As Tears Go By (35 page)

His
mind went to the house and all the work he’d been doing there. “How long do you
think it will take to convince him?” He didn’t want to rush her, but he really
wanted to start their life. Becca needed to conclude her business with Kevin in
order for that to happen.

“I
don’t know. I need to talk to him again. I took him off guard and he got
upset.”

“Upset
how?”

“Well,
at first he was shocked, then he got a little spiteful, maybe even jealous. But
then he did a one eighty and started talking about us as a family—”

“What?”
This was a joke. The guy cheated on her and was a shitty father from what he
understood. A man like that doesn’t transform that easily.

“He
said that he changed and that he wants a second chance as a family again.”

He
laughed, but when Becca was silent his amusement faded into something dark and
disbelieving. “Becca, you know people can’t change that fast. Tell me you know
that.”

“People
change. What about everything you told me about Kelly and Luke and Colin?”

“They’re
different.” Not really. They all changed for the people they loved. What if
Kevin really did love Becca enough to change? “You’re not actually considering
this.”

She was
silent.

“Becca?”

“I
don’t want to talk about this right now. I love you, Braydon. Every decision I
make revolves around my son and what’s best for him. My interest in Kevin only
has to do with the kind of father he is to Hunter.”

It was
a tedious topic, but they couldn’t just sweep it under the rug. He wanted to
know where they stood. Kevin was full of shit and she needed to realize that.
Maybe things would go better if they were face to face. “Do you want me to come
over?”

“Not
tonight.”

He got
quiet as the severity of the conversation settled in. He didn’t want to make
things harder for her, but at the moment he wanted to shake her and bring her
back to reality. Kevin was using Hunter as leverage. Maybe not, but his
instinct told him this whole “us as a family” trip was bullshit.

Maybe
Bray was pushing too hard for a decision. But she’d already made up her mind—he
thought—and now Kevin was screwing with her head.

She
said she wanted to move to McCullough Mountain. He wanted that too. She was
just getting cold feet. This wasn’t about her wanting something else, it was
about Kevin and his mind games, using her selfless nature to get what he wanted
again with no regard to what would make Becca happy. It was extremely difficult
to watch her get manipulated. He had to handle this delicately.

Sensing
she was going to say goodnight, he pleaded his case in the most simplistic way
he could think of. “I love you, angel. We’ll figure it all out and I’ll do
whatever I can to help. You and I both know where you want to be. We’ll get there.
I promise. Get some sleep and call me in the morning.”

“Thanks.”

He
frowned. No
I love you
back?

“Sweet
dreams, Becca.”

“Goodnight,
Braydon.”

The
phone disconnected. Making a slow turn around his apartment, he eyed all of the
boxes. Staggered by this new development, he wasn’t sure if he should continue
packing or hold off.
 
He wandered to the
sofa and sat down, his hands sweeping up a stack of documents he’d been going
over for work.

He’d
informed Miranda of his plans to relocate and, although she pouted, there
wasn’t much she could do to stop him. Becca would eventually see through
Kevin’s games. So long as they kept their eye on the prize, she’d get through
this and once the ex realized he was offering too little too late, he’d back
off.

Braydon
decided to continue with his plans and file the request for relocation
tomorrow. This was what Becca said she wanted and he wanted it too. His only
wish was that he didn’t have the tension that was now crawling up his spine and
the fear of losing everything in the last leg of the race.

* * * *

Two
days later Becca sat at lunch with Carla and Nikki, filling them in on her
life’s latest drama.

“Noooooo,”
Carla breathed, clanking down her café latte. “Are you out of your mind? He
cheated
on you, Becca. The man is pond scum.”

Becca
had been expecting a reaction like this. “I know, but you should have heard
him. He seemed so genuine and honestly sorry. He’s
never
talked to me
like that before. We actually had a rational conversation about Hunter and his
upcoming IEP meeting. Kevin’s never gotten involved with that stuff.”

Carla’s
eyes were huge. “You’re making a mistake. It’s easy to talk about that stuff.
Doing it’s a whole other ball game. You’re looking at this from Hunter’s point
of view. I assure you, Kevin’s only thinking about himself.” She turned to her
sister. “Nikki, talk some sense into her.”

Nikki
seemed more reserved. Rather than her usual outgoing self, she wore an
expression usually saved for boardrooms and negotiations. “He’s her husband.”

“He’s
an asshole,” Carla snapped.

“True,”
Nikki agreed. “But if he’s serious, maybe they could actually make this work.
They have ten years and a child together. Who knows?”

“
I
know!” Carla pleaded. “Come on! We’ve heard this song before. It’s played out.
Kevin promises to get more involved and maybe shows up for a meeting. Becca
does all the talking and he gets bored. He maybe washes a few dishes and tucks
Hunter in a few times, but eventually she’s doing everything by herself again.
Becca, please don’t fall for his crap. You’re
happy.
He’ll only make you
miserable again. You love
Braydon.
”

“Maybe
it’s possible to love two men.”

“No.
No, no, no,
no.
See who the good guy
is here, Becca. It’s not Kevin.”

Her
shoulders slumped. The way she loved Braydon was very different from the
emotions she held for Kevin. His was an obligatory love, a shared concern for
their child no one else in this world would ever compete with. But Braydon…he
set her heart on fire. “He’s Hunter’s father.”

“Yes,
he donated sperm.”

“Carla,”
Nikki warned.

“What?
How could you condone this?”

Nikki’s
expression was blank, but her eyes appeared weary. “It’s Becca’s life. If this
is something she needs to do then who are we to stop her? What goes on behind
the closed doors of a marriage is between a husband and wife. None of us really
know Kevin the way she does. Maybe there’re some redeeming qualities in him
after all.”

“Thank
you, Nikki.” But Becca wasn’t fully convinced. She was, however, one hundred
percent confused.

Carla
snatched up her latte. “I think it’s a mistake.”

Nikki’s
expression turned sharp, the same way it did when she seized a deal. “I’m sure
Becca knows what she’s risking. Braydon isn’t the type of man to wait around
after a woman leaves him for someone else. He’s gorgeous and he’d have no
trouble finding company. If Becca chooses to try again with Kevin she knows
what the stakes are, don’t you Becca?”

She
couldn’t breathe. Whatever she had for lunch now sat like a cannonball in her
stomach. In a small voice she whispered, “I’m just trying to figure out what’s
best for Hunter. I have no intentions of rekindling a personal relationship
with Kevin. I only want him to have a good relationship with Hunter and moving
away might destroy that.”

“A
happy mom is best for Hunter,” Carla said. “Braydon makes you happy. Kevin did
nothing but make you sad. Fuck that toad. As your BFF it’s my job to tell you
when you’re considering something very,
very
stupid. Nikki doesn’t know
what she’s talking about. She’s drunk.”

“I’m
not drunk. We’re drinking coffee! I’m sober as a nun. You on the other hand…”
Nikki turned to Becca. “If you and Kevin got back together, would you actually
be able to…”

Her
mind rejected the suggestion immediately. “Oh, no, it wouldn’t be like that.”

“Like
what?” Carla asked, a look of aggravated confusion pinching her face. “Sex? Are
we talking about sex? Sex with…” She silently gagged. “Kevin?”

“That’s
not even on my radar,” Becca said. “Right now I’m just trying to figure out my
address.”

It was
difficult to imagine mild gestures of affection with Kevin, let alone
passionate ones. Her utmost concern was if they were compatible on a
conversation level. Parenting required communication, which had been an issue
for them in the past. The trust needed for intimacy might never be possible
again for them and it wasn’t something she was considering. No need to bog down
an already complicated decision with more complications.

“It’s
like a death sentence,” Carla mumbled into her latte. “Letting him come back
would be like living on death row. I’d take the chair before the bed any day.”

Placing
her elbows on the table, Becca pressed her face into her palms and massaged her
temples. “I don’t know what to do.”

“What’s
GQ say?”

“He
hasn’t said much. He’s been sort of quiet, but I know he suspects something’s
up. I told him what Kevin asked for.
He’s just so damn
understanding
. But I feel him pulling back. Last night he didn’t call
me. He knew I was meeting Kevin again and I thought he would have called me
afterward to see how everything went, but he didn’t. I don’t know if he’s that
confident I’ll figure all this out or if—for once—he’s actually scared.”

“Awww.”
Carla pouted.

“Did
you talk to him this morning?”

“Through
text.
Just a good morning.
He didn’t ask about last
night.”

“He’s
scared,” Carla said, her brows peaking with sympathy. “You’ve gone and
frightened the poor mountain boy. Not nice, Becca.”

No, she
didn’t feel very nice at all. As a matter of fact she felt like a monster. Why
was this happening when she thought she had her mind finally made up? She’d
been so certain, and Kevin changed all that, making her second-guess
everything. She loved Braydon. She loved Kevin too, but that had more to do
with him being the father of her child than anything else, that and the fact
that they had a decade of memories together.

She
groaned. “I don’t want to make difficult decisions.”

“Then
don’t. Just hide in your house away from all the stressful people of the world
like I do. Introvert is the new cool.”

“Don’t
listen to her,” Nikki said, patting Becca’s arm. “She’s an idiot.”

Hunter
loved Kevin. Maybe she
was
being
selfish moving him away from his father. Did her son love Braydon as well?
Hunter didn’t express sentiments such as love, so there was no way of knowing
for sure.

“Becs,
you don’t have to decide anything yet,” Nikki said. “No one said you have to
move
right now
. Take some time. Put some space between you and both men
and see where your heart leads you.”

“Go to
the mountain,” Carla hissed.

It had
only been two days since Kevin announced his wishes of reconciling. Maybe Nikki
was right. That wasn’t a lot of time to make a life altering decision. And for
all she knew Kevin might not feel so determined in a week or so.

The
last thing she wanted to do was hurt anyone. She didn’t want to hurt Hunter,
Kevin, or Braydon. She only wanted to do the right thing.

Wasn’t
the nuclear family the way things were
meant
to be? She and Braydon were still in the honeymoon stages. Who knew if their
relationship had the longevity to make it? Who knew if Braydon really
understood what he was asking for?

She
glanced at her phone. No missed calls or texts. It was almost one o’clock. “Do
you care if I take the rest of the day off, Nikki? I have a pounding headache.”

“Sure,
sweetie. Take whatever you need.”

“This
is why I hate leaving my house. It’s depressing.” Carla stood. “I love you,
Becs. Don’t be an idiot. That man loves you. And if you don’t end up with him,
how am I ever going to seduce his tattooed brother?”

“He’s
married.
”
Nikki reprimanded her sister.

“What?”
Carla shrugged innocently. “People get sick. Accidents happen.”

“Carla!”
They both snapped.

“Too
soon?”

“Never
appropriate,” Becca said with a small laugh. Carla may not have helped her make
a decision, but she always made her smile. Another thing she’d miss if she
moved away.

She
left the girls and drove straight home. When she pulled into the driveway her
van slowed as she noticed Kevin’s car already in the garage. What was he doing
there?

Climbing
out of the front seat she noted the boxes stacked along the wall. Maybe he
finally came to get the rest of his crap.

Quickly
entering through the garage, she called for him. “Kevin?”