Arizona Allspice (51 page)

Dearest Elaine,

“Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not ENVY.
Love is never BOASTFUL, nor CONCEITED, nor RUDE.
It is not
self-seeking
, nor
EASILY ANGERED
.
It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
It does not delight in
EVIL
But
rejoices in the truth.”

That’s from Corinthians, chapter thirteen, Laney.

13 the number of evil

13 = 1 + 3 = 4
Four
letters in EVIL

J +o +s +e +p +h +K +
i
+n +s +l +e +y = 13 letters

Heed the warnings, sweetheart. They can’t cover all their tracks. I see
Their
plans with the help of angels. One of them is your mother. She lights the path. She talks to me every day. It is not time for you and Manny to hear her yet. Soon your time will come.

I love you sweetie.

Destroy immediately all evidence of this letter and those subsequent.

******

 “Joey’s been so agitated lately.”

“Tell me about it. I’ve been dealing with Elaine’s moodiness since Monday.”

“I thought that maybe she and Joey had broken up, but she hasn’t stopped coming over and Joey told me they were still together.”

Frank’s eyebrows raised in surprise. “They’re going out now? Finally, but why are they so morose about it?”

“What do you mean by ‘finally’? They’ve been going out for months.”

“Elaine was pretty adamant that they weren’t dating.”

“When did she say that?” Amelia frowned.

“That time that she found out he’d read her journal.”

“Well, I found out a little less than a month ago that they had been seeing each other for a while. What’s going on?”

“Maybe she was just embarrassed and didn’t want me to know.”

“Something isn’t right, Frank. I think I need to do some investigating.”

******

 “Come in!” I call out after the knock at my bedroom door. I set my pen in my new journal to mark my place and then swivel my chair away from my desk to face the door. Miss Amelia walks in. She seats herself on the corner of my bed, without my permission, and gives me a timid smile.

“What’s up?” I ask suspiciously. She must want to talk about something important. She wouldn’t interrupt her time with my uncle for nothing.

“I spoke with Joey and learned that the two of you have led me to believe that you were dating when in fact you weren’t.”

 Joey couldn’t keep his damn mouth closed or come up with something convincing? I don’t want to deal with this lady right now. She’s nice, but I will never forget the way she treated me when she found me in her son’s hospital room.

“I’m a little upset that both of you lied to me, but then I found myself feeling disappointed. I actually liked the idea of you two being together, even though I wanted Joey to keep his distance from you and your family when he was in high school. He worried about you and
you’re
family so much that it wasn’t healthy. He cared a lot about your mother and he still cares a lot about you and he would take responsibility for things that weren’t his fault or beat
himself
up over things he couldn’t control. I only told him to stay away from you guys because I was worried.”

That does not make me feel any better.

“You’re mother helped me and my son so much when we first moved to this town. It was hard for me to tell Joey to separate himself from you all.”

But not too hard.

“Of course, he didn’t stay away for long. He and your brother were suddenly best buddies and then you and Joey started dating, so I thought. Joey was really happy to have you in his life. I can’t deny that. I now know that you’re just his friend, but you two are beautiful together and I can’t help thinking you guys will get serious one day, even if you fight sometimes. For that reason, I want to be able to trust you. I need you to keep an open communication with me about what’s going on between you two. I don’t want to be kept in the dark. I can’t allow someone to enter my family and encourage my son to be dishonest with me. I want us to be on the same page.”

Translation: I would love you to be a part of my son’s life, as long as you’re wrapped around my finger.

“I don’t really care whether you trust me or not,” I respond.

I see a quick flash of anger cross her blue eyes before hurt does. There’s no question where Joey got his temper from. Why didn’t she ever use some of that fire to fight off her ex-husband when he was abusing her little boy? “Is that right?” she says.

“I’m sorry that we had to lie to you, but I’m not going to become your confidant so that you can feel better about your relationship with your son. Joey thought it was best we continue the lie. He’s the one who encouraged me to be dishonest. Half the time he used the lie to blackmail me into spending time with him. I didn’t
make
him do anything. I didn’t make him worry so much about my mother. I didn’t make him feel the way he feels about me and I’m so
sick
of being guilt-tripped for it. If I am such a horrible person why doesn’t Joey just drop me? Why don’t you tell your son to just be done with me?”

“Elaine,” she sighs, “you’re not a bad person. That’s not what I’m saying. I want us to be close.”

“Did you ever think that maybe I don’t trust
you
? Honestly, I don’t think I could ever trust someone who stayed married to a violent bigot for six years.”

Miss Amelia’s face drains of color.
She
smoothes
her fingers over a scar at her eyebrow.
“I didn’t know what he truly was until I married him. I tried to save my marriage, but each year got worse and worse. That’s in the past, Elaine. “

“And so is the lie I had to tell in order to step foot back in Joey’s hospital room without fear of you having me arrested. It’s in the past. At least I thought it was.”

“I was out of my head. Joey could have died that day. I was so distraught. Haven’t you seen that I’m not really like that?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Or maybe it was a situation that revealed your true colors. I don’t know.”

“You’re one tough cookie, but I love you, honey,” her voice trembles with sadness. “Not just because I love your uncle, or because my son loves you, or because you’re in love with my son. So, whatever you’re going through right now, I’m here for you. You can always confide in me, but you cannot speak to me this way again. Okay?”

I can only stare at her silently.

“I’m here for you. Frank is here for you. Joey is here for you. You’ve gotta see that,” she says before she stands from the corner of my bed. She leaves my room and closes my door very gently behind her.

I turn back to my journal. Opening it to a blank page, I begin to write a letter to my mother. I express my disappointment in myself for losing track of my goals in life and for becoming dependent on a guy to help me feel strong. I wrote out my anger over the way life has been so rough for me while other people glide through it. My shame over the way I’ve treated people by judging them, being disrespectful and stubborn pours out of me. I beg Mom to forgive me for not being the kind-hearted daughter she raised. Then I methodically rip the tear-stained letter into a hundred pieces because I have no place to send it.

******

“Where were you yesterday? Why didn’t you answer any of our calls or our text messages?” asks Denise.

“I had some business to take care of.”

Marisol, Denise and Tia all look offended that I won’t give them any details. Denise mumbles under her breath, “Can’t even apologize to us,” and looks away. I glance down at my hand gripping an ice cold can of strawberry soda. I imagine how satisfying it would be to dump the sugary drink right over Denise’s head. I’m supposed to apologize for being so upset about my Dad some days I can barely speak? When do I get my apology? Marisol never apologized for plastering the door of my trailer with flyers. When do I get an apology from any of the people who treated me like garbage in high school?
Never, because I’m supposed to forgive and forget.
I’ve been trying to forget but people keep doing and saying things to remind me why I haven’t talked to them in years.  

“We were just worried,” Tia says gently, snapping me out of my devilish thoughts. I used to think Tia pretended to be so sweet and shy until I got to know her better.

Trying to stop a fight by changing the subject, Marisol asks “What do you think of him over there?” She points discreetly to the handsome guy playing pool with
Niko
. “His name is Jacob,” she adds. All three of us watch as his silky jet black hair falls into his face as he positions the cue ball. When he stands up straight, his hair moves out of the way. He has beautiful green eyes against swarthy skin. His ear lobes are adorned with medium sized silver gages. He’s sporting a brown Bob Marley shirt on his tall frame, black board shorts, and brown flip flops. I notice a hemp bracelet and a leather bracelet on his wrists. Reflexively, I scrunch my nose. Jacob is a friend of a friend of a friend who lives the next town over and came to Cesar’s house party on Saturday. He and the guys became fast friends over their love of soccer. However, this is the first time the female side of our crew has seen Jacob since the party. We want to size him up before calling him part of our gang.

“He’s hot and he’s Spanish. I couldn’t ask for more,” laughs Denise.

“Yes, girl!”
Marisol gives her a high five.

“He’s attractive, but I’m looking for someone who has goals beyond scoring pot this weekend,” I comment.

Marisol and Denise groan. “Lighten up, Elaine,” Marisol shakes her head.

Tia chimes in with her soft voice that reminds me of Betty
Boop
. “He seems like a nice guy. I think you’re being a little judgmental, Elaine.”

“Whatever. Plus, he’s obviously gay,” I fib, and wait for the drama to unfold.

“Oh
my gosh
!
No way!”
Denise’s eyes go wide. Tia giggles.

“He did take a liking to Cesar pretty quickly,” I smirk.

“Look at how he’s holding up his pool stick,” Marisol whispers. “His wrist looks so
limp
.”

Feeling eyes on him, Jacob looks over at us sitting at the bar and smiles, amused. We all wave at him coquettishly and then burst into giggles.