to a hospital bed, helpless,” he sighs.

“Why are you here?” I ask, lifting my head away from his chest.

“Well, God delivered and I signed.” He winks, making fun of the situation.

“This isn’t time for jokes.” I half-smile at him.

“I got to see the start of your beautiful smile, I think it’s the perfect time,” he says.

“I met your mother,” I say as I follow him inside.

“I know, she likes you,” he replies.

“I call bullshit. She saw me break down. There’s no way she likes me,” I fire back at him.

“She said you didn’t leave my side for weeks and that you wouldn’t go home. She said you love me like she hasn’t seen before and your heart and soul couldn’t take the crushing anymore.”

“Maybe she’s right,” I say.

“She is. She’s also a good judge of character and she told me to put a ring on it,” Kyrone jokes again.

“Why aren’t you in the hospital?” I ask while sitting down next to him. He runs his hands up and down my arm, avoiding my sore wrists.

“I got discharged. They said it was a miracle that I’ve made a full recovery.”

“I’m glad one miracle came out of this,” I whisper to him.

“Kiss me, Christina,” he says turning my head to him.

I kiss him the same way I kissed him before, imprinting myself onto him, scarring his soul with my own. He kisses me back with the same fierceness, loving me as he does.

“We should fuck,” he says, pulling back from the kiss. I smile at him.

“You and that one track mind of yours,” I say to him.

“I just said it to make you smile. That smile is worth so much to me,” he says leaning in to kiss me again. “Plus, I have a case of major blue balls again.” I laugh loudly this time. He winks, stands up and wraps me in his arms. He has a way with words, this man.

It makes me feel lighter, having him in my life. Like life will continue and that maybe, just maybe, it will be all right.

It has been a hard, but enjoyable year. Things have been difficult. Kyrone has had a lot of physical therapy, though now he’s definitely on the mend. I’ve gotten better, my mind is in a better state. I’ve started dreaming big again and now that dream is kicking me while someone’s head lays on my belly.

“She loves me most,” he says and kisses my stomach.

“Of course she would. Who could resist?” I say back to him.

I’m six months pregnant now. It was very hard when we found out. I shut down again, afraid of what was to come. Kyrone was there to pull me out, make me eat and basically look after me. When we passed the risky months, I felt lighter and started to smile. We didn’t have sex in those few months after we found out, I just couldn’t risk anything.

When we did though, it was beyond mind-blowing. I kiss his mouth when he reaches up to me. “Insatiable again, are we?” he asks. I always seem to be horny, always wanting him. He says it’s just my true nature coming out, but I say it’s the hormones. He is partly right, he is delectable.

“How long until we have to leave?” he asks, looking at his watch. “Shit!” he says standing off the bed. “We’re late.”

“We’re always late,” I say, reminding him.

“That’s always your fault,” he says smirking.

“Yeah, right. Whose smart idea was it last time? I remember you not being able to remove your tongue from me,” I fire back as he helps me stand up.

“You can’t blame me for that. My woman wanted something. What kind of man would I have been if I didn’t deliver?”

“I didn’t ask,” I say grabbing my jacket.

“But you did, I could see it in your eyes. You wanted me, don’t deny it,” he says, thrusting himself in front of me.

“You know, there’s no sex after the baby is born,” I say and he stops mid-thrust.