Ash (40 page)

He made a valid point.

“Will you keep an eye on Danny for me?” I asked.

“You know I will. He’s a big kid at heart.” Joe laughed. “But his heart is always in the right place.”

“Thanks, Joe,” I said. “It’s going to be weird. We’ve been stuck like glue since we were kids, but I suppose we all have to go our own way eventually.”

“That’s right, and just remember, you aren’t all that far away. If I know Danny, he will be visiting plenty.” Joe lifted the glass to his lips and stared at me over the rim. “What have your folks said?”

That was one conversation killer.

“I’ve not told them yet.”

Wide-eyed, Joe shook his head. “Why?”

“Because I know it’s going to break my mother’s heart,” I muttered.

Joe grimaced and set his glass down, letting out a deep breath. “You need to leave now and go tell them. They should respect your wishes, regardless of how it will hurt them. I know your folks. They’re good people.”

Deep down inside, Joe was right. I was being a coward, afraid of having to look my mother in the eye, telling her I was going, and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it.

After I left the station, I took my time as I drove, thinking long and hard about what I was going to say. Tripping over my own tongue, I screwed up every time I thought of my mother’s face and how she’d react. There were some things in life I hated. This was one of them.

My mother was surprised when I walked in, moments later.

“Oh, is there something wrong?” she asked as I sat down next to my father.

“Nope,” I replied. “I just need to talk to you guys.”

“Sounds ominous,” my father remarked, and switched the TV off.

“Is Jake asleep?” I asked.

“Yes, he went out like a light,” my mother said. “Is something wrong, Ashley?”

I bit my lip as my neck began to ache. The stress was becoming apparent.

“Spit it out, son,” my father said.

I took a deep breath. “So, you know I’ve been kind of seeing Sophia,” I began. “Well, with her being down in New Orleans, it makes it more difficult having any kind of relationship. When Jake and I were visiting her, I came to a decision. I know it’s not what you will want to hear, but I have to think of me and Jake now.”

My mother put a hand to her mouth.

I couldn’t look her in the eye.

“I put in for a transfer today.” I could feel the nervousness swarming in my stomach. “Jake and I will be moving down to New Orleans.”

My mother gasped.

I was overcome with utter regret. She would never have taken it easily.

“Have you thought this through?” my father asked.

“It’s all I’ve thought about, Dad,” I replied. “I love Sophia, and I can’t ask her to give her life up for me.”

“So, you’re just going to pack up and leave?” My mother’s voice broke.

“No, Mom, it’s not like that.” I shook my head. “You encouraged me to go and see her. Surely, you knew I was falling for her?”

“I did. I just didn’t expect you to suddenly decide to leave.” She wiped her hand under her eye.

“How does Jake feel about all this?” my father asked.

“He doesn’t know the whole thing. I haven’t told him. He just knows that I love her and that she loves us both.”

My father stared at his hands before looking at my mother. “Do you think she’ll make you happy? Will be she be a good mother to Jake?”

“Yes.”

“But surely it’s too soon!” my mother cried.

“Mom, you’ve got to trust me on this. I need to go. I have to be with her. I’ve spent the last year completely broken. I swore I’d never let another woman in, but Sophia changed all that. She’s piecing all those broken parts of me back together. I think I deserve some kind of happy ending, and so does Jake.”

My mother sat with her hands clasped together. She couldn’t look at me.

“This is just going to destroy me.”

“Stop being selfish, honey,” my father said.

My mother glared at him. “I’m not being selfish.”

“Mom, don’t you think I’ve thought long and hard about this? It wasn’t a decision made in haste.”

“But what about Jake? I won’t get to see him.”

“You can visit anytime, and we will make trips back up here.” I reached for her hand. “Please don’t make this hard for me, Mom. You know I love you. I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for me, but it’s time for me to do something that will make me happy. Please don’t let me leave without your blessing.”

My mother snapped her hand back. She got up and left.

“Why is she being so unreasonable?” I turned toward my father.

“Son, there’s something about women you’ve got to understand,” he replied. “She doesn’t want to lose you. You’ve been her world since the moment you were born. And now that Jake’s in the picture, well . . . let’s just say you boys give her life purpose.”

“Do you think I’m making a bad decision?”

He shook his head and gripped my shoulder. “I think you need to do what’s best for you and your son. I’ll look after your mother.”

“I don’t want to leave with bad blood.” My hands shook.

My father laughed. “Bad blood? I doubt it, son. Give it a week. She’ll be on the first flight down, making herself at home.”

Relief washed over me. I had upset my mother, but my father was right. I had to do this for myself. Staying would only cause resentment, and that wasn’t fair to anyone.

“Do you mind if I crash here tonight? I’ll sleep in beside Jake.”

“Ashley, remember, this is your home,” my father replied, and smiled. “Now go get some rest.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

It had been a long time since I last slept at my parents. As I slipped into bed beside Jake, I stared at the ceiling and realized it would be another while before I repeated this. A mixture of sadness and excitement raced through me. I wanted to make the best possible life for Jake, just like my folks had done for me. I regretted everything I had put them through.

Thank God for second chances.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, and pushed the lid of the box closed.

“She’s gone.”

I had been expecting the call for days, but nothing ever prepares you for it. I sat down on the edge of my bed.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” I replied.

Her voice broke, and the sobs followed.

“I can get the next flight down,” I said.

“No, it’s okay. Concentrate on the move. I’ll be fine.”

“Sophia, your mother’s passed away. I don’t want you going through this alone.”

“Ash, I won’t be alone,” she muttered. “I want you to focus on getting down here. I can handle the funeral. I just needed to hear your voice.”

I hated how she preferred to brush her feelings under the carpet, like she didn’t matter.

“Sophia, don’t be a hero, okay?”

“I’m not. I just need to go through this on my own, my way,” she whispered.

“Why?” I couldn’t understand her reasoning.

“Because I’m so used to working through all the crap alone, it’s become a bad habit.”

“You don’t need to go through shit on your own. You have me and Jake.”

“I know I do, but just this once, let me deal with my mother’s death my way. If you love me, respect my wishes,” she said.

“Okay,” I answered. “If this is what you want, then I will stay put and continue packing my life up here.”

She sighed. “You’re angry with me.”

Sophia had a point. I was pissed.

“Ash, I love you. Under normal circumstances, I’d give my right arm to have you with me, but just this once, I feel the need to go through the process on my own.”

“I’m not gonna lie. I don’t understand, but just this once, you get your own way,” I replied.

“Thank you.”

“And for the record, I love you, too. I’d give my soul just to be with you right now.”

She let out a soft laugh. “Well, that would be kinda stupid, considering you’re literally weeks away from moving down here.”

“Stop being a wiseass,” I joked.

“Hmm, not this day,” she replied, and changed the subject. “How’s packing up your life going?”

I looked down at my wedding album and ran my hand across Connie’s face. “It’s been hard. There’s things I’ve not touched since Connie died.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I need to do this. This is all a part of the whole journey. It was never going to be easy saying goodbye to the past.”

“Ash!”

She said my name in her beautiful accent. Goosebumps prickled my skin.

“What?”

“You aren’t saying goodbye to the past. I want you to bring it with you. I don’t want you to think you have to hide that you had a wife who you loved. I’m not that kind of woman, and you know that.”

Her words eased some of the pain. It wasn’t a physical ache, but more of a reminder that I was now moving on, and it was bittersweet.

“You are incredible,” I gushed.

“Possibly, but together, we will give Jake an amazing life, and you can share your stories about his mother with him. I never want you to feel that you can’t mention her, Ash, okay? I know you loved her, and it destroyed you when she died. But I also know there is room in your heart for me, and if I can have that kind of impact on you, then I’ll be happy.”

Sophia never ceased to amaze me. How had I gotten so lucky? She confirmed that my choice had been the right one all along.

“So you promise me that you’ll be okay?”

“Baby, I’m always okay,” she replied. “And now, I gotta go. Papa needs me.”

I hated saying goodbye and worried about how she was really feeling, but I had to trust her and that she would be strong.

“I’ll be seeing you soon,” I said.

“You can count on it.” The call ended.

I stared at the wedding album before mustering up the courage to flick through the pages. Connie and I stood by the altar, lost in our embrace, completely in love, all the pain and suffering unbeknownst to us. We were so oblivious of the rocky road ahead. Yet, as I gazed at us, I knew I would never have changed any of it. Regardless of my heartache and Connie’s illness, we had the best time together. For the short while she’d been mine, I knew I would cherish all of it forever.

The door to my room opened. Jake stood in the middle of the doorway, rubbing his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, setting the album down.

“I had a bad dream.”

I walked over to him and lifted him into my arms. “Hey, it’s okay. Remember what I told you?”

He nodded. “Monsters aren’t real.”

“Exactly,” I replied, and carried him back to his room. “You’ve got to sleep in your own room, buddy.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m packing, and there’s tons of boxes on the bed.”

“Daddy?”

“Yup.” I laid him down and tucked the covers around his shoulders.

“Can we bring the puppy Maw-Maw is getting me?”

I sat down beside him and shrugged. “I don’t know, Jake. We’re moving to a new house. Our lives will be really busy, too busy for a puppy.”

“But you promised.” He sulked.

“I know, but things have changed a little,” I explained. “Maybe in a year or two, we can get a puppy, but for now, we need to make our new family our priority. Do you understand?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Listen, Jake, we can see the puppy anytime we come up. But right now it’s all about us making a new life, and that’s going to be an adventure.”

“Adventure?” His eyes opened wide.

“Yup, and I promise that you will have the best time.”

“Daddy,” he said, and yawned.

“What?”

He rolled over onto his side and glanced at me. “Will Sophia be my new mommy?”

When it came to curious minds, a child never beat about the bush. They wanted facts, not sugar-coated lies, and I wasn’t about to let my son down.

“I think she will, because she loves you, and I know you love her,” I replied.

He nodded, smiled, and closed his eyes.

“Now get some sleep. We’ve a busy week ahead.”

I got up, walked to the door, and switched off the light. I stared back at the tiny lump on the bed, and my heart filled with so much love and pride. I never thought it possible to love another human being the way I loved my son, but every single moment of each day, that love grew.