As Tears Go By (43 page)

“I hurt
you. I’m so sorry, Braydon. I never meant to. I only wanted to make sure I was
doing the right thing. I worry so much about messing things up for Hunter. I
didn’t want to be selfish, parts of me thought I was being selfless—letting you
go. I’d gambled my future once before and lost. You own so much more of me than
he ever did. If I lost you…it would break me in ways I’m not sure I could mend.
But I was losing you anyway by trying to play it safe. I guess you’ve always
had me. The moment I fell for you my heart was decided, but my mind still had
fears to overcome. I’m yours, Braydon. I’m gambling on us with everything I’ve
got, because without you I feel like I’m not really living. You bring me to
life.”

He
pulled her close, hugging her tightly and sighed. “It’s okay to be selfish
every once in a while, Becca. You make me feel alive too. Without you, I have
nothing.”

“I just
wanted to do right by my son without hurting anyone in the process. It took me
a while to realize I’m a better parent when I’m happy. You make me happy.”

“No
one’s getting hurt. Stop worrying and trust your gut, angel. I’m a safe bet,
because I’ve never wanted anything more than to give us the life I know we
deserve, the three of us, together. Let me take care of you. I think I’m good
at it.”

“I
think you are too. No one’s ever taken care of me the way you do. I’m speaking
of an emotional level, Braydon. You see my inner self more than anyone else
ever has.”

He
smiled. “You take care of me too. You fill something inside of me
that’s
empty and hurts when you’re gone. It’s like you’re
the missing piece to my puzzle. I’ll never take advantage of your kind nature
or Hunter’s. I swear. I know I’m not his birth father, but I think I’d make a
pretty good stepdad someday.”

Her
heart swelled with such intense emotion she began to cry again. “He said your
name.”

He
stilled, his lips parting in awe. “When?”

“The
other night. I was crying and he said your name as though he knew the mere
mention of you would make me happy.” A tight smile pressed her lips. “He was
right. No one makes me happier than you.”

“Wow.”
He shook his head, clearly understanding the magnitude of such an occurrence.
“I finally understand what you meant when you described his victories as yours.
My man…I want to hug him right now.” He shook his head again and quietly
admitted, “I didn’t expect that, but to know that he knows who I am and feels
something so positive when he thinks of me…it’s incredible, Becca. I don’t have
anything to compare a gift like that to.”

“I
know.” She did know. “Braydon?”

“Yeah.”
He was still reeling.

“I’ve
been thinking about family a lot lately.”

His
gaze drifted to hers. “Me too.”

This
was going to be difficult. For so many years she’d submerged herself in other
things to hide the pain of being denied more children. Somewhere along the
line, fear had crowded her dreams, smothered her hope with doubt. The initial
concerns coming more from Kevin than her, but he’d slowly convinced her she was
not meant to have more children. Resurrecting that dream was frightening for a
multitude of reasons, but it was a good frightening.

“When I
was a little girl, I always dreamed of having a big family. I hated being an
only child, and I never wanted my children to suffer the loneliness I did.”

“But
something changed your mind.”

“Not
something. A lot of things.” She swallowed. “I had concerns after Hunter was
born, but not enough to change my hopes of eventually giving him brothers and
sisters, siblings that would love him as unconditionally as I do. Kevin felt
differently. In his eyes, we’d failed. He believed it was selfish to overburden
ourselves when Hunter’s needs already overshadowed so much of our marriage. The
meetings, the doctor appointments, the ongoing research, none of that ever
bothered me, because it was all part of being a parent. The day Hunter was
diagnosed Kevin decided we shouldn’t have any more children. I was crushed.”

“I
think having Hunter has proven how suited you are for parenting, Becca. And his
diagnosis doesn’t define him. The issue isn’t Hunter’s inability to be the
child Kevin expected. It’s Kevin’s inability to be the parent Hunter needed. No
child’s easy one hundred percent of the time. Any good parent realizes that.”

Grinning
at his comprehension, she considered what an incredible listener Braydon was.
He had an immense capacity for empathy. That was probably one of his most
attractive traits.

“As
Hunter got older, my job as a mother became more challenging. It was extremely
difficult not comparing my son to other kids his age. The year he learned to
walk I was so happy, but at the same time so worried about how exhausted I had
become. I was so rundown and Kevin started pulling away more and more. It
occurred to me that maybe I didn’t have the strength for more
children,
no matter how much I wanted them. Eventually, I
stopped hoping for more babies and feared accidentally getting pregnant. I
don’t think my mind changed because of Hunter, but because my partner had
somehow vanished. It’s a process trusting in others when those you depended on
most let you down.”

“Are
you still afraid?”

“Yes.
There are always fears when it comes to parenthood. But I’m starting to realize
a lot of my fear stemmed from Kevin’s views and behaviors, not mine. I don’t
want fear to be the deciding factor in my life. I want the courage to hope and
dream, because without hope there really isn’t any point to living.”

He
smiled. “You want more?”

Pressing
her lips tight, she gave a small nod. “You make me hopeful, Braydon. I know I
freaked out when we forgot protection that time, but we were still in the
beginning stages of our relationship. I had uncertainties to work through. I
know now you’re the person I’m meant to be with in this life and with you…
Well, I think it would be lovely to have a family with you.”

His
hands cupped her face and he kissed her. “I think Hunter would enjoy having
some younger siblings. How many should we give him? Three? Four? Six?”

Her
face dropped. “Whoa. Let me take a breath. How about we try for one and see how
that goes?”

“But
Hunter’s older. The little guy’s gonna need a buddy. Let’s shoot for two and if
God blesses us with more we’ll count ourselves lucky.”

Her
heart fluttered with rekindled enthusiasm. “Okay,” she softly agreed.

“What
about moving?”

“I told
Kevin I’m selling the house. I don’t want to live there anymore. It isn’t a
happy place for me. The memories aren’t pleasant, aside from a few precious
ones. I’d like to start over—with you.”

“Lucky
for you, I have the perfect place for new beginnings. All that’s missing is the
key to my future.” He kissed her nose and whispered, “That’s you, angel. You
and Hunter.”

“I do
need to talk to Kevin again. I want to give him one more chance to be the
bigger person and negotiate our situation in a civilized manner before I’m
forced to take him to court.”

“I’m
coming with you. He pulls any shit and I’ll deal with him.”

“Braydon.”

“What?
I’m done playing games. You’re a grown woman and I’m sick and tired of him
getting in the way of your happiness. He either steps aside and lets you move
on or I move him.”

She
smirked. “I like this aggressive side of you.”

“Good,
because I’m done passively waiting around for things to go my way. I know what
I want and I’m taking it. Anyone gets in my way…they’ll regret it.”

She
kissed his nose where a small mark showed from when she hit him with the bible.
“My tough mountain man.”

He
growled and rolled on top of her. “And you’re going to be my sexy mountain
woman. I can’t wait.”

Neither
could she.

Chapter
Seventeen

After
convincing Nikki they’d talked out all their issues and then some, she finally
gave up the code to the safe. Carla picked them up as planned and dropped them
off at Becca’s where Braydon decided to stay for a few weeks until they ironed
out all the kinks and made arrangements for the move.

They
faced Kevin the following weekend and Braydon proved to be a logical asset and
diplomat. Kevin had immediately gone on the offensive when they asked him to
sit down and talk.

“What’s
this about?” he asked, crossing his arms and ignoring the seat offered.

“We
need to discuss our arrangement. The house is listed and I’d like to have a
fair plan regarding Hunter’s situation before we involve the courts,” Becca
explained.

Braydon
cleared his throat. “We’re giving you the chance to voice any realistic
concerns so they can be addressed amicably, Kevin. It benefits no one to go
into a situation like this as adversaries.”

“I
don’t see how this concerns you,” Kevin said snidely.

Becca
spoke before Braydon had the chance. “It concerns him, because he
will
be a part of our son’s day to day
life. The moment you accept that the easier this will be for everyone,
including Hunter.”

Kevin
drew in a slow breath and stared at the wall. When he exhaled, his body stiffly
lowered into a kitchen chair. “Tell me how you see this working, though I’m
doubtful there’s a solution here that benefits
all
of us.”

Braydon
and Becca sat in the chairs across from him. “We aren’t trying to start a war
here, Kevin. The goal is for us to work as a team.”

Her
ex-husband shrugged indifferently. “I still want to see my son every other
weekend.”

Becca
nodded. “Okay. I think that would make Hunter very happy.”

He
turned and frowned. “You do realize how far Center County is, Rebecca.”

“I do.
I also believe his time with his father is worth the drive. We can figure out a
mid-point to meet on your weekends. There will be times Braydon and I will be
returning to the city and we can plan visits in relation to Hunter’s schedule
whenever possible.”

“You’re
also welcome to visit Center County,” Braydon added.

Kevin
appeared skeptical, but Becca went on. “You’ll always be included in holidays
and birthdays where Hunter’s concerned. It was never my intension to deprive
you of those celebrations. Hunter would expect you to be there.”

At
that, Kevin’s opposition seemed to mildly fade. He quietly admitted, “It’s
going to be a difficult adjustment.”

“For
all of us,” Braydon agreed. “But we want to make it as easy as possible for
Hunter. I think the three of us are in agreement about that.”

Kevin
met his gaze. “You’re taking away the two people I love most in this world.”

Becca
prepared to argue that Kevin had let them go long before Braydon even came into
the picture, but Braydon responded first. “It may be cold comfort, but all I
can tell you is that I love them too, and I plan to take very good care of
them. I think, if you and I aren’t enemies, we all have a better shot at
success.”

Her
hand was shaking when she reached under the table and squeezed Braydon’s. He
was handling this awkward situation extremely well.

“It’s a
difficult pill to swallow,” Kevin admitted. “But, oddly enough, I agree with
you. I know you’re not the enemy, Braydon. You’re just the guy living the life
I expected. I’m not your biggest fan, but I’m man enough to acknowledge you
care for my son. I believe you genuinely do.”

“I do.”

Kevin
let out a long breath. “Then there really isn’t anything I can do. I already
lost one person. I won’t lose him too. Maybe—with some adjusting—we could
actually make this work.”

“We
can,” Becca promised. They had to.

Once
Kevin had a more positive attitude, their transition took a smoother course. He
was accommodating enough to take Hunter the following week. It seemed, now that
the move was
imminent,
Kevin understood how valuable
every second with their son was. Braydon handled a lot of the scheduling and
miraculously, Kevin appeared more than willing to assist.

They
had an appointment before the judge in a month to adapt their custody
agreement, but in the end, Kevin seemed to accept the situation. He’d have
Hunter two weekends a month, much like he did now, and during certain holidays.
On the holidays he was without their son, he was welcome to join them on the
Mountain. It would be a lot of commuting, but Becca knew she’d be back to visit
Carla and Nikki often.

On
moving day Becca was a mess. It was impossible to plan for a home she’d never
seen. While her friends had pushed for her and Braydon to find their happy
ending, they threw a tantrum when they realized there would be no more
impromptu office visits or midweek lunches together. In the end, they cried
over a box of Fritz’s brownies—compliments of her man—and planned ahead for
weekend visits.

She and
Braydon spent the last night boxing up all of Hunter’s toys, but Braydon kept
suggesting she leave older items behind. “But what if he needs that?”

“We can
come back if you decide you want it, but let’s get there first, Becca.”

Her
house was listed, but they had some time before showings would be scheduled.
Luckily her best friend was handling the sale. She supposed leaving a few items
behind wouldn’t hurt.

Becca
had no doubt she’d be overwhelmed enough moving into a new home. She couldn’t
wait to see what Braydon designed. If anything, Braydon was good at his job.
She’d seen his work from a commercial standpoint, but she couldn’t imagine what
sort of home he’d design for himself.

Secretly,
she hoped it wasn’t filled with the steely grays and cold metals he tended to
lean toward in his apartment. She liked color and so did Hunter. There would
definitely be some compromising ahead.

They
rented a U-Haul and towed the van to Center County. It was convenient that
Braydon’s car was already at his parents’.

She was
anxious from the minute they left, to the minute they pulled into town. At the
base of the mountain, Braydon stopped the truck and faced her. “You ready?”

She
snorted. “No.”

The
corner of his mouth kicked up. “Yeah, there’s no preparing for this sort of
thing.” He held her hand. “Let’s go.”

As the
large truck made a sluggish chug up the mountain she fidgeted. Her nerves
jangled with such unrest she was surprised she didn’t throw up. Everything
looked different because there was so much more snow weighing down the trees
and covering the ground. The roads were mostly plowed leaving large drifts on
the shoulders.

The
sweet scent of burning wood streaming from nearby chimneys comforted her in an
odd nostalgic way. As they turned onto the road Maureen had stopped her from
walking down, she held her breath. This was it. She was finally turning that
corner, venturing down the path of her future—all the while holding Braydon’s
hand just as she was meant to be.

The
truck made slow progress. Steep drifts buffeting the edge of the forest. It was
so different from the city. Tread marked the path as they worked their way
through the white slush.

A large
Victorian mansion blocked her view. She leaned forward, trying to recall which
relative lived there.
 
“Are they our
closest neighbors?”

He
laughed and pulled the truck close to a snow bank and shut the engine. “Nope.
That’s your new home, angel.”

Whipping
her head around, she gaped. There was no way he built that.

“What
do you think?” he asked, his own anxiousness showing.

“This
can’t be it.”

His
laughter turned nervous. “What do you mean? Of course it is. Do you like it?”

“Braydon…”
There were no words.

Snow
covered shingles followed neat peaks up to various angles of the roof. Paned
windows, crisp and white, shined in the sun. There was a large wrap around
porch and a copula with a copper soffit.
 
The siding was cheery yellow with black shutters, much like the house
she’d admired in town, but prettier. Moldings framed each crown with impeccable
attention to detail. It was absolutely stunning and they were going to break it
the second they stepped foot inside.

“Tell
me you at least like the color.”

She
couldn’t take her eyes off of it. It was so picturesque. “Braydon, it’s
too
nice.
How did you manage to build this in such short time?”

“I
poured the foundation the week after Thanksgiving. Like anything else, I
started from the ground up and looked to family and friends for the help I’ve
always been able to count on.”

She
laughed. It was a short puff of breath she couldn’t contain. Swallowing did
nothing to bring moisture to her dry throat.

“Come
on. I’ll show you around.”

When he
came around the truck to her door she still hadn’t moved or blinked or even
breathed much. He took her hand and lifted her down. Though she didn’t measure
love by material things, this mammoth structure of beauty represented how
committed he was to them. Like the foundation, he’d cemented himself in their
life, offered strength and shelter and a safe place to belong. The meaning of
such a grand gesture pierced her heart, opening up flutters of hope and
spilling out all the hidden faith she held in this amazing man.

Guiding
her through the snow to the gate at the fence, he held her shoulders and stood
at her back. His voice was soft as he whispered. “When we first see something
we enjoy, we experience lust. I remember the first time I saw you. You were so
beautiful and innocent and nervous. I never expected to find everything I’ve
found in you, but it was there all along. I just had to dig under the surface a
bit and convince you to let me in. Everything about you seemed so perfect at
first glance, angel, but as I got to know you, it was the wonderful
imperfections that made me fall irrevocably in love with you.

“It’s a
pretty house. Go ahead and lust for a minute.” His hand slid over her jacket
and rested above her pounding heart. “But I intend to make you love it, not
because it’s pretty, but because of all the hidden treasures inside.”

She
turned and hugged him fiercely. The house was beyond lovely and pristine in a
way that intimidated her. But that wasn’t why she hugged him. No. She hugged
him because no one had ever felt so strongly about her. Of course she loved
him, but the way he loved her, it was euphoric and tangible, like a slow
awakening from her hazy reality. Today was the beginning of the rest of her
life.
A happy life.
And she couldn’t wait to move
forward with him.

Her
gaze searched his blue eyes. “I love you, Braydon. Those words seem so small
compared to what I’m feeling right now. Thank you.”

“Love
me, angel. That’s all I need. Just love me.”

Pressing
up on her toes, she kissed him. This man, this incredible man, was perhaps the
best thing that ever happened to her. So long as she had Hunter and Braydon by
her side, it seemed all the worry and fear didn’t quite matter, because they
filled her with more hope than she’d ever thought possible.

Taking
a deep breath, she turned and looked back at the masterpiece he’d created.
There was no way it would always look as neat and perfect, not once they
settled in. Poor Braydon probably had plans to decorate it with fancy, little,
breakable knick-knacks that wouldn’t survive the first burst of Hunter’s
energy. But she loved him for his efforts. Loved him so much it should probably
be illegal.

“Do you
want to see the inside?”

She
did, but she didn’t. He was so happy. She could read all the expectation in his
eyes. It was a lot to live up to. “Please.”

She
pulled at the gate, but it didn’t budge. “It’s stuck.”

“It’s
coded.” He flipped open a hidden hatch and exposed a keypad. “The number’s
three seventeen.”

Glancing
at him curiously, she asked, “Three seventeen?”

“St.
Paddy’s Day. March seventeenth.”

She
laughed and punched in the code. A tiny red light flashed green and the locking
mechanism released. “That’s amazing. Where did you even find something like
that?”

“You’d
be surprised what you can find when you really want to keep those you love
safe.”

This
was going to be a lot harder than she anticipated. If Braydon thought ahead
enough to install safety locks, he probably thought of other things that were
going to embed him further in her heart. She braced herself as they stepped
onto the wraparound porch. There wasn’t a keyhole on the door. Rather, another
hidden keypad.

“All of
the codes can be updated. There’s an app I’ll put on your phone. It lets you
monitor the house and alerts you the second the security system’s breached.”