Are We Live? (8 page)
Authors: Marion Appleby
‘There’s too much nudity on TV, and not enough on the radio.’
AUTHOR
JAROD
KINTZ
In a segment on educational opportunity, BBC Radio 2 presenter Jeremy Vine received a phone call from a rather irate listener called Norman. Fit to burst by the time he finally got on air (his first words were ‘Ah, at last!’), Norman seemed unable to get to the point.
During an incoherent diatribe that took in minute details from his early life, Norman told host Jeremy Vine not only to ‘pipe down for a bit’ but also to ‘shut up, just shut up, please, and listen to me’. Having got no further in his argument Norman was finally ushered off air. Studio guest, motivational speaker Brad Burton, was perhaps a little generous when he said, ‘Listen, Norman’s entitled to his opinion.’ While Jeremy Vine finished off the piece by voicing what all listeners had no doubt been thinking: ‘I don’t know what his opinion was.’
Yes, radio listeners can be lunatics. But sometimes the presenters aren’t always that on the ball either.
While live on air, Australian DJ Rod Smith called up what he thought was the weather centre at Forest Hill, Melbourne. The idea for the segment was to give radio listeners an up-to-date weather report straight from the horse’s mouth. Sadly, Smith mis-dialled …
Rod:
Looks like we’re in for a fine day?
Joe Public:
I would think so.
Rod:
What’s it looking like your way?
Joe Public:
Fine and sunny.
Rod:
Going for a top twenty-three? What can you predict later on today, or through the week?
Joe Public:
It will be a very sunny day. As you say, twenty-three.
Rod:
And for Wednesday, would you say it’s going to improve?
Joe Public:
I have no idea.
Rod:
[Laughs and hesitates.] …Well, with the weather it can change very quickly. Going for a top twenty-three …looking very good.
Joe Public:
Looking lovely, been out for my walk this morning.
Rod:
You guys at Forest Hill keep us up-to-date.
Joe Public:
I hope we’re not on air, Rod?
Rod:
[Laughs, realizes he’s in the shit.] Yes, we are.
Joe Public:
You got the wrong number, mate.
FM breakfast show, Australia
‘Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.’
COMEDIAN
FRED
ALLEN
The myths of live broadcast debunked
In August 1984, during his weekly radio address to the nation, Ronald Reagan was thought to have announced, ‘My fellow Americans, I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Russia for ever. We begin bombing in five minutes.’
However, Reagan did not in fact broadcast the bombing of Russia to a terrified wireless audience. According to reports he was known for regularly joking around prior to radio broadcasts. However, when the audio was leaked, the Russians were not amused.
NEWSWORTHY GAFFES
Faced with a continuity error, some television presenters crumble. Panicking when forced to fill screen time without a script, they either stare blankly into the lens or verbally falter. But a rare few broadcasters manage to rise above the gaffes, as if nothing could ruffle their media-trained feathers. So this one’s for you, Jeremy Paxman – we salute you, you sarcastic, unflappable bastard!
If you’re in charge of a live broadcast the number one lesson to be learnt is: accidents can – and most probably will – happen.
‘Here at Over Farm in Gloucester you’re never short of things to look at and things to do. There are so many wonderful anima— [two enormous pigs are accidentally caught mating on camera] …er, haha!’
Unknown newscaster for a UK local news report
‘I can’t hear a word. I don’t know what’s being said to me.’
Political broadcaster Robin Day, proving live links are rarely a good idea
‘… and if you’re wondering what that noise was, it was my desk lamp falling over.’
Sarah Montague on Radio 4’s
Today
programme
A live broadcast in Cincinatti, Ohio, was interrupted in January 2012 when a bus almost mowed down a gathering of reporters. The assembled journalists were there for a press conference on, of all things, workplace safety, but were rudely interrupted when a bus barged into their throng. The vehicle’s driver tried in vain to reverse her oversized chariot; when she couldn’t she dismounted and gave the reporters a piece of her mind. Telling her attendant victims she was ‘just trying to do her job’, the lady bus driver added, ‘If this group of people hadda moved out of the way, I wouldn’t have ran into this truck!’
