Arrhythmia (20 page)

“Hi, no, I . . . Well, I wanted to pay you a visit, and since I figured my first get-well flowers are probably withered by now, I thought I would bring you some fresh ones.” He was a little shy when he handed me the bouquet. “Here, for you.”

“Thanks so much!” I motioned him inside and put my nose into the wonderful flowers. “Wow, they smell terrific!”

We were still standing in the hallway when Frank looked over my shoulder in surprise.

“Oh, you have company. Hi.”

“Hello.”

I knew that the voice behind me belonged to Desiderio, but the frosty undertone in it was completely alien to me. I turned around in surprise. And indeed, he was standing there with his arms crossed, staring at Frank in more than an unfriendly way. It bordered on hostile. Frank’s stare was in no way warmer.

“Uh, yes. I can’t remember if you two have met. Desiderio, this is Frank. Frank, Desiderio,” I politely introduced the two in hopes of easing the tension.

“We’ve seen each other already,” Frank said flatly.

“Briefly,” Desiderio added.

I stood helplessly between them and tried to figure out where this excess of testosterone was suddenly coming from.

“Do you want any coffee?” I asked in another attempt at easing the tension.

Frank looked at me. For a moment, his features turned soft again. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“No, thanks, there’s somewhere else I have to be,” he said in a way that seemed friendly yet insincere. “I really just wanted to know how far you’d gotten with the furniture catalog.”

“Oh!” Damn. In all the emotional chaos, I had been completely neglecting my assignment as interior designer. “Yes, well, I’ve found several beautiful items. If you want, we can go through them tomorrow?”

“Great. I’ll call you, OK? Take care.” He leaned forward and gave me a kiss good-bye on the cheek, something that wasn’t super weird but not exactly typical either. He stiffly gave Desiderio a nod. “Nice to see you.”

“Likewise.”

The door closed, and I stood in the hallway sheepishly holding my roses.

“What was that about?” I asked Desiderio.

“What exactly do you mean?”

“This.” I put on a robot face and tried to imitate Desiderio’s tone of voice. “
Briefly.
”

He pretended not to get my meaning. “We met
briefly
at Go.”

I shook my head and stepped past him.

“And what about all that macho stuff?” I asked as I got a vase from the kitchen.

“He showed up at your door with red roses,” Desiderio said stiffly, as though that explained everything.

I deposited the flowers in the vase and turned around. “So? That’s what friends do sometimes! They give each other flowers!”

He frowned. “But these are red roses.”

“So what? Roses are flowers. Or have they been newly categorized as vegetables?”

I was beginning to get irritated. I didn’t know what the fuss was about.

“Lena, you don’t give a friend red roses. Flowers like that send a certain message. You do realize that, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t realize anything! I don’t know what your problem is!”

He scratched his chin in desperation. “It’s called jealousy.”

“What?”
I laughed in bewilderment. “Frank is one of my oldest friends! There’s nothing to be jealous of!”

“Are you sure? That’s not at all how it looked to me. He wasn’t exactly overjoyed to see me here.”

“So he was a little surprised, that’s all.”

“Surprised. I see. You should have a talk with him about that as soon as possible, Lena.”

I pounded the kitchen counter with my fist. “There’s nothing to talk about!”

Exasperated, we stared at each other for a moment. Finally, Desiderio ran his fingers through his hair and raised a conciliatory hand. “All right, all right. I’m sorry. I probably overreacted.”

I huffed briefly, but a grin crept over my lips. “You know something? This was our first fight.”

“Wow. That happened pretty fast, don’t you think?”

“Whatever.” I ambled over to him. My fingers played with his shirt collar, and I smiled at him. “Fighting can be nice, you know, just so long as you make up afterward.”

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him.

We spent the remainder of our time together that day in the rocking chair, and the little incident with Frank was almost completely forgotten.

Chapter 24

The following morning at nine, I stood at Vera’s front door. I’d spent all night tossing and turning. My sleeplessness was partly because Desiderio hadn’t been there, and I’d had to confront the way my feelings for him were totally stirring me up. I was desperate to talk to someone about them.

Exhausted but totally wired, I rang Vera’s doorbell. She opened up with understandable surprise while I greeted her with a bright “Gooood morning.”

“Wow! Lena, you’re up this early? I don’t believe it!”

“Yeah. I really needed to talk to you.”

The magic words. Vera grabbed my sleeve and dragged me into the house. In no time, I was sitting on a bar stool at her kitchen counter with a wonderful cappuccino in front of me.

When Sebastian came in, he did a double take to confirm that I wasn’t an apparition. “Lena? Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at this time of day!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Irritated, I waved my hand, and he disappeared with a grin into the living room, where he began intently studying something that looked suspiciously like an instruction manual.

As I turned back to face Vera, the tip of my nose almost collided with hers. She was leaning in close and staring at me with anticipation.

“Hey! Wanna give me some room to breathe, here?” I moved away a little.

“Only if you start talking!”

I took a deep breath. “Huh. I don’t really know where to start—”

“But I do,” Vera impatiently interrupted me. “How was the sex?”

“What?” I briefly choked on my cappuccino. “That’s the first thing you can think of? Sex? Jeez! We didn’t have any.”

“Please! The dude came out of your bedroom naked!”

“Let me repeat: no sex.”

“And let
me
repeat: The dude came out of your bedroom
naked
.”

I scratched my elbow out of embarrassment. “Yes, but we really only snuggled!”

“He. Was. Naked.”

“Jesus, I know you saw him naked! Do you have to keep rubbing it in?”

“No.” She laughed lewdly. “You’re the one who should be doing the rubbing.”

Good God!

“That’s pretty crude. Sometimes I feel like a prude next to you,” I said, appalled.

She dismissed that. “Don’t be ridiculous. I really don’t get it, though.” She lowered her voice. “How could you lie next to
that
without jumping on him?” Vera spread her hands impressively far apart.

“Stop it!” I slapped her hands down. Then I bit my lower lip and leaned closer to her. “It’s not really that big, is it?” I asked quietly.

“What, you mean you didn’t see it?” she whispered in surprise.

I shook my head. “Well?”

Vera confidently placed a hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “It is . . . impressive.”

“Whoa nelly!” I breathed.

“Yeah, that’s what you’ll say the first time you see it!” Vera said with a solemn face.

We giggled foolishly and suddenly remembered Sebastian’s presence. Our heads whipped around guiltily to the couch. He closed his instruction manual with a sigh and got up.

“I’m going into the garage,” he said, and gave his fiancée a kiss on the back of her head. “I don’t want to get nightmares.”

Vera took his remark impassively. “No one else is even in your league, baby!” she called after him.

I put my forehead on the kitchen counter with a sigh. “Ooh, too much information.”

“Come on, don’t be so uptight.” She laughed. “But enough about penis sizes. So you snuggled? What does that mean? Where do you go from here? Are you a couple?”

“I have no idea!” I threw up my hands in exasperation. “That’s why I’m here. I think we are a couple. At any rate, we agree that this wasn’t a one-time thing. I think.”

“You think? Didn’t you talk about it?”

“Well, yeah, we did, kinda, but you know I’m not exactly great at talking about things like that. That’s why I can’t figure this out.”

“OK, so what did he say?”

I blushed and smiled to myself. “Many beautiful things.”

“Aha,” said Vera. “And what message do these many beautiful things send?”

“That he wants to be with me?” I guessed helplessly.

“Well then, where’s the problem? He wants to be with you, and you want to be with him. You’ll get married, have kids, and retire together. What’s wrong with that?”

“Stop! That’s all a bit too fast for me!”

She patted my hand to calm me. “Sweetie, I didn’t say it had to happen right away. You can decide how fast or slow you want all that to happen, but basically there’s nothing standing in the way of your happiness together, is there? So don’t be a chicken and just be glad! I, for one, am very happy for you. And so is Sebastian, by the way.”

I smiled at her gratefully. Then I remembered Desiderio and Frank’s encounter the day before.

“Frank doesn’t seem to be too thrilled about the whole thing,” I said thoughtfully.

“You don’t think so?”

The high pitch of Vera’s voice made me prick up my ears. I wrinkled my brow. My look made Vera wriggle uncomfortably on her stool.

“What do you know?” I asked her forcefully.

“Weeell, I don’t know anything specific.” She hemmed and hawed. It was only when I menacingly lifted my spoon and pointed it at her that she loudly cleared her throat. “OK then. It’s just speculation, but there have been some times lately when I’ve wondered . . . That is, I’ve noticed that he . . . You guys have been spending so much time together, so . . .”

“Vera! Out with it!”

“All right.” She took a deep breath and looked at me earnestly. “Lena, I think that Frank has fallen in love with you.”

I gasped. “That’s ridiculous!”

“I’m afraid it’s not. Have you never noticed that he sometimes looks at you so strangely? I have. And then he was sick with worry after you were attacked. I mean, we were all very worried about you, but Frank practically lost it! Well, that and the fact that he doesn’t get along with Desiderio makes the whole thing plain as day. He’s jealous.”

Vera’s words hit me like a punch in the stomach. A slight feeling of nausea came over me as I recalled my recent encounters with Frank. Did he really see me differently from how he always had? Had something changed between us? I thought about Desiderio’s statement about red roses.
Flowers like that send a certain message . . .

“But that’s . . . stupid. I mean, that just can’t be,” I stammered, totally confused, although the truth was beginning to dawn on me. “We’ve been close friends forever. How can something like that just happen out of nowhere?”

“I think it happens kind of a lot more than you think,” Vera tried to explain.

“What am I supposed to do now?” I whined and tore at my hair.

“I think you should talk to him about it as soon as possible.”

“Talk about something like that? Me, of all people?” I was completely out of my depth. Beseechingly, I turned to Vera. “Can’t you talk with him? Please! You’re so much better at things like that.”

She vigorously shook her head. “No way. It’s something you have to do yourself. That’s just common decency.”

Stupid, decent girlfriend . . .

Of course, she was right. The problem was that I didn’t have the faintest idea of how to go about it. This could end in one of two ways: either Frank would reveal that we were deluded and we would all have a good laugh about it or—and this was what I was really afraid of—his feelings would turn out to be real and I would break his heart with my rejection.

“OK, I’m going to call him right away,” I finally said.

“Call? No, no, no. You’re going to go see him in person like a good girl, missy. You don’t sort out these kinds of things over the phone.”

“Ah.” I let my shoulders droop.

“You know, your two faces intrigue me,” she said, shaking her head. “On the one hand, you go through life with your head held high like a real fighter, and yet, as soon as feelings come into play, you turn into the biggest coward.”

“Yeah, pretty pathetic,” I muttered.

“No, it’s OK. That’s just how you are. But there are times when you just have to grit your teeth and show some courage. Especially when we’re talking people you really care about, like Frank.”

“I know.” Miserable, I hung onto the kitchen counter. “Can I have another cappuccino?”

“Sure.”

One turned into two. I lingered there, wallowing in self-pity, and let Vera encourage me. At some point, she kindly but firmly kicked me out because she had to go meet her cousin. She did it gently, but I was still so miffed that I completely forgot to ask her to return my key. She had orchestrated that very nicely!

I drove past Frank’s apartment at least five times before I could bring myself to stop. It took me another fifteen minutes before I managed to ring his bell. I felt queasy as I waited for him to open the door, all the while hoping that he wasn’t home.

“Lena!”

Rats.
He was home. And he was visibly pleased to see me.

Was he pleased like a friend? Or did he look like someone in love?

“Hi. I thought I’d just stop by and say hello,” I said and watched Frank’s expression.

He was still pleased. “Great! Come in!”

I accepted his offer and sat down with him in the living room. I never once took my eyes off him.

“Should I get us something to drink?” he suggested politely.

“No.”

Did he seem embarrassed? Shy? Did he have sweaty hands? If not, why was he wiping them on his pants? I studied his demeanor almost like a scientist.

“What’s the matter? Do I have something on my face?” he asked, unsure what to make of my staring.

“Why did you give me red roses yesterday?” I blurted, completely out of context.

“What?” He blinked in astonishment. “I thought you would enjoy them. Don’t you like them?”

“Why red roses, Frank?”

“Why not? Friends give each other flowers now and then.”

“True, but red roses convey a certain message,” I primly repeated Desiderio’s words.

“I don’t quite understand,” he stammered, even though his expression betrayed him. “What message is that?”

“You tell me,” I demanded, aiming for a neutral tone.

Frank turned away from me and looked at the floor, embarrassed, for a long time. I waited patiently. At last, he looked at me sadly. “Lena, I never knew how to tell you, but—”

“Oh God,” I said without thinking. “So it’s true? You have feelings for me? Like, not just as a friend?”

He rubbed his face and said softly, “Yes, it’s true.”

Despite the suspicions Vera had awakened, his confession hit me like a ton of bricks. The whole thing was too much, and I completely overreacted. Whenever I felt helpless, my first response was to get angry. I knew it was totally irrational, but I was powerless to stop myself.

“How could this happen?” I barked at Frank. “What the hell?”

He tilted his head back with a groan. “Shit, I knew you’d react this way.”

Yes, of course he’d expected it. After all, we’d known each other long enough for him to know things like that about me. So why the hell was he doing this?

I had jumped up at this point and was angrily marching up and down in front of him.

“What did I do? Nothing changed!” I railed. “We’ve been friends for so many years. How can something like this just happen?”

“I don’t know!” he exclaimed in exasperation and leapt up to stand in front of me. “All I know is that I think about you day and night. That I constantly see your face in front of me. That I long to touch you . . .”

“Stop it!” I screamed and placed my hands over my ears. Alarmed, Frank stepped away from me. I apologetically raised my hands and lowered my voice. “Please stop. I don’t know how to handle this. You are one of the most important people in my life and I love you, but as a friend.”

“I know. But I can’t just turn off my feelings for you,” he said calmly.

His desperation tore my heart and filled my eyes with tears of helplessness.

“Frank, I don’t want to lose you.” I took his hand and gently kissed it. “Please don’t misunderstand, but I think it’s better if we don’t see each other for a while.”

With extreme reluctance, I left him there alone.

What else could I have done?

Once I got home, the first thing I reached for was my phone. Vera answered on the second ring as though she’d been waiting for my call.

“You were right,” I jabbered. She knew at once what I meant.

“Oh no. How did he take it?”

“It was horrible!” I bawled.

“Hm. Did you scream at him?”

“A little.”

“OK, I think I’ll send Sebastian over to check on him. I’ll tell him to take a few beers as a precaution.”

“A whole case!” I sobbed.

“That bad? Damn. Do you want me to come over?”

“No. I’m not the one with a broken heart.” I sniffled bitterly.

“That’s not entirely true. You’re probably hurting almost as much as he is. Would it help if I told you that time heals all wounds?”

“No.”

“That’s what I thought. So let’s do this: Sebastian and I take care of Frank and help him get his bearings, and you try to forget the whole thing for right now and concentrate on your Desiderio.”

“That’s not possible.”

“You don’t have a choice, snookums. I’m sure by next year we’ll be able to look back on this whole disaster with a smile.”

Sure, we’d just be sitting around with a glass of wine and someone would shout, “Hey, do you guys remember that time when Lena tore Frank’s heart in two? That was funny! Ha-ha-ha!”

I expressed my doubts by loudly blowing my nose.

“We will, OK? Just calm down and think about your racy Italian and his package.”

“You’re dumb,” I grumbled through a stifled smile.

“You’re welcome. I’ll be in touch tomorrow. Take care!”

“Bye.”

I hung up and buried myself in the couch cushions.

God, why did this have to happen? I felt incredibly sad for Frank. I was unspeakably angry with myself for not having seen it sooner. I might have been able to find a way to pull the emergency brake without anyone getting hurt. Darn it, I had been so busy sorting out my own feelings that I had completely ignored my friend’s. And whose fault was it, yet again? Desiderio’s.