As Tears Go By (38 page)

Stepping
back, he tucked the two gift bags on her porch beside the hibernating plant and
returned to his car. Glancing back one last time, he looked into the bow window
at the front of the house. Becca smiled and laughed. It was a picture he’d
never forget, one that would haunt him as much as comfort him as he moved
forward with his life.

His
only hope was that she found reason to smile like that every day. Maybe one day
he’d smile again too.

* * * *

Braydon
taped the last box shut and sighed. All that was left in his apartment were a
few empty bottles to take down to the recycling and his laptop. He’d been so
enthusiastic about this decision three weeks ago, but since the holidays he’d
been on auto-pilot, worrying he was making an enormous mistake.

His
family had been so thrilled to have him home and see him start this chapter of
his life. He finally had to break it to his mother that he’d be returning home
alone. The hurt in her voice was comparable to what he was experiencing on the
inside. If anyone was his champion in this world, it was his big-hearted mum.

A knock
sounded from the door and he stilled. Every nerve in his body pulled taut as he
sucked in a breath. Had she changed her mind? So many times he refused to
accept the turn of things, insisting this had to be a dream. Maybe the
nightmare was finally over.

Bracing
himself for either the most painful goodbye of his life or the happiest kickoff
to his future, he opened the door. Wrong on both counts. “Luke?”

“Hey.”

Disappointment
flooded him, but he hid his emotions well. “What are you doing here?”

“Mum
told us about your lady. I’m sorry, Bray.”

He
sighed. “Are you alone?”

“Tristan
and Kelly are parking the truck. We came to give you a hand and maybe get you
drunk, if necessary.”

Chuckling,
he reached out and pulled his brother into a smacking hug. “Thanks.”

“We
missed you at Christmas.” Luke pressed into the apartment after nearly
dislocating his spine in a crushing, but very meaningful hug.

“I
missed you guys too.”

“This
all of it?” Luke asked, eyeing the pile by the door.

“The
rest is in my car. I sold most of the big furniture to other people in the
building, since I planned to furnish the house with all new stuff.”

“Well…”
His brother didn’t seem to know what to say. “We’re still glad you’re coming
home. You belong there.”

His
smile was halfhearted. He’d been elated to finally return to the mountain. Only
now his homecoming seemed bittersweet.

Hearing
Tristan and Kelly’s voices in the hall, he turned to greet them. “Welcome to my
empty abode.”

Hugs
were exchanged and there was a moment so laden with unbearable pity, none of
them seemed comfortable.

“This
blows,” Kelly finally said, breaking the silence.

“Yup.”

“Sorry
to hear about you and Becca,” Tristan said.

He
shrugged, hating the sense that he was depressing the hell out of everyone.
“What are you gonna do? It seems my lot in life is constantly coming in
second.”

“Yeah,
that’s sort of why Colin didn’t want to come.”

Because
Sammy chose my brother over me just like Becca’s choosing Kevin.

“Shut
up, Kelly,” Luke snapped then quickly covered for Kelly’s slip. “That’s not
true. He had something to do at Sammy’s parents’ this weekend.”

“Sure.”
There probably was some truth to Kelly’s statement. This entire situation
reeked of past experiences and his older brother could possibly be reliving
some outdated guilt. He couldn’t waste time dwelling on that when his present
was such a mess. “Well, you wanna help me load these last few boxes?”

Tristan
nudged Luke toward the largest of the boxes and grabbed the next biggest. Kelly
followed Bray into the kitchen where he surveyed the area once more to see if
he’d overlooked anything. “I’m sorry I said that.”

He
shrugged. “Not your fault. It’s true.”

“No
it’s not, Bray. Colin would be here if he could.”

“Where’s
Finn?” He didn’t want to think about Colin.
Funny how his new
situation awakened past, familiar pains.

“He had
to stay home with the kids because Mallory’s in Princeton visiting Sheilagh.
Some sort of crazy girls’ night out.”

He
smiled. “Good. Sheilagh needs that. She’s been a little down lately since the
whole thing with Alec and no babies yet.”

“Uh,”
Kelly shuffled closer and lowered his voice. “You should probably know
,
Luke and Tristan got turned down by the adoption people.”

“What?
Why?”

Kelly
shrugged. “I think something about Tristan’s past. He had some violence on his
record that they wouldn’t overlook.”

“Not
what happened last year? That wasn’t their fault.”

“No,
before that. Some stuff from Texas.”

“Can
they appeal it?”

“Probably,
but they’re pretty devastated. I don’t think they’re ready to readdress the
issue yet. Just don’t bring it up. I think they were eager for the escape and
the chance to focus on someone else’s problems.”

“Glad
to be of service.”

Luke
came into the kitchen. “Everything’s loaded up. You wanna grab dinner before we
go?”

“I’d
rather get on the road. If you guys want to stop somewhere that’s fine, but I
think I’m gonna head out. I wanna get there before dark.”

“I’ll
ride back with Bray. You two go have yourself a nice dinner,” Kelly said.

They
split up, leaving Tristan and Luke with directions to one of the nicer
restaurants in town. Kelly slid into the passenger seat and immediately started
fiddling with the radio, which was fine since Braydon didn’t much feel like
talking and they had a long ride ahead of them.

The
silence only lasted the first hour, however. Once they were out of the city and
cruising along the interstate, his brother started with the tough questions.
“You gonna go directly to the new house?”

Braydon
was still trying to decide that. “I don’t know. I may spend a few nights at the
big house until I get everything set up. I need to get the cable company out
and I still need to grab little shit like bed sheets and towels.” His lips
pursed. “I thought we’d be getting that stuff together.”

“I
don’t understand. She got back with her ex? The one that cheated on her?”

“I
don’t know if they ‘got back’ so much as she’s not making any decision right
now. He wants her back and if they reconcile that means they can be a family
again. I’m not comfortable messing with that.”

“But
the guy screwed around behind her back.”

“Yup.
He’s a real prize.”

“She’ll
be back.”

He
switched lanes. “Like Sammy came back.”

“You
didn’t love Sammy that way.”

“She
was still mine.”

Kelly
twisted in his seat. “Are you really gonna go down that road, Bray? Colin and
Sammy belong together. You’ve even said so. Don’t let the hurt someone else
caused affect your relationship with Colin.”

“When’d
you get so wise?”

His
brother chuckled. “Ash has me on a fully organic diet. She says
it’s
brain food.”

The
conversation rolled onto other easier topics and soon enough they were pulling
onto the mountain. Braydon didn’t have the heart to look down the road leading
to his house. Rather, he chugged onto his parents’ drive, feeling like a kid
home from school with a big fat failure on his record instead of feeling like a
man acclaiming the fruit of his success.

Kelly’s
truck was parked by Luke’s barn and he didn’t stick around, complaining Braydon
had starved him near death and he needed to get home for sustenance. There
wasn’t much to unload, being that he wasn’t sure where he’d be settling. For
the time being, he grabbed the bag with his toiletries and a few shirts and
jeans and headed in through the kitchen.

The
house was quiet. “Mum? Dad?”

His
mother came around the corner, a sad tilt to her head, her green eyes heavy
with sympathy. Without a word she held out her arms and Braydon slowly walked
into them. She kissed his head and hugged him tight.

“My
poor wee angel. I’m glad you’re finally home.” Breathing in her familiar scent,
he drew a measure of comfort from her nearness. She patted his back and
gingerly stepped away. “I’ve made you’re favorite. Go say hello to your father,
and I’ll set you up a nice big dish.”

“Thanks,
Mum.”

He tucked
his belongings on the stairs and headed to the den. “Dad?”

“In
here.” His father stood and grinned with stilted happiness. He obviously knew.
“How was the drive?”

“Fine.
Kelly wouldn’t shut the hell up the whole way here.”

His
father looked over his shoulder. “Did you leave him on the interstate?”

Chuckling,
he said, “Nah, he went home to Ashlynn.”

“Where
are Tristan and Luke?”

“They
stayed back to grab dinner.”

“Guess
you heard about their news, being that Kelly was feeling chatty.”

“Yeah.
That sucks.”

“I
don’t think I’ve ever seen Luke cry, but boy did he want to when they found
out. I wish there was something we could do for them. It’s hard seeing your
sons upset.”

Perhaps
talking about Luke was his father’s way of recognizing his own heartache without
drawing to much attention to Braydon’s personal situation. “They’ll figure it
out.”

He
cleared his throat. “And how about you?”

He
shrugged. “I’m here. Let’s start with that. Who knows what comes next?”

Grinning
with paternal tenderness, his father patted his shoulder. After a few minutes
of small talk his dad went up to bed. Braydon returned to the kitchen where his
mother waited at the table beside his dinner.

He
settled in and enjoyed the home cooked roast and glazed carrots. When he was
finished, she produced two mugs and a bottle of Tully from the cabinet below
the sink.

“Do you
want to talk about it, love?”

“Not
really.”

She
waited a beat. “I know your heart’s hurting, Braydon. I wish there was
something I could say or do to ease some of your pain. It kills me seeing you
like this when you were so happy a month ago.”

“Being
here helps.”

She
nodded. “Maybe you could call Jennifer and see what she’s been up to.”

Jenn
was his ex from high school. Last he saw her she wasn’t maturing very well. She
still had a catty attitude that should have been left in grade school. “Nah. I
don’t think I want to date right now.” Dating someone else wouldn’t replace
Becca anyway.

Her
hand brushed over his arm. “I wish you would talk to me, love. Sometimes
talkin’ helps.”

“I just
don’t understand. I’m so sick and tired of not being enough. It’s like there’s
always someone better than me.”

“Well,
that’s just a crock of horse shit, that’s what that is, Braydon. You’re as good
as they get and if anyone disagrees I’ll punt them right in the arse.”

He
chuckled.

“Sure,
you’ve got quirks. You’re a McCullough. That’s what makes us charming. But you,
my boy, are as perfect as a McCullough can come. I mean, you’re neat and tidy
and you know how to build things from nothin’. You’re patient and kind. A wee
bit selfish at times, but what man isn’t? And with that Becca, oh, you were so
wonderful with her and little Hunter. Makes no sense to me, love. Perhaps she’s
a bit soft in the head to be leavin’ you for some jackass who never much treated
her well to begin with.”

“I
think you’re a little biased, Mum.”

She
scoffed. “I speak the God’s honest truth! I know when my boys are actin’ like
bastards and when they’re the victim of a situation.
This
lass
made a mistake. As a matter of fact…she’s going on my list.”

“Your
list?”

“Yes.”
She stood and bustled to the junk drawer. Producing a small scrap of paper, she
jotted down something and slid the paper to Braydon. It said Becca just above
the name Jasper.

“Jasper?”

“The
butcher. He’s on my list too. Tried to sell me lamb chops, claiming they were
lean when I know he didn’t trim a bit of fat off those chops.” Her finger
stabbed at the paper. “On my list!”

“How do
you get off the list?”

“Oh,
you don’t. I usually just lose the paper in all the hullabaloo and forget
someone’s upset me.”

His
mother was insane, but he loved her. “Maybe I should start a list.”

She
slid him a pen. “Here, love, you can have mine.”