As Tears Go By (34 page)

Chapter
Fourteen

Kevin
pulled into the driveway and Becca shut her eyes, steadying her nerves. As the
garage door rolled open, she smiled and stepped out to greet them.
Flies with honey.

“Hey,
boys.”

Kevin
sent her a sidelong glance, his eyes constricted with suspicion. Okay, maybe
she needed to tone it down. She could do this.

As he
walked to the door, she said, “I was hoping we could talk. Do you have a few
minutes?”

Hunter
wandered inside and Kevin leaned against the van. “About what?”

“How
about we go inside? This is more of a sit down conversation.”

“Sounds
important.” He waved a hand, suggesting she lead the way.

Briefly
checking on Hunter who was already lounging on a beanbag chair, toy in
hand,
she led Kevin to the sofa. Kevin sat a cushion away
from her and waited expectantly.

Rubbing
her moist palms over her knees, she met his stare. “I’m thinking about selling
the house.”

His
head jerked in her direction. “Why?”

“I’d
like to move.”

“Where?”

She
swallowed. “Center County.”

His
head rolled back and he settled into the couch a bit more. “With that guy,
Brandon?”

“Braydon.”

“You
barely know him, Rebecca.”

“I know
him enough to know I want this.”

“What
about Hunter?”

“He’d
come with me, of course.”

He
scoffed. “And what about what I want?”

This
was where things could get touchy. “Kevin, you and I both know what a trial
Hunter is for you—”

“And
he’s easy for you?”

“No,
but I’ve always had a little more patience—”

“Don’t
give me that shit, Rebecca. This isn’t about what’s best for Hunter. This is
about what you want.”

“This
is about what’s best for our family.”

“A
family that doesn’t include me.” The vulnerability that flashed in his eyes
gave her pause.

“You’ll
always be a part of Hunter’s life—”

“As
what? Some guy he sees on holidays? How long do you think that will last,
Rebecca? How long until he hates being with me, because I’m so removed from his
ordinary routine? This is bullshit.”

“Center
County’s a wonderful place, Kevin. I wouldn’t be considering it if I didn’t
think the environment would benefit him.”

“Considering
it? Sounds to me like your mind’s made up.”

It was,
but she needed his consent in order to follow through with her plans. “Maybe if
you saw him there you’d understand.”

He
laughed coldly. “Oh, yeah, I’ll just call up my pal Brandon and set up a date.”

“Braydon.”

“Whatever.
Don’t I get a say in who you expose my son to?”

You
didn’t give me a say in who you exposed our marriage to.
She clamped her lips shut.

“How
would you feel if I told you I wanted full custody and planned to shack up with
some broad you didn’t know?” He laughed. “You’d never go for that. The answer’s
no, Rebecca. I’m sorry. My son’s staying in Pittsburgh where he belongs. It’s
his home.”

Cold
dread knifed though her stomach. “You can’t tell me no.”

“Really?
Okay, how’s this? I think Hunter would flourish in a round the clock facility.”

Her
eyes blurred with immediate tears of fear. Blinking through her fuzzy vision,
she cleared her throat and rasped, “How could you say that?”

“Maybe
I think that’s the best environment for him.”

“You don’t
believe that.” No matter how different Kevin’s parenting was from her, they’d
discussed such arrangements at length. He was only making a point, but the
empty threat still frightened her. “You’re just trying to keep him here without
taking full responsibility.”

He
shrugged. “Why not? He’d only be a few miles away and I could see him whenever
I want. You think it’s fair for me to drive three hours to see him. Why isn’t
the same fair for you?”

“Because
I’m his mother and he’d be with
me
,
not in some dormitory with strangers!”

“He
should be with both of us, God damn it. I’m his father.”

“Lower
your voice, please.”

He
stood and paced. “I would never put him in a facility, Rebecca. Certainly not
when he has
two
capable caregivers
fighting over him.” A bit of his agitation visibly faded. “I can’t, Becca. I
can’t let you take him away. He’s mine too. Ours. This is
our
house. We
chose it together, because it was a good place to have a family.”

“Everything’s
different now, Kevin. He can’t only be yours when it’s convenient.”

“That’s
not fair.”

“That’s
the truth, Kevin.”

“Because
I can’t do it like you do! Is that what you want to hear? Fine. You’re a better
parent than me. When we were a team…” He lowered himself to the couch and
gripped her hands. “When it was the three of us it was so much easier.”

Because
she did all the work.
“Kevin, we’re divorced. This is all part of it. You had to know I’d move on
eventually.”

“Move
on, yes, but Rebecca, I’m not ready to watch you move away.” He glanced at the
floor and quietly admitted. “I don’t want this. I don’t want my son and wife
that far away.”

He
needed to stop thinking of her as his wife. “But I want this, Kevin. I’m in
love with him.”

He
visibly winced. “What about us?”

She
frowned. “Us? Kevin, what exactly did you think you were signing when we filed
the divorce papers? Our relationship is an extension of Hunter. That’s it.
There
is
no us.”

“What
about us as a family? I never agreed to divorce my son.”

“You
were never married to fatherhood either.”

His
head lowered in defeat. “I screwed up, Rebecca.”

“You
screwed the neighbor, which is another reason I want to move.”

“Everything
was so messed up then. We were always fighting and Hunter wasn’t sleeping. It
had been so long since we’d slept together—even in the same bed. I was weak and
I’ve paid for my mistakes.”

“You’ve
paid the consequence of your choices, Kevin. I didn’t divorce you to punish
you. I did it for my own self-respect. Our marriage ended because of your
infidelities, not my need for revenge. But it was more than that. Be honest
with yourself. Neither of us was happy.”

“You’re
still mad. I get that.”

Actually,
she wasn’t. She was happy and just wanted the guilt to go away so she could
carry on with her life. “I’m not mad anymore.”

“Then
why are we fighting?”

“We’re
not. We’re discussing our future.”

He took
her hands again. “Then let’s talk about that and not some future with some guy
meant to take you away from me. I’ve been seeing a counselor. He’s helping me. I
feel like I’m finally in a place to be the father Hunter deserves—the husband
you
deserve.”

Standing,
she pulled her fingers out of his grip. “Kevin, stop it. I’m not yours anymore.
He didn’t take me away from you. You lost me the first day you looked at
another woman. You lost me after too many days of looking through me.”

“I
never looked through you, Rebecca. You were always there. I hate myself for
straying. I was so bitter. I don’t feel that way anymore. I’ve realized things
since we’ve been apart.” He slowly walked to her and only stopped when they
stood a few inches apart. “I still love you, Rebecca. I know you still love me.
I want to fix this. I want to fix us, make us the way we should have been all
along. I know I can be a better father than I’ve been. Please, I’m begging you,
give us another chance”

This
wasn’t happening. Her hands trembled as she took a step back. “Kevin, this
isn’t the discussion I wanted to have.”

“I
know, but could you just stop thinking about him for a second and consider us.
I’m Hunter’s father. I’m the man that should be raising him, not some guy I
don’t know that you just met. Me. This is my family—ours.” Her breath hitched
as he grabbed her hand, spreading her fingers over his heart and pressing her
palm to his chest. “I love you. I loved you first. I made a mistake and I’m
prepared to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, but you have to give
me a chance.”

It was
taking everything she had not to let the tears fall. Blinking hard, she
withdrew her hand and said, “You cheated. We can’t be fixed, because you broke
something irreplaceable when you broke our vows.”

“But I
love you. You may love him, but I know you still love me too. We have longevity
where what you have with him is a gamble. He isn’t Hunter’s father. Don’t
expect him to accept our son as his own. Don’t rush into something we’ll both
regret. Let me have a fighting chance, Rebecca. Please.”

Shaking
her head, she whispered, “You’re scared. You don’t love me anymore—”

“How
could you say that? I’ll always love you, Rebecca. You’re my soul mate, my
partner in this life. This isn’t how things are supposed to end. We aren’t
finished yet. I know we’re not. What about…” He drew in a slow breath, his
pleading gaze drilling into hers. “We were supposed to have more.”

“More
what?”

“Children.”

She
took a stumbling step back, his words hitting her like a punch to the stomach.
That was low, even for him. “Of all the underhanded things you could have said,
I never expected that, Kevin.”

“You’re
a wonderful mom—”

“I
have to be!”
she
shouted, her arms flailing. “How dare you! I begged, I pleaded with you to have
more children, and you refused. For eight years I carried around this emptiness
until I finally accepted this was all God intended for me to have. We never had
more children because
you
convinced
me we shouldn’t. It was always what
you
wanted. And now—after we’re
divorced
—you’re suddenly ready to try
for more?”

“I was
wrong. Give us another chance. Let me have a shot at giving you what you want.
I’m ready. I should have helped more. I should have communicated more, been
more affectionate, more patient. I’ll read all the damn books you throw at me,
Rebecca, just give me a chance. Together, we can do this.”

Her
entire body was quivering. “You need to leave now.”

He
crowded her, his palm cupping the side of her face. “I’m not just talking. I
want you back, Rebecca. I want
us
back. But this time I want more. I want to work together as a team. I want to
date my wife, enjoy my son…try for a daughter. I want to make you happy. I know
I’ve been a selfish jerk, but I’ve learned my lesson. Give me one more chance.
Please.”

Her
shoulders trembled. There was nothing left to say. Eventually, he stepped away.
“Think about what I’m offering. You’re taking a gamble with this guy. You know
me, Rebecca. We can rebuild what we’ve lost. We can build something better.”
His gaze met hers as he stood silently awaiting a response she didn’t have.
After a long moment, his mouth tightened and he nodded, quietly turning away to
find their son.

She
vaguely heard him say goodbye to Hunter. As the door closed her face pinched
tight and she silently cried. Braydon would be calling soon and she had no idea
what to tell him.

* * * *

The
second Braydon answered the phone he sensed something was wrong. “How’d it go?”

“Not
the way I expected.”

“Did
you two fight?”

“No,
not really.” Her tone was quiet, bewildered in a way that worried him.

“You
sound upset. What happened?”

“He
doesn’t want Hunter living that far away.”

Understandable,
but how much leverage did the man really have? “Does he have legal grounds to
stop you from moving?”

“It
isn’t that simple. We’d have to go before a judge to work out the details if we
can’t civilly come to an agreement. I’m going to try talking to him again
tomorrow.”

“But
tomorrow’s Thursday.” Where did that leave him?

“I
know. I’m going to see about meeting him after I pick up Hunter.”

Perhaps
it was the sense of powerlessness regarding the situation with her ex, or
perhaps it was jealousy. Either way, Bray didn’t have a good feeling about the
direction things were leading. Whatever was said upset Becca, and he didn’t
like the idea of this fool possibly bullying her. “I can come with you. Maybe
if Kevin knew me a little better he’d be more comfortable with the situation.”

“No, I
don’t think that would help. I mean, later on I’d like you two to get to know
each other, but I don’t think that time is now.”