Are We Live? (13 page)

Whether it’s inadvertently letting a swear rip live on air, or getting their tongues tied up in knots, spare a thought for the presenters and newscasters who sometimes don’t say what they mean.

There’s no chance of a second take during a live recording – bad news for the tongue-tied!

Malapropism: n. Also, malaprop: ‘The mistaken use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, often with unintentionally amusing effect.’ Such as:

‘Ladies and gentlemen, we now bring you, from Salt Lake City, the famous Moron Tablenacker Choir.’

Canadian radio announcer

‘I don’t know, man, I might just fade into Bolivian, you know what I mean?’

Boxer Mike Tyson, speaking to reporters

‘We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.’

George W. Bush

‘This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through.’

 Trevor Bailey, British cricket commentator

‘He’s going up and down like a metronome.’

Ron Pickering, BBC sports commentator

‘Marie Scott …has really plummeted to the top.’

 Alan Weeks, British sports commentator

‘They have miscalculated me as a leader.’

George W. Bush

‘Kerry is a lifeguard in her local swimming pool …she says weekends are the worst – lots of jumping in and bumming all over the place.’

Newsreader Dominic Byrne on BBC Radio 1’s
The Chris Moyle’s Show

Spoonerism: n. Also, spoonerisms (plural): ‘A verbal error in which a speaker accidentally transposes the initial sounds or letters of two or more words, often to humorous effect.’ For example:

‘Stifford Crapps’

Radio announcer McDonald Hobley, introducing the British politician Sir Stafford Cripps

‘A shining wit.’

Comedian Barry Cryer on fellow broadcaster Clive Anderson, on BBC Radio 4’s
I’m Sorry, I Haven’t a Clue

‘Rictoria Vagina.’

The
Antique Roadshow
’s ceramic expert David Battie, trying to describe a piece of Victoria Regina porcelain

‘Masif Asood.’

Cricket commentator John Arlott on the Pakistani fast bowler Asif Masood

‘The next voice you’ll hear will be that of our president, Hoobert Heever.’

Radio announcer Harry von Zell, commemorating the anniversary of President Herbert Hoover’s birth