August 9th (16 page)

Tess,

Tragically, my father passed away in June from a massive heart attack.

He was seventy-seven and I don’t know if you remember, but he had a minor heart attack in 1977 after which he made many lifestyle changes. I’m painfully aware of his family history of heart problems and the reason I wear a heart rate monitor when I workout. My Mom’s been staying with us and I’d like her to stay permanently if she’ll have us although most of her world is still in the San Fernando Valley.

My Dad was always a wonderful role model. An engineer, he worked hard so his children could have opportunities. It’s probably the greatest quality I learned from him followed closely by the wonderful relationship he and my Mother shared during more than fifty years of marriage. I can never remember my parents yelling or having a heated argument during my childhood and my
fondest memories include how proud he was to come to my high school basketball games. I concluded his memorial service with these words, “He was a good man, a loving husband and a remarkable Father. I love you Dad.”

It’s a very difficult transition to go from what I’ve just written to the opposite end of life but here goes. A month before my Dad passed away I had the privilege of giving away what is dearest to my heart. My precious little girl married Reed. It was a small ceremony as the newlyweds wanted. Because I know my daughter so well I offered her the option of the wedding of her choice, big, small or somewhere in between. The kicker to my offer was that I would write them a check for the big wedding regardless of what they chose knowing full well Caroline would choose small and a check for the difference she’d use to support a cause both she and Reed supported.

The wedding for seventy-five guests was held at our house. The ceremony was in our backyard on a spectacular day. As usual, when it comes to Caroline, I lost it, somewhere between walking her down the grass aisle and watching her and Reed exchange their personally written wedding vows. My tears were of joy and sadness because I know seeing this day was one of Maggie’s dreams. I didn’t think I had any more tears left until it was time for their first dance. In honor of Maggie, they chose the Righteous Brothers Unchained Melody, the same song Maggie and I chose for our first dance at our wedding in 1976.

Caroline and my new son-in-law make a wonderful couple and, of course, I can’t wait for grandkids to spoil. That day may not be too far off as they both want a big family.

Ben continues to prosper along with the sales of his paintings. He still loves to paint and it gives him the creative satisfaction he hasn’t had before. There’s a glint in his eyes when he shows me a new painting and the ever changing Pacific always offers him a different view. Little did I realize the thing I would savor most about this house would be the view it offered Ben.

I finally did it! I completed my first triathlon! It was the Malibu Triathlon and considered a short course consisting of a half-mile ocean swim, 18 mile bike ride and 4 mile run. My total time was 2:12 which placed me 9th in my age group. Caroline, Reed and a bunch of my training partners also did the race and it was an exhilarating day. I’m hooked and looking forward to my next race.

This Iraq War has me so aggravated. The “total bullshit” excuse that we had to take the action we did because of the threat of weapons of mass destruction has no factual basis. Here we go again. Bush and even more so Cheney and Rumsfeld have engineered this whole charade. How many Americans will die this time? Will we ever learn?

Tess, your image still visits me often and always brings a smile to my face.

Dear Tess,

As I do the math this is the thirty-fifth letter I’ve written you.

In hindsight I reflect back on the difficult years, the tragic years and the good years. It very much represents not only my life but the journey in everyone’s life. It encompasses the full circle from birth to death, the hardships and disappointments and the celebration and achievements. I have been very lucky and extremely grateful to share it all with you.

Speaking of sharing, here’s wonderful news. Caroline is pregnant and due around Thanksgiving. She’s aware that her Mom had a miscarriage at twenty-seven, so Caroline, now twenty-five, has been very conscious of her lifestyle. Thankfully, her pregnancy has been without any problems and they’re super excited to welcome their baby girl. I know they’ve been playing
around with names and think I have a good idea what the baby’s middle name will be.

My Mother moved back home. She appreciated my offer to stay and did for a few months until she became homesick for her home, friends and familiar surroundings. She left with my open invitation to return anytime she wants but, like me, she’s very stubborn and will only return on her own terms.

I keep asking when someone is going to make a breakthrough in solving the autism puzzle. I understand the complexity and the reality that autism is not one disorder with one cause but rather a group of related disorders with many different causes but the results of studies and research has not proven very productive. Caroline is very active with the school up north and keeps me abreast of what she hears and I’m a frequent visitor to the autism research group at UCLA. I keep hoping, as I have for more than twenty years, that one day my special son will see and live in a clear unencumbered world.

For now, Ben seems stable. We’re lucky Tony is still with us. Painting is Ben’s favorite pastime and I’m running out of wall space. I think he’s also excited for his sister/best friend to become a mom and I took a very touching photo last week with his ear against Caroline’s baby bump.

I just keep finding more reasons to love teaching. For the first time I had several former graduate students come back to visit and thank me for what they had learned in my course. It was validation and it felt good.
I’m still only teaching two classes but that’s enough because I’m training 3-4 hours a day. I did my second triathlon in April at Bonelli Park which is about thirty miles NE of downtown LA at the base of the San Gabriel Mountains.

It was an Olympic distance triathlon, a 1500 meter swim, 40k bike and 10k run. The swim was in the Puddingstone Reservoir. There’s a big difference between swimming in the ocean and swimming in a lake. An ocean swim is more difficult because of the surf and currents. Most triathletes wear wet suits to increase buoyancy and provide warmth unless the water is really warm like in Hawaii. My total time was 3hrs, 9minutes which was about twenty minutes behind the winner of my age bracket. I did most of the race alongside one of my training buddies. My weakness continues to be swimming which is no surprise since I’m normally in the next to slowest of ten lanes at the UCLA Masters Swim Program.

The plan is to keep increasing the distance of my races and my next triathlon is going to be a half Ironman which is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike and 13.1 mile run. This might even be a better distance for me since there’s more of a bias towards the bike and run.

When are we going to stop the madness in Iraq? Every day more and more Americans are killed. Every day more and more innocent Iraqi citizens are killed. Please, enough already.

Finally, I had a fascinating conversation with one of my fellow professors. Actually, she’s an English Lit Prof
who also swims in the Masters Program. She remarked how I talk in “numbers.” When I asked her to explain further she indicated I use numbers as a point of reference—often. Nobody’s ever made that comment to me and it got me thinking. She’s right. I do think in numbers, all the time, and I probably sprinkle numbers relating to business, money, races, wars, autism, ages, concerts and most other topics when I speak or write. I just hope all those numbers haven’t bored you these past thirty-five years. I think you know by now, I’m no Shakespeare.

Tess, as always I wish you the best.

Hi Tess,

It was a memorable Thanksgiving holiday.

On November 24th, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, precious Emily Margaret Stone was welcomed into this world. The best news is both Mother and daughter had a healthy, relatively smooth delivery and both continue to flourish. I can’t imagine a more appropriate time to give thanks for the miracle of life. Reed, the proud papa passed out candy cigars as the combined families filled up the UCLA Medical Center’s aptly named BirthPlace. Proud and smiling grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends shared hugs and high-fives.

Now, more than eight months later Emily is an absolute bundle of joy. She reminds me so much of Caroline at this age. She is curious about everything and always smiling. Her parents don’t have to worry about spoiling
her because her grandparents and great grandparents have already taken care of that.

Not surprisingly Caroline has been extremely diligent tracking Emily’s behavior almost from day one looking for any signs of autism. Thank God, there have been none. Emily, or Em, as she has been nicknamed, has passed all her baby milestones with flying colors.

Unfortunately, I can’t seem to get past my bitter sweet reactions to what are wonderful, life defining events like Caroline’s wedding and now the birth of Emily. I always reflect on how Maggie had so looked forward to these wonderful occasions and how she’s not here to share and cherish them. I’ve been told by a therapist friend that the pain will lessen with time but it’s been more than five years since she passed away and still no relief.

We had some very welcome houseguests this spring. My dear friend, and former partner Jeff, and his beautiful wife Bonnie came down for a visit. Their two sons stayed with their grandparents in the Bay area giving Jeff and Bonnie some alone time and also some time with me. The longer I know Jeff the more I realize he really is a visionary. Now he’s pretty much his own venture capital firm investing is all sorts of cutting edge technology including sustainable energy and wireless social connectivity. I still marvel that despite all his wealth and success he remains the most unpretentious person I know. The jeans, t-shirts and shorts are still his wardrobe of choice and although he has a Lexus sedan and Lexus SUV, both are more than five years old.
Bonnie remains the ultimate nurturer and compliments Jeff perfectly.

We had a wonderful time visiting the nearby Getty Museum and I took them to sit in on one of my classes at UCLA. We ate at some great restaurants and barbecued at the house one evening. It was great to spend time with them and there was nothing better than just sitting and talking. It was a great visit with best friends I love dearly.