Anvil of Stars (26 page)

Martin was impressed. He could not have predicted this nurturing side of Ariel.

His wand chimed. The communications at least worked now. He answered and heard Cham.

"We've got problems," Cham said. Noise in the background; Hans shouting, weeping. "Hans is freaking."

Harpal wiped his face and pulled from Ariel's embrace. "Shit," he said. "Time to zip it." He crawled out of the curl of pipe. They laddered forward.

When they got to the schoolroom, Hans had left for his quarters. The ten bodies had been rearranged haphazardly on the floor, as if kicked. Five of the crew, including Jeanette Snap Dragon and Erin Eire, wore bruised faces. Half the crew had left. Martin felt sick foreboding; this was the beginning of something Theodore had talked about long ago, something Martin had refused to consider possible: the breaking strain.

Rosa Sequoia had stayed. Hans had not touched her. Now that Harpal, Hans, and Ariel had reappeared, she carefully rearranged the bodies, positioning their arms and legs, closing eyes that had opened, straightening the overalls.

Watching her pushed Martin very close to the edge, and he pulled himself back with considerable effort, swallowing, pinching his outer thigh until he bruised.

"What happened?" Harpal asked.

Cham nursed a cut cheek. "Wendys started mourning. Rosa led them. Hans told them to stop. They kept on, and a few Lost Boys joined in, started weeping, carrying on, and Hans… kicked them. David Aurora fought back and Hans really laid into him. David—"

"Where is he?" Ariel asked.

"He's fine. Cut, bruised, but as I was saying, he got some good licks in. Hans pulled out."

"Where is Aurora?" she asked again.

"In his quarters, I assume."

Martin could hardly bring himself to move. He shivered suddenly, casting away the paralysis of fugue, and said to Ariel, "Get water and make some bandages and help Rosa nurse the crew. Keep her away from the bodies."

"Right," Ariel agreed.

"I'm not Pan," Martin said, as if to make that clear; the crew in the schoolroom had focused on him with expectation when he spoke. "Harpal, find Hans and let's get all the past Pans together. I want a mom there."

"Who's ordering what?" Harpal asked, neither grim nor accusing.

"Sorry."

"Understood," Harpal said. "Let's go."

Ariel gently coaxed Rosa away, speaking to her softly; was she trying to impress him? He could not deal with that now. He allowed himself a few seconds of closed eyes, trying to push Theresa's remembered features into a complete portrait. The pieces would not combine.

He followed Harpal.

Hans had not locked his door. They entered his quarters, prepared for anything but what they found. He sat in the middle on a raised section of floor, sipping from a bulb of water, and greeted them with a weak smile.

"I've really slicked it," he said, almost cheerfully.

"That you have," Harpal agreed.

"Are you going to vote me out?" Hans asked.

"Why did you do it?" Martin asked.

Hans looked away. "They started keening. Women and men. I couldn't believe it, coming out and finding bodies. It was more than I could take. I'm sorry."

"Say it to them," Martin said.

"I'm saying it to you."

Cham and Joe Flatworm entered. "You bastard," Joe said. "You slicking bastard. We should kick you out now. Give it back to Martin and stick you away like a rat."

Hans' face flushed and his jaw muscles tightened but he did not say anything, or move from his seat.

"We've all gone through hell," Martin said, feeling how pitifully reduced the Dawn Treader's group of leaders had become, and so quickly. "Hans agrees to apologize."

"Apologize hell. He should resign. Martin, you take the title again."

"No," Martin said. "Hans, convince us. Now."

"I don't know if I want this mess on my head," he said lightly, standing and stretching his arms. "I'm giving serious thought to the old Big Exit. Cut my wrists and be done with it. " He glanced at Martin. "The moms don't seem to give a slick what we do. We're just tools."

"I'm not satisfied," Joe said. He seemed on the verge of punching Hans; his arms crooked, fists clenched, chin thrust out.

"All right," Harpal said. "Stop this shit now and talk straight. Hans, tell us what you're going to do. And don't flex your ego."

Hans shrank a bit at Harpal's tone and unyielding choice of words. "I'll pick it up again," he said. "I know we're in trouble if we let it slide now. Bigger responsibilities."

"Good for a start," Harpal said. "What else?"

"I'll do penance," Hans said. "I'll put myself in solitude for a week after we get back on our feet. I'll tell the children—"

"Crew," Martin said.

"I'll tell the crew. If…"

"If what?" Joe shot back.

"I want the mourners to spend time in solitude, as well. A day. The ones who set me off."

"That's crap," Joe said.

"That's how they coped," Harpal said.

"I have a different way of coping…" Hans began, but let it go with a shrug. "All right. Just myself. In solitude for a week. I'm still Pan, I still give the orders. I agree to that, too. Harpal, can I lean on you for help—lean hard?"

"I'll do whatever I can," Harpal said.

"That's all I ask," Hans said.

We start fresh now, Martin thought, and with that thought came a kind of relief. They had cut cleanly from the disastrous past. In a way, Hans had taken the perfect course, allowing a clean break, expiation by the leader, a new game starting from this point.

If Hans had known this from the beginning, from the time he had come out of confinement—if Hans had planned this—then he was far more canny than anybody had given him credit for.

Martin shivered. He hoped it wasn't so.

The single mom—all the ship could produce now—told the crew what had happened to them and to the ship. They had survived the explosion of Wormwood with major damage—up to half the ship's capabilities reduced by failure of confinement fields under extreme neutrino bombardment; ten of the crew had died, and only now were their bodies being recycled. They had sufficient fuel to move on to Leviathan—if they voted to do so. The journey would take a minimum of one year, ship's time.

"Because of damage, you will not be able to face the anticipated defenses alone," the mom explained. "For that reason, we suggest a combining of resources."

Martin raised his eyes. This was the first he had heard of such a thing.

"There is another Ship of the Law about two light years distant. We can match course with this vessel and join forces. This ship has suffered damage as well, and will benefit from joining forces."

"How do you know all this?" Hans asked. "You couldn't have heard about it on the noach."

"We detected the results of their skirmish, and correlated their probable path of escape. When remotes extended this ship's sensing abilities, we used them to confirm the ship's path. "

"Without telling us," Hans said.

"It was not important at the time."

Hans shrugged, looked down at the deck. "If we know, then the Killers know as well," he said.

"The Killers do not know that we have escaped, though they may know of the survival of this second vessel. They do not know its present position, however. With both ships combined, we will have the capabilities of a fully equipped Ship of the Law."

"On the other ship… are they human?" Erin Eire asked.

"They are not human," the mom said. ·

"Do they need the same things we need?" Paola Birdsong asked. "I mean, do they breathe oxygen, and so on?"

"With slight adjustments, environments can be joined," the mom replied.

"What do they look like?" David Aurora asked.

"More information about this ship and its inhabitants will be available before we join forces."

"Do we take a vote?" Ariel asked.

"A vote is not forbidden. But you must understand that we cannot fulfill our mission in our present condition."

"No shit," someone said in the back, out of Martin's sight; it sounded like Rex Live Oak.

"Do we really need to vote?" Hans said. "I'm still ready to fight. If this is our only chance, we should take it."

"Vote," Ariel insisted, and Rosa Sequoia, in a calm, deep voice, as if speaking from a cave, agreed.

"All right," Hans said. "Martin, Harpal, take the count."

The crew voted quickly, without energy. Of the sixty-five remaining, thirty voted no; thirty-five voted yes. Ariel voted to go; Rosa Sequoia voted against further action.

"That's close," Hans said, standing before them. "Now I'm here to take my licks. I screwed up today. I really fouled the nest. I apologize. I'll go into solitary for a week. I appoint Harpal as Pan in the interim. He'll work with Martin. I suggest we all take a rest. Let the mom finish its work. We say our farewells to everybody we lost around Wormwood, and we think things through."

He nodded to the closest members of the crew as he passed them, heading toward the door. Harpal looked at Martin; this was hardly what they had hoped for. Martin felt sick inside; sick with his unresolved pain, and sick at the dissolution that seemed to be upon them.

"We need to talk this out," Harpal told Martin.

Martin declined. "Rest," he said. "We've been through too much, and I can't talk sensibly now. Aliens!" He trembled suddenly, whether with excitement or exhaustion, he could not say. Harpal's shoulders slumped and his chin dropped.

"We'll all rest," Martin said, touching his arm delicately. "And mourn."

Martin's quarters were bare and cold. Still the smell of burning lingered; the odor of neutrino-singed matter. He entered and the door slid shut behind him and for this moment at least, ignoring the smell, he might have been at the beginning of his journey, when first the Dawn Treader had been presented to the children, and they had made their new homes here.

With some relief and some sorrow, he knew that these were not the same quarters in which he and Theresa had made love. The ship had rearranged and repaired itself too extensively; the deck on which their bed had rested might now be shifted meters away, or recycled completely. What connection did he have to the past?

None.

Martin closed his eyes and curled up on the floor, laid his cheek against the smooth cool surface, flexed his fingertips against it, and waited for sleep.

He thought on the edge of that desired sleep of Jorge Rabbit's bruised body, and what it had once held: language and laughter and sharp reliability, a favorite of the children. The crew.

Jorge Rabbit and the others might soon be in the air they breathed, the food and water they took in. But not William or Theresa.

Martin reached out for Theresa's hand. He could almost feel it, his fingers brushing the air where it would be, faintest rasp of sensation. Then, deliberately, he withdrew his hand and folded it under his chest. "Goodbye," he whispered, and slept.

Behind the Dawn Treader, the corpse of Wormwood expanded as a many-colored vapor, like milk swirling in water and illuminated by many lights.

"'Hakim watched the stellar corpse with cold curiosity, arms folded. Beside the image in the star sphere scrolled and flashed figures, charts, condensed images, conveying the qualities of the corpse in an interstellar autopsy of incredible depth and complexity.

"If I were back on Earth now," he told Martin, "I would be an astronomer, but never in my life would I see something like this. Where would I rather be, do you think? Here, now, seeing this, or…?"

"You'd rather be on Earth," Martin said. They were alone in the nose; the rest of the crew awaited the end of Hans' self-imposed week of isolation, going through their own isolations, their own regroupings, reassessments.

Hakim agreed. His face had changed since the Skirmish, as Erin Eire called their costly victory. His expression had hardened, eyes shining brighter, perpetual smile tighter, lines more deeply grooved around his lips and eyes.

"It was a fair exchange, perhaps," Hakim said. "How many Ships of the Law were trapped by Wormwood and destroyed?"

"We were lucky," Martin said. "The trap was getting rusty."

"You know as well as I, war is a matter of luck as much as strategy. We should not deny ourselves satisfaction because we came upon a weakened enemy."

"We don't know the enemy is weak," Martin said. "They might still be strong."

"Then why do they hide behind traps?"

"To avoid trouble. Maybe this was no more significant to them than the loss of a bug zapper in a front yard."

Hakim's smile curled wickedly. "I like this metaphor," he said. "We are mosquitoes, but we bring yellow fever… And now the bug zapper is down, we fly freely toward the house…"

"About to join with a group of moths," Martin suggested.

"I would prefer wasps." Hakim chuckled, and then suddenly his voice caught and he turned away. "Excuse me," he said, clearing his throat.

"Someone you loved," Martin said after a moment. He had never followed Hakim's romantic affairs, partly out of respect, partly because Hakim and his partners had always been extremely circumspect.

"It was hard for me to call it love," Hakim said. "Min Giao Monsoon. She was my equal, and I couldn't… I didn't know how to digest that. But she was very important to me. We were not very open." For an instant, Hakim showed simple and enormous pain.

Martin watched the beautiful display, greens and reds dominating, cinders of planets visible only in the graphs and enhancements at this distance. Spirals of plasma from the poles had quickly spread and whipped in arcs to encompass a vast sphere; the artificial fields that controlled Wormwood giving way and rearranging in the violence. Wormwood's corpse had finally assumed an aspect of natural star death. Perhaps that had been planned by the Killers, as well…

No need to light any brighter a beacon in the forest than absolutely necessary.

"However you loved, you loved," Martin said.

Hakim agreed to that with a measured nod. "I have high hopes that our new Pan will grow into his position." He spoke quietly, as if Hans might be listening.

"It's not easy."

"There are many challenges even before we get to our destination. I wonder how I will react to new and inhuman colleagues… perhaps better to say nonhuman."

"The ship and the mom don't know an awful lot about them," Martin said. "Otherwise they'd tell us more."

"I agree," Hakim said. "I have never believed the moms hold things back from us."

"Oh…" Martin said, "I wouldn't go that far. They always tell us what we need to know, but…"

"Pardon my saying so, but you sound like Ariel."

Martin scowled. "Please," he said.

"Not to offend," Hakim added with a touch of his old impish-ness.

Rosa Sequoia sat in the cafeteria among a group of twenty-two of the crew, conducting a ceremony for the dead, following— as far as Martin could tell—her own rules and her own rituals. He could not object; ritual was healthy at this point.

She had made up hymns or borrowed from old songs and projected lyrics for the crew to sing. Martin watched from the outside, near the door, and did not sing, but felt his heart tug at the swell of voices.

Rosa looked up, and her eyes met his, and she smiled—broadly, without resentment; beautifully.

In our grief and pain, she finds herself, he thought. But perhaps that was too unkind.

Hans came out of his isolation after six days, somber and unshaven, blond beard bristling and face wreathed in a dreary scowl that gave nobody confidence, least of all Martin. He asked for a private session with Hakim and the remains of the search team. After, he emerged from the nose to brush past Martin and Erin Eire in the corridor, saying nothing.

"He hasn't taken a lover since he became Pan," Erin said.

Martin looked at her. "So?"

Erin blinked. "So it's unusual. He's not exactly been chaste, Martin. A lot of Wendys go for bulk over brains."

"He's not stupid," Martin said.

"He's still acting like a jerk," Erin said.

"Maybe he's waiting for the right girl to come along," Martin said, aware how silly that sounded.

Erin hooted. "Oh, sure. Somebody he's never met before."

"We'll have visitors soon," Martin said, face straight.

"Spare me," Erin said, grimacing over her shoulder as she departed.

Ariel laid her meal tray on the table across from Martin in the cafeteria. New watch schedules posted by Hans had placed her in an opposite sleep cycle; he was having dinner, she breakfast, but the food appeared much the same.

The ship was not yet up to the broad variety of meals it had once offered; what they were served now was bland but filling, a brownish bread-like pudding varied occasionally by soups.

They exchanged minimal greetings. Ariel made him uncomfortable by focusing on him when he wasn't looking.

"What do you think of Hans now?" she asked when their eyes met.

"He's doing fine," Martin said.

"Better than you?" she asked.

"In some ways," Martin said.

"How? I'm curious. I don't mean to embarrass you."

"I'm not embarrassed. He's probably more canny than I am, more sensitive to the crew's swings of mood."

She tipped her head in a way that implied neither agreement nor disagreement.

"And you?" he asked.

"Reserving judgment. He is more canny than some Pans we've had. Rosa approves of him. She talks about the duty to our leader in her sermons."

"Sermons?"

"I haven't been to one, but I hear about them."

"She's preaching?"

"Not yet," Ariel said, "but close. She's counseling. Helping some of the crew face up to the Skirmish and what it means."

"Blaming the moms?"

"Not implicitly."

"Blaming them at all?"