Atonement (33 page)

We also had the misfortune and eventual good fortune of telling our parents about the baby last June. We had waited until the first ultrasound where we saw the heartbeat, and had the first trimester screenings to make sure our baby was healthy. Hearing the heartbeat for the first time made me a basket case. It didn’t take much these days. I cried just watching commercials. I definitely couldn’t watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I got entirely too emotional with just about anything.

Both sets of parents were reluctantly happy and worried at first, especially my mom. She was worried about me being
all the way across the country without her, and she was determined to make sure I finished school. Of course, I had no qualms with that parental demand. I still had every intention of graduating this month with my Bachelor’s, and receiving my PhD after a few years in a Master’s and Doctorates program.

We had been interviewing ‘nannies’. I never had planned on having to do
that
, but if I wanted to finish my degree, then it had to happen. Luckily we were fortunate enough to be able to afford one. We had interviewed over twenty ladies. My only prerequisite was they had to remind me of my grandmother…that meant no hotties in the house. Tate’s prerequisite list was a mile long. A few being: CPR certified, mother of grown children (at least two for experience), a good cook, and a love to hum and/or sing to our little one. But the list went on. He was so protective over me…I could only imagine how he would be with our bundle of joy.

We decided to go home the last week of November so we could see our extended families and friends once more before the baby came. We wouldn’t get to come home for Christmas, and my friends and family wanted to throw us a baby shower. Elle and Finn were flying home with us. She said there was no way they were going to be gone when the baby came. She figured I would be at least a week late which would put me delivering right after Christmas.

It felt so good to see Maura and Chloe again!!! They helped Elle, my mom, and Tate’s mom give me a baby shower. The guys had gone golfing; I guess baby showers were just a girl
thing. Oh! I forgot the best part! We’re having a BOY! The second ultrasound gave us confirmation they saw a hot dog and not a hamburger. I still don’t see how they know for sure. The parts looked all the same to me. But, we were having a BOY! In fact, it was the coolest picture. Even in the womb, our little guy was laid back, arms behind his head, and stretched out like he was in a recliner. No wonder I feel like I’m going to split wide open. So needless to say, my party was full of light blue, dark blue, orange, and green colors…All boy!! It also had baseball paraphernalia galore. My gifts were mostly cute clothes, hats, and gift cards. We already had the nursery completed, and we didn’t want to carry the big stuff back with us on the plane.

Once everyone had gone, we were cleaning up, organizing the gifts, and chatting it up. Maura pulled me to the side where no one else could hear.

“Reese, don’t be mad, but John asked me to tell you he wishes you and this baby the best.” My heart sunk at the mention of his name. It had been nearly nine months since the last time I had laid eyes on him…at my wedding no doubt. I’m sure Maura could see me tense up. In fact my hand flew to my stomach at the thought of his reaction to hearing about the baby. I was having another Braxton Hicks contraction. I had been having those more frequently, and I had learned with them, I needed to calm down and drink more water.

“How, how long has he known?” I couldn’t talk about him with Tate. So, in some ways it felt good to grant him access to my thoughts again.

“Oh Reese, he overheard Harrison and me a couple of months ago talking about how awesome you were to be handling everything. He drilled me with a million questions.” She looked down
to the floor after she had gently placed her hand on my back. She knew how hard it was for me to hear about him hurting.

“Maura, how is he? I mean how is he really? Please, tell me he’s dating. I need to know he’s moved on and that he’s happy.” My eyes were searching hers frantically.

“Well,” She let out a long sigh. “He’s not Reese, not happy at all. In fact, he’s bad, really bad. He’s lost a lot of weight, and…he, he travels constantly. Harrison says he doesn’t want to stay in one place for long. I think he’s fighting depression, but Harrison says he’s just lost knowing you’re gone for good. He still swears y’all were meant to be soul mates. But, he gets it. He knows he messed up. He knows you have every right to regret the time you had with him. But Reese, I do wish you would let him know you forgive him.” She was trying not to get misty eyed. Oh God,
I
was trying not to lose it. I felt an urgent need to talk with him. I was pulling out my phone to text him when Chloe and Elle walked up.

“You got some good loot sista!” said Chloe, rather loudly and happily until she saw my face. I know I had to look like my puppy had just died. In fact, I was feeling worse and worse by the minute. My stomach was tightening again, this time with a little pain shooting up my back. “Reese, what’s wrong? Why do you look like someone just ran over your dog? Oh God, are you in pain?” Cool and controlled Chloe was freaking out, pushing me towards a nearby chair and moving others out of the way. My mother saw the commotion and came running over.

“Chloe, I’m okay, I’m just, I’m just…” then the tears started flowing. I was shaking. My stomach was tightening up again, and so quickly after the last time too.

Mom leaned down to me, “Oh honey, it’s okay. Why are you crying?” I leaned over to hug her, and felt a pop. What in the? Then I felt it, warm liquid oozing down my leg. Elle noticed it first. With her hand over her mouth she was pointing to my legs, eyes wide open. Then everyone gasped.

“Reese!” Hollered Chloe, “Dang girl, your water just broke.” I thought no shit Sherlock. I think she was in shock. Normally she doesn’t state the obvious like that. Time seemed to stand still. This wasn’t supposed to happen here, not in NC. I was supposed to have this baby in San Diego where my cool sounding Jamaican doctor was. Then it hit me.

“Tate! Someone call Tate!” I was instantly morphed into the demanding diva I’ve always heard about during labor. “Get Tate…Oh God, I can’t have this baby without
him
.” I was holding on to Elle’s shirt. I wasn’t really hurting yet, but I was so incredibly nervous. I was getting up to walk over to my phone and the room started to spin. I wasn’t sure what was happening. I hadn’t heard or read of this being a side effect of labor before. But I could feel myself swaying and then my eyelids closed and down I…

yler Tate Justice was born on November 26
^th
, 2012 weighing 6 lbs. 5 oz. and 20 inches long. They say he was a giant for being nearly a month early, and my first baby. His birth occurred under a lot of panic, but luckily no pain. If there is one thing I can say about the events of that day, it’s that I wasn’t screaming, or crying, or punching Tate with my words or my fists, I was out…out cold. By the time the paramedics had arrived, I was passed out on the floor, after being caught literally by my mom who had screamed until they loaded me in the ambulance. Luckily, Maura remembered from watching The Learning Channel and ‘A Baby Story’ that it might help to turn me on my side to keep the baby’s heartbeat strong. That, it turns out, was what kept baby Ty alive.

Evidently, when my water broke, the baby dropped, causing pressure on my lower main arteries, which in turn caused me to pass out, so the baby wasn’t getting an adequate blood supply and was in ‘distress’. Thank God I wasn’t aware enough to have any idea what was going on. My regular Obstetrician/gynecologist from here was on duty and was able to deliver my baby. Another thank God moment!

I woke up to Tate holding my…our baby with tears in his eyes. He had one hand on mine, and the other cuddling our son. Our Son! You didn’t have to tell me that their guess of a boy was right, I could tell by the look on my baby’s face. He was Tate in tiny form. Of course Tate would later argue I could tell because of the blue blanket and blue hat lying beside his head. After regaining a clear mental status, I slowly realized where I was and what had happened. That’s when I met
him
for the first time…Tyler or Ty for short. He had tan skin (I later learned it was because he was jaundice because of being a little premature), dark hair, and the most beautiful lips. Peacefully sleeping in his dad’s arm, I was in awe.

I gasped, weakly throwing my hand over my mouth.

It was all over. My pregnancy, the worries, everything. Tate sobbed out loud when I woke up, startling Ty, I was quickly filled in on all that had happened. The emergency C-section was evidently done in lightening record. Luckily Ty’s apgar scores (the score they use to check the cognitive and physical status of a newborn) were 8 and 9. Thank God Almighty our son was healthy. After just a few minutes of being awake, my parents rushed in. My mom was by my side, crying hysterically. Shortly after, my friends, and Tate’s parents filed in. Everyone was relieved, and while I was glad to see their reassuring faces, I wanted to be alone with Tate and my baby.

Which brings us to the here and now. Tate nicely, but forcefully ushered everyone out. He knew I had to see if I could nurse Ty. And he was protectively making sure I was getting rest and eating. Putting Ty in the bassinet, he helped me get comfortable, and pull my hospital gown open. They have handy slits in the gown to basically pull your breast through
for easy access. Tate handed me my sweet boy, who seemed to be rooting around for something to eat. After I whipped my larger than normal breast out, Tate gasped.

“Oh hell…now I can already tell this is going to be hot!” Tate was grinning his lazy grin, and staring right at my chest.

“Tate! Ooh gross.” I said with a smirk and a slap to his shoulder.

“I’m sorry Reese. Nothing that has to do with those fine breasts of
mine
could ever be gross.” He leaned down giving a quick lick, my eyes getting big, before I worked Ty onto a sore nipple. After he fussed a little, trying to get a good grip, he figured it out pretty fast. Just like his daddy…he was relentless and determined. Then he was so snuggly and content, he kept falling asleep. I had to jostle him just to get him to keep sucking. This was my baby. My beautiful, sweet, innocent baby. I couldn’t help but stare at him. Tate, like a schoolboy, was just staring, but staring at ME! Finally he looked up with an ‘I’m caught’ glance and chuckled. We stared at each other for a long moment. I loved him so much. Then like a bleeding cut, realization oozed back in. The reason I had tensed up and went into labor was because I was thinking about John. I decided I needed to be open with Tate. But before I could get a chance he was beside of me stroking my face.

“Reese, I can’t tell you how scared I was today. When I got the call, I was on the golf course, getting ready to swing and a pale Finn walked over to me. Taking my club out of my hands he wouldn’t tell me what had happened until I sat my ass back on the cart…which he nearly pushed me into. When he started talking, I almost blacked out. All they had told Finn was that your water had broken, you were unresponsive, and
they were rushing you to the hospital. My life flashed before my eyes. The unknown of what was happening to you and our baby, and not being right with you absolutely broke my heart. I felt like I was having an out of body experience.” Tate had tears in his eyes. His face and neck were red from the afterthoughts he was still reliving. “Then they rushed me into a surgical mask and gown and made me wait in the hallway, pacing. People were rushing around like their…I mean your life depended on it. Turns out, it did. You coded, stopped breathing, in the operating room. Luckily, they were able to get Ty out of you quickly by C-Section, and that relieved enough pressure for
your
blood pressure to come around.”